Most women don’t notice most men.

11 Apr

I feel like men in the manosphere often get cranky because women don’t notice them.  “I’m a good man, I want commitment, I have a good job, and I’m not a jerk,” they say – as if these qualities alone naturally draw women’s attention.  (Then there’s a lot of bluffing about asshole game, moving to Thailand or Brazil, and never getting married.)  The consensus seems to be that women go around intentionally ignoring men who don’t meet their 463-point checklist.  Foul wenches!

Truthfully, most of the time, most women don’t notice most men, and it’s not any grand feminine conspiracy.  It’s just how women are wired.  Women aren’t primarily visual, and so unless the man immediately pings on her physical attraction scale, or he does something (alpha) to attract her attention, he’s just not going to register.  And because most men are not all that physically impressive, and most men don’t ever approach women, most men are going to be passively ignored by women going about their daily activities.  It doesn’t mean that women are not amenable to being opened; it just means that women are not usually on alert for the opportunity.

The situation is different, obviously, in social situations designed to put men and women in each other’s company for the express purpose of (potentially romantic) mingling:  bars and clubs, meetup groups, church mixers, matchmaking ambushes.  In these situations, women are usually putting forth extra effort to look good themselves, and they will be much more aware of every male in their surroundings (some more than others, but there is a much greater active awareness than usual).  Also, men will tend to put more effort into their appearances in these situations, which greatly helps their ability to get noticed.

The bottom line, I suppose, is that if men want to get noticed more, they need to distinguish themselves in some way, either through physical appearance (better physique, better clothes, better hair, better accessories), or through approaching with confidence and humor.  If you dress like you shop at Kohl’s and get your hair done at Super Cuts, you have muscle tone like Jell-O, and you never try to talk to any women, and still complain that your good job isn’t turning you into the new Don Draper**, then it’s probably time to rethink your strategy.

**I just finished watching season 4 of Mad Men.  How is it possible that Don Draper is not suffering from a loathsome disease?  …Well, at least that we know of.  Although I doubt that “Don Draper’s got the herp!” is going to be a storyline any time soon.

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45 Responses to “Most women don’t notice most men.”

  1. jack April 11, 2011 at 11:41 pm #

    Your position is entirely reasonable.

    Of course, when women complain that there are “no good men”, it is a bit harder to accept this explanation.

    If women ACTUALLY wanted to get married, they would do so.

    What they actually want is to leverage their youth and looks to the maximum extent possible while the leveraging is good, and then settle for one of the aforementioned unnoticeable men.

    Although the 463-point list does have an affect, since women internalize the list and become quick as lightning in determining that 99% of men are unfit to be in proximity to their golden V.

  2. modernguy April 12, 2011 at 2:16 am #

    Two thousand years of progress and we’ve decided to throw it all away and give it up to women’s “feelings”.

    Women are looking for powerful men at a time when they’ve lifted themselves up by pushing most men down. “Where are all the real men?”. Idiots.

  3. Charles Martel April 12, 2011 at 6:06 am #

    The bottom line, I suppose, is that if men want to get noticed more, they need to distinguish themselves in some way, either through physical appearance (better physique, better clothes, better hair, better accessories), or through approaching with confidence and humor.

    These are very poignant observations. I believe someone once said that if you want the role you must play the part. Practically, this means doing as Haley suggests: learning to groom and dress oneself well and carry with a bit of poise. A bit of masculine refinement goes a long way in distinguishing oneself, especially these days!

    I would add several tangible items to Haley’s list: learn how to wear suit coats and blazers, choose clothes that fit (most men’s clothes are too big) are colorful and suited to your skin color, find a good tailor for customizations, match shirts (patterned and otherwise) with ties, choose tasteful accessories (for instance a watch, maybe even a good hat such as a fedora), consult with a stylist what kind of hair style is well-suited to the type of your hair and shape of your head, and so on.

    In my opinion it is most effective to take your cues from the dress and behaviors of men from the first half of the twentieth century.

