Rebecca St. James to marry Beefcake Missionary.

7 Jan

Friends, we are on the brink of the end of an era.  What era, you ask?  The first decade of the aughts?  No, we’ve already passed that mark, and moreover, I speak of something far more momentous:  the end of the era of Rebecca St. James’s virginity.

It was announced today in the press that Rebecca St. James has become engaged to Jacob Fink, a Colorado native and sometime missionary to South Africa who now resides in SoCal pursuing his “career in music” (whatever that means, which is most likely “doesn’t really have a job”).  Judging by the photo of the couple, Fink is your basic ideal Christian beefcake beta:  good-looking enough to be desirable, not dangerous enough to be sexually threatening or do something risky like skateboard down a railing or drink semi-copious amounts of alcohol.

For those not in the churchian loop, Rebecca St. James is a very physically attractive Christian pop/rock singer whose main claim to fame is her very public proclamations of her virginity and her determination not to have sex until she is married.  She has been the poster child of the True Love Waits campaign and, since she has been Christian-famous since she was about 16 years old or so and is now 33, it has been a very long, very public wait indeed.  So, with that in mind, congratulations are quite obviously in order.

But St. James’s case is an interesting one, and one made even more interesting by the articles that have been published about the announcement.  The first question is obvious:  what took so long?  St. James is very good-looking, so lack of male interest couldn’t have been a problem for her.  Moreover, she is famous in the circles where she would be most likely to find a husband, which certainly had to add to her perceived attractiveness.  (I believe that fame always adds to a person’s perceived attractiveness regardless of sex, if not in looks, then certainly in interesting-ness.)  And because St. James is both good-looking and famous, she had to have access to some of the highest-quality men that she would consider acceptable marriage material.  So what took so long?  Was she unreasonably picky?  Was she just too busy with her career to put in the time necessary?  Was she not that interested in marrying young?  Was her father’s dual role as her manager an impediment to her ability or desire to meet men?

Second, is Jacob Fink the best that St. James could do?  My knee-jerk reaction is no, especially given that Fink seems to have no significant life accomplishments beyond doing well in college and being a missionary in South Africa for two years.  We can infer from the articles that Fink has no notable pedigree, is not independently wealthy, and does not have a prestigious job (or any job at all?).  Yet St. James, who is famous and beautiful and far better of a Professional Virgin than Britney Spears ever was, is marrying him.  Couldn’t she have done better?  Don’t women want to marry up?  Why is St. James tying herself to a man she’ll probably have to financially support until she dies?  Well, there are a few plausible possibilities.  One is that at age 33, St. James hears the clock ticking and is more willing to settle.  Another is that St. James regards Fink’s beta qualities as Christian-alpha.  Ten bucks says he’s kind, good with kids, and devoted to a fault.  For someone with St. James’s mindset, which places top priority on fidelity and “cherishing,” Fink probably looks like a manly man uber alles.  Plus, I’m sure a good percentage of her brain is sublimated by his inoffensive beefcakey-ness.  My third theory is more of a subconscious level idea, which is that Fink IS actually the best that St. James could do, given her requirements.  To get someone as good-looking as Fink who also is able to keep it in his pants for somewhere between 28 and 36 years (I’m going to assume Fink is a virgin due to St. James’s statement “We are truly amazed at finding our dreams and ideals met in the love we’ve found. We are exceedingly grateful for this precious gift from God.”  [my emphasis] The whole thing seems cloaked in virginity-speak), St. James pretty much had to go beta.  A Christian alpha would have either married young or fooled around until he felt like marrying.  Additionally, Fink is good-looking enough to be sexually appealing while harmless enough not to be threatening.  St. James could date him and feel sexually attracted while not experiencing anguishing despair over her desire to surrender her virginity.  Fink allowed her to remain in control of her sexual destiny.

So what lessons can single Christian women take away from St. James’s story?  Well, one, it is indeed possible to meet and marry someone in your thirties.  The caveat is that however much more attractive St. James is than you, you need to subtract that from the attractiveness of Fink to get an idea of the ballpark where you’ll be playing.  Second, I think St. James is the exception that proves the rule, which is that for the most part, physically attractive men who may still be virgins in their late 20s or 30s and who are faithfully following God to the point that a devout Christian woman would find them attractive, are nearly impossible to find; that St. James is far more attractive than the average 33-year-old woman, which gives her opportunities the average woman will not have; and that St. James, despite the advantages of her wealth, fame, beauty, and virginity, could not get the “whole package” because Fink apparently doesn’t have a job worth mentioning in the press.

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326 Responses to “Rebecca St. James to marry Beefcake Missionary.”

  1. Lawyer from Hell January 7, 2011 at 8:23 am #

    I think you over estimate fame as an attractor for me. If a woman is beautiful, then her being famous may be a bonus for short term bragging rights. But long term it signals the following problems: Divaishness, likely higher notch count (the above case being an exception) high maintenance, and very real problems with hypergamy, the famous woman is not going to be attracted to someone with lower status for a long term relationship.

    Secondly, I don’t care how famous Chelsea Clinton is, she is not attractive by any stretch. The same with Susan Boyle. I can think of many others. Their fame does not help them.

    Finally, I have serious doubts about the staying power of this relationship. Not from his side, he will probably be slavishly devout to her, which is going to be a problem.

    She is going to experience a huge amount of let down and her hypergamy is going to kick in, which is going to conflict with all her public statements making her conflicted in about 2-3 years and probably hell to be around for her husband.

  2. Lawyer from Hell January 7, 2011 at 8:31 am #

    men* not just me.

  3. y81 January 7, 2011 at 8:47 am #

    “I don’t care how famous Chelsea Clinton is, she is not attractive by any stretch.”

    She has married fairly well, no? Investment bankers make a LOT more than lawyers (says this lawyer who thinks he made a mistake back in 1981 not going to business school).

  4. Old Guy January 7, 2011 at 9:40 am #

    Many years ago, my younger sister acquired an Amy Grant (vinyl) record, who had her left hand and wedding ring prominently and weirdly on display in her photo on the cover — she’d married her bass player!

    Even in those days, before anyone spoke publicly of hypergamy, I knew enough to conclude that no good could come of this. He wasn’t the drummer, but still.

    The future Mrs. Fink deserves our very best wishes.

  5. Will S. January 7, 2011 at 10:06 am #

    I’m a cynic, so I predict this will end badly, that she’ll “fall out of love” with him (i.e. the romance-novel “highs” will end, as they always do, and she’ll get bored, and rationalize an affair, just like Amy Grant did, and eventually divorce him for the new guy who made her heart flutter).

    Mark my words; if this blog still exists, I’ll be able to come back here and say, “Told you so!”, which of course everyone loves.

    BTW, isn’t ‘Fink’ a most unfortunate surname? Yikes!

  6. Koanic January 7, 2011 at 10:44 am #

    Very insightful from middle to end. And Roissy-esque. Bravo.

  7. Lando January 7, 2011 at 10:44 am #

    So a guy who takes his vows seriously, but doesn’t marry young or fools around isn’t alpha? Why are you even in this religion anyways?

  8. Cpt. Capitalism January 7, 2011 at 1:16 pm #

    Short version – I too predict she will divorce him. Just another Hollywood couple couched in a religious environment. He’s going to cheat on her and simply used religion as a means of making himself feel good.

    Longer version (see link below) – Christian girls face a paradox in that biologically they want an alpha male, but are told by their faith they need a religious fellow who (in order to follow the religious rules) must essentially be beta. Which means you have a mutually exclusive event. He is alpha, he just uses religion to get what he wants;

    http://captaincapitalism.blogspot.com/2010/10/missing-boat.html

  9. Will S. January 7, 2011 at 1:34 pm #

    Interesting, Cpt. Capitalism; we’re both predicting disaster ahead for them, ending in divorce, but you are predicting he will cheat, while I am predicting she will.

    Just out of curiosity, why are you predicting he will cheat?

    I’m convinced they’re both equally religious, but that doesn’t necessarily count for much, since, as you point out, they are indeed just another Hollywood couple. (It’s interesting to see how prevalent adultery and divorce are in the Christian music industry; said industry is far too much like its secular counterpart, in that regard, even if not quite as bad, there’s still a dismaying regularity of such incidences.)

  10. Brendan January 7, 2011 at 2:42 pm #

    Maybe neither will cheat, but the conundrum will remain: she won’t easily be satisfied with a good-looking but beta guy in the long run.

  11. Jesus January 7, 2011 at 3:27 pm #

    she is cute but not that cute: clock ticking

  12. Cpt. Capitalism January 7, 2011 at 4:28 pm #

    Hi Will,

    I’m predicting he will cheat (though it wouldn’t suprise me she did) because he is what I see in a lot of Christians (or any other religion for that matter). A fake. He went to South africa for 2 years, guarantee you not for helping out the kiddies, but because he was bored.

    How can I tell?

    His career choice inevitably is an unprofessional non-serious one. If he really had “JC in his heart” he would have stuck with the missionary work or continued doing something with the church. I would ultimately claim he probably doesn’t really believe in the religion, but just does it because of the anciliary and other social benefits of it.

  13. Miss365 January 7, 2011 at 4:32 pm #

    Cynics the lot of you ;)

    Who are we to judge whether something will last or not based on what we know from snippets of both these people’s lives and what a few writers deem important for the world to know about him? As as for Rebecca settling – perhaps she’s been waiting for God to introduce her to the right man for her or he wasn’t ready or she wasn’t ready until now.

    If all anyone who is single looks for in a potential partner is looks, pedigree and job status then, we as Christians, are buying far too much into the world view of things and we have no reason or right to whinge about being Christian and single ;)

  14. Beta Betty January 7, 2011 at 7:49 pm #

    She’s probably been holding out for years for some Alpha dream crush and finally realized that ship has sailed …and so will her chance of having kids unless she settles sometime soon for beefcake. …not that I am speaking from experience or anything.

    Meanwhile, the guys she thought of as Alpha probably lacked confidence and saw himself as a Beta thereby self-eliminating himself from her ring of prospects… having no idea she was pining for him all along and THAT was why she never tried to talk to him – not disinterest.

    Oh wait… that was some junior high school age show I watched last week. That’s what is wrong with dating these days: we declawed the men and now we’re stuck at a junior high dance.

  15. Aunt Haley January 7, 2011 at 9:44 pm #

    Lawyer from H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks–
    Secondly, I don’t care how famous Chelsea Clinton is, she is not attractive by any stretch. The same with Susan Boyle. I can think of many others. Their fame does not help them.

    Fame can’t make Chelsea Clinton beautiful, because she is not, but certainly one could make an argument that Chelsea Clinton would not have married as well as she did had she not been famous.

    As for SuBo, well, the lady is a middle-aged Scottish spinster. And again, certainly it’s obvious that Boyle’s fame (and subsequent makeover) has greatly improved her aesthetic appeal and made her a far more interesting person than she would have seemed had she remained anonymous in a no-name village in Scotland.

    Old Guy–
    Many years ago, my younger sister acquired an Amy Grant (vinyl) record, who had her left hand and wedding ring prominently and weirdly on display in her photo on the cover — she’d married her bass player!

    Was Gary Chapman her bass player? I know that he wrote songs that she recorded. I saw Gary Chapman perform live at my church many years ago, before he and Grant divorced, and all I can is he was brutally HOT. Amazing voice, terrific musician, personable, and he had a nice body. So why Amy Grant dumped him for doughy Vince Gill…? (That said, Gill is very talented himself, and it is well known that Chapman has struggled with substance abuse issues.)

    Lando–
    So a guy who takes his vows seriously, but doesn’t marry young or fools around isn’t alpha?

    I’m not saying he can’t be, but that it’s much less likely. Most male church alphas I knew growing up were married by age 23.

    Will and Cpt. Sunshine–
    You guys are REALLY cynical. St. James and Fink will go through the typical ups and downs of marriage, but it’s also worth considering that St. James probably doesn’t have much life left in her as a recording artist and will have to turn to other venues to remain viable in the entertainment realm. She has dabbled in writing and acting, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she starts focusing more on writing as she ages and becomes less marketable as a pop singer. All of which, of course, bodes more positively for Fink’s long-term chances.

    Brendan–
    Maybe neither will cheat, but the conundrum will remain: she won’t easily be satisfied with a good-looking but beta guy in the long run.

    No, but as I pointed out in my post, St. James may perceive some of Fink’s beta-ish qualities as alpha.

    Chuy–
    she is cute but not that cute: clock ticking

    Everyone’s clock is ticking, dear.

    Cpt. Rainbows-and-Ponies–
    His career choice inevitably is an unprofessional non-serious one. If he really had “JC in his heart” he would have stuck with the missionary work or continued doing something with the church.

    So if you’re a missionary, you can never do anything else with your life because that shows that you’re not sincere about your faith? (Although I agree that his choice of moving to Los Angeles to pursue a “career in music” raises some flags.)

    Miss365–
    If all anyone who is single looks for in a potential partner is looks, pedigree and job status then, we as Christians, are buying far too much into the world view of things and we have no reason or right to whinge about being Christian and single ;)

    Sure if the ONLY things a person looks at are looks, pedigree, and job status, then that’s a problem, but it’s not wrong to take those things into consideration, either. The more dissimilar two people are in those qualities (with socioeconomic class substituting for pure job status), the more unlikely they are to have a stable marriage.

  16. Hana January 7, 2011 at 9:45 pm #

    Re: the likelihood of Rebecca St. James following in the footsteps of Amy Grant…Amy Grant was much younger (only 21) when she was first married. She was also very attractive, and never promoted “purity” the way Rebecca has. Her eventual divorce was predictable. On the other hand, I think that if Rebecca St. James is 33 and has really waited, physically, that long for marriage, she is probably more mature and has demonstrated more commitment to her beliefs. (The same goes for him, if he’s waited that long for marriage.)

    I also think that women are more appreciative of “safe,” beta-ish qualities as they get older and want to settle down. And like Haley said, someone like Rebecca St. James was probably always more attracted to the “classic Christian beta” than other girls might be. Maybe I’m just optimistic, but I think they probably have a decent chance of staying together.

  17. Hermes January 7, 2011 at 10:30 pm #

    Haley, I don’t know why you are so sure Fink is a beta. He looks like what Thursday used to call an HMV (high mate value) alpha, as opposed to high status. That is, he’s certainly not a leader of men, but he is a lazy oaf with really good game. The kind of guy who, were he an unbeliever, would be known as a “sneaky f***er.” The kind of guy who doesn’t need a good job, or money, or a list of accomplishments, or anything else at all to his name, because he’s just so darn charming. This type of Christian alpha certainly could make it to 30 without having sex: his beliefs are sincere, so he’s not going to give into temptation, but he was just having too much fun as a single guy, riding motorcycles, playing the guitar, playing video games, going rock climbing, etc., to consider taking on the responsbilities of a wife and family in his twenties.

  18. jack January 8, 2011 at 1:03 am #

    @beta betty
    “She’s probably been holding out for years for some Alpha dream crush and finally realized that ship has sailed …and so will her chance of having kids unless she settles sometime soon for beefcake. …not that I am speaking from experience or anything.”

    We have a winner. She is not THAT cute. Cute enough, but her fame has probably made her overestimate her attractiveness (see below).

    @Haley
    “Fame can’t make Chelsea Clinton beautiful, because she is not, but certainly one could make an argument that Chelsea Clinton would not have married as well as she did had she not been famous.”

    Chelsea Clinton is not really ‘famous’. She is CONNECTED. Big difference. Perhaps Chelsea and her guy married for love. Perhaps it was like the medieval days where royalty of various nations were married off to create alliances and raise status. Maybe both.

    Re: Fame-

    Fame is far more important to women than men. I’d rather have the cute gal down at Starbuck’s than some homely woman who happens to be famous.

    High status men have no problem dating/marrying some unknown cutie.

    Famous and/or high status women can become prisoners of their own hypergamous impulses. If you are famous and hot, you need to find a guy who is even more so.

  19. jack January 8, 2011 at 1:19 am #

    “Was Gary Chapman her bass player? …he was brutally HOT. Amazing voice, terrific musician, personable, and he had a nice body… …dumped him for doughy Vince Gill… Chapman has struggled with substance abuse issues.)”

    Hot. Musician. Substance abuse. What else could a hypergamous attention-seeking girl want when she is young and stupid? Major. Tingle.

    “St. James probably doesn’t have much life left in her as a recording artist and will have to turn to other venues to remain viable in the entertainment realm. She has dabbled in writing and acting, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she starts focusing more on writing as she ages and becomes less marketable as a pop singer.”

    As the poet laureate of abstinence, her expiration date as a pop culture icon should coincide neatly with the wedding night.

    Anyway, I tend to get queasy about people like Amy Grant and other pop culture types who parade their morals around for fame and financial gain. Too often they fall.

    The whole “Wait for Me” song just makes me feel ill. Too schlocky a way to deal with a serious topic.

    And that auto-tune voice thing they do makes it sound like a Cher song (from some alternate/opposite anti-matter universe where Cher is a paragon of chastity).

  20. The Man Who Was . . . January 8, 2011 at 11:36 am #

    I agree with Hermes. Game is it’s own status. Remember that the real Britney Spears, at one time the most desired woman on earth, and one who could have had her pick of all the most powerful and charismatic men in the world, ended up marrying some ne’er-do-well back up dancer. As you have noted this Fink fellow is a beefcake. If he is a charismatic live performer and has some natural game to go with it, it isn’t all that surprising that he could snag the Christian Britney Spears.

    It’s hard to tell if the marriage is doomed to fail. Is she an attention whore who will keep trying to relive her younger days as queen bee of the Christians, or will she gracefully go into semi-retirement, let him take the lead in the relationship and have a bunch of kids? Who knows? Knowing nothing about either of them, I cannot say.

  21. Cpt. Capitalism January 8, 2011 at 11:46 am #

    Hi Haley,

    Would you care to make it a friendly little wager?

    It could be a while, but I will bet you an ice cream they do inevitably get divorced.

    of course, I would have to mail you the money to purchase the ice cream on account it would probably melt in transit, but I’m up for a little pocket side bet.

  22. Lawyer from Hell January 8, 2011 at 12:42 pm #

    I’ll join in Captain’s wager, though it should have a time end point, like divorced in so many years to make it interesting, five years say?

    As for the ice cream, there are places that ship it with dry ice so it arrives still frozen. (one of the advantageous of the 9th circle)

    If Fink cheats, I actually think the marriage might last (which places me in some disagreement with Captain as to what will cause the marriage to end)

    Regarding game and Britney Spears. Game certainly helped Federline marry her, but it wasn’t enogh to keep her. Marriage is a DLV that is hard to overcome with game alone in such mismatched pairings.

