Have Game and stay out of a stalker journal.

8 Feb

In the dating thread on one of the message boards I read, a board member posted that for some reason, the majority of men she goes on dates with turn out to be hardcore conservatives.  While she, presumably a liberal, claims not to mind this, the most recent man she’s dated is anti-Obama, anti-government, and owns a lot of guns.  He also subjects her to his views but won’t listen to hers.**  After he called for a fourth date, OP declined, citing their views as being too different.

Sir Libertarian didn’t read this as a rejection and instead began calling and leaving Facebook messages stating his belief that they are perfect for each other and that she’ll come around.

OP says that she has been ignoring him but is now afraid that he will start coming to her house, even though he has never been to her house before.  (He happens to know one of her neighbors.)  OP has sent one message to Sir Lib to stop messaging her, but he hasn’t stopped.  OP then asks the board for advice on how to protect herself.

So far there has only been one response***, which was to start keeping a Stalker Journal immediately.  Responder advised OP to (a) keep every single message exchanged between them, (b) to threaten him with going to the authorities if he doesn’t stop, and (c) to go to the authorities if threats don’t work.

It should be obvious to all the regulars around these parts that Sir Lib’s true problem wasn’t that he had conservative beliefs, but that he just wasn’t a sexy alpha.  He had enough rudimentary game to make it to a third date with OP, but not enough game to make his holding of conservative beliefs attractive to OP, or to enact radio silence when OP rejected him.  In bombarding OP with what I presume to be teasing admonitions that she’ll come around, Sir Lib came off as needy, and therefore beta, and therefore scary.  (Men should not be afraid of women complaining that a man didn’t want to be friends/stopped all contact after a breakup.  A woman can curse your existence up and down for such jerkiness, but the more she curses you, the more she is secretly attracted to your alpha non-neediness.  If you ever had a chance with a woman, sometimes falling off the face of the planet is the best way to get her back.)

But all of this is elementary stuff.  I think the more troublesome issue in the above scenario is that OP fears Sir Lib and that she is being advised to keep a Stalker Journal.  This is not to say that stalking is not a real phenomenon or that there are never situations where such action is warranted, but as far as I can tell, Sir Lib hasn’t made threats to OP or written weird or disturbing things to her.  By her own admission, he has never shown up at her house.  Furthermore, OP says that their last date was last week, so it’s not like this has been going on for that long.  But Sir Lib’s beta behavior (and ten bucks says he thinks he’s full of alpha swagger) is enough to inspire fear.

There are some here who consistently pooh-pooh Game and think it’s a big joke, but the above scenario, which I don’t think is an uncommon occurrence, negates that.  Sir Lib, if he doesn’t get it together, could find himself under investigation by the police, and all because he didn’t have Game; well, maybe not Game moves so much as inner Game.  But inner Game is a huge part of having Game at all.  We like to gnash our teeth over alphas getting all the breaks, but I think the above scenario shows how having Game can save your life and reputation.

By the way, in defense of OP – Sir Lib seems to be someone she didn’t know well prior to going out with him.  Since his character was unvetted, it’s natural for her to jump to the worst conclusion in the name of self-preservation.  When it comes to strange men, women are taught to err on the side of caution.  (Not that women err that way too much when the guy is a sexy alpha, BUT.)

**He probably just didn’t listen the right way, not that he didn’t listen at all.

***Since I began writing this post, there have been two more responses, both agreeing wholeheartedly about the Stalker Journal.

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20 Responses to “Have Game and stay out of a stalker journal.”

  1. Anon February 8, 2012 at 3:25 pm #

    She may have rejected him because he wasn’t what she was looking for, but his persistence after she has said no, is scaring her.

    I’d be interested in how you would advise your mother / daughter / sister in handling the situation.

  2. ASDF February 8, 2012 at 3:54 pm #

    I doubt he poses an actual danger to her, but bombarding her with e-mails (if he is actually doing so) is definitely getting into the weird zone.

  3. y81 February 8, 2012 at 4:26 pm #

    I think this new concept of “inner Game” amounts basically to a repudiation of the whole “Game” concept. Roissy has made it clear that in his schema, intelligent men with good jobs, pleasant-looking girlfriends, and a high level of psychological security are “greater betas.” That was his exact characterization of Will Wilkinson. To have “Game” and be an “alpha,” you have to be psychologically manipulative, not just psychologically well-adjusted.

  4. Marvin the Martian February 8, 2012 at 5:41 pm #

    Forget the journal, buy a gun.

    Sir Lib is an idiot. No woman is worth harassing into cooperation. Women who yield to harassment merely prove that “no” means “yes,” and encourage men to harass more.

    “Game,” “alpha,” and “beta” are all irrelevant. If it is right, they will know when they first meet. Otherwise, it’s a waste of time to continue meeting. I think they both have much to learn about dating.

  5. Rum February 8, 2012 at 5:58 pm #

    I am having a really hard time thinking of scenarios where the dear lady could explain actually shooting this guy. If you know someone already, violence is likely to be interpreted by the law as fighting and fighting is a crime. Executing someone for “being weird” is also problematic if you are not completely trapped and in danger. And it unlikely that the family of this guy will easily be brought around to the view that he deserved to die. What sort of long term protection does she have?

  6. Aunt Haley February 8, 2012 at 7:22 pm #

    Anon–
    I would advise him to take out a full-page ad in the local paper. Then compose a song and make a YouTube video.

    ASDF–
    It’s a little weird, but since we don’t know what he was writing to her or what she was writing back, it’s hard to say how weird. But it is clear that he hasn’t written anything threatening or disturbed.