    As far as fitness is concerned, it should not be neglected either. You don’t necessarily need to be hitting the gym everyday, but I would make the suggestion that lesser, but consistent actions accumulate to form greater consequences. Aristotle said that virtue is a habitual disposition toward the good. However, it isn’t too hard to find ways to gain good habits: walk to work instead of driving (for instance, I park at my parish in downtown Nashville and walk to the tower where I work and then back afterwards, a daily distance of about three miles), eat more salads and high fiber foods instead of hamburgers and bar food, take the stairs, take walks during lunch (which is also an excellent way to learn about the area where you work), and so on.

    The key to fitness is to have good habits. Diets are sometimes necessary, but being in shape involves more than counting calories and periodically killing your joints during a marathon or pumping iron at the gym.

    In generaly, one’s attitude should be to consistently embody the excellence of the masculine frame. Not only will it improve yourself, but you never know when and where you will meet an alluring young lady while out and about!

  4. GreenGrit April 12, 2011 at 7:13 am #

    @jack,
    Angry much?

    And yes, leveraging their looks /youth. etc is EXACTLY the mating strategy that women should use to get a husband.

    Women are picky, and can be rediculous, but not all of them have a 364 point checklist.More like 228 :p

    Remember, like attracts like.

    P.S. Im dating the most fantastic beta in the world, and couldnt be happier!

  5. Hermes April 12, 2011 at 10:00 am #

    If you dress like you shop at Kohl’s

    WTF is wrong with Kohl’s?

  6. Julie April 12, 2011 at 12:29 pm #

    Jack said: “What they actually want is to leverage their youth and looks to the maximum extent possible while the leveraging is good, and then settle for one of the aforementioned unnoticeable men.”

    You make it sounds as if this is a conscious strategy on the part of women. Honestly, when I was single and hating it, it never occured to me to look more closely at the unnoticeable men. I figured it was very important to be with someone I was passionately attracted to and emotionally/spiritully connected to….or stay single. I was not deliberately ignoring betas–it just seemed like common sense I suppose that a woman should be with someone she was excited about.

  7. Ceer April 12, 2011 at 12:34 pm #

    @Haley
    For a men’s haircut, unless it’s quite outlandish, like a mohawk or dreadlocks, is the quality of a man’s haircut REALLY all that noticeable?

    For example, can a guy have a business-suitable haircut and ALSO have a girl walk up to him and think “wow, that’s a really nice haircut”. Otherwise, haircut money might be better spent elsewhere, such as game training, gym membership, or clothes.

    @GreenGrit

    I think you’re assigning more emotion to jack’s comment than it implies. Seems to me he’s trying to point out the inconsistency between women who stay on the sidelines and do nothing to get a man (or worse, give them feminist advice) are the same ones who complain there aren’t any quality men in the world.

    For those men talking about general issues, I’d suggest you assume less emotion unless otherwise stated. It sounds to me more like you’re trying to troll him rather than add something useful to the conversation.

    The 463 bullet point checklist is a tool that allows women to screen out the men who don’t give them the tingles.

    Part of the problem with approach is that as men, we get shot down early a heck of a lot. Pretty soon, bitch shields go up, men quit trying, and people start getting older. In our culture, men just aren’t given the real training with women that the women seem to be requiring.

  8. Aunt Haley April 12, 2011 at 1:44 pm #

    GreenGrit–
    @jack,
    Angry much?

    You don’t know jack, do you? (HA. I am so punny.)

    Hermes–
    WTF is wrong with Kohl’s?

    It is the cheeseburger of Middle America’s taste in fashion.

    Ceer–
    For a men’s haircut, unless it’s quite outlandish, like a mohawk or dreadlocks, is the quality of a man’s haircut REALLY all that noticeable?

    HAIRCUTS MATTER. A man’s haircut in and of itself can make the difference between women finding him sexy and women finding him plain. Obviously, a man should take into consideration his professional needs (having a tri-colored mohawk and being an investment banker don’t really go together, for example), but even subtle hair changes can make a world of difference.

