“I find men who love the Church to be attractive.”

18 Aug

Just read this most hamsterrific of comments over at Boundless in their current podcast thread about what makes guys hot.  (I know, I know.)

Whenever women say things like this, you have to add the phrase “who are already attractive to me” behind the word “men.”  Because there’s just no way this woman would say this and actually mean it if the guy were, say:

  • 35, unemployed, and still living with his parents
  • fat and unfunny
  • had been turned down by most of the women in the singles group

But oh, boy, does he love Jesus and giving of his time to the Church!  HUBBA HUBBA!  (<– That’s for you, Dalrock.)

I just had a friend who last year cut things off with a guy because he didn’t have a decent job and didn’t seem to be doing much to find one…but he loved to talk about his faith and how he wanted to get more involved in service and outreach!  I mean, this guy made mix CDs of worship songs for her to listen to in the car, and even made one for ME even though I had only met him once.  So let’s just forget this idea that it’s HOTT to love God and that one trait settles the question of hotness once and for all.

For any Christian woman, the guy has to have a suite of attractiveness traits FIRST.  THEN he also has to love God.  More Christian women will stay with a lukewarm/nominal Christian guy who is attractive than they will ever go for a super devout Christian guy who isn’t attractive.  Just like Christian guys don’t go for Christian women first and foremost on account of their character, Christian girls don’t go for Christian guys first and foremost on account of their love of God/evangelism/service/kids/heterosexual marriage/pro-liferism/Africa/creationism/Axe body spray.  Welllll, that last one’s a toss-up.  I’ve seen the commercials.

Anyhow, to anyone well-traveled in these corners, this isn’t Brand New Information!! (/Phoebe on Friends), but I figured that blog comment was reason enough for the re-tread.

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24 Responses to ““I find men who love the Church to be attractive.””

  1. Brian August 18, 2012 at 5:53 pm #

    I have been lurking at your blog, Dalrock’s, and others for nearly a year now. I am in the process of swallowing that red pill. One thing I have learned above all else though is that whenever a girl says what she wants in a man, the unspoken phrase “who are already attractive to me” is *always* there.

  2. furiousferret August 18, 2012 at 7:41 pm #

    Everybody already knows this anyway at least at some level. It’s just the honey sacchrine drenched culture of no church actually speaking the honest truth. Churchians have absorbed everybody must get medals mentality as well. It hurts everybody expect the attractive who succeed despite the doctrine not because of it.

  3. Hermes August 18, 2012 at 8:58 pm #

    I’ve tried Axe body spray. The only noticeable reaction came from a male friend, who said I smelled like a teenage girl.

  4. herbie31 August 19, 2012 at 8:12 am #

    Yeah, I use Axe too…doesn’t seem to work like the commercial suggests…may have to cake it on a little thicker – or go old school with the Aqua Velva or Old Spice.

  5. Samson J. August 19, 2012 at 11:59 am #

    Axe is violently disgusting, and you deserve a disease if you wear it.

    “I find men who love the Church to be attractive.”

    “The facial hair thing is funny to me because I’ve never given it any thought until a couple weeks ago when my bofriend sort of asked my permission to keep the beard he grew on a camping trip.”

  6. herbie31 August 19, 2012 at 12:06 pm #

    Axe is violently disgusting, and you deserve a disease if you wear it.

    Don’t hold back. Whattaya really think about it?

  7. Frank Wunder August 19, 2012 at 5:55 pm #

    Loving the church and loving God are two totally different things, are they not?

    Obviously this then leads to the discussion of can a person be a Christian without going to church. Another silly thing to get upset over, but I digress.

    This is a great post because it challenges the cultural ideal that “completeness” is somehow achieved when enough pieces are fit together and working correctly. And it doesn’t help that a lot of older church going generations hold these generalizations as something that is necessary for…completeness.

    The idea of completeness, to me, is too similar tot he idea of perfection and that it can somehow be achieved and kept, when the opposite is true.

    We’re far too addicted to images and the ideals that they supposedly carry with them, when far too often an image is simply just that: an image with no real or lasting basis in reality.

    Do I grieve for the single men and women who love God, but doesn’t measure up to the images desired by others?

    I absolutely do grieve for them.

    I’m not a vengeful person, but I think that people who chase illusions with the hopes that they’ll turn out to be real do come to regret their decisions.

  8. 39joshua August 19, 2012 at 7:20 pm #

    It seems to me that the young man in question was not even being faithful to God, since he was not interested in truly providing for a would-be wife by getting a good job.

  9. FNG August 20, 2012 at 9:59 am #

    You’re right on, Haley, with the “that I already find attractive” bit. I was the oldest, never-married man in a singles group once and got to watch it play out over and over. The studs pulled it in like bandits and the schlubs were invisible to all but the most..ahem, ample..of the girls. Didn’t understand red pill then, but now it makes so much sense. The church is clueless if not totally infested by fem-centric concerns.

  10. Strong Man August 20, 2012 at 3:11 pm #

    Here’s where I believe the key to the loving church thing comes from (From the comments on Boundless:

    “I think that one of the most attractive qualities in a man is a confidence in who he is in God. Not cocky, but self-assured and secure in who he is and what he can provide to others.”

    It’s back to that good-old confidence thing. Men who know who they are, what they want, and where they are going are attractive. Church is just one example of that–and a good source of confidence if a man is real about his activity.

    It’s kind of like a man saying he likes a woman because she’s “nice, friendly, intelligent.” The good-looks are an automatic given–of COURSE she’s good-looking also.

  11. Aunt Haley August 20, 2012 at 3:47 pm #

    It’s kind of like a man saying he likes a woman because she’s “nice, friendly, intelligent.”  The good-looks are an automatic given–of COURSE she’s good-looking also.

    I don’t think this is self-evident to young people raised in churches that teach that character is the primary source of beauty and that the bulk of your efforts should go to character and not appearance.

  12. Mark Slater August 20, 2012 at 8:14 pm #

    Aunt Haley said:
    “I just had a friend who last year cut things off with a guy because he didn’t have a decent job and didn’t seem to be doing much to find one…but he loved to talk about his faith and how he wanted to get more involved in service and outreach!”

    Look, I’m all man (in case you’ve heard otherwise), and I’m well aware of the duplicity of the modern female — even church ones. Still, I can’t help but feel some sympathy for truly decent and attractive girls who rightly claim that “there are no good men” when all they see is the Churchy-le-Femme types described above.

    If these guys were as absorbed in the whole “church” thing as they claim to be, then surely this would manifest itself in the masculine virtues found in God’s Word; like boldness, thrift