    Rum–
    Who said anything about shooting?!

  7. Doc February 8, 2012 at 10:10 pm #

    The problem wasn’t that he had views that disagreed with hers, it’s that he didn’t require her to taste some of the excitement of trying new (to her) things. I once dated a Vegan who loved to make me dinner – since I don’t eat rabbit food, it was something I knew would force her to do new things. A porter-house tastes a lot better when purchased, and prepared by a Vegan.

    This guy should have taken her to the pistol range, challenged her physically as well as intellectually to show how the things in his life are sweeter, and just more fun. I will never be accused of being liberal, but I enjoy liberal women who aren’t used to a man calling bull-shit when they spout it. They are used to tree-huggers who think that agreeing with a woman is attractive – it isn’t.

    Of course, he is breaking the first rule – never chase a woman. Let her come to you. Stories like the above just make me shake my head and wonder what happened to the men in this country? There are more women available then I’ll ever be able to get to – why would any man waste his time on any one?

  8. Smithborough February 9, 2012 at 3:45 am #

    Poor guy.

    Looks like he really liked her, then when she split up with him and offered the excuse of their political differences he was naive enough to believe her.

    He launched an ill advised strategy for getting her back and now he is at risk of getting a criminal record for bad dating technique….

  9. Abides February 9, 2012 at 6:23 am #

    When it comes to strange men, women are taught to err on the side of caution.

    The logic is typically feminine and it is: better safe than sorry. This usually escalates into a woman has a right to feel safe, she can never be too safe, and then this evolves into men presumed guilty until proven innocent, and then into certainly guilty because the testimony of the victim is proof of the crime in itself, and that it is better that 10 innocent men be convicted than 1 guilty one left free to threaten women, to castrating or killing a man after some past threatening behavior being self-defense, and then to proposals to abort almost all male fetuses, before they can grow up to can unleash their viciousness on women victims.

    It is the theory that males are monstrous beasts always on the verge of being rabidly violent against women, held back only by the threat of punishment, and they should be put down at the first sign that they might be dangerous. Just like dark-skinned men were lynched at the first sign that they might be less than docile, to teach the others a lesson. Except that all men now are considered dark-skinned beasts.

    his persistence after she has said no, is scaring her. I’d be interested in how you would advise your mother / daughter / sister in handling the situation.

    That’s how the situation is perceived by “right thinking” people: just find a way to put down the rabid monster, he could be a risk to someone I want to protect. Better safe than sorry. Every man is potentially rapist and murderer and paedophile and terrorist, and you can never be too safe, so the best thing is to lynch any man that shows the slightest sign of being a risk. Women have a right to feel safe, …

  10. Samson J. February 9, 2012 at 6:38 am #

    Beta: clumsily haranguing your date with your politics.

    Alpha: understanding that over time, if she likes you, she will subconsciously internalize your views.

  11. y81 February 9, 2012 at 8:11 am #

    I would think having strong political views–whether or not you harangue you date with them–would be a severe DLV. Normal people find politics mildly boring and repellent, and girls mostly want to date “normal” guys.

    Maybe if some manosphere denizens recognized this, they would have more success.

  12. Anonymousdog February 9, 2012 at 12:46 pm #

    “Normal people find politics mildly boring and repellent”

    And then they b*tch about the people who get elected.

  13. Anonymousdog February 9, 2012 at 12:50 pm #

    And I have to further speculate that apathy about politics is a Beta characteristic: Not caring about it means that someone else(who does care) will be setting the policies which will affect YOU. Apathy = not dominant.

  14. van Rooinek February 9, 2012 at 2:57 pm #

    Rule one: never date liberals.

  15. van Rooinek February 9, 2012 at 3:02 pm #

    Suggest you post at the board, a countersuggestion: She needs to be VERY CLEAR that she wants him out of her life. Clear but polite.

    “Look, we’re just not right for each other, and I’m not going to date you again. And frankly, we really aren’t friend material either. So PLEASE stop calling, stop emailing, stop contacting me. I would really rather not make this a police matter.”

    If he is sane, this will make him go away without ruining his life. Whereasa restraining order has all kinds of nasty legal ramifcations and really could ruin his life… and if he’s even a little bit unbalanced, that could CREATE a danger that wasn’t there before.

  16. Anon February 12, 2012 at 5:22 pm #

    No one is suggesting that the man should be “put down”, but it’s bad advice for *anyone* to drop their guard when they are feeling uncomfortable with unwanted attention.

  17. Professor Mentu February 12, 2012 at 7:27 pm #

    Normally articles like this piss me off, but a year ago I started working with a lot of young men (age 18 to 24) and I was surprised how obsessed they get over women.

    Some of their banter was down right stalkerish. Honestly, I didn’t even know it existed. I’m forwarding this article on to those who really, really freaking need it.

  18. Jennifer February 13, 2012 at 12:39 pm #

    Amen. Marvin.

    Yes Haley, this is the kind of crap I find nonsensical. It’s a simple rule of maturity: relate your beliefs calmly and without a domineering air. And try following the law; this case was laughably simple.

  19. Aunt Haley February 16, 2012 at 7:45 pm #

    Update on Sir Lib:
    He sent OP not-roses flowers on Valentine’s Day at her workplace. OP is going to have one of the attorneys she works for draft a C&D stating that if Sir Lib doesn’t quit, they will report him to the police.

    I’m starting to think that Sir Lib is just enjoying the chase.

  20. Jennifer February 19, 2012 at 7:39 pm #

    Sounds like it. ‘Least he’s not getting his feelings hurt.

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