    As for Chelsea’s fame (or connections, those are in a lot of ways the same thing) helping her land a “better” man (and looking at his family’s history that is debatable) I would agree it did.

    That political/connection level is part of a large calculus on the part of the man.

    He is now married into a political dynasty.
    The woman of said dynasty look the other way during cheating and stay married for political reasons.

    It was a very shrewd decision on his part to marry her and it has more to do with mind over his heart.

    I suspect Chelsea’s marriage is much more likely to survive than Rebecca’s.

    Fame doesn’t make a woman more attractive, it merely increases the pool of potential suitors for the woman.

  23. jack January 8, 2011 at 1:13 pm #

    “Fame doesn’t make a woman more attractive, it merely increases the pool of potential suitors for the woman.”

    While limiting the “suitable” ones.

  24. lara lewis January 8, 2011 at 2:04 pm #

    Why can’t somebody just marry someone they enjoy and who enjoys them without all of this over-analyzing? I’ll bet they didn’t calculate all of this to the nth degree like it’s been done on this blog. Really? I like your encouraging points about being able to find someone later in life, but the rest is exhausting.

  25. Aunt Haley January 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm #

    lara–
    Why can’t somebody just marry someone they enjoy and who enjoys them without all of this over-analyzing?

    I think the divorce rate in this country plus the lack of guidance by family and friends in picking a mate seriously damage the idea that someone can “just marry someone they enjoy and who enjoys them without all of this over-analyzing.” Or, two people can “enjoy” each other and not be well-suited for marriage.

    Also…this blog specializes in over-analyzing, mainly because I think there are issues in relationship, sex, and faith that are worth analyzing because they seem not to be in the broader (evangelical) culture. If I were satisfied with the status quo of people continually marrying those whom they “enjoyed” with no further questions asked, I would just write weekly glowing tributes to love and mutual enjoyment based on the engagement columns in the newspaper.

  26. grerp January 8, 2011 at 8:41 pm #

    I found this from Gary on the Chapman/Grant divorce:

    “Wow. What an unpleasant experience. I’m so sorry that a number of you feel free/compelled to write such horrible things about me. I’m pretty sure not ONE of you know me at all. Let me summarize… I DID have a problem with cocaine in the early 80s… I DID come clean with that fact in hopes of helping others in the same trap… I DID NOT ever abuse Amy. Ask her. I DID get pulled over (with a designated driver in the car who told me AFTER he had agreed to drive that he couldn’t operate a stick-shift. I know… dumb on my part, but my judgment was clearly not up to stun…the pot charge WAS dropped (another part of the story which will be told in my upcoming book.
    Shame on you judgmental jerks for the damaging untruths you’ve told here. You are ignorant victims of the PR machine that mowed me down ten years ago.
    Well, guess what. I’m okay. God is good despite the fact that He has to deal with such hurtful children as yourselves. If anyone wants to speak directly to me, email me. I am unafraid.
    tejas57@aol.com. That address has been public for many years. NOT ONE of you bothered to ask me if any of the crap you spew was true or not. I am sorry for you.
    I trust you will lie sleepless tonight as you ponder your destructive hearts and the far-flung implications of your actions. I have made my share of mistakes but I DID NOT cheat and DID NOT abuse anyone. I lost my family to a home-wrecking, aw-shucks bastard then got accused of being the reason it happened. Try that on for size.
    Again… shame on you. I suspect NOT ONE of you will have the courage to confront me directly.
    - Gary, Nashville, TN”

    http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=3900

    V. interesting because while there was a bunch of fuss about Grant both divorcing and going mainstream, most people assumed the problem was Gary. Because Amy wouldn’t ever get divorced if she hadn’t been abused.

  27. Miss365 January 9, 2011 at 12:51 am #

    I think you guys have missed one vital point about Rebecca St James.

    You underestimate the Aussie in her ;)

  28. Hermes January 9, 2011 at 10:30 am #

    I also think you’re jumping the gun on assuming that Fink has no sexual experience. Remember the Female Rationalization Hamster? Remember how women’s standards go out the window if they meet an attractive enough guy? That quotation from St. James is exactly the kind of vague boilerplate you’d expect from a girl who’s rationalizing her decision to go with a guy who violates her previously stated standards because, darn it, he’s just so dreamy.

  29. cleared in hot January 9, 2011 at 3:06 pm #

    his choice of moving to Los Angeles to pursue a “career in music” raises some flags

    What exactly are you doing in LA again?

    The kind of guy who, were he an unbeliever, would be known as a “sneaky f***er.” The kind of guy who doesn’t need a good job, or money, or a list of accomplishments, or anything else at all to his name, because he’s just so darn charming

    AKA, “youth minister”.

  30. jack January 9, 2011 at 4:12 pm #

    “vague boilerplate you’d expect from a girl who’s rationalizing her decision to go with a guy who violates her previously stated standards because, darn it, he’s just so dreamy.”

    Hoohaa! That made my day – I suspect you may be right.

    “The kind of guy who, were he an unbeliever, would be known as a “sneaky f***er.” The kind of guy who doesn’t need a good job, or money, or a list of accomplishments, or anything else at all to his name, because he’s just so darn charming.”

    “”AKA, “youth minister”.””

    Bwaha!

    Let’s dust this one off again:

    http://eumaios.wordpress.com/2010/01/05/sex-and-the-churchy/

  31. Aunt Haley January 9, 2011 at 7:28 pm #

    Hermes–
    You could be right that Fink is a “high mate value” alpha who has been (for lack of a better term) dicking around having fun until he feels like it’s time for spawn. You could also be right that Fink has previous sexual experience – but in that case, dollars to doughnuts he’s told St. James that he regrets his past “mistakes” and is now hands off until his wedding day. We can’t know what the truth is in this case, but the way St. James’s statement is worded, it certainly gives credence to the idea of Fink’s never having done the deed.

    Captain–
    I’ll take your bet with Lawyer’s five-year term limit.

    grerp–
    It sounds like Chapman is still smarting over Grant’s leaving him. Ironically, he is the one who first knew Gill and told Grant that she and Gill were like “two peas in a pod.” The people spreading malice about the divorce sound like Amy stans. At the time of the divorce, I was a subscriber to CCM magazine, which gave Gary the cover one month and Amy the cover the next. Gary’s article was about how Chapman begged Grant to stay with him and get counseling, but she had already made up her mind (having told him, “You’re the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”) Grant’s article was about her hamster which had told her that God had “released” her from her marriage.

    cleared–
    What exactly are you doing in LA again?

    What does this have to do with Fink’s situation? The issue is that he moved to Los Angeles to pursue a pipedream, is not currently successful doing it, and doesn’t seem to have any other sort of job – and I think most readers here would agree that a man not having a job is a huge DLV and a mark against him as mate material. If Fink does have some measure of professional success, the writers of the articles about the engagement have done him a tremendous disservice.

  32. jack January 9, 2011 at 10:53 pm #

    “…who first knew Gill and told Grant that she and Gill were like “two peas in a pod.” ”

    That is a test, not encouragement.

  33. Cpt. Capitalism January 10, 2011 at 6:04 am #

    Sounds good. Are we just going on the divorce thing, or if he/she cheats as well, but they “stay together for the chidlren” or “the Lord is testing us” kind of baloney?

  34. terry@breathinggrace January 10, 2011 at 10:33 am #

    The firsr thing that jumped out at me here, Aunt Haley, was what Lando said. As a Christian, it’s kind of part of the package to count for intangibles. Ours is a religion based on faith, after all.

    That said, I do agree with you that Christians aren’t analytical enough when it comes to choosing mates. We have the divorce rate to prove it. Too much feeling, not enough thinking.

    The comments regarding Mr. Fink’s sexual experience or lack thereof were especially fascinating because many of the men here seemed to think that her commitment to chastity until marriage means that she must, of necessity, choose a man who was a virgin as well. This is wrong. Her commitment certainly means she would choose a man who was committed to chastity since he came ot faith in Christ, but what he did before that wouldn’t have any bearing on whether he was acceptable as a hubsnad unless there was an issue of STD’s or any children he may have fathered. These would be things that affect their marriage going forward.

    The issue is chastity, not virginity. Miss St. James’ commitment to chasisity was made before she’d taken the step of being sexually intimate with a man, thus she is a chaste virgin. There are unchaste virgins running around, many engaging in all other kinds of acts.

  35. Old Guy January 10, 2011 at 10:58 am #

    Haley: You’re right. A guy with a bass guitar was presented as her husband on one of her Christmas specials and I inferred it was a regular thing. Nonetheless, the signs weren’t auspicious.

  36. nothingbutthetruth January 10, 2011 at 11:05 am #

    “Her commitment certainly means she would choose a man who was committed to chastity since he came ot faith in Christ, but what he did before that wouldn’t have any bearing on whether he was acceptable as a hubsnad unless there was an issue of STD’s or any children he may have fathered.”

    This is one thing that amazed me when I was discovering the way women think, about ten years ago. It’s not only Christian women but also secular women.

    They don’t mind what you have done in your past, as long as you are faithful to them. You can always start with a blank slate.

    So there are no additional points for being a nice guy and trying not to stick your willy in every thing that moves. You can live a promiscuous live and, as long you change before knowing them, everything is forgotten.

    At the moment, I was living the nice guy non-promiscuous life, trying to be the nice guy my parents said Catholic women pursue (I know, I know, what a loser). After discovering that, I changed directions and tried to making up for the lost time. I had a lot of fun.

    Now that I have settled down with a gorgeous Catholic nice girl eleven years my junior (that I don’t deserve), she doesn’t care because “I did this before knowing her”.

    So the advice I give to young men is to unleash their instincts. You will have time to settle down later.

  37. terry@breathinggrace January 10, 2011 at 1:01 pm #

    nothingbutthetruth:

    You twist my words, sir. I was simply saying that what a man did before he became a believer shouldn’t have any bearing on whether or not a woman should pursue her interest in him. I never meant to imply that a man should “sow his oats” until he meets a girl worth marrying and then pretend to have changed his ways. That would be deceitful.

    What’s more, some men have good hearts but they were just successful with women. Call me blinded by love, but I think my husband fits into that category. He dated a lot of women (girls), most much more physically attractive thanme I think, and even had a kid already when I married him. He wasn’t a believer and wasn’t taught to avoid the women who were more than willing to be with him. So he did what came naturally.

    However, he really did (and does) have a good heart. If he didn’t, he would never have settled down and married at the age of 21. There was no external pressure to do somehing most people thought was insane.

  38. cleared in hot January 10, 2011 at 1:40 pm #

    What does this have to do with Fink’s situation?

    Just curious why you think being in music in LA “raises some flags”. Do you have first-hand experience with this?

    The issue is that he moved to Los Angeles to pursue a pipedream, is not currently successful doing it, and doesn’t seem to have any other sort of job

    Who says its a “pipe” dream? Did I miss some news about him other than that he is a musician and worked in TV production in LA? Is he really totally unemployed?

    If Fink does have some measure of professional success, the writers of the articles about the engagement have done him a tremendous disservice.

    I admit Google doesn’t seem to have much on him. But he’d have to be a pretty big star to overshadow her in the articles, especially given all her “true love waits” publicity.

    Too much feeling, not enough thinking.

    I’d call this “willful naivete”.

    but what he did before that wouldn’t have any bearing on whether he was acceptable as a hubsnad unless there was an issue of STD’s or any children he may have fathered

    Strongly disagree. Prior history brings forward a lot of emotional baggage and potential marriage/relationship issues. This is probably less a concern with a man than with a woman, but it can be a ticking bomb in either. I think the “oh, they’re forgiven so I shouldn’t worry about it” is well-meant but incredibly naive.

    Not saying it can’t work, but you’d better know what you’re dealing with and most of the time we find out the hard way. Ask me how I know.

  39. terry@breathinggrace January 10, 2011 at 2:02 pm #

    <i.This is probably less a concern with a man than with a woman, but it can be a ticking bomb in either. I think the “oh, they’re forgiven so I shouldn’t worry about it” is well-meant but incredibly naive.

    Not saying it can’t work, but you’d better know what you’re dealing with and most of the time we find out the hard way. Ask me how I know.

    You have a point. Having to deal with an ex created some issues for us in the beginning. I wasn’t attempting to imply that there are no problems with someone who has has relationships prior to marriage, just that it’s not as cut and dried as we often think. Particularly when a person has had a truly life-altering spiritual change and come to Christian faith. I believe that those transformative experiences are real, if rare.

    For the record, not once in 16 years has my husband given me a moment of worry or doubt. He often went out of his way in the early years to be more cautious than I thought he needed to be.

    We were married 10 years when he became a Christian (2 years after me) and his faith is the real deal.

  40. terry@breathinggrace January 10, 2011 at 2:03 pm #

    I meant to italicize cleared in hot’s words and forgot to close my tag. Sorry for the sloppy comment.

  41. Goblue January 10, 2011 at 6:43 pm #

    @cleared in hot

    How did you find out the hard way?

  42. Aunt Haley January 10, 2011 at 10:34 pm #

    Captain–
    Whatever you think is most likely!

    Old Guy–
    Chapman plays a number of different instruments and is also a music producer.

    cleared–
    Just curious why you think being in music in LA “raises some flags”. Do you have first-hand experience with this?

    There’s nothing wrong with being involved in the L.A. music scene in and of itself. But Fink’s path just seems unusual in that he studied film, then went off to be a missionary for two years, then moved to Los Angeles for what appears to be not much of a career so far. That the article did not name any specific job titles and instead remained vague makes me believe he doesn’t have much of a C.V., which in turn makes me wonder how a woman with St. James’s success and fame can envision a happy future with him.

    Prior history brings forward a lot of emotional baggage and potential marriage/relationship issues. This is probably less a concern with a man than with a woman, but it can be a ticking bomb in either. I think the “oh, they’re forgiven so I shouldn’t worry about it” is well-meant but incredibly naive.

    Ditto this. Being forgiven of prior sins doesn’t mean you’re absolved of the consequences of those sins.

  43. nothingbutthetruth January 12, 2011 at 3:50 pm #

    Terry (or should I say, “madam”, haha?), I was talking about a general trend not about your personal situation.

    I don’t want to discuss your personal situation because I don’t know you and don’t know your husband. I have no enough information. I didn’t make any reference to your situation in my previous post and I don’t make it in the present post either.

    The fact that you start explaining things and justifying your position about your husband when I never questioned your husband or your relationship makes me think that I might have touched a raw nerve. But, again, I have no enough information to say that.

    Speaking in general, a man who thinks that her wife will value him more for being virgin cannot be more deluded. Instead of saving himself for “the one”(as I did in the past), it is better to have some experience in the relationship area so he can get “the one” when she appears. I know I could not have get my girlfriend when I was chaste and without experience with women.

    If you are not comfortable about this, you can convince women to value chastity in men more, instead of shooting the messenger.

    I don’t say this because I want to contradict you, Terry, but to try to warn Christian men who can read that and can be as deluded as I was once.

  44. nothingbutthetruth January 12, 2011 at 3:55 pm #

    This guy explains better what I tried to say with my broken English.

    http://academywatch.blogspot.com/2008/01/men-women-moral-universalism.html

    “As so many men in my situation realize to our chagrin, when women say they value something like fidelity in a relationship, what they mean is that they want their men to be faithful to them. Not only does a man’s prior promiscuity not bother them, it actually works to their advantage.”

    Reading the whole post gives a better idea.

  45. Bisch January 12, 2011 at 10:02 pm #

    “As so many men in my situation realize to our chagrin, when women say they value something like fidelity in a relationship, what they mean is that they want their men to be faithful to them. Not only does a man’s prior promiscuity not bother them, it actually works to their advantage.”

    I don’t buy it. God’s command is God’s command. Whether it appears to be so or not, one won’t convince me that sex before marriage will come with absolutely no repurcussions, for male or female.

  46. Aunt Haley January 13, 2011 at 7:15 am #

    Bisch–
    I think some women are mercenary/practical enough not to let it bother them, but in general, the longer the trail of used vaginas, the harder it will be for a Christian woman raised in a Christian household to let that go. Of course, that could be offset by the man’s increasing alphaness and social stature, e.g., “if you’ve had sex with 50 women not myself, then you need to make $500,000/yr” or something like that.

  47. terry@breathinggrace January 13, 2011 at 8:05 am #

    Nothingbutthetruth, I think I need to clarify my position, again, :).

    My reasons for offering personal background info had nothing at all to do with “hitting a raw nerve” but everything to do with my belief that we should judge each person individually. Stats are nice, and trends can offer a bit of insoght, but human beings can often be far more complicated than what we see on the surface.

    I made peace with my husband’s past a long time ago because 1)I know that people are often the product of many variables, and 2) as soon as he understood that what he had always believed was true wasn’t, he changed course immediately.

    The manosphere is rife with generalizations about women and relationships that ring true on the one hand, but dismiss the complexity of people as God-created, unique individuals. I hope it’s appropriate for me to bring spiritual matters into the conversation since Haley is a believer.

    As for this:

    the longer the trail of used vaginas, the harder it will be for a Christian woman raised in a Christian household to let that go.

    I agree with Haley. I was raised in a semi-Christian household. We went to church a lot and stuff. However, I was not a believer when I met my husband so it was easier for me to look over the past relationships. There weren’t THAT many, really, when you take into account that he was 21 when we got married.

    Bisch is absolutely right. Fornication is wrong. Period. And there are repercussions. I would never, ever deny that and neither would my husband, believe me. He has referred to himself as a poster child for why it’s best to wait. Christians have no business excusing or defending fornication for any reason.

    My comments were in reference to people who made those mistakes before they came to faith in Christ and my objection to those comments which implied that people who committed a sin before they were saved should be held captive to their sin after they have repented and had a true change of heart. That is all.

  48. Emily Corbitt April 3, 2011 at 3:13 pm #

    Dear unbelievable judgmental author. You put the name “Christian” to shame. How completely hateful and negative to talk about someone you have never met. You don’t know a thing about Fink. Try acting like an actual Christian and spread more love than hate. It feels good. Try it sometime.
    And by the way…
    google “Foster the People”. Fink is a member of a band who has currently sold out concerts both nationwide and in London til the end of the summer, including Coachella.
    How’s that for success?

  49. Lover of Wisdom April 3, 2011 at 4:06 pm #

    Uh…that doesn’t look like the same “Fink”.