  9. modernguy April 12, 2011 at 2:20 pm #

    The problem is that women’s ideas of reality have become completely ridiculous. Newsflash: sitting on your fattening ass at the office shuffling paper and talking about tv is not what this civilization is built on, whether you’re religious or not. Neither is “investment banking”, acting, singing, or being a “PUA”. Forests need cutting, oil needs drilling, roads and buildings need to be constructed and food needs to farmed. These things are being done by men who aren’t interested or can’t afford to spend three hundred dollars on a pair of jeans and sixty on a hair “style” to stand out for vain, childish women who need to feel “passionately attracted” and “spiritually connected” to their (peacock of a) man. Those women deserve the Dolce laden PUAs they tingle for. The sooner society buries the parasitic banker and narcissistic celebrity professions at the bottom of the food chain where they belong, the better off we’ll be.

  10. Hope April 12, 2011 at 2:25 pm #

    moderman, eloquently stated and absolutely nailed it. Investment bankers are a parasite on society. Looking pretty is not a man’s job.

    And there’s nothing wrong with Kohl’s. I grew up poor, and my mom and I shopped at discount stores and church sales for used clothes. Kohl’s is quite middle class. Unless you’re in the top 5% of income and snub the “commoner,” turning down men who look “generic” is bad form.

  11. Julie April 12, 2011 at 3:08 pm #

    Is it really childish to expect to be physically attracted and emotionally connected to your husband?

    Would you marry a woman if you did not find her attractive nor could you connect with her on a deeper level?

  12. modernguy April 12, 2011 at 4:00 pm #

    @Julie

    Good point. It’s not childish, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting that. But it should be pretty obvious how much initial attraction and emotional connectedness (your “feelings”) are worth when with a little game a balding middle aged guy like Krauser, who openly admits to girls that he has a “harem” can pick up and bang attractive girls with a success rate that compared to the average joe struggling to figure out what hell women want is astronomical. It doesn’t bode well for family formation either when a guy can get everything he wants from women by playing the attraction game a little. That’s what happens when you base everything on “feelings”.

  13. Julie April 12, 2011 at 5:25 pm #

    I agree with you, modernguy. I sure wish I’d had better guidance from family, church, and culture back when I was single. Because I am now VERY happily married to a man who I think is a greater beta. No I did not fall head over heels immediately, but as I got to know him, I sure did. I would take him over a player any day–I get to be with the love of my life, and he’s also my rock and a faithful husband and father.

  14. Kathy April 12, 2011 at 6:03 pm #

    “These things are being done by men who aren’t interested or can’t afford to spend three hundred dollars on a pair of jeans and sixty on a hair “style” to stand out for vain, childish women who need to feel “passionately attracted” and “spiritually connected” to their (peacock of a) man. Those women deserve the Dolce laden PUAs they tingle for.”

    Yep, as Hope said, you “absolutely nailed it” modernguy!

    When I first met my husband, he came around to give me a quote to cover my patio area..

    He had been working (he’s a builder and designer of patios and decks) so was quite dishevelled. Hair messed up, clothes dirty..

    But, I liked him from the start..

    He had beautiful blue eyes and, was a really nice guy. Intelligent and easy to talk to. Not a sleaze.. (Though he did admit to me much later that the first thing he noticed was my big boobs.. Lol.)

    This clothes maketh the man crap is way over rated..Also what if the guy is bald? ;)

  15. Hermes April 12, 2011 at 7:34 pm #

    It is the cheeseburger of Middle America’s taste in fashion.

    When I read stuff like this, my ire is aroused in the same way that Samson’s recently was. For the past 10 years, I’ve bought most of my clothes at Kohl’s. You know, they have dress shirts. They have graphic tees and snazzy but casual shirts. I don’t buy the short-sleeve button-downs and tuck them into khakis anymore. That should be enough.