  50. Shocked April 24, 2011 at 10:03 pm #

    I just came across this blog now. Becca just got married yesterday, day before Easter. I read through all the comments and have to say that I feel really sad that some people’s lives are really this pathetic. Without personally knowing either one, that you’d come to such conclusions is just shocking. But it probably shouldn’t be surprising, most people, especially Christians, like to sit in the corner judging others (while pretending to have a meaningful relationship with God.) Shame on you all and I hope eventually your lives will become more exciting than this… Congrats to Becca and Jacob and the entire Smallbone clan.

  51. Aunt Haley April 24, 2011 at 11:25 pm #

    On this Easter Sunday (at least in my time zone), I would like to thank Emily Corbitt and Shocked for leaving such shining examples of Christian grace and charity on my blog. Unlike me, they refuse to be negatively judgmental of those they don’t know personally. I think we can all learn a lesson from them.

  52. Leighton Carrie June 18, 2011 at 7:35 am #

    You know, this beefcake is Jacob Cubbie Fink? Bassist of Foster the People, one of the best up and coming indie groups of 2011?

  53. Unknown June 27, 2011 at 5:51 pm #

    I am a long time friend of Rebecca’s, and I have met Jacob. They are both wonderful, God-fearing people. I know it is easy to say they will end in divorce or this or that, however knowing Rebecca she wouldn’t “settle” for someone less than what she was looking for. She even said at one point that maybe God was calling her to be single, and that she really wasn’t looking, rather waiting for God to bring the right person in her life. I myself am not near as religious as she is, and am kind of bitter with God. But if you asked me to name one person I thought was true in her faith, and honest I would without a doubt be Rebecca. So please don’t wish mean things on her, She is honestly a very genuine person, standing strong in her faith.

  54. Unknown June 27, 2011 at 5:52 pm #

    oh yeah….P.S. Jacob does have a job.

  55. Badger June 27, 2011 at 8:45 pm #

    “I myself am not near as religious as she is, and am kind of bitter with God.”

    I often wonder how many people feel this way but are afraid to say so in public.

    Just a thought.

  56. Will S. June 29, 2011 at 5:54 pm #

    @Badger: probably lots. Hell, I’d wager every believer has his/her moments…

  57. rose July 19, 2011 at 11:11 pm #

    The fact is, though, that being a missionary actually IS a very attractive and valuable job in the born again Christian community. You know how adventurous, traveling men like Jason Bourne, Indiana Jones, and James Bond are seen in the media? That’s sort of how missionary men are seen in some Christian circles. Besides, generally, you have to be pretty devout to be committed enough to sacrifice a potentially lucrative career and go to another country for God, which is ultimately the quality a devout Christian girl should be looking for in a guy.

  58. Adam August 2, 2011 at 8:22 pm #

    The idiot who wrote this blurb needs to do his/her research. Finks band “Foster the People” just hit Billboards Top 100 list. Beefcake Missionary? I think you mean quality human being. I like to think that Becca St James is a rare breed of person who was a virgin by choice…and not other peoples.

  59. Will S. August 3, 2011 at 5:35 pm #

    Oh, that peppy, oddly upbeat song about that serial killer. “All the other kids with the pumped-up kicks, you better run, run, run, outrun my bullets…” Interesting. At least better, musically, than anything Rebecca St. James ever did. The only thing of hers I remember is her cover of “You’re the voice”, which was lame as an original, and even worse in her version.

  60. Nic August 14, 2011 at 1:54 pm #

    This is the most ridiculous post I’ve ever read. Who are you to decide if a couple is appropriately matched or not? Obviously it has been God’s plan for them. As stated in the previous posts, Fink definitely has a job…playing in what I find to be one of the best up and coming indie bands to date. So next time you should probably do some research before writing a judgmental blurb on people you don’t even know.

  61. Roxy August 18, 2011 at 12:38 pm #

    Nic, you totally took the words out of my mouth. Some very sad, jaded, insecure women and men on here are quite aweful and mean spirited. Wow!……the comments on here… you females including the blogger need to get a heart check because from the sound of it, it doesnt seem like you have much life to give. Ciao!

  62. Jennifer August 18, 2011 at 5:09 pm #

    Ouch Roxy..touche. I love Haley, but hate simplistic labels. The last several comments here are right-on; I’d hate to come to a point where I’m categorizing everyone in terms of so-called smp “value”. Congrats to Rebecca! I don’t think she “settled”; if she fell for a repentent non-virgin, she’d probably not rebuff him.

    “I often wonder how many people feel this way but are afraid to say so in public.

    Just a thought”

    Probably a lot, sadly. Will is correct though, we all have our moments. Elisabeth Elliot’s book “Secure in the Everlasting Arms”.

  63. Jennifer August 18, 2011 at 5:14 pm #

    Making a bet on their marriage?

    “I think the divorce rate in this country plus the lack of guidance by family and friends in picking a mate seriously damage the idea that someone can “just marry someone they enjoy and who enjoys them without all of this over-analyzing.” Or, two people can “enjoy” each other and not be well-suited for marriage”

    This is very true.

  64. Jennifer August 18, 2011 at 5:16 pm #

    Whoops, I meant to say in my first comment that Elisabeth Elliot’s book was encouraging and helpful for doubt. Just ignore any small Calvinistic tints; they won’t help most.

  65. Jennifer August 18, 2011 at 5:18 pm #

    “I think the divorce rate in this country plus the lack of guidance by FAMILY AND FRIENDS” (emphasis mine)

    Wow, this is especially true. Note the inbalance in so many Christians: some act like secular people by ignoring their families, while the most severe claim that daddy must choose a husband and a courting gent can never be in the presence of his desired without his family around.

  66. Gwen August 18, 2011 at 5:29 pm #

    I would like to thank Emily Corbitt and Shocked for leaving such shining examples of Christian grace

    Shocked was unnecessarily judgemental with his label of you as pathetic, but to be fair Emily only responded to what you said, which is different from judging folks you don’t know based on looks and careers.The man who was, not every successful relationship needs one person leading and a bunch of kids.

  67. Sarah August 27, 2011 at 6:56 pm #

    Its kind of funny that this whole article is slamming Cubbie…yet he is so much more famous (Foster the People) and successful than his wife now. Who’s the alpha male now?

  68. Blair August 29, 2011 at 10:49 am #

    I found this blog looking for information on Rebecca St. James’s weeding and have been reading the various posts. I am saddened by the lack of grace and love I see coming from many of the posts and comments and those are two things that should define the life of Christians.

  69. Will S. August 29, 2011 at 5:57 pm #

    Hey, to all you non-regulars who go Googling Rebecca St. James because you’re such big fans of hers that her wedding details are of extreme importance to you – get a life! I for one am glad you’re getting to see that not all Christians place contemporary Christian musicians on as much of a pedestal as you all do. To heck with whether you think we, your brethren and sisters, are supposedly ungracious and unloving; I don’t give a fig! Blah blah blah fishcakes, weak brothers and sisters. Some of us prefer to have Christ, rather than some second-rate musicians, as our role models and heroes. Too bad for you if you can’t get your heads around that.

    Cheers!

  70. anonymous September 3, 2011 at 12:47 pm #

    This make me incredibly sad to read. We ,as Christians, should not spend our time betting on the demise of relationship. I found this blog while looking for wedding pictures of an old college friend.

    I know Cubbie..went to college with him. Yes, in college he was the good-looking, was a missionary, rugged guy that all the girls wanted to be with–but he was a gentleman.

    And when it comes down to it–celebrity or not– shouldn’t we be encouraging them in their marriage [if we know them, not at a stalker rate of non-knowing]?

    And shouldn’t we be more trying to look at our own lives and marriages and not the marriages and lives of others?

  71. Aunt Haley September 3, 2011 at 2:46 pm #

    anonymous–
    And shouldn’t we be more trying to look at our own lives and marriages and not the marriages and lives of others?

    I assume this is what you’re doing by commenting on this blog post?

  72. Samsha September 5, 2011 at 1:25 pm #

    Lol, I found this because I was looking for info on “Jacob Finch” after his band’s song Pumped Up Kicks blew up the charts. I thought he was one of the hottest guys I’ve ever laid eyes on. I’m not Christian ( I lean toward Buddhism), and after reading this superficial shallow article and the comments that went with it, it explains exactly why. The hypocrisy and snobbiness makes me want to seriously puke. An absolutely gorgeous guy who dedicates himself to wonderful things in his life that truly believes in his faith is sooo hard to find. And he can laugh all the way to the bank now (though he probably wouldn’t being virtuous and all. Go read your book again, especially the words Thou Shall Not Judge. Golly u people are stupid.

  73. Samsha September 5, 2011 at 3:07 pm #

    One more thing, being a woman I take great offense at the whole idea that NOT being married somehow means there is something wrong with a woman. I believe that the fact that this Rebecca St. John (whom I had never heard of) is seriously wonderful, waiting for the man of her dreams instead of taking the ones that ” looked right for her in her Christian Community. That combined with the fact that both of these people seem to have deep morals and values make it even more likely their marriage will last. Congratulations to two people who seem to have their heads together than most people. May your love, combined with your dedication for your faith see you through all hard times. Your kids will be extremely lucky to have role models like you. It is funny to hear the viciousness and backbiting “Christians” to be throwing around adultery comments so lightly.

  74. The Man Who Was . . . September 5, 2011 at 3:31 pm #

    I take great offense

    It’s time to get off your high horse now.

  75. Jennifer September 5, 2011 at 3:53 pm #

    Being offended that marriage means worth for a woman has nothing to do with being on a high horse.

  76. Will S. September 5, 2011 at 4:09 pm #

    Blah blah blah fishcakes.

  77. Jennifer September 5, 2011 at 4:19 pm #

    Fishcakes? Are fishcakes and beefcakes some female/male insults?

  78. Jennifer September 5, 2011 at 4:26 pm #

    No, beefcake isn’t. Good on Rebecca for getting herself one..

  79. Samsha September 5, 2011 at 5:40 pm #

    Get off my high horse? Lol, did you read all of the judgmental shallow comments written by all of the other people who claim to be Godly by calling themselves Christians? Oh yeah, that’s right, it’s okay for Christians to judge, point fingers and feel superior over others, but us heathens aren’t allowed to state strong opinions. I don’t have that free pass. Sorry, my mistake.

  80. Jennifer September 5, 2011 at 6:00 pm #

    Samsha, you prove people really do listen to Christians when they speak. My apologies.

  81. Svar September 5, 2011 at 6:19 pm #

    Oh Em Gee, guys!!! Samsha just judged us to be shallow and judgmental! Whatever shall we do?

    Samsha, take that finger you’re pointing at us and stick up your ass.

    Also, you’re not a heathen, you’re a lame SWPL Buddhist. Heathens are actually cool, like Asatruars.

  82. Aunt Haley September 5, 2011 at 7:03 pm #

    Svar, you’re going on moderation for a while.

  83. Hermes September 5, 2011 at 8:19 pm #

    There are 2 points I’m curious about in this whole affair:

    1. If “Cubbie” Fink is such a stud, why did he marry a 34-year-old instead of a 21-year-old?

    2. If he really was (and still is) the typical goody-goody star-of-the-youth-group Evangelical kid, why is his life’s current main endeavor playing in a totally secular indie rock band?

  84. Jennifer September 5, 2011 at 8:30 pm #

    “If “Cubbie” Fink is such a stud, why did he marry a 34-year-old instead of a 21-year-old?”

    Because he loved Rebecca, not a 21-year-old.

  85. The Man Who Was . . . September 5, 2011 at 8:37 pm #

    For all the Haley haters out there:

    1. Frankly, I’m really shocked that people are shocked when other people are cynical about celebrity marriages. Furthermore, its not like there aren’t prominent examples of Christian celebrities having their marriages implode. At least some skepticism is warranted.

    2. It was downright weird how the wedding announcements studiously avoided talking about Jacob’s (now moderately successful) band. Talk about Jacob “pursuing a music career” could not have made him sound more like the Christian equivalent of Kevin Federline if they had tried, amplifying point number 1.

    3. Waiting until you are 33 to get married is just an absolutely terrible example to set for other Christians, whatever the reason (waiting for the perfect man, putting career first, etc.). Not everybody is made for heroic chastity.

  86. Samsha September 5, 2011 at 8:54 pm #

    I do not call myself a true Buddhist because true Buddhists are the happiest non-judgmental people I have ever met, and would not be on here commenting. One of the suggestions given is to never put another person’s religion down, but become more enlightened by what is said. I hope I get there someday. For the person who told me to stick my finger where the sun don’t shine, I have to ask you what would Jesus do in the same situation? And my answer to the above post is maybe, just maybe two people fell in love? As for setting an example for other Christians, can’t you all just follow your instruction book, the Bible? So what if she waited until 33… Most of the guys out there are probably not all that appealing.

  87. The Man Who Was . . . September 5, 2011 at 9:07 pm #

    If he really was (and still is) the typical goody-goody star-of-the-youth-group Evangelical kid, why is his life’s current main endeavor playing in a totally secular indie rock band?

    I’m not sure being in a secular band is of much note, but since St. James picked him and he therefore is presumably a devout Christian too, it is kind of weird how this isn’t even mentioned in any press about his band. Total silence. And the narrative about the wedding seems to go: successful guy marries Christian woman, with no mention of his faith at all. Just google “cubbie fink christian.”

    I actually think it is a good thing that he isn’t loudly proclaiming his faith at every opportunity and there may be some perfectly mundane reason for how things have been presented in the press, but it really does seem rather odd.

  88. Jennifer September 5, 2011 at 9:15 pm #

    Great answer, Samsha.

    It is strange that there’s no word of faith about him and his band.

  89. Samsha September 5, 2011 at 9:47 pm #

    I like you, Jennifer. After seeing these biting judgmental comments from so many people, I can understand the hostility between the secular community and the Christian community. Unfortunately it goes both ways, which is why I think there is no talk about it in the press. Both Rebecca and Cubbie would have trouble in their careers if it became a media issue, affecting their livelihood. It is sad, but true that it may cause a lag in sales of both of their music from both sides.

  90. Jennifer September 5, 2011 at 10:11 pm #

    Thanks Samsha, I like you too :P I think your statements are reasonable, unlike some who are either too uptight or extremely willing to judge Christians. Rebecca and Cubbie probably do or will have some difficulties in the press, and I wish them well; it looks like their waits were worth it (though I have no hope of waiting that long myself). Thank God some celebrities keep it together, unlike poor Britney. The animosity that the latter star got long before she lost it, though, always surprised me.

  91. Hermes September 6, 2011 at 9:02 pm #

    And the narrative about the wedding seems to go: successful guy marries Christian woman, with no mention of his faith at all. Just google “cubbie fink christian.”

    That’s more what I was getting at. It’s not being in a secular band per se that’s surprising, but it’s very unlike a devout evangelical to never once even mention or allude to his faith in interviews. I mean, Creed got slammed all over the place by the cultural left for being some kind of santcimonious, preachy Christian band, even though they persistently denied being a Christian band and Scott Stapp refused to call himself a Christian.

    Also, to add to the perplexity about the wedding announcements, they called him Jacob Fink, whereas in his music life he’s known exclusively as “Cubbie.” It’s almost as though they’re trying to have him lead two separate lives. When this article came out, we all googled “Jacob Fink” and found nothing about any band called Foster the People.

  92. Jennifer September 6, 2011 at 9:23 pm #

    So Cubbie’s a stage name. So?

  93. Jennifer September 6, 2011 at 10:59 pm #

    I would drop the “Cubbie” thing if I were him, though. “Cubbie Fink”; uh-uh.

  94. Will S. September 7, 2011 at 7:07 am #

    @ Jennifer: are you sure ‘Cubbie’ is a stage name, or is it a pet-name / nickname, a diminutive of ‘Jacob’ (= “JAY-CUB”, phonetically)? I don’t know, but I suspect the latter.

    In any case, I’d hate it, were I so called; same as I hate ‘Willie’; it sounds like a boy’s name, not a man’s.

  95. Jennifer September 7, 2011 at 10:51 am #

    Agreed. Williy’s not bad, but I’d ditch Cubbie as anything public.

  96. Samsha September 7, 2011 at 5:59 pm #

    Jennifer, it is human nature for people to put these celebrities or others in their lives and feel some morbid satisfaction when they fall short. Jealousy is part of it. That is why I’m thankful that I do not have fame and fortune. I hope Jacob and Rebecca to rely on their strong faith to resist the temptations, greed and corruption that goes with fame. After all we are all human and it is hard not to make mistakes, especially when everyone has such high expectations. I know I make mistakes and am so grateful there is no one watching my every move, allowing me to make my amends out of the spotlight.

  97. The Man Who Was . . . September 7, 2011 at 6:24 pm #

    Creed got slammed all over the place by the cultural left for being some kind of santcimonious, preachy Christian band, even though they persistently denied being a Christian band and Scott Stapp refused to call himself a Christian.

    That may be it. The MSM can be pretty brutal towards conservative Christians. It isn’t unreasonable for Fink to strategically downplay his Christianity so as not to be a distraction while his band was trying to get its big break. He’s walking on eggshells, hence the apparent weirdness.

    BTW he’s apparently only 28, which really does make it somewhat surprising that he’s marrying someone 5 years older than him. Dating girls in their early 20s would be the normal thing. I think Haley is right that a woman having social proof (such as being a celebrity) will make a man at least take a second look.

  98. Samsha September 7, 2011 at 6:39 pm #

    I meant to say in my above comment put these celebrities like Brittany on a pedestal and watch them fall. To the guy who commented about age- You think 5 years is a big deal seriously? The superficial shallowness continues on. I’m beginning to think that Haley should give up the blog and graduate to a reality TV show called The Housewives (and House Husbands) of Haley’s Halo with all of you people posting comments as the stars.

  99. Jennifer September 7, 2011 at 7:38 pm #

    Well, it’s not uncommon to date women in their 20′s, Samsha. But I’m glad there’s more substance here.

  100. The Man Who Was . . . September 7, 2011 at 8:12 pm #

    Oh, so that’s what you mean by shallowness. Sorry to break this to you, but men are primarily attracted to youth and beauty. And there is nothing in the slightest wrong with that nor with expressing it.

  101. Nyan Cat September 8, 2011 at 3:25 am #

    Jacob “Cubbie Fink” is the bassist of Foster The People… trololol. He’s really famous now

  102. Samsha September 8, 2011 at 8:04 am #

    To the man who was- I thought Christians were attracted to people who share a mutual passion for God, and hold the same beliefs in faith and values. Thanks for enlightening me! I did not realize that you Christian men really shared the same values as Hollywood Celebrities. Gee, I’m learning so much about Christian Culture on this blog. The people I hang with are attracted to the true inner beauty of eachother, the uniqueness and humanness we all share. If you look beyond the outer shell there is a tremendous amount of beauty in the complexities of the human personality. If you go for youth and beauty, many times that has carried a person through their life and they have not had the opportunity to develop character. Leaving many people lacking, empty, unhappy and not knowing why. But not always… Many beautiful people with inner beauty also look at the total package.

  103. The Man Who Was . . . September 8, 2011 at 9:28 am #

    Samsha:

    Your version of what Christianity should be is narrow, disembodied, and schoolmarmish. Its phony and thus ultimately far more shallow than anything on this blog. The denial of how important sexual attractiveness is to the success of a relationship is one of the great mistakes of modern Christianity has made and a cause of untold misery. Remedying this was one of the main reasons this blog was started. Sorry to be so harsh, but your ideas are really at base really rather nasty and pernicious. Christianity, unlike Buddhism, is about nature redeemed not nature denied, the use of our natural desires to create something good, not the attempt to extinguish them in favour of some disembodied spiritual existence. The highest does not stand without the lowest.

    If you want some insight into these things I’ll recommend two books to you, one by a Christian, the other by a secular scientist:
    C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
    Jonathan Haidt, The Happiness Hypothesis

  104. The Man Who Was . . . September 8, 2011 at 9:41 am #

    “A plant must have roots below as well as sunlight above and roots must be grubby.
    Much of the grubbiness is clean dirt if only you will leave it in the garden and not keep on sprinkling it over the library table.”

    C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

  105. Badger September 8, 2011 at 10:07 am #

    Devil’s advocate – how do we know RSJ is being straight about her chastity, when St James is a stage name?

  106. Jennifer September 8, 2011 at 12:01 pm #

    Man is correct about sexual attractiveness; big time. But we ARE supposed to deny many sinful natures.

  107. Will S. September 8, 2011 at 12:10 pm #

    @ Badger: I don’t follow; what would her having a stage name has to do with anything?

  108. terri September 8, 2011 at 12:28 pm #

    Devil’s advocate – how do we know RSJ is being straight about her chastity, when St James is a stage name?

    When a celebrity makes a public show of their chastity I tend to believe them because if they’re lying about it, it will come out. People are opportunistic and love to take someone down a peg or two. It goes double if that person is a Christian supposedly looking down their noses at the out of control, immoral masses.

    I have no problem believing that Rebecca St. James, Tim Tebow, (or A.C Green before he finally married at age 39) remained true to their public pledge of chastity. There’s a reason so few single Christians are not making these very public declarations of purity.

    The ones who do are the real deal in most cases I think.

  109. Will S. September 8, 2011 at 12:32 pm #

    @ terri: I, too, am inclined to give someone the benefit of the doubt, unless they appear untrustworthy from other things they’ve said that have turned out not to be true. But if not, I see no reason to doubt them.

  110. Samsha September 9, 2011 at 10:27 am #

    Oh really? I thought my view of Christianity was beautiful, something that I have found to be very meaningful in my own life, The Man Who Was- I don’t think it’s nasty at all. My dream is to be old and wrinkled and still lovingly looking into my spouse’s eyes and holding his hand when I’m eighty years old. But hey each to his own as your tears climb may you bag the hottest twenty year old every couple of years since sharing common spiritual beliefs with a member of the opposite sex does not make someone more attractive to you, thank god your mate has the option of plastic surgery. One more question- when I married my husband we were both young extremely attractive people. I still look almost exactly the same, but he has become quite overweight, I think it would be a moral prob for you cuz divorce is looked down upon, but he’s no longer AS physically attractive. U know what? When you get to know a beautiful person they become physically attractive by merits of their personality. You look at them and find beauty.

  111. Jennifer September 9, 2011 at 11:30 am #

    The Man is rougher than I care for, Samsha, but I don’t think he means you should bed many women; he’s just talking about basic instincts. And you’re correct, looking beyond physical traits once true love comes along is a beautiful Christian thing :)

  112. Will S. September 9, 2011 at 5:58 pm #

    Thursday is a man, so he talks like a man. Me too. Ditto S’var, though a young’un. Gets us into trouble with the wimmins, sometimes; oh well! C’est la vie; no big deal.

  113. Jennifer September 9, 2011 at 7:30 pm #

    Well, men have variety too in the way they speak, and I appreciate that.

  114. Elisa Diane September 12, 2011 at 10:36 pm #

    I’m a total stranger here but enjoyed reading the blog and all the comments. I think St. James married Fink because of physical attraction, their similar lifestyles (which gives them lots to talk about), and the fact that he is a hardcore Christian. I think he married her because he is a romantic and really loves her. His favorite song by FTP is “I Would Do Anything For You” for crying out loud. I think he is kind of lazy though, as very handsome men often are in my experience, but let’s see what happens when his music career is over – will he provide for her and give her a comfortable life through some other means? If he ends up a total lazy un-ambitious slacker, then she probably will divorce him, and I wouldn’t blame her! Time will tell. And no I don’t think she married him because her clock’s ticking. It’s pretty hard to pull off a marriage with someone you don’t care about. I mean, seriously. And to the person who said that Fink isn’t a true Christian, Fink must believe in Christianity deep in his heart if he was a virgin until now! I mean, come on, he’s 28 and never had sex with ANYone – wow!!! That would impress me too, if I were St. James. They are a rather compatible couple because of #1 their shared religion, #2 the fact that they are both marginally famous, so they have that common ground to talk about, #3 they both travel a lot, another commonality, and #4 they are both in the music business (hahaha, duh… ). Seems like a pretty good match-up to me… BUT… like I said, he does strike me as kind of the lazy type, and that REALLY turns me off. Yuck. THAT could spell divorce unfortunately, but here’s hoping I’m wrong.

  115. Elisa Diane September 12, 2011 at 10:48 pm #

    (I mention the fact that his favorite song by Foster The People is “I Would Do Anything For You” as evidence of how much of a romantic he is :o).)

  116. terri September 13, 2011 at 7:35 am #

    as very handsome men often are in my experience,[lazy]

    That hasn’t been my experience, as my husband is very handsome (and that’s not just MY opinion. It’s a general consensus). But I could see how it could be the case not only for very handsome men but also for very attractive women.

    People who are very attractive are somewhat used to getting a free pass and that can make one lazy on a number of fronts.

  117. Elisa Diane September 14, 2011 at 1:10 am #

    Actually I want to take my comment back about Cubbie seeming lazy. I think I’m just judging him based on my past experiences with handsome men. Poor Cubbie, I’ve totally insulted the guy and I don’t even know him.

  118. olivia September 20, 2011 at 7:52 pm #

    I’m surprised at how misinformed you are.
    First of all, her husband is making good money with the band he’s in, Foster the People. They’re somewhat well known. Also, being a missionary in Africa for two years is nothing to brush off as “no significant life accomplishment.”
    Second, its not at all odd that Rebecca had to wait so long given her situation. I am in the music industry and the only men you are surrounded by are adoring fans that don’t and can’t really get to know you. For the most part, she works with older or married men in the industry. There is little dating opportunity. Its known for being an extremely lonely lifestyle.
    Try not to speculate so much on topics you are obviously so ignorant of.

  119. Stephanie September 23, 2011 at 8:14 am #

    “is Jacob Fink the best that St. James could do?” Are you kidding? Foster the People is a vastly more accessible, talented, and well known than Rebecca St. James ever will with her specific Christian niche. And Cubbie Fink- hotness through and through, holy cow, that kid is gorgeous. We should all be so lucky to be getting that every night.

  120. Saul October 4, 2011 at 5:16 am #

    This seems more of a judgement on their marriage, than a celebration of God’s covenant in our relationships…

    Is that what Jesus would do?

    (P.S. I had no idea who Rebecca St James was. I found this from curiosity on who married HIM! Mr. Fink’s band has topped Billboard charts, and is going to play on SNL in a few weeks. Has hers?)

  121. Hannah October 4, 2011 at 10:28 am #

    “‘career in music’ “, ” ‘doesn’t have a real job’ ” and “‘ no significant life accomplishments””? I realize this was written in January, before Foster the People blew up, but it’s kind of hilarious to read now if you’ve listened to mainstream radio lately. I wish their marriage all the best.

  122. Someone WhoSupportsLove October 6, 2011 at 9:44 pm #

    honestly who are you to judge? those two are beautiful together.

  123. Sarah Lynn October 14, 2011 at 10:10 pm #

    Haha I read this thinking, when did you (the writer) write this? Jacob is wealthy and known in the press, obviously since he’s the bassist in Foster the People. He is also very good looking. I would say he’s a catch for Ms. St. James, who I used to listen to!

  124. Hermes October 15, 2011 at 9:17 am #

    To all those laughing at Haley’s calling Fink a nobody, maybe you should hold the hilarity. It’s still to early to tell whether Foster the People will be a one-hit wonder. Would any of you be laughing if St. James had married the bassist from Right Said Fred?

  125. Jennifer October 15, 2011 at 12:37 pm #

    Who cares? The point is, he has a job and a good one. Proven he can work and has talent.

  126. Hermes October 15, 2011 at 3:33 pm #

    Who cares?

    Everyone who’s ridiculing Haley for being skeptical of St. James’s wedding to somebody noone had ever heard of, who’s “pursuing his career in music,” now treating him like some kind of huge celebrity because he’s the bass player in a band which has produced exactly one (extremely annoying) hit song.

  127. Will S. October 15, 2011 at 3:47 pm #

    Exactly, Hermes. While a couple other songs of Foster the People have received some airplay, they haven’t yet reached the level of popularity of “Pumped-Up Kicks”, and so it’s still quite possible they may be regarded, eventually, as ultimately, indeed, a one-hit wonder. Time will indeed tell…

  128. Aunt Haley October 15, 2011 at 3:51 pm #

    Would any of you be laughing if St. James had married the bassist from Right Said Fred?

    Are you trying to insinuate that anyone from Right Said Fred is interested in marrying women?!??

  129. samsonsjawbone October 15, 2011 at 5:01 pm #

    I’m too sexy for this blog.

  130. Jennifer October 15, 2011 at 5:44 pm #

    Hermes, I don’t care whether he’s a celebrity or not. He’s shown he has talent, and I got tired of the ridicule towards HIM.

  131. Hermes October 16, 2011 at 1:05 pm #

    Then I wasn’t talking to you. Some others here apparently do consider him a celebrity.

  132. Jennifer October 16, 2011 at 1:08 pm #

    I guess so. Seemed like he was fairly well-known, or the band was.

  133. Hermes October 16, 2011 at 1:16 pm #

    Are you trying to insinuate that anyone from Right Said Fred is interested in marrying women?!??

    All the more reason to laugh, I suppose! But, substitute A-ha, EMF, Devo., etc at your leisure.

  134. jcboy October 18, 2011 at 12:47 pm #

    Now he is more famous than her… and doing more money… too bad we put a price on the person because we never know where the life is taking us and we never know whats gonna happend but even if this guy still poor that doesnt meant he is not good enough for her….

  135. Sean Scott October 21, 2011 at 8:49 pm #

    Well, I’d do Cubbie in a New York Minute. R St. J is one lucky broad.

  136. Will S. October 21, 2011 at 9:08 pm #

    She’s not lucky, she’s blessed. Unrepentant homosexuals, aren’t; they’re cursed, according to the Holy Bible:

    http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%206:9-11&version=NIV

    But notice: there is hope, for those who repent and turn from their wicked ways, just as some of Paul’s listeners, were in that category! Repent, therefore, and stop your evil homosexual sinning; for the Kingdom of God is at hand! Today, is the day of salvation!

    But if you will not repent of your evil ways, accursed, you will be. Consider yourself warned!

  137. Jennifer October 21, 2011 at 9:41 pm #

    Homosexuality is such a waste, all those strong men going for other men instead of women, and vice versa. Too gross. Cubbie made a wise choice.

  138. D October 28, 2011 at 7:01 pm #

    -don’t follow the masses -live simpler -do good to others and FOSTER THE PEOPLE.. guys too much of one thing is never good, and to all the judges go outside.. the sun is shining..

  139. Will S. October 28, 2011 at 7:40 pm #

    Thanks fanboy/girl, for whatever it was you were trying to say to us; I assume it was something positive…

  140. Will S. October 28, 2011 at 7:43 pm #

    P.S. Shut up you-know-who-mentally-ill-schizo-biotch, before you try to say some indecipherable gibberish to me. I don’t care what you have to say about anything, anymore, anywhere. Go jump in a lake. Sister.

  141. Aunt Haley October 29, 2011 at 10:14 am #

    Will S., CHILL OUT.

  142. Elisa Diane October 29, 2011 at 8:01 pm #

    Don’t feed the troll…

  143. Will S. October 29, 2011 at 8:15 pm #

    Elisa Diane, I’m no troll, but certain argumentative personalities on here annoy the crap out of me, and I overreacted above in my response to that. I’ve been commenting forever at HH, since the beginning, if you Google my handle here, and site: (plus the URL of Haley’s Halo), you’ll see that. And I don’t say things for the sake of being provocative; I aim to contribute to any discussion I’m involved in. It is true I was a bit over the top in my last statement, and Haley was right to tell me calm down (sorry Haley). But like I said, I’ve been here forever; thus far, I haven’t provoked Haley to put me into moderation or ban me, and if I can help it, I won’t force her to do so, because I like coming here.

    I will try to behave myself better than I displayed in my last comment, and ignore those who bait me.

  144. Chris October 29, 2011 at 9:04 pm #

    Haley, when are you all going to get over the grief you all have about Rebecca snaring her beefcake and end the thread that lives forever?

    Claire,

    WIll is no troll. However, he has reached his limit with the internet version of testing from girls. He gets angry with this stuff… which is useful for you all.

    Because many, many Christian guys think like he does, but have been trained not to say it.

  145. Will S. October 29, 2011 at 9:31 pm #

    As was I, thus trained, too, Chris; I’ve just broken my programming, heh heh.

  146. Will S. October 29, 2011 at 9:35 pm #

    I’m not sure, either, Chris, that those in question are intentionally engaging in fitness-testing, as in mate-selection games in real life scenarios; I simply think radical egalitarianism has been drilled into them since day one, and they can’t help but react against any way of thinking they encounter that goes against it. They haven’t broken their programming…

  147. D October 30, 2011 at 12:54 am #

    ..oh almost forgot to add.. the world does not revolve around you, 6,775,235,700 people on this planet besides YOU.. regards

  148. Ruth October 30, 2011 at 9:53 am #

    What makes you think, Chris, that every challenge is fitness testing? That probably annoys women who offer opposing views, to be constantly thought as practicing mate-selection of all things.

  149. Ruth October 30, 2011 at 9:57 am #

    Many guys have been trained not to say what?

  150. Ruth October 30, 2011 at 10:51 am #

    Never mind, probably not something I wish to get into.

  151. Will S. October 30, 2011 at 3:56 pm #

    Hee hee hee!

  152. Jennifer October 30, 2011 at 6:56 pm #

    Assuming we’ve been discussing homosexuality for the past few posts, D, the “masses” you mentioned in your original comment are right now accepting it. I had some bleeding heart females chew me out for saying “homos”, which I did merely because I got tired of typing the whole word out; the debate lasted for a freaking hour. I told a liberal friend about it, hoping to get some feedback regarding my alleged gaf, and she was shocked at their reactions; her exact words were, “Wow. What a bunch of homos!”

    I do agree that the thread’s been stretched pretty thin by now; a beautiful girl got a hot guy, and everyone’s shocked.

  153. Wanna know now October 31, 2011 at 2:09 pm #

    Now… I wonder what can you say today about the Fink’s job…????

  154. Chris October 31, 2011 at 8:04 pm #

    Ruth, why did you take a general comment about Will and apply it? Go check out his site (Patreactionary — Will did I get that right?)… which is a kind of manspace for traditional guys.

    Besides, when you an old geezer fitness tests are boring….

  155. Will S. October 31, 2011 at 8:34 pm #

    Patriactionary, Chris. See the link in my name…

    These girlies can’t help themselves; like I said above, here

    They’re like wind-up toys, programmed to respond to anything that in the slightest sounds to their ears (however incorrectly) like an ‘attack’ on women, even if it isn’t, but simply isn’t going along with whatever a particular woman says… They immediately lose their higher reasoning and join ‘Team Woman‘… Tis rather amusing, actually.

  156. Will S. October 31, 2011 at 8:36 pm #

    Test, moderation, or not? Two links sends a comment into moderation?

    Or just me?

  157. Will S. October 31, 2011 at 8:37 pm #

    Never mind… How arbitrary…

    Patriactionary is our Christian guys’ blog.

  158. Will S. October 31, 2011 at 8:39 pm #

    Nobody will remember Foster the People a year from now… All you fanboys / fangirls will have moved on to the next big thing, and will be wearing their T-shirts…

  159. Matthew (eumaios) November 1, 2011 at 4:42 pm #

    Women have a resource devoted to fitness testing, you might call it an instinctive pattern, or a miniature persona that kicks in when needed. The problem lately (i.e. in the last century or so) is that the fitness testing resource gets deployed in all manner of inappropriate situations, such as arguments with men on the Internet. This is one of the many reasons why men ought to avoid any serious disputations with women: they rapidly become unserious, irrational, and devoid of accountability.

  160. Will S. November 1, 2011 at 4:51 pm #

    Yeah, I mean, it’s not like I’m meeting any of these IRL, and we’re sizing each other up for dating potential. It’s such BS. If only they’d smarten the heck up, and save it for potential BFs, of which I am not one, for these twits; brrrr!

    Good point, Eumaios. Maybe worth expanding on at our blog.

  161. Smooth T November 2, 2011 at 5:54 am #

    Devil’s advocate – how do we know RSJ is being straight about her chastity, when St James is a stage name?

    Celebrities who take a moral stand on something – particularly those of a conservative Christian slant – tend to get outed *very* quickly if they are not genuine. Amy Grant, for example – well before her divorce from Gary Chapman, it was well known (at least in Nashville) that she was “special friends” with Vince Gill. Same with Jennifer Knapp – it was fairly common knowledge that she was a lesbian years before she publicly came out.

    I can’t say I care for RSJ’s music, but as I live in CCM central and have lots of friends who work in the industry, I have never heard anything to suggest she wasn’t 100% legit in terms of waiting for marriage.