    What is a guy supposed to do, spend his entire budget at Nordstrom because girls “deserve” the guy with the most expensive name brands? The pendulum of the game community has swung way too far in the direction of saying that women’s desires are what they are, so the pragmatic man must adapt to them, therefore the man who doesn’t is a fool. We’re forgetting that women’s petulant desires are stupid and wrong. There’s absolutely no good reason for women to like the stuff they like, other than the fact that in caveman days the men who had those things produced the hardiest offspring. As Samson pointed out, in the pathetic, juvnenile world of female preferences, there’s no room for truth, honor, duty, justice. The smooth-talker (and smooth-dresser) wins. And here we have a “Christian” woman justifying it. If we had the society we should have, the kind we used to have, women would have no right or standing to expect or demand that any of their ridiculous standards be met. They would have zero opportunity to ever interact with a bad boy at all. They would be handed over by their fathers at the age of majority to good men who were considered by their elders to be good husband material, and they would have to simply suck it up. The phenomenon of women being allowed to run free with their desires is ruining us.

  16. MW April 12, 2011 at 8:04 pm #

    Q: “WTF is wrong with Kohl’s?

    HH: It is the cheeseburger of Middle America’s taste in fashion.” Tabarnak esti!! Quel horreur!!!

    How’s that 12/12 challenge coming, Hales? Haven’t heard much lately on that.

    Prolly not too many 6’3″ Zegna/Brioni investment banker/youth pastor types with an 8 fig net worth on Eharmz.

    But don’t settle! Hold out for the best man that you deserve. I’m suuuure he’s out there. Somewhere.

  17. jack April 12, 2011 at 8:33 pm #

    GreenGrit-

    If you desire to accuse me of anger or bitterness, you are way too late. The entire internet has already called me that.

    Anger is often justified, and I have summarily dismissed your comment. Thanks for playing.

  18. jack April 12, 2011 at 8:39 pm #

    “I was not deliberately ignoring betas–it just seemed like common sense I suppose that a woman should be with someone she was excited about.”

    Common sense for a foolish young girl, I suppose.

    Then exactly who will marry these betas?

    Most women are not hot enough to avoid getting a beta (for marriage). Unless you are quite hot, I would suggest that you learn to develop an appetite for beta.

    Most women have to eventually get over their appetite for sweets since they tend to get fat later in life. Same deal here – learn to like what is good for you instead of feeding your craving for fattening foods (alphas) that you should not be having anyway.

  19. Aunt Haley April 12, 2011 at 9:49 pm #

    Hermes–
    By all means, go ahead and write a melodramatic screed against women, if it makes you feel better. It’s a free country.

    There’s nothing “wrong” with Kohl’s, but it won’t get you the results that better-designed, better-made clothes will. That is the truth.

    MW–
    I haven’t had anything to report. I’m extremely un-matchable.

  20. Kathy April 12, 2011 at 10:54 pm #

    Come on now, Haley!

    Do you really think that Eve gave a fig what Adam was wearing? :D

  21. MW April 12, 2011 at 11:19 pm #

    Re: Kohls

    With a bit of experimenting, one can look sharp with clothes from almost any place. I’ve been complimented on clothes from 2nd hand and bargain stores many times. Total cost for one set: $30. No one knew the difference. Or…. if they did, it was of no consequence. It all depends on how they’re put together.

    OTOH, a man should NOT skimp on buying a good suit. It’s an investment that should last for years. A sharp, well fitting suit will turn every woman’s head. I’m a blue collar man, but clean up very well in a suit. Seen it many times. Besides, no girl can tell bespoke from off the rack.

    But… search Craigslist for used ones and you may hit paydirt. Take it to a good tailor and you may have a $1200 suit for under $300. You’d be surprised what you can find used.

    Haley, if an attractive man (tingles, yay!) opened you and held a snappy and interesting conversation, you wouldn’t care at all if he was wearing $40 wingtips from Kohls or $500 Ferragamos. I once whinged about how “everything about a man can be ascertained from his shoes”. I put this to the test wearing a well shone $5 2nd hand pair of plain black oxfords to a party. Gushing compliments left and right. Only a goldigger cares about the price/cachet of your clothes.

    Clean, no holes, ironed, proper fit and some cohesion is ALL that matters. If she “deserves” more, she’s not worth it.