  162. Smooth T November 2, 2011 at 6:13 am #

    I do think there is a whole lot of projection going on in the OP, as well as the comments. Turns out her hubby isn’t quite the bum Haley made him out to be, no?

    Insofar as “beefcake”‘s band being a one-hit wonder… If that turns out to be the case, so what? RSJ isn’t exactly a household name. She’s had a couple of Gold-certified albums, but spread over a career of nearly 20 years, that’s not terribly impressive in terms of success. Only one big radio hit that I can think of (“God” from the mid-90s)

    Time will tell if Mr. St. James will maintain that kind of slow-burn longevity in his own music career. Bu he has – for now – obtained success with his band on their own terms, which is nothing to sneeze at.

  163. Smooth T November 2, 2011 at 6:18 am #

    Last post for now…

    Re: lack of public statements of faith from Jacob… after seeing how bands such as Creed, Evanescence, Collective Soul, etc. get raked across the coals for giving off a whiff of religiosity (and moreso if they behave poorly in the public eye), I don’t blame him one bit for not making a big deal of his faith.

    Jacob’s group is not a “Christian” band as far as I can tell – he’s a musician, in a band, who happens to be Christian. I don’t see how a public statement of faith (or lack thereof) has anything to do with anything. There are plenty of bands where some/all members are Christians, but don’t go advertising their band as such (like Megadeth, for crying out loud…)

  164. Mark Pontius November 13, 2011 at 5:14 pm #

    Excuse me, but Jacob “Cubbie” Fink is the bassist of the extremely successful band known as Foster the People. If you are so ignorant as to not even recognize his accomplishments, you are a fool. Maybe you should Google your targets before you talk down on them. I’m sure that you are much more prosperous, no? What is your job? Are you in Paris right now performing in front of a crowd? Will you be in Tokyo next January on tour for your popular band whose single “Pumped Up Kicks,” was #1 on iTunes for weeks? Obviously you are an obsolete, sad little human that sits at their computer and sabotages other peoples’ lives while you stare at your pale pink polka dotted background and rags on others’ happy marriages. PROPS.

  165. Babette Warvel November 13, 2011 at 8:19 pm #

    What a f***ing idiot! Christians make the worst Christians.
    I teach Sunday School to Catholic kindergarteners. Besides teaching the Sign of the Cross Prayer, I try to keep it simple: Love one another. If you follow Jesus (not the Bible, or your stupid preacher), you can’t go wrong.
    I attended a Foster the People concert in Columbus, Ohio last month. Ironically, my husband took me for our 10th wedding anniversary. He hustled us in to get me right up front. I stood right in front of Cubbie. He has the most serene look on his face. He looks so happy… maybe its because he is in love with his new wife.
    Its not too late, Miss Hateful… I mean, Halo. Maybe you should repent your sins, get a new “hobby”, and get on with the real business of Christianity: love.

  166. Jennifer November 13, 2011 at 9:07 pm #

    Seriously, Babette, you think she’s so nasty, yet you really can’t find anyone worse to use the ugly words “fu**ing idiot” to describe?

  167. Hermes November 14, 2011 at 9:33 am #

    Insofar as “beefcake”‘s band being a one-hit wonder… If that turns out to be the case, so what?

    As I said above, I don’t think anyone cares per se; we’re pointing that out in response to the slow stream of incessant drive-bys (see Mark Pontius above for the latest) who can’t be bothered to look at the date of the OP and realize that

    1. when Haley posted it, “Pumped up Kicks” had not yet climbed the charts, and therefore no one had yet heard of Foster the People, and
    2. Jacob Fink exclusively uses the name “Cubbie” in his music career, a name which was not mentioned once in the press release about St. James’s engagement, and therefore googling “Jacob Fink” produced exactly nothing about any band or any music career whatsoever.

    In fact, as of right now, googling “Jacob Fink” produces no hits in the first few pages about Foster the People; all the hits are about the engagement/wedding and the few stories I clicked on make absolutely zero mention of Foster the People, or of what Jacob Fink’s music career might actually entail. So, if Rebecca St. James is happy, I wish her well, regardless of whether Foster the People winds up having an enduring run; all I’m saying is that the people attacking the OP and commenters for thinking Jacob Fink was a Christian Kevin Federline, based on the info available at the time, are ridiculous.

  168. Mark Pontius November 14, 2011 at 12:22 pm #

    Actually Hermes, even then Foster the People had already been popular. Their hit “Pumped Up Kicks” was already being played on radio stations nationwide in 2010. If I’m correct, this article was published on January 7th of 2011. Also, if you were going to go so far as to researching about their personal life and marriage, you should have known that he had an ulterior name. To the author…about their “one hit wonder,” you failed. They have an entire album now that was most downloaded for weeks as well. But considering the fact that you don’t believe in petty jobs, it probably doesn’t matter — right? Well, though you didn’t know they would turn out to be extraordinarily successful, it is rude and pessimistic to look down on others like you are the god of all creatures. I really hope you’re following some sort of dream, but it will probably turn to shit. RIGHT?

  169. Bobbie Daniels November 28, 2011 at 7:19 pm #

    Dear Jesus! Is it really everyone’s business when they have sex and all this damn “alpha” and “beta” bullshit?! Who cares if they had sex before they got married or if Cubbs had sex with other women before her? It’s legitimately none of our business. They look pretty damn happy to me, oh and I never even knew she existed till I learned they were getting married. Obviously all you “good Christians” underestimated Jacob’s success. Stop hatin and let these two be happy together. You guys should happy that she finally even found a man as great as Jacob Cubbie Fink. So leave the trolling to all the fangirls and go back and read your bibles.

  170. Jennifer November 29, 2011 at 8:39 pm #

    Bobby, are you single? Haha.

  171. Chanelle December 6, 2011 at 10:21 pm #

    Funny you write this. Jacob Fink is now a bassist in one of the hottest bands, Foster The People.

  172. Tom Perkins December 11, 2011 at 12:47 pm #

    First time on this site. I’m thinking/guessing this article is more tongue-in-cheek than a serious slam on the “late” Ms. St. James and Mr. Fink. Also, as someone already noted, “Foster the People” is not exactly “doesn’t have a job”. I heard them in Tucson and they were incredible! Again, this article came out before they hit it big. What would it look like if all the commentators on this site did, in fact, pray for the protection and growth of their marriage. Why, church might break out!

  173. samsonsjawbone December 11, 2011 at 1:42 pm #

    Tom -

    First time on this site.

    Well, come back. Sensible comments like yours are in short supply everywhere!

  174. Hermes December 11, 2011 at 6:08 pm #

    I took a vacation with some friends back in October (to California, where Haley and I should have met up and gotten hitched,) and it became a theme of that trip to change the station as fast as possible every time that stupid “Pumped Up Kicks” song came on. I’d rather listen to “Tonight, Tonight” by Hot Chelle Rae or “Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO. Mark my words; this time next year, no one will have heard of Foster the People. Even their one explicable hit is amelodic and utterly forgettable.

    That’s not to wish an ill on Rebecca’s and Jacob Fink’s marriage. It’s just comical, and frustrating, to see people express such admiration for a band, none of whose songs are any good, and for whom there is no evidence at this point that they will be anything more than a one-hit-wonder.

  175. Aunt Haley December 11, 2011 at 6:32 pm #

    Party Rock Anthem” is my jam!

  176. Badger December 11, 2011 at 6:58 pm #

    That “Tonight, Tonight” is no better than “Mmmm bop.”

    Genesis and Smashing Pumpkins had better songs with the same title.

  177. Jennifer December 12, 2011 at 2:42 pm #

    I LOVE Party Rock!

  178. Lisa December 16, 2011 at 5:33 pm #

    @Mark Pontius- Is that really you?

  179. Amy Sheaves January 7, 2012 at 3:55 pm #

    Jacob Fink is gorgeous! I’d ‘settle’ for him any day!

  180. Shalita January 8, 2012 at 3:30 am #

    i agree with amy :D

  181. anon January 8, 2012 at 4:56 am #

    I can only imagine your surprise when you saw that Jacob Fink and his band is very famous and well known now…

  182. Rodney January 9, 2012 at 4:20 am #

    @anon “I can only imagine your surprise when you saw that Jacob Fink and his band is very famous and well known now…”

    Googling “Jacob Fink” does not support the claim that “Jacob Fink and his band is very famous and well known now…” to my mind anyway.

    Number 1 Google entry (as of 9/01/12) is someone asking “Who is Rebecca St. James fiancee Jacob Fink?”

    Number 2 Google entry is “todayschristianmusic” news that Rebecca St. James is marryting Jacob Fink.

    Number 3 Google entry is someones blog discussing that Rebecca St. James is marrying Jacob Fink.

    Number 4 entry is again someone discusing engagement.

    Number 5 entry is the above post from Haley.

    Then more random dudes with the same name, then more referals to the marriage to St James.

    Bottom line is Jacob Fink would appear to only known to the internet because he is marrying Rebecca St James (and because Haley has discusse him).

    Not exaclty the mark of someone famous and very well kown.

  183. Bec January 16, 2012 at 4:17 pm #

    Three words: Foster the People.

  184. Bec January 16, 2012 at 4:23 pm #

    @rodney, he’s known professionally as cubbie fink. Google entry 1: ‘Foster the People’ Wikipedia. 2: Beat Magazine Interview with Foster the People

  185. smithjohnjones January 18, 2012 at 7:41 pm #

    I’d like to put it out there that Jacob Fink (also known simply as Cubbie) is in fact very successful. He is the bass player of the band Foster the People, whose song “Pumped Up Kicks” is very popular.

  186. Hermes January 18, 2012 at 7:59 pm #

    Amazing. No one’s ever pointed that out before.

  187. Samson J. January 19, 2012 at 5:58 am #

    Ha, ha…

  188. Diana January 22, 2012 at 5:33 pm #

    Jacob Fink is in the band Foster The People, which has been very, very sucessful as of late. He’s probably already making more money than her, not that it matters. Other than that, you’re jealous, disgusting, deceived, and disgrace to the name of Christ. Stop talking about things you know nothing about!

  189. samsonsjawbone January 22, 2012 at 5:43 pm #

    Jacob Fink is in the band Foster The People, which has been very, very sucessful as of late.

    Also, FYI, Fink’s stage name is “Cubbie”. Just in case there’s some ambiguity.

  190. A January 24, 2012 at 11:58 pm #

    This thread is the gift that keeps on giving. How long do you think until the next one pops up?

  191. samsonsjawbone January 25, 2012 at 6:48 pm #

    This thread is the gift that keeps on giving.

    Like VD, baby!

  192. Anon January 26, 2012 at 2:07 am #

    How can everyone judge someone’s marriage when they don’t know the couple at all? For those of us who DO know them, the suggestion that either would cheat is ridiculous. And why has no one considered that they got married because they love each other and didn’t base it purely on financial stability?
    The fact that their faith is strong negates most people’s arguments on here.
    Time to grow up and stop being cynical about every marriage out there.

  193. Alex January 29, 2012 at 2:27 pm #

    You are tying to come up with all of these reasons she would marry him but isunt it possible that they met and fell in love and they love each other for what is in the inside

  194. Alex January 29, 2012 at 2:32 pm #

    One more thing. Jacob “cubbie” fink does have a job . He. Is the bass player for foster the people. A band with a number 1 billboard hit and 2 or 3 Grammy nominations.

  195. y81 February 8, 2012 at 2:42 pm #

    ‘“Party Rock Anthem” is my jam!’

    Hmm, now it’s my daughter’s cell phone music. Must be an evangelical girl thing.

  196. Vons February 12, 2012 at 4:11 pm #

    Wow, someone is shallow. Seems to me that the person who wrote this is a GOLD DIGGER. I wonder if you’re married with a “loser” with no money. I wonder if you even have a boyfriend for that matter! (I assume you’re a girl with all this pink and “Haley’s Halo”).
    But anyways what I have to really stress is the fact that Cubbie, the hot guy you freely talk smack on is famous! Yeah, FAMOUS! Hardwork, hope, and love do make you successful.
    FYI what really matters in a potential partner is that you accept and enjoy them for who they are and they do likewise. And I think Cubbie and Rebecca are a perfect example of such. Being that he’s so good-looking I wouldn’t be surprised he lost his virginity before her and with her before marriage. It’d also be harder being that he’s a respectable man.
    That’s just my opinion. lol.
    I find it especially funny how Mark Pontius, the hottest guy in Foster the People, wrote on this wall. Wow, that sucks for you!
    Hopefully all this teaches you a lesson: That you are not with a hot famous guy, like Rebecca St. James is, because you have no hope of seeing someone’s potential and encouraging them to accomplish their dreams.
    Best wishes. Hopefully you make something out of them.
    One last thing: Do you hate on Rebecca St. James?

  197. Hermes February 12, 2012 at 7:17 pm #

    Cubbie Fink on stage at the Grammys! (Reaction of my roommates and their GFs when the camera panned to Foster the People: “Who the F— is that?” The only reason I knew is because of this post. But we all agreed that “Pumped Up Kicks” is extremely annoying.)

  198. Purplesage February 12, 2012 at 10:09 pm #

    Jacob “Cubby” Fink, according to this “writer”:
    “…has no significant life accomplishments, no notable
    pedigree (!), is not independently wealthy, and has no
    prestigious job, or any job at all.”
    Then this poorly researched “writer” goes on to say:
    “…Couldn’t she have done better? Don’t women want to marry up? Why is St. James tying herself to a man she’ll probably have to financially support until she dies?”
    Wow, man. Harsh. And the fact that this quote comes from a self proclaimed Christian writer/critic? These
    comments did not feel like a “Christian sidehug” to me. In fact there was nothing even remotely Christian about it. Fact is– I am watching Cubby Fink on stage
    at THE GRAMMYS as I write this. I’ve known Cubby from age 12 to present, 2012. In fact, he is one of the few remaining men I know to have honor, substance, decency and humility…. not to mention incredible musical skills. Cubby Fink IS “the whole package”, and St. James is the lucky one. I wish them the best!fothem!

  199. Purplesage February 12, 2012 at 10:11 pm #

    Jacob “Cubby” Fink, according to this “writer”:
    “…has no significant life accomplishments, no notable
    pedigree (!), is not independently wealthy, and has no
    prestigious job, or any job at all.”
    Then this poorly researched “writer” goes on to say:
    “…Couldn’t she have done better? Don’t women want to marry up? Why is St. James tying herself to a man she’ll probably have to financially support until she dies?”
    Wow, man. Harsh. And the fact that this quote comes from a self proclaimed Christian writer/critic? These
    comments did not feel like a “Christian sidehug” to me. In fact there was nothing even remotely Christian about it. Fact is– I am watching Cubby Fink on stage
    at THE GRAMMYS as I write this. I’ve known Cubby from age 12 to present, 2012. In fact, he is one of the few remaining men I know to have honor, substance, decency and humility…. not to mention incredible musical skills. Cubby Fink IS “the whole package”, and St. James is the lucky one. I wish them the best!

  200. Aunt Haley February 16, 2012 at 7:38 pm #

    Hermes, this your favorite thread, isn’t it?

  201. Sandra February 19, 2012 at 6:16 pm #

    Wait, isn’t he the guy from Foster the People?

  202. Aleksandra February 21, 2012 at 2:36 am #

    I’ve read most of the comments and I’ve come to a conclusion which is as follows:
    such marriages are difficult to be successful because all people watch their every step and comment on everything they do or don’t do. Why don’t we mind our own businesses.
    Todays world is terrible, lacks trust in pure love and commitment, honour! When we meet someone sticking to mentioned above, we usually despise them.
    It’s rather worth following or standing up to and not criticising.
    Well, that’s my opinion, and I wish Them beautiful life together till death do them part.

    p.s. Why do most people think that vigins of both sexes in their 30′s must be ugly, creepy, insane or whatever worse!

  203. felicia girl March 5, 2012 at 3:17 pm #

    Amen to Purplesage!!!! jacob is no loser-down-on-his-luck!!!!! Rebecca has said in DOZENS of interviews how highly she values him and even said on “Hannity” that he waited sexually for her! shame on all of you who said they will divorce, have affairs, etc! God brought them together for His glory, and they are “till death do us part” for certain.

  204. felicia girl March 5, 2012 at 3:20 pm #

    I also echo Alexsandra’s thoughts. Golly, can’t we just let them be sometimes??!!! I read most of all ya’ll’s comments, and they were ridiculous! I say Praise God for Jacob and Rebecca Fink. so there!

  205. Traci March 19, 2012 at 8:48 am #

    Hello…. Unaccomplished? Have you ever heard of a little band called Foster the People? He’s hardly living off of her income.

  206. Samson J. March 19, 2012 at 6:00 pm #

    Serious question: had anyone here actually heard of “Foster the People” before the advent of this never-ending blog entry?

  207. Badger March 19, 2012 at 6:13 pm #

    Samson,

    I just thought of a related question: has anybody heard from Foster The People lately? They had one-hit wonder written all over them, and seem to be fulfilling the prophecy…

  208. Smithborough March 20, 2012 at 7:15 am #

    Foster the people? I’d never even heard of Rebecca St James. For me Christian music died with Keith Green….

  209. Old Guy March 20, 2012 at 11:05 am #

    Let’s all agree that Haley wouldn’t have written this post if she’d known Cubby could whistle, and let it die.

  210. Ana March 28, 2012 at 11:07 pm #

    The thing is that the alpha(Fink) is in an environment where he already has a bunch of fan girls and it is so hard to keep from temptation in the world of music out there. Read Michael English’s book and see for yourselves. He talks about the temptation he went through and also about how far he went to the point of losing his family to a romance with one of his background vocal girls. Too many girls for Mr. Fink out there and too many tours away from mama.

  211. jshady May 3, 2012 at 12:56 am #

    PS: The name of your blog makes me want to barf. How self-righteous (and completely the opposite of HUMBLE) can one be?

  212. Aunt Haley May 5, 2012 at 9:56 pm #

    PS: The name of your blog makes me want to barf. How self-righteous (and completely the opposite of HUMBLE) can one be?

    Clearly not as humble and un-self righteous as you! :D

  213. drumzz May 10, 2012 at 9:49 pm #

    Bottom line is attractive women think they are to
    good for men. Chistian women are just as bad!!! All women care about is perfect looks and status!!!!!

  214. Purplesage May 11, 2012 at 5:16 pm #

    To Drumzz- not all women “care only about perfect looks and status” in a man, regardless of their own appearance and/or status. I know this to be true, as a woman. If you’re basing this opinion, if even partially, on this article, well then I understand your feelings. Words used in this article, like- “…Fink has no significant life accomplishments….no notable pedigree….is not independently wealthy, and does not have a prestigious job….”.