  22. MW April 12, 2011 at 11:21 pm #

    HH, give Christian Cafe or even POF a try. With POF, most screening is up to you. But it’s free.

  23. Brendan April 13, 2011 at 12:01 pm #

    Kathy –

    Haley is speaking about herself here, clearly, but I think also quite a few other women in certain markets here in the US. If I am recalling correctly, Haley is in the Los Angeles area, and in LA, male beauty is quite important for a certain set of women (as the standards for female beauty are also upped there, too) — it’s probably the most superficial place in the United States, to be honest, and what you’re seeing in this post reflects the area where the poster lives and the market she is in.

    Haley –

    I completely agree that most men go un-noticed. That’s quite the eye-opener for a lot of men, I think, because we work so differently than women do. That is, men *always* notice females, regardless of the context, because men like women (i.e., find more women attractive) than vice versa, really. This difference is at the heart of the female complaints about the “objectifying male gaze” — something women don’t relate to, because, ahem, they are not men. As a man I can plainly say that every single heterosexual man of any age above puberty is constantly noticing the sex appeal (or not) of the women he encounters — socially, we learn to control that by learning not to stare (which is shamed as “leering,”, but which men, if they didn’t actively learn not to do this, naturally want to do), but we also check out the woman, very quickly. It just is so. But when it comes to women looking at men, this isn’t so at all , so they don’t understand why men sometimes struggle with this, especially in the presence of a very sexually attractive woman — because it’s an experience that is pretty much alien to women.

    Having said that, Game is much more important for a man to stand out than clothing is — in *most* places. In LA, I’d agree that male beauty is very important. But in most of the rest of the country, it’s much less important than Game, provided the man is not terribly out of shape or dressing in sweat pants and so on. Rather than constantly dropping thousands of dollars on fashionable clothes every year, a man would get more results, in most markets, by learning to up his Game in order to be the guy in the group that gets noticed by the women.

    Hermes –

    Understandable, but then again I’m guessing that you and Haley are not fishing in the same pond.

  24. The Man Who Was . . . April 14, 2011 at 9:10 am #

    For once I have to agree with Haley over Hermes. Style has substance and does say a lot about a man’s creativity and social savvy.

  25. The Man Who Was . . . April 14, 2011 at 9:12 am #

    And having style doesn’t necessarily mean spending money.

  26. Badger April 15, 2011 at 9:03 pm #

    “What is a guy supposed to do, spend his entire budget at Nordstrom because girls “deserve” the guy with the most expensive name brands? The pendulum of the game community has swung way too far in the direction of saying that women’s desires are what they are, so the pragmatic man must adapt to them, therefore the man who doesn’t is a fool”

    I think Hermes and others are totally missing the point. First, no credible game advice has recommended blowing a fat wad on designer clothes. Well-fitting non-garish wear is enough.

    Secondly, the good game teachers preach to not pay too much attention to what women say they want or like. So when someone like Haley says she has a thing against Kohl’s or other budget stores, you can damn sure 90% of that prejudice is going to disappear the moment a charming, virile man shows up wearing that stuff.

  27. Badger April 15, 2011 at 9:07 pm #

    The Man Who Was . . .,

    I agree – style shows some ability to play to the social mores and is not synonymous with conspicuous consumption.

  28. Aunt Haley April 16, 2011 at 10:19 am #

    James Bond would still have game if he wore sweatpants all the time. But James Bond in a suit is so much more tinglating.

    Women are proud to stand next to clean, honest men with jobs and a sense of humor, but they’re even MORE excited to stand next to a sharp-dressed man with all of these qualities who turns heads.

    Basically, what I’m trying to say is that small improvements to appearance can reap large rewards with women. No one is advocating bankruptcy just so you can wear Hugo Boss.

  29. Anthony April 16, 2011 at 9:56 pm #

    “most men don’t ever approach women”

    THIS.