  215. Purplesage May 11, 2012 at 5:42 pm #

    …..well, these opinions are haley’s alone, but certainly not all women. Some words and phrases used in this article reflect HER standards, HER judgements, and HER skewed belief system. Not all women care only about a man’s wealth, social standing, appearance or pedigree (what an outdated and bizarre choice of words!). Many of us look for other qualities in a man, like strength of character, honesty, shared interests, similar spiritual beliefs, physical and emotional

    attraction, and yes, as cliq

  216. Purplesage May 11, 2012 at 6:00 pm #

    …cliched as it sounds, a sense of humor. So please try to keep an open mind, drumzz. Although I agree that there are far too many shallow men and women out there, searching for mates who look good on the outside (rich, attractive, nice car, living life in the fast-track, well pedigreed), with no concern for what’s inside. But there are also many of us who will love you for who you are, not what you have. Keep the faith and she will appear.

  217. Shanno May 14, 2012 at 4:20 pm #

    Do you even know who Jacob Fink is? Cubbie Fink? For all of the knowledge that you seem to posses (mostly from the Internet) you could google Cubbie Fink(Jacob)? Have you ever heard of ‘Foster the People’? His job is called “He’s in a band”. It’s kinda a big deal. I’m sure the reason why she picked him is cuz they are both musically talented. Not to sound abrasive but your post was kinda uninformed. So now you have the information you need to further dissect her life. ;)

  218. samsonsjawbone May 14, 2012 at 6:12 pm #

    Have you ever heard of ‘Foster the People’?

    I haven’t, actually. Are they any good?

  219. Hannah June 4, 2012 at 2:14 pm #

    As others have previously stated, your research was very poor.

    First, if you were to have actually followed Rebecca’s ministry, or if you knew her personally, you would know, without a doubt, that Rebecca would never settle. She did not get married until recently because of the fact that she was waiting for the right man and she had not found him yet. She was sure of what she wanted in a husband and when she met Jacob (a.k.a Cubbie) she knew that she had finally found him. I do not know where you get the idea that she is better than him. Yes, she has had an amazing ministry over the years and has been able to reach so many people, but being a missionary in Africa is a pretty nobel thing too. I also, highly doubt that Jacob is living off of Rebecca’s income since,

    Rolling Stones said, “Recorded by the Los Angeles indie pop band Foster the People, “Pumped Up Kicks” is one of the surprise hits of 2011, rising to Number Three on the Billboard Hot 100. http://www.rollingstone.com/music/pictures/readers-poll-the-best-songs-of-the-summer-20110908/2-foster-the-people-pumped-up-kicks-0769165#ixzz1wrHxIQc2

    Times magazine named Pumped Up Kicks song number 10 of 2011 http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,2101344_2101365_2101681,00.html

    Rolling Stones had it on their charts again when they put it at number 11 of their 50 best singles of 2011. http://www.rollingstone.com/music/lists/50-best-singles-of-2011-20111207/foster-the-people-pumped-up-kicks-19691231

    And not only have they performed on various national talk shows, they also received two Grammy nomination for 2011. Interestingly enough, that song was released the same month that you wrote this article.

    Second, even though you may have your opinion on this topic of who Rebecca should or should not be married to, although I do not know why it matters so much to you, you should not write as if you know. If you are going to write a comment such as this, you must know what you are talking about. You write with such certainty, but you could not be more wrong. Since this blog is open to everyone, make sure that you get your facts straight next time. People who actually know those you are writing about can see this, and will not be able to help but show others that you are wrong. You have proved that you only care about people hearing what you have to say, instead of backing up what you have to say by the truth. I would highly advise that next time.

  220. Purplesage June 4, 2012 at 6:15 pm #

    Right on Hannah! Could not have said it better! It is a reckless, poorly researched, hurtful and libelous article. ~d

  221. Hermes June 5, 2012 at 7:44 pm #

    That’s it, Haley, you’ve be pwned. You better run, better run, faster than my bullet.

  222. Aunt Haley June 5, 2012 at 8:37 pm #

    Hermes–
    I’m surprised it took so long. You’d think that in the previous 220+ comments, someone might have tried to correct my lamentably poor research. Still, once you’ve got the taste editors at Rolling Stone AND Time magazine contradicting you, you’re really in hot water, aren’t you?

  223. Elspeth June 6, 2012 at 5:41 am #

    This is thread that refuses to die, LOL.

  224. Old Guy June 6, 2012 at 1:54 pm #

    On January 7. 2011 “Pumped Up Kicks” hadn’t seen significant airplay wasn’t a hit yet: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pumped_Up_Kicks . Your research wasn’t “lamentably poor”, Haley, unless you can see the future.

    Nice that things worked out for the happy couple, though.

  225. desertgirl76 June 9, 2012 at 2:52 pm #

    gotta agree with hannah on this one: you should of done a little more research on “cubbie” fink before writing this article. by now, he’s more famous than she is and most likely makes a similar income. also, rebecca is obviously convicted enough in her beliefs to not settle – i’m guessing that this relationship will last.

  226. Dianne June 13, 2012 at 2:06 pm #

    Jacob Fink is in Foster the People one of the biggest new bands in the world so I wouldn’t worry. He will Definately be supporting her. If they last. It’ll be hard because he won’t be home much of the year.

  227. Joy Felix June 13, 2012 at 6:27 pm #

    That was a mean blog! There are not words………

    Why would you belittle his missionary committment – of all things! – it is basically much of what is wrong with the United States and missions today – why South Korea is now sending more missionaries per capita than the US! Men who go away single on a missions assignment are often taunted that they should be doing something to build themselves up! That is selfish and wrong!

    “Marrying down” “finally found someone in her thirties” again – cruel! This makes judgements of all sorts.

    The church today has forgotten the virtue of the single missionary who sacrifices time and years to God for the good of people (Oswald Chambers anybody? Elizabeth Elliot? Amy Carmichael? But I digress) give some respect! There are sometimes very good reasons people don’t play into the idolatry that marriage has become! Christians are too busy telling women to go to the kitchen to see what they are doing in China and India and around the world. They are too busy dictating what a godly man is to see what he might have done in Egypt. It’s just wrong.

  228. Smithborough June 14, 2012 at 5:54 am #

    I think that Haley should introduce pay-to-comment on this thread.

  229. Rhianna June 18, 2012 at 8:10 pm #

    You are so Cruel you should have shut your face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    NOW HE IS MORE FAMOUS THAN HER! SEE HOW YOU THINK!
    You must feel really Good about yourself.

  230. Hermes June 19, 2012 at 3:16 pm #

    HAHAHAHA, Haley! STUPID! You’re so STUPID! Don’t you feel like a big fat STUPIDHEAD for writing this post?! YOu should have done your RESEARCH! Did you SLEEP through the past 2 YEARES?!?! Didn’t you know that CUBBIE FINK is SUPER-FAMOUS cause he’s the most FAMOUS and handsome member of the most #1 super-popular INDIE ROCK BAND in the ENTIRE HISTORY of the UNIVERSE?!?! “Pumped Up Kicks” has been in thee #0.5 position on the Billboard #1 Hot Ultimate Rock Singgles Tracks chart for like 239847 weeks! EVERYONE including LITTLE BABIES who hadn’t been born yet and LEBRON JAMES knew this when you wrote this post! CUBBIE FINK is a Household name and occupies every American’s thoughts FIRST THING when they wake up in the morning and Last thing befor ethey go to sleep at NIGHT! ANY GIRL should GLADLY impale herself upon a HARPOOn for the chance to ENTER a RAFFLE in which marriage to Cubbie Fink is 3RD PRIZE! Rebeeca St James shoud spend the REEST OF HER LIFE odnw on her KNEES piriaising GOD for selecting her from among plant Earth’s 4.7 BILLION WOMEN to be the one to be blessed with 0.5 NANOSEECONDS of the presence of this most FAMOUS man EVAR!!!!!!!!!111!!!11!!!!1ONEE!

  231. Aunt Haley June 19, 2012 at 9:07 pm #

    Hermes,
    You may have a future in writing satire.

  232. Franz June 20, 2012 at 12:11 pm #

    …Admittedly, my enthusiasm for the CCM scene began to wane in the early ’00s, but I come from a family of CCM collectors and I had no idea who Jacob Fink was. Seeing people wax indignant on Fink’s behalf amuses me to no end. This thread seriously needs a Wendy Oldbag sprite.

  233. Cane Caldo June 20, 2012 at 6:10 pm #

    This guy is in the band that sings the happy-go-f#$king-crazy pop song about shooting up a school?

    Weird.

  234. Luke June 23, 2012 at 3:22 am #

    I just Google-imaged Rebecca St. James. I don’t see what all the fuss is about WRT her looks. Yes, she’s got long-enough hair, weight is around right, and a fair chest (heavy Cs?). But, her face odd, not particularly appealing at all, and she’s a brunette, the least interesting of hair types. Further, she’s appeared in posed public photographs in a small bikini, with her boobs falling out of her shirt, etc.
    On top of her being well into her thirties, with declining fertility, I don’t see her great appeal to a Christian man able to earn a living.

  235. Franz June 23, 2012 at 4:24 am #

    Posed in a bikini, has she? I had no idea, though I suppose that shouldn’t surprise me as much as it does. When I posted a picture of her in a forum years ago for a topic about celebrity crushes–yes, I was one of those poor fools who entertained the fantasy, however briefly, that she might have been waiting for me–it prompted a response from another user who claimed to have been one of her tech people (a roadie or something, I forget the specifics) and for all I know, he could very well have been telling the truth. Anyway, he told me that he had asked her if she wanted to get a bite with him and she tried to throw him off the scent with one of the feeblest lies ever told. Apparently she “wasn’t hungry” because she had recently eaten “an apple”. *wry smirk*

  236. DR_VER June 23, 2012 at 7:17 pm #

    I will also predict that we will begin hearing a similar discussion in the next couple months about Lolo Jones: apparently christian, a virgin, pushing 30, plenty of options, but holding out for “The One” aka super-hot christian dude (probably athlete in this case). Tebow?

  237. Hermes June 24, 2012 at 4:37 pm #

    I agree with Luke. I never commented on Rebecca St. James’s looks before because that was not the topic of this thread, but after Googling her, I have to say I don’t think she’s particularly pretty. (I wasn’t raised within evangelicalism, so I wasn’t familiar with her when she was popular.) Her face is kind of masculine: square eyes, tight-lipped, flat mouth, and prominent jaw. In fact, this is a textbook case of female projection/solipsism: she has the sort of looks other women think are very attractive, but men do not.

  238. LovableChimp June 24, 2012 at 9:02 pm #

    I think St James is really good looking.
    It seems that every dude on the manosphere is really quick to point every woman’s flaws and dismissing attractive women as not being all that in the looks department. I think credit should be given where credit is due even to people you don’t like all that much.

  239. Aunt Haley June 24, 2012 at 11:52 pm #

    St. James was softer looking in her late teens/early 20s. In more recent years, she’s taken on the look of someone who is doing some significant calorie restriction in order to be Hollywood thin – hence the more prominent manjaw.

  240. Franz June 25, 2012 at 4:01 am #

    Whatever her “objective” score on the ol’ looks scale might be, I can say for a certainty that I’ve developed romantic feelings for “uglier” women than Rebecca–I’d put her in the 7-8 range myself, based on my memories of her (roughly ’00)–but it is worth noting that revelations about a woman’s personality are capable of altering her “score”, both for the better and for the worse. If such things incline you to like her, you’ll find things to like about her; if they incline you to dislike her, you’ll find things to dislike about her. If some of us seem excessively harsh in our appraisals of her physical appeal, that might be why.

  241. The Man Who Was . . . June 25, 2012 at 2:23 pm #

    I have to agree with Franz. RSJ is not a 10, but even in her 30s she’s significantly more attractive than most younger women and almost certainly prettier than the girls most men here have dated/married. In real life, most single guys here would be chomping at the bit to date her identical twin.

  242. Hermes June 25, 2012 at 3:20 pm #

    I think that if anything, she looks better now. Take a look at these album covers from when she was younger:

    The tight-lipped look of her mouth, with the contourless lips and perfectly straight line separating them, is odd and a big turn-off.

    Then again, I have always preferred the cute, round-faced, big-eyed, young girl next door look over the glamourous high-cheekboned look. The Man Who Was might accuse me of being in denial here, but give me Alyson Hannigan over Megan Fox any day.

  243. Purplesage June 26, 2012 at 3:23 pm #

    WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??!! I can’t believe how shallow so many of your comments are. The angle of someone’s jaw, the shape and contour of the mouth, “square eyes”, cup size, “objective score on the looks scale”, brunette…”the least interesting hair types”, flat mouth… you christian freaks are serious??? What a sad lifestyle. I pity you.

  244. LovableChimp June 26, 2012 at 9:21 pm #

    Purplesage,
    They are saying this, not because they are Christian but because they are guys that have been rejected by moderately attractive women when they were their equal in terms of Sexual value and they lash out by pointing out these women aren’t all that.

    It’s like when the team you hate is good but you hate that team just so much that you can’t admit it. To this day, I have never recognized a Dallas Cowboy team of having any worth what so ever, even when they bringing home the Lombardis.

  245. jpallow1 June 27, 2012 at 11:03 am #

    wow! Iam shocked by some of these comments. You are the reason I dont believe anymore,you so called christians are posting some pretty nasty words on here about people who you dont even know. I thought we weren’t suppose to judge each other? yet,here you are judging two people whom you dont know personally. It disgusts me. If she waited so long for someone and finally married I’d say he must be an amazing man,i wouldnt just assume she is settling. I also watched some of her interviews and she said,”he waited for
    me too,even before he met me” that sounds like a man devoted to his faith. When do u actually meet a man that is willing to wait? I say its nearly impossible.

  246. purplesage June 27, 2012 at 11:47 pm #

    Thanks LovableChimp,
    While I appreciate your attempt to clarify the basis for so many of the degrading and immature comments in this thread, I must admit to you that I am still left with more questions than answers. Yes, I understand the tendency for some men (and women) to resent that which they feel deprived of and entitled to. And I get that some less mature people will take it a step further and put their thinly masked resentments into words- perfect example being “haley’s halo”. A more accurate name would be “haley’s pitchfork”…come on haley, “prominent manjaw”…really?!? You sound so bitter and unhappy. (And hermes– must you encourage her?). I also i understand that, regrettably, some guys will undoubtedly kick it up a notch and act out upon this perceived threat to their masculinity and specifically, to their sexuality. Example of this mindset: “this beautiful, sexy woman has rejected me (humiliation), even though (i think) I’m equally sexy and appealing (perception), therefore she must be inferior to me in both the physical and sexual arena” (justification). Acting this out might involve verbal criticism to her and others, defamation, even abuse. What I also find disturbing and confusing is all this weird male christian jargon parroted throughout the threads. Like all the references to “scales”– “objective score on the looks scale”, and all the “alpha man vs. beta man” references thrown way too freely throughout- alpha dream crush??? Other strange and redundant terms are: manosphere, hypergamy, pedigree, status…job status, sexual status, physical status, lower status. Then there are the scores, counts and ranges, as in-she is in the 7-8 range, she is a #10, and she has a higher notch count. Then there are strange comparisons like-christian women have de-clawed their christian men?? Wow… had you no choice? Were you already sedated and in the kitty crate before you knew what was going on? Do you realize that you sound like whiny neanderthals? I read very little, if anything regarding intellectual values or scores, as you like to phrase things. How about scores for women (and men) who have warmth, love in their heart, compassion, forgiveness, spirituality, patience and a sense of humor. (God knows, they probably need patience and humor to deal with you every day). Bad joke. But I guess no one wants to read happy blogs, right? ******* So here are my last two cents: Your partner is God’s gift to you… treasure, don’t measure…and instead of hateful, try on grateful. This life may be your last.

  247. LovableChimp June 28, 2012 at 12:33 pm #

    Sage,

    The whole thing is really simple. It really is.

    What it boils down to, is that women especially Christian women are way too unrealistic about what they expect in a husband.

    Now both sexes are to blame though. A lot of the bashing on these sites is towards women exclusively. However, both genders need to do better. I personally don’t blame individuals for this mess either. It’s the extremely toxic environment that we have grown up in that has lead this horrible mentality.

    Let’s examine some of you comments and let me explain:

    “this beautiful, sexy woman has rejected me (humiliation), even though (i think) I’m equally sexy and appealing (perception), therefore she must be inferior to me in both the physical and sexual arena” (justification). ”

    The aspect to consider here is that most guys aren’t really after the beautiful ones. Men know our place in the sexual marketplace because people aren’t gentle with guys. They let the beta males know that they are beta males. People don’t sugar coat it like with women.

    For example, if a woman that is fat says she is fat and unattractive. Everyone will falesly console her and say ‘NOOOOOO, you are so pretty’. This allows unattractive women to at least have so rationalization to not accept their true value.

    However if a guy were to say to his group that dude, I’m fat and disgusting, all of his pals were be like ‘No duh, idiot’. In fact, they would rag on him more for showing verbalizing his weakness.

    The reality is that men are hitting on their sexual equals, however the women are in lala land about their real value. In the back of their minds, they all think they deserve Tim Tebow lite. It’s really not an exaggeration. The people to blame are really the adults and the culture for not managing expectations. Christian culture needs to be blunt about that average women should look to their beta male (aka average) counterparts.

    The women are the ones that have no concept of the sexual marketplace and are being led astray. The main thing that I think allows young women to maintain their faulty thinking is that they can get sex from the alpha males ( aka ‘hot guys’). Beta males can’t with consistency even get laid from the average women much less the hotties. When you have most of your sexual experiences with alphas, you can’t go back. You have tasted the sexual high life and it’s good. It would be like living a mansion for 3 years with all the best food and comforts and then having the life the next 50 years in a shack eating canned spam. You would always remember the good times in the mansion. Shack life sucks.

    “I read very little, if anything regarding intellectual values or scores, as you like to phrase things. How about scores for women (and men) who have warmth, love in their heart, compassion, forgiveness, spirituality, patience and a sense of humor. (God knows, they probably need patience and humor to deal with you every day).”

    From my experience, plain women think that their personalities can make up for sub par looks. By in large, they won’t. You are projecting what attracts you to guys to what guys want from women. One thing to note here is everybody thinks that they have an awesome personality when for the most part that’s simply not true. Especially for American women who think acting like a spoiled little man is an awesome outgoing personality. It’s not. Plain and simple. The irony here is that if you act feminine in this day and age, men respect and like you a billion times than the rest because it’s so rare now. What once was common place is now more rare, giving you an edge if you act sweet and feminine.