    About 10 years ago, I was dating several women in my social circle, and flirting with several others. I heard from a female friend that a guy who wasn’t doing so well asked her “How does Anthony get all the girls”, and she replied “He asks them”. There was more to it than that, but aside from a bit of alpha attitude, he was actually a better catch than I was – a little taller, a little better-looking, made a little more money, a little more fit. He’s even funnier than I am most of the time, but he hadn’t quite learned to leverage that into getting women. I had.

    Regarding Kohl’s – there’s one in my town, which replaced Mervyn’s, where I used to shop, before it went bankrupt. I went in to buy underwear. They had a 3-pack of the very generic ones I get for $8.50. They also had cashiers slower than CVS, and a big ol’ line, so I bailed out. The next weekend, I bought a 6 pack of the exact same underwear at Target for $5. I don’t ever need to go back to Kohl’s.

  30. Badger April 16, 2011 at 10:41 pm #

    “I feel like men in the manosphere often get cranky because women don’t notice them. “I’m a good man, I want commitment, I have a good job, and I’m not a jerk,” they say – as if these qualities alone naturally draw women’s attention. ”

    You are answering your own concern here. As has been said by smarter men than me, much of the crankiness and anger you can find in men comes not from the ways women are, but the fact that men have been TOLD that women want all these markers of “being a catch,” but they’ve never been told about the tingle. That answer is so incomplete as to be tantamount to a lie, and the men’s results in the SMP prove it.

    Do people have to ask why Roissy is so revered? He tells truths that our mothers and aunts and sisters never bothered to tell us, in many cases because THEY were never let in on the truth about how they themselves work, and have been allowed to let their solipsisms run wild and infect the boys in their lives.

  31. Julie April 16, 2011 at 11:21 pm #

    And there are just as many things that women are not told about what men truly respond to. From reading various blogs, I now have a much better understanding of my experiences dating as a single woman. Things that mystified me then now make a lot more sense.

  32. Badger April 16, 2011 at 11:23 pm #

    “And there are just as many things that women are not told about what men truly respond to. From reading various blogs, I now have a much better understanding of my experiences dating as a single woman. Things that mystified me then now make a lot more sense.”

    Can you elaborate on this? Because I agree women have been fibbed to about many things regarding men, but how to attract them is not one of them in my estimation.

  33. Julie April 17, 2011 at 8:04 am #

    Well, maybe attracting them isn’t the problem. Here are some things I know now that I didn’t know during my single years:

    *Men are attracted to most women. The fact that a man is obviously attracted to me does not mean a pursuit is imminent.

    *My sexual market value was falling year after year–so pining away after one of these men who was obviously attracted but not pursuing me was a dangerous waste of time, especially considering how important it was that I have kids.

    *Naturally, I was most drawn to alphas–at least with the ones I dated, their immaturity combined with their ability to attracted women led to instability, unfulfillment and heartbreak. Someone should have educated me at a younger age–”Julie, you will probably be most drawn to X kind of men. But I urge you to consider Y kind of men–you might not fall for them right away but they will be much better husbands and fathers.” Instead, I made mistake after mistake until I wised up in my mid-twenties. It’s almost as if my brain matured at that point and I naturally began to be attracted to men who would were also mature and of high character.

    *I did not realize how important chastity was in terms of men respecting me and a relationship developing in a healthy way. Although I was a technical virgin, I cannot say I was really chaste. I was baffled when I went too far and the guy then seemed disturbed and backed away from me. I see now that I was disqualifying myself from being “wife material” due to men’s highly attuned radar from any sort of sluttiness.

    So I guess the problem was “keeping” men rather than attracting them. In the end, I had a delayed marriage and healthy kids–but that was a close call! My kids will be given better guidance that’s for sure–if things are still the same when they’re older.

  34. Hermes April 17, 2011 at 1:37 pm #

    I know it makes a difference to dress stylishly. I’m just amazed that people think they can actually tell the difference between run-of-the-mill department store brands and high-end designer wear without looking at the actual label. Maybe I have a sort of color-blindness when it comes to this stuff, but I can’t tell the difference between my suit from Men’s Wearhouse and a Versace.

  35. just passing through April 18, 2011 at 10:06 am #

    The fact that Haley is from LA does shed a bit of light on what appears to a very superficial view of relationships from a professed Christian. Between this post and the one with the photo of the two guys, I was wondering what the heck is going on with this single, Christian woman whose thinking didn’t seem to have much spiritual depth.

    I live in the South, and these things seem to have much less pull, particularly among devout, sincere Christian women. Ina world where there are few people of either gender who of marriage material, it might be wise to pray (if you’re a Christian) for a heart that sees as God sees. I’m not perfect (my spouse had a fair amount of “game” as it were) so I’m not discounting these tangibles completely. I’m simply suggesting that giving them too much weight may be a recipe for lifetime singleness.

    I’ve only read a couple of posts here, but before you take too much advice from a single person on how to snag a spouse, please keep in mind that said advice giver hasn’t accomplished the goal yet herself.

  36. Anonymous April 18, 2011 at 10:55 am #

    Just Passing Through:

    Sexual attractiveness and appearance are actually quite important parts of a romantic relationship and many devout Christians have been in such radical denial about this for such a long time that it has caused their discourse about marriage and courtship to descend deeply into obfuscation and lies.

    As has been pointed out before, style does have substance.

  37. just passing through April 18, 2011 at 11:19 am #

    Anonymous:

    If you read my comment thoroughly, you saw that I did not completely discount the things being discussed here. I even went so far as to admit that they came into play when I met my own husband.

    You’re right that the church is largely in denial about many of the issues surrounding sexuality and attraction. Much of this is hardwired in our DNA, and the way God created us to meet, come together, and continue the species.

    But shopping at Kohl’s as a sign of unsuitability as a mate? That’s pretty shallow thinking but almost any standard, but particularly from a Christian standard.

    I tend to think that an excess of exposure to pop culture and Hollywood trashiness and superficiality has caused many people to hold up an unrealistic standard of beauty and/or masculinity making it that much harder for women like Haley to meet and settle down with a good man.

    And I stand by my closing point. If you want advice on how to land a husband, find a woman who’s done it.

  38. Julie April 18, 2011 at 3:26 pm #

    Women are different too. I have friends who liked the “metrosexual” look. Personally, I have always gone for more rugged men–the kind who look like they’d enjoy camping and maybe hiking up Kilimanjaro. I also never went for shows of wealth. However, men who wanted to be missionaries or professors or camp directors caught my eye.

  39. lifeinlonglegs April 19, 2011 at 8:09 pm #

    ” giving them too much weight may be a recipe for lifetime singleness.”

    Golden! exactly.

  40. dave October 19, 2011 at 9:40 am #

    Who decided that going to Thailand or Brazil was “bluffing”? There
    are thousands of guys doing the mail order bride thing, so not all of
    them are the “losers” that you want to make them. Maybe, just maybe,
    guys can meet women from other cultures who do not even sound like Aunt Haley. American women will not notice an awful lot of really,
    good men!

  41. Jennifer October 19, 2011 at 1:35 pm #

    Missionaries and camp directors are definitely often strong and good men.

  42. Jenny Lam November 26, 2013 at 5:01 pm #

    They do. I think Brazilian women are very beautiful. They have tall figure and beautiful face. They are the most beautiful and strong women on this planet. Ladies in Brazil are stunning and appealing. They do want to see foreign men for a relationship. I think Brazilian girls are hot.

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  1. A good hairstyle success story. « Haley's Halo - April 13, 2011

    [...] the last thread, Ceer asked: For a men’s haircut, unless it’s quite outlandish, like a mohawk or dreadlocks, is the quality [...]

  2. Linkage is Good for You: Fun in the Sun Edition - April 17, 2011

    [...] Aunt Haley – “Most Women Don’t Notice Most Men.” [...]

  3. Warren Buffett on Women | Patriactionary - February 27, 2014

    […] They acquire what Roissy first called the “463 Bullet Point Checklist” for a mate; they ignore most men. As Jim once wrote: “My observation is once women stay on the carous(e)l past a certain age, […]

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