    You want to be attractive to the alphas that you crave. Here is what you must do if you can.
    * Do not under any circumstances be overweight. That is a deal breaker to top 20 percent of men.

    * Be blessed with symmetrical face. Plain face is a deal breaker to the top 20 percent of men.

    * Have an upbeat and sweet womanly personality. Men with options will not even put with LTRs with hot women that are mean, masculine and whiny. They will simply use you for sex and then run.

    All three have to happen for the Christian alpha to marry you. Any other kind of romantic options are off the table for a Christian. The top 20 percent is probably less for Christian males too. Christian guys will probably account for top 10 being an alpha.

    Ok, now for the man’s responsibility:

    “Then there are strange comparisons like-christian women have de-clawed their christian men?? ”

    Correctomondo. The church has neuterued the Christian young man. The guy never grows up. He remains an emotional teenager becuase you want to know why? Because acting masculine is seen as bad in American church. Don’t you know that men want sex? We must stop this at any cost. We have infantized the young Christian man, so he will not have any premaritial sex with our sweet young Christian women.

    Guess what? It doesn’t even work. The men with high testoreone (natural alphas) see through the charcade and screw the women anyways most of the time. All they did was take the beta male and screw him over even more. We all know the ‘pastor’s son’. Yup dyed hair, doing drugs and screwing women.

    All they have done is turn the young guys into sissies which women don’t find attractive. It would be like for the Church to fatten all the women up intentionally by 30 pounds and make them wear burlap sacks as clothes so they don’t sin sexually. It’s stupid.

    That’s where the guys need to step up. They need to throw off the misinformed church programming and act like dudes. They need to use ‘Game’ and compete. There is nothing wrong with competition, it just has to be done ethically. Christian men need to have an attitude of basically ‘screw it’ and take life by the horns and if we get our asses kicked cool it builds character. Get called a creep by asking women out and gaming them, fine. Get a bad rep, leave that church find a new one. Who cares? You almost have to take the renegade mentality these days in Churchianity to get any where unless you a natural alpha.

  248. Purplesage June 28, 2012 at 3:33 pm #

    Hey LovableChimp,
    Thanks, once again. You make some interesting points and have given me much to ponder. I was not raised in a Christian home and so I am unfamiliar with this dilemma that you so articulately described. But it makes sense to me. Thanks for your time, patience and also for not trashing me. ~ with appreciation, sage

  249. LovableChimp June 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm #

    Sage,

    You are ahead of 90 percent of women for just entertaining that those concepts might be right.

    Most women upon hearing it will shudder and simply cry out ‘NOOO, this can’t be true. I must have my alpha. It simply won’t do.”.

    The thing is that knowledge is power and if you’re a girl that knows the truth you can game the system and make out like a bandit.

    Do the following things and you probably will have a happy relationship.

    1) Lose weight and maintain that weight.

    Most women have natural beauty. They are the fair sex. That’s their thing. However, fat is the great destroyer. Being a fit weight is key for ladies looking for the best they can get.

    I believe that this is harder than it sounds but not for the obivous reason of losing weight is a hard process. It’s the OTHER WOMEN you have to watch out for. This is a woman’s equivalent to a beta guy learning game and hitting on women. Your peers without a doubt will want you fail. In America, most likely your friends are overweight and they don’t want their to rise and outshine them. They will unconsiously or consiously do everything in their power to stop you from being better. Women are devious with each other. Any time a woman has convinced her friend to chop off all her hair you has delivered the ‘Dim Mok Deathtouch’ to her rival. No matter how cute you think you look with your boy haircut, it looks horrible to almost every guy in existence.

    Also I’m a firm believer in the paleo/ low carb diet. I believe that this is really the only diet for people that aren’t naturally skinny to maintain a good fit weight because of the biochemical factors in play.

    2) Use ‘Girl Game’. Act sweet, supportive and feminine.

    Men do not want a pseudo guy as their woman. They don’t like ‘moxie’ or ‘attitude’. They just don’t. They deal enough of that with other dudes to put up with it some girl that has been duped by modern ideology that she should act like a bitch because that’s the fashion.

    No just no. Act upbeat, sweet and feminine. Men will eat out of the palm of your hand. It’s so rare in America today you will be an oasis in the desert. My brother is a super alpha stud. He has confidence up the ass and looks like David Beckham with more muscles. He is just used to hot girls coming on to him. Guess who he was totally smitten with? Two women that I know of. One was actually a low 7 that was overweight but the thing is this girl’s personality was off the charts. She was super upbeat and happy and was NEVER a bitch. My brother was used to banging 8+ and he was totally into the girl because he was used to bitchyness. I can’t stress this enough.

    3) Screen out the players at all costs. You want a moral lesser alpha or cool greater beta.

    One thing I disagree with alot of the manosphere posters is that I’m fine the way I am and women should just settle. They have their own hamsters as well apparently.

    What I think that some of the guys that basically say ‘I should have a decent young woman without changing myself because that’s how it used to be’ is that they don’t want to go through the painful process of doing what it takes to get with decent young women. In today’s sexual landscape it’s survival of the fittest because marriage means nothing and sluttiness is okay. It takes a lot of HARD rejection, practice and improvement to compete effectively. When I say hard rejection, I mean girls basically mocking and laughing at you for having the nerve to try to game them. Frankely, it sucks to have your ego smashed and no human likes it at all. In fact we go to great lengths to protect the ego at all costs. So to be able to go in ‘crash and burn’ mode that takes balls and the willingness to get bruised.

    As for you, don’t put out for easy sex at all. If your Christian, make him marry you. If you’re not then at least make him work for it for a long time. This will weed out the alphas that only want to use you as their personal sex toy.

    You want to be picky but not overly choosy. Don’t expect Brad Pitt lite or Tim Tebow lite. You want a guy that is not sissy, probably in shape and has financial things going for him. This would be referred to as a greater beta or sometimes a lesser alpha. As for the pure beta males that petalize women and act like little girly men, I wouldn’t date them either. They need to step up their game, but they are under the horrible programming so many of them will not.

  250. Jen July 7, 2012 at 7:48 pm #

    This is one of the most judgmental posts I’ve ever read. Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t the Bible say something about how Christians are, you know, NOT supposed to do that? And really? Do you not know who Jacob Fink is? Ever heard of a little band called Foster the People?

    I love how all of you are insulting and speculating about two people you do not know. If I were to use your own rationale, I could deduce that none of you are, in fact, Christians. I believe Rebecca’s younger brothers sing a song about how doing anything without love is meaningless. It’s based on a chapter of the Bible that apparently none of you have read: 1 Corinthians 13.

  251. Ipod36514 July 12, 2012 at 1:32 am #

    You should probably delete this article… Since Cubbie is a superstar and all… It’s kind of embarrassing for you the writer… And these comments are embarrassing for me, an authentic christian to read. It’s appalling. You guys are shamefully twisting what is intended to be a true, pure religion and causing so many believers and nonbelievers to doubt and even hate Christianity. Just stop ruining it for the rest of us Christians actually trying to make a difference!

  252. Ethan July 20, 2012 at 3:21 pm #

    I bet you feel like a genuine cunt now that Cubbie Fink is in one of the biggest rock bands there is!

  253. Franz July 22, 2012 at 5:54 am #

    You’re still here? And you’re not content to let your comrades-in-argument claim the final word for you? You guys are hilarious. xD For the record, famous or not, I still have to actively dig to find any info whatsoever on Herr Fink or Foster the People. Maybe I live under a rock or something, but I just had to share that with you, since it so reliably drives you nuts. I repeat: this thread seriously needs a Wendy Oldbag sprite.

  254. Bryn July 24, 2012 at 5:14 pm #

    Okay so I found this when looking for more about Rebecca St. James after reading her book, Wait For Me. The majority of you people seem to know NOTHING about her and are very interested on pretty much trashing her. Rebecca has been a role model for so many people throughout her life, including me and many people I know. And for people to be so mean about this is terrible. Commenting that this is going to be a tragic marriage and assuming reasons why she got married in the first place is just plain rude. And I pray all of us will stop judging people. Especially if you don’t know them. At all.

    And thanks, Jen – it’s good to know I’m not alone :) I own the For King & Country CD and adore that song…
    “If I speak but don’t have love, I waste my breath with every word I speak”

  255. Bryn July 25, 2012 at 5:58 am #

    My opinion on this whole thing: http://welcometothefallout.wordpress.com/2012/07/25/but-dont-have-love/

  256. Frank Wunder August 6, 2012 at 1:47 pm #

    I really enjoyed LovableChimp’s response and the previous responses as well.

    I would argue that the idea of a Christian alpha male would probably terrify your typical Christian guy and girl.

    Why do I say this?

    Because I have frightened other Christians who made the mistake of assuming that I would eventually get married to a nice Christian girl and start a family when I did the exact opposite and declared that love, relationships, marriage and family no longer mattered to me and that I was more interested in pushing myself past my current intellectual limits. I made further trouble when I would add that I was fully aware of the choice I was making and that I accepted any and all moral responsibility that came as a result of what I was doing or not doing.

    The funniest part is when people would tell me to ask God for directions and I would always give the same response: God told me to bring it and I’m not going to hold back.

    But let’s get back to Rebecca and her situation. She took the easy way out. She settled for what looked the best: the potential perfect album cover, but that doesn’t mean that it was the best.

    Was she wrong to do this? I don’t know if I can say for sure if it was good or bad, right or wrong, but I’m personally disappointed that she didn’t stick with it to the end, just for her own personal glory in saying that she made it to the summit because she could and because she wanted to and nothing else mattered.

    I think a true Christian alpha would be the type of guy or girl would look at all the available options and ponder them through and through and then they would walk away from those options (I’m talking the typical marriage, family, kids equation) because they knew or were aware of something else that only they could see/comprehend and by walking away from it all, all the options, because they simply could.

  257. Perrysmama August 28, 2012 at 1:00 am #

    Wow. How incredibly shallow. You have no idea, do you? Honestly, please do some soul searching. Because what I am reading shows your heart, and it is empty. You profess to be Christian, but I don’t see Christ anywhere in this blog. If you truly know Him you would understand. I was where you are once. Professing but not knowing. So this is not from someone looking down upon you as if you were beneath me. I am not self righteous. But I know emptiness when I see it, because I have been there. Get on your knees and seek Him with all your heart. Then you will understand.

  258. Bryn August 28, 2012 at 6:31 am #

    Perrysmama – thank you. Thank you so so so much. You have just said what I have felt about this blog in the nicest, most poetic way possible. Thank you.

  259. Frank Wunder August 29, 2012 at 3:35 pm #

    @Perrysmama

    When I read your comment it made me sad that Christopher Hitchens had passed away as I now no longer have a source of inspiration by which I could offer an incredibly witty way of saying: keep your mouth shut.

  260. Mollie September 3, 2012 at 10:56 am #

    here’s a thought.. i don’t know, perhaps they’re actually in love? some of you are being so cynical it’s ridiculous, if you read any one of her books you can tell just how devoted she is to God and doing what’s right by him – obviously, this is it. she’s CLEARLY not the type of woman to just marry the next good looking believer that comes along – if she was going to do that, surely she would have years ago and enjoyed a good ten years of marriage by now? i’m happy for her that she’s found this happiness she was anxious she never would and nobody has any right to analyse harshly and be cutting about the one thing that she’s so publicly and patiently waited for.

  261. mychal September 4, 2012 at 9:11 pm #

    HALEY….I will be the first to give you the Honest truth and here it is. This in no way should ever be written from a Christian. Do you know these people personally doesn’t matter even if you do? No! It does not. In fact, there are probably many things that you do not know about this couple. I would encourage you sister to focus on your own life …And to stop putting other people’s lives or Their husbands In such a critical judgemental And on godly way talking about somebody. And the fact that people would respond to this like it any of their business wow. None of this even matters same or if he has a good job it’s really not for you to know. Please take this to Jesus and His mercy and his with them and see what he has to say about you writing a letter about something you know nothing about. Very discouraged thank you very much

  262. Hermes September 5, 2012 at 3:30 pm #

    Well, at least the drive-bys have stopped being about how stupid you are for not knowing who Jacob Fink is.

  263. Aunt Haley September 5, 2012 at 10:40 pm #

    mychal–

    this is brand new information

  264. Tanya Chandran September 23, 2012 at 6:05 am #

    Haley dear….. you should probably be thinking about your own life considering the FACT that you have NOT been with them from their birth or the way they were brought up. Before bringing up people’s personal and YOUR Personal opinions, I think you should CONSIDER the following things in mind:
    1) Firstly, get to know them PERSONALLY!
    2) Secondly, confirm the details with the person directly before you print out any such topics on the website because you may never know the real reason/motive behind what they do.
    3) Thirdly, After much confirmation and clarity, please go ahead and CLOSE the topic down because after you know the TRUTH, you would most definitely have NOTHING to write about!

    P.S: and if you don’t have time to do the above, then PLEASE don’t waste your precious time writing SUCH an article! Thanks!!

  265. Victoria Coppenhagen December 15, 2012 at 9:29 am #

    I would like to address your comments of James Fink. I do belive this was written well before the success of his band, but I don’t think that his professional level, wealth status or ‘pedigree’ is a means of judging how compatible, sufficient and godly their married life will be. What do you know of either of them???

  266. Fake December 26, 2012 at 2:30 pm #

    lol… yea like articles really behold the full picture of someones life. It just so happens that Fink is part of one of the biggests bands of our time (Foster the People). He is also part of man charity causes put on by the band. She obviously saw something in him that you all could not.

  267. Andy December 28, 2012 at 2:52 pm #

    I have not read any of the comments but my mind is blown how Haley completely ruled personality out of the equation…. maybe Fink is really funny? Maybe he is extremely confident and daring/adventurous? Maybe he carry’s himself in a very manly way?

    In the whole article she pretty much only talked about what he has accomplished in life….

  268. Saddened January 7, 2013 at 2:10 pm #

    Is that really what you see when you look at that beautiful, joyful couple? When I first read your article, I was angry. Who are you to think you know what is in two people’s hearts? But the more I read it, the sadder I get. I don’t know what kind of person writes these hurtful things about someone who they have never met, but I am sorry for you. You’ve missed all of the beauty of this relationship. So what if it took her longer to find someone she loved? And who are you to say she was “too picky” (whatever that means. Just throw yourself at any guy that will take you?) or what kind of man she wants or needs? To have such a dismal view of something so beautiful…. I don’t know what aperently crushed your dream, but I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

  269. furiousferrett January 7, 2013 at 5:15 pm #

    This article is hilarous.

    Look how popular you are for writing it. St.James legion of fans to the rescue.

    LOL.

  270. Gladdened January 7, 2013 at 5:56 pm #

    Yeah, I bet you at this point “Haley’s Halo” gets more Google hits than “‘Cubbie’ Fink”.

  271. Teresa Rincon January 8, 2013 at 1:19 pm #

    Wow. Where is Jesus and His perfect timing in all this discussion about looks, money, alpha this and beta that? The simplest explanation why RSJ didn’t marry earlier is because everything before was not the right time and not the right man.

    As for “biological imperatives,” I’ve witnessed biology-defying divine healing. More Christians would, too if they’d take down their Asherah poles of wealth, pleasure and sensuality and replace it with the sacrificial, self-denying cross of Christ.

  272. yonatan January 9, 2013 at 11:40 am #

    You don’t love yourself. St James is far more attractive than the average 33 year old woman? Who are you? Sad.

  273. http://tinyurl.com/phleinnis04125 January 15, 2013 at 9:44 am #

    “Rebecca St. James to marry Beefcake Missionary.
    Haley’s Halo” ended up being a great blog post, cannot help but wait to browse far more of ur postings. Time to spend a little time on the web lolz. Thank you -Jose

  274. Sam February 11, 2013 at 3:09 pm #

    There are simply no words that could describe the extent to which the aforementioned particular blog post reeks of ignorance,so much so that its ridiculousness is unparalleled (the author obviously doesn’t believe in ‘facts’ which in retrospect,is nothing more than the senseless ramblings of a so-called ‘Christian’ whose self proclamation seriously questions the veracity of her beliefs given that she appointed herself the ‘judge’ of the universe and therefore deemed it fit to pass judgment on someone she doesn’t even know,hypocrite much?).Two years on,I think it is fair to deduce that Jacob aka Cubbie Fink has definitely had the last laugh where “Haley’s Halo’s” estimates are concerned thereby rendering it ‘invalid’ in every regard.To all those who have talked down on Foster the People,I’ll have you know that their debut album Torches is amazing with every. single. track. being immensely enjoyable that one could listen to it every day and never tire of it.One hit wonder?I think NOT.They are currently working on their next album and have millions of fans who are looking forward to it in anticipation.Lastly,am I the only one who finds the author’s apparent intense fascination with Cubbie’s wife Rebecca a tad bit scary?

  275. ann February 11, 2013 at 8:31 pm #

    I want fink :’( why He met st.james..not me lolll

  276. FuriousFerret February 12, 2013 at 12:46 pm #

    LOL. Disliking Cubbie Fink is akin to being a pagan. I guess that criticizing St James and Fink is a mortal sin now.

  277. Anonymouse February 14, 2013 at 4:46 am #

    It just so happens that Fink is part of one of the biggests bands of our time (Foster the People).

    LOLOLOLOL. Based on what – one album? Psssht – kids.

    It still remains to be seen if they’ll have any real success past their novelty single, or if they’ll join the ranks of Right Said Fred and Ini Kamoze.

  278. Smithborough February 14, 2013 at 3:14 pm #

    Two years on and this thread is still attracting comments….

  279. rose February 27, 2013 at 10:21 am #

    guys stop let them have peace if they both believe in god then God will keep their marrage together

  280. rose February 27, 2013 at 10:30 am #

    The only way that husband and wife stay together is with god, without god all marriages fall apart because they rely on themselves to keep it together when in reality we are people we cannot do anything on our own only with god.
    by the way i read this in the bible, and if god-willing god will give all those girls who are staying pure a pure and god seeking man, just because we can’t see them doesn’t mean they exist. It does not matter if Cubbie Fink does not have a regular job if they are in need of money god will send him a job. Their life is not ours who are we to criticise them, we are not much better. If a man is pure before god and is seeking god its by god’s miracle.

  281. No March 20, 2013 at 11:31 pm #

    Wow, someone’s a critical bitch.

  282. Irony May 11, 2013 at 1:25 am #

    Irony plays out very well in this. Firstly, don’t we advocate “inner beauty”? What if Fink truly loves her, and she truly loves him. I don’t think their “attractiveness” should be a determining factor as to whether she, or he, is marrying above or below himself or herself. Secondly, his “career in music” surpassed that of her’s. It seems as if she won’t be the one who has to financially support him until death, maybe they’re be able to, God forbid, support each other. This whole post seems laced with skepticism, cynicism, and all around meanness. Shouldn’t the main message of this be happiness and love? They got married! Marriage is supposed to be about love, for the most part. Not just beauty or money.

  283. Fed up with inaccuracy May 24, 2013 at 10:02 pm #

    Soo… Fink does have a job. He’s part of the band Foster the People you know the one that created the Grammy award winning song “Pumped Up Kicks?”

  284. effortless english June 20, 2013 at 5:25 pm #

    Those two words automatically make women suspicious, jealous.
    This is to help prevent the virus from spreading to the other animals in the house.
    Maxi dresses are perfect for any occasion, and are
    cropping up more and more at weddings.

  285. Diane Rubio July 6, 2013 at 2:34 am #

    I think it is so strange that no one–not even Rebecca–makes a fuss about Jacob “Cubbie” Fink — CUBBIE FINK — as bassist in UBER SUCCESSFUL Foster the People *** SECULAR *** :-/ Band. The only thing that was initially publicized about “Jacob Fink” was that he was a missionary in South Africa, and vague references to working in media or some such. I believe the reason this is, is because of the … division between ‘Christian music’ and ‘Secular Music’, and Rebecca’s ‘prestigious’ role as the most popular revered Christian artist of all time. She’s right there next to Mother Theresa and Billy Graham. So. They DO NOT talk about his actual career. As if its shameful. And I think this is a disgrace. With that said I am so happy that Rebecca St. James found a man she loved, I have been following her for all of my life and understand the loneliness of being .. alone, attractive, popular, and not finding the person (regardless of status, age, wealth) who could really ‘cherish’ or appreciate you. It might sound baffling, but as a musician with many men at my feet (powerful, wealthy, status, etc.), I experienced the same frustration with men. I’m happily bonded with my soulmate now :D Anyway, I think it is bogus / strange that Mr. Fink is blanketed, and that is just the divisive nature of religion. *SHRUGS. THANKS.

  286. Tammy August 4, 2013 at 3:12 pm #

    Wow, Well actually that chick does not have to financially support Fink because his musical career was in fact real and did not mean that he “doesn’t have a job”. You shouldn’t talk about them because why does it matter, they’re obviously in love! Fink is not just “the best that she could do”, he’s probably her everything, and she is most likely HIS everything because I’m sure that otherwise he would have gone w/a much younger woman. Leave people alone, gosh, no offense but whoever wrote this is just a jealous b****.

  287. outinnothingfflat September 8, 2013 at 8:11 pm #

    its 2013- no tour nothing but movies and a book out in september, and Rebecca, Cubbie, you are ok with me.

    Others, they have problems with all of this. If you don’t agree with this wedding, join their club?

  288. Alex October 6, 2013 at 4:56 pm #

    “missionary to South Africa who now resides in SoCal pursuing his ‘career in music’ (whatever that means, which is most likely “doesn’t really have a job”).” >>>> LOL. He is now a member of one of the most successful alternative bands. He is swimming in pools of cash now (considering he was at the top of the itunes chart for quite some time) and still helping out so many awesome causes.

  289. Terra October 12, 2013 at 8:12 am #

    I have to agree with everybody that they’ll end up divorced … mine is based on past hunches I had about couples where I just knew they would get divorced and then they did … I don’t have anything tangible like you guys … all I have is a hunch but mine have been right so far …

  290. Nicholas John November 24, 2013 at 11:20 pm #

    I can’t tell you how much this made me laugh. This is brilliantly written. Haha!

  291. jrbenjamin December 7, 2013 at 9:07 pm #

    Terrible article. Fink is in one of the most popular bands in the world right now, and is yet to reach the apogee of his career. Not sure if the same can be said about Mrs. St. James; and secondly, I’m not sure why it’s your right to render such a judgement.

  292. Shelby January 2, 2014 at 9:37 pm #

    Hahahaha 3 words.
    Foster. The. People.

  293. Badger January 2, 2014 at 10:31 pm #

    Ah yes, you mean the pot-core band that peaked two years ago?

  294. Hermes January 4, 2014 at 9:42 am #

    According to their Wikipedia entry, Foster the People’s next album will be released in early 2014, and the first single will be on the air in January. So hopefully this debate will be resolved soon–if it bombs, all these drive-by-posters mocking Haley for not knowing that Jacob Fink is in the “HOTTEST NEW BAND OMG!” will have to eat their words.

  295. John February 6, 2014 at 8:00 am #

    Haha jokes on you. That guy that pursued a career in music who you said probably has no job is the bassist for one of the most popular bands in the world. Foster the People is an excellent band and he is an excellent bassist. Maybe this will teach you and other people who laugh at people’s dreams to pursue music. Living out their passion and chasing after them.

  296. Ruslan Potapchuk February 14, 2014 at 5:54 pm #

    Randomly came across your post, very interesting. I suppose I have a few comments. First off, Is there something wrong in getting married in the 30′s? Given that the median age of marriage in the US is just around 30, so that’s normal and, the dominant choice. Secondly, you have failed to note that Fink is in a commercially successful band called “Foster the People” that has won best artist of the year, song of the year, and rock song of the year, and been nominated over 13 times in the last 3 years. Commercial success rakes in significantly (millions) more money than any christian music career. Rebecca has won a total of 4 dove awards in the span of her whole career, and acted in a handful of small budget films. I love her music, I love her message, but I think you have Cubbie (his nickname) all wrong.\

  297. Gavin Ford February 16, 2014 at 8:49 pm #

    FTP’s second album has been selling briskly as a pre-order and will likely debut in the top 5 its first week of release. Their current single “Coming of Age” is #7 on the Alternative singles chart on Billboard and rising. They are an excellent band with a huge following, NOT a one hit wonder and NOT short on talent. Just a few facts.

  298. marie March 4, 2014 at 7:58 pm #

    this is the stupidest article i have ever read.

  299. Scott March 10, 2014 at 7:50 pm #

    Funny how hindsight can make your comments look a little ridiculous. Obviously Rebecca St James saw something in Jacob Fink that you couldn’t, as he is now has a pretty successful job in one of the world’s most successful bands :)

  300. Scott March 10, 2014 at 8:02 pm #

    PS I have met Rebecca St james on a couple of occasions ( I work in media) and I can tell you honestly that her outward beauty is striking, but more importantly her inner beauty was breathtaking (in a completely non sexual and innocent way). It makes her very attractive. It’s the kind of beauty I want to see in my children. I don’t know Jacob, but I would suggest Rebecca has a brilliant mind and wouldn’t make a lifelong decision like marriage hastily. Congrats to both of them welcoming their 1st child recently :)

  301. Samson J. March 11, 2014 at 6:16 am #

    he is now has a pretty successful job in one of the world’s most successful bands :)

    I keep seeing comments like this in this cornucopian thread of plenty. There’s some truth here – obviously Haley’s OP was somewhat lacking in foresight – and yet, what I take away from these comments is an underscoring of just how shallow and short-sighted young’uns really are about who and what are “important”. I was too, when I was 18 and I worshiped my favourite heavy metal heroes. It is *still* the case that no one over 30 – i.e., no one who matters – has ever heard of “Jacob Fink”, or his band.

  302. RSG March 11, 2014 at 9:00 pm #

    Exactly, Sampson. He is “famous” to a tiny group of fans who actually care about Foster The People enough to know the individual member’s names and faces. To the other 99.999% of the population, he’s just another struggling musician.

  303. Hermes March 11, 2014 at 9:41 pm #

    I would take it a step further and say that Haley’s OP wasn’t really that lacking in foresight. As I’ve pointed out numerous times upthread, at the time she wrote it, the only information available was an article saying St. James was marrying a guy named Jacob Fink who was pursuing a “career in music.” There was absolutely zero way to tell from that article, or from Googling “Jacob Fink,” that he went by “Cubbie” Fink in his professional life, that he was in a band that was soon to have a hit, or that he was anything other than one of the thousands of struggling no-name musicians who move to some place like Hollywood or Nashville and take a job waiting tables while busking on street corners, playing coffee shop open mic nights, and sending demo tapes to record companies, hoping against all odds for that one in a million chance that they will get noticed. All these moronic drive-byers coming in here mocking Haley for not knowing who Jacob Fink was are the true fools.

  304. Red March 16, 2014 at 3:52 am #

    Good. Rich pretty people marry rich pretty people. :P

  305. Deb April 1, 2014 at 2:39 pm #

    You are a whacko. He is hot. He’s in a hit band called Foster the People. Do your research. She is attractive, but I’m far prettier than she is and older and not married because most men don’t interest me and they aren’t worth it. I just haven’t met the right person.

  306. skippersite017 April 2, 2014 at 8:50 pm #

    The statement “It was announced today in the press that Rebecca St. James has become engaged to Jacob Fink, a Colorado native and sometime missionary to South Africa who now resides in SoCal pursuing his “career in music” (whatever that means, which is most likely “doesn’t really have a job”).” stinks of arrogance and prejudice. Jacob Fink is only one third of Foster the People, one of the greatest bands at the moment.

    http://fosterthepeople.wikia.com/wiki/Cubbie_Fink

  307. Zach Roberts April 21, 2014 at 4:14 pm #

    Really? If people could just focus on their own lives then maybe they wouldn’t have to spend their time commenting on other people’s lives.

  308. Anna Crawford May 16, 2014 at 5:59 pm #

    SO funny to read this…you state St James would have to support Fink the rest of his life…I guess you would never have guessed how successful Foster the People would be. She loves him for who he is…not for what he could financially do for her!

  309. Red May 17, 2014 at 7:50 pm #

    @Deb, thanks for sharing.

  310. Red May 17, 2014 at 7:54 pm #

    I’m disappointed that Rebecca St. James married that beefcake missionary. This clearly demonstrates a problem with Christian musicians, especially. I’m sorry if anyone disagrees.

  311. Even July 29, 2014 at 5:11 pm #

    I must say that I do not really appreciate the sarcastic nature of the references to Christian chastity – which is, by the way, a Biblical mandate from the One who is still God of the universe. This writer has a gift with words, but I feel they could be used so much better to encourage others in an often difficult walk of faith, rather than mock (no matter how gently or humorously) or belittle another’s life choices as merely “the best they could do.” We get enough mockery and ridicule from a world that has no use for self-control. I happen to believe that for those who choose to give God rulership of their lives, He will guide us, as the Bible teaches, and even orchestrate life’s circumstances. I followed Rebecca during my single years because I also chose to “wait” and I was greatly encouraged by her example and vocal-ness. I still remember when her song “Wait For Me” came out. I desperately wanted to marry, but I had a long wait (not quite as long as Rebecca, my wait ended at age 30). I am not famous or nearly as beautiful as Rebecca, but I believe that God brought my husband and I together. After nearly 12 years of marriage, I still think so, because I believe the Bible. From my distant knowledge of Rebecca, I think she believes the Bible, too, and chose to let God direct her choice of a mate. Obviously, we live in the physical world where fame and beauty do have influence, but God can use that, or even work against it, to accomplish His will. I have a feeling that Rebecca and her husband are a match made in heaven, whether or not it makes any sense to us mere mortals. For any of you still waiting, seek the Lord for your fulfillment. Marriage has a wonderful place, but married or not, only God can fill the real void in our hearts. There were many passages I clung to in my single years, but my favorites were Ps. 27:4 and Col. 3:1-5.

  312. Red July 29, 2014 at 6:30 pm #

    She got married to a total heathen. What. now.

  313. jack July 30, 2014 at 11:42 pm #

    Because Christian girls are in service to The Tingle pretty much the same as their secular counterparts.

    The bulk of born-again spirit-filled Christian women I know are dating or married to men who are atheist, agnostic, or marginally Christian.

    To be humble before Christ is to appear weak, and that trips off every red warning light on a woman’s dashboard. “It’s sooooooo sweet that you love the Lord! I’m sure you’ll find a nice girl someday – just hang in there!!!

    And people wonder why I take some glee in seeing lonely women crying about their lack of “love”. These women would not know Biblical love if it came up and bit them on the rump…

  314. Chris Dagostino August 1, 2014 at 7:27 am #

    You have a point, Jack. A Christian female friend of mine has dated guys who weren’t believers in the past, and I inquired about her current boyfriend’s spiritual status. She said that she hasn’t been able to gauge him accurately.

    I think she’s desperate to get hitched and have kids.

  315. Red August 1, 2014 at 9:13 am #

    You realize that liking a woman isn’t a good enough reason for you to marry her, right? You realize that you actually need to get to know her first, right?

    This has been the problem with me in the past: someone assumes that because we’ve made some small talk or he’s seen me around that God destined us to be together.

    Let’s break this down:

    1. Get to know her to see if she’s worth it. If this woman was a guy, would she be in your top five? Obviously, this takes a while, so don’t just single-out one woman. Nobody can fault you for being nice to *every* woman.

    2. *Clearly* make a move. Make like the fellow directing traffic down the runway. I personally know that I can never tell, even when all the non-verbals point to someone likes me. Let the woman know that you’re kind of into her, and take her out on some low-pressure dates, if you need dates for whatever reason. Gauge whether or not the chemistry is building naturally, and (appropriately!) escalate.

    A huge problem with Christian dudes: they rush it. It comes across as shallow and also has a weird “YOU GONNA GET RAPED” :{} energy.

    I should probably give a disclaimer that I’m skeptical right now, but I love the comment section on here, so here I am.

  316. Red August 1, 2014 at 9:18 am #

    I should probably add that you’re going to want to escalate before letting her know that you’re “kinda sorta interested, because she seems like a nice person.”

  317. Red August 1, 2014 at 9:19 am #

    Just don’t be like :{}

  318. Hank Flanders August 1, 2014 at 11:46 am #

    Wow…if you had done your research, you’d know that Jacob Fink is in the very famous band Foster the…Haha…Nahhhh, I can’t do it. I do hope, though, that the people who made such comments, eventually did THEIR research by SCROLLING UP.

  319. Red August 1, 2014 at 1:00 pm #

    I can’t believe the incompetence of some idiots. Please do your research and Wikipedia “Foster the People” before making insidious, insensitive, and close-minded remarks about strong Christian women. Get your facts straight.

    Had you actually Wiki-ed what was actually going on, you’d have discovered that Fink is the greatest bass-player for the most renown and legendary band of our generation, “Foster the People.” Ironically, I wonder what you have to say to that?

    What’s more, we are to be salt and light. How does insulting one’s life decision make people feel good about themselves/ turn into Christians? How are you building people up? Instead, you’re just making people look bad, which is making you look really bad.

    I personally believe that RSJ and Jacob were brought together by God. I saw pictures of them together, and you can definitely tell they were in love in a really deep way. What’s more, they look great together. They’re the perfect ideal couple. If they made music together, it would be so epic and amazing. Or maybe they could make music with their kids.

    I hope that my comment has taught you to not mess around with really good Christian people. I’ll be praying for your hard heart to be completely surrendered to Jesus. In the mean time, watch what you say…

    (What Flanders was trying to say/ this post is fun to troll)

  320. Red August 1, 2014 at 1:24 pm #

    How not to approach a woman, by Joshua Rogers, starring a raaaaaaapist: https://community.focusonthefamily.com/b/boundless/archive/2014/07/09/what-a-single-man-can-do-when-he-39-s-attracted-to-a-woman.aspx

  321. Jess August 22, 2014 at 12:04 pm #

    Jacob has no job, hm? He’s actually the bass and backing vocals in an alternative indie band – Foster The People. So before you suggest shit about him, I suggest you do your research. I thought you Christians should “Love Thy Neighbour” obviously that’s too much for you to handle though. I hope you burn in Hell.

  322. Red August 23, 2014 at 6:31 am #

  323. Raydar October 28, 2014 at 7:49 am #

    What a snarky, mean-spirited article.

  324. clarencelumpyrutherford November 9, 2014 at 9:33 pm #

    On whether Rebecca’s man is a virgin or not, it really isn’t anyone’s business.
    Surveys show about 40% of Christians are virgins @ marriage.

    He may have been like many men, even Christian men, who was once stronger in their faith but along the way, wandered or fell.

    @26, during my first real adult relationship, I dated this 30 y.o. Christian virgin.
    Honestly, I wasn’t thinking about having sex with her and was glad to know she treated sex responsibly.
    When she learned I wasn’t like her, she literally came to tears.

    Shocked by her judgmentalism, I didn’t know what to say.
    If I’d been quick with my words, would’ve told her:

    “…Look… I’m glad you’re a virgin, especially @ your age. I really do admire and respect those who hold out. Unfortunately, I made some mistakes in my past which I really regret. Believe me, if I could go back and undo them, I would.
    “…I wasn’t some kind of player or pagan fornicator and I really don’t know much about sex. …. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve had sex into my mid-late 20s.
    We didn’t know each other then so please don’t take it personally, as if I was deliberately sinning against you. If I’d known I was to meet you…”

    I made some mistakes with my high school girlfriend before becoming of faith next year in college. Both of us knew it was wrong and I don’t take credit for deciding we needed to stop.

    In college and through most of my 20s, I lived like a “reborn virgin.”
    Don’t laugh. If women can call themselves that — so can men. :)

    I knew what sin was and in no way wanted to jeopardize a Christian woman’s morality.

    Here I was, this “Christian gentleman,” who seemed INVISIBLE to the Christian women tried to date through my late 20s.
    It breaks my heart to this day looking back how naive I was and how I almost idolized Christian women. My unrealistic views of them harmed me more than anything and now realize I made a lot of mistakes, me being a shy and unconfident guy around the women I tried to date.

    During a particular lonely and isolating time in my life @25, took advantage of a couple of “opportunities” which I knew were wrong during and after and left me feeling even worse than before. Casual sex is horrible.

    Rebecca could be showing her Christian love towards him by not holding his past against him (if he has a past). A good Christian girl (I’d hope) wouldn’t want to marry a pagan fornicator i.e. alpha male….

    Imagine there are many good Christian men out there like me who struggled and made mistakes. But watching their friends and other Christians enjoy loving relationships and feeling “left out’ or “ignored” by the sinful choices of Christian women, can affect a Christian man (or woman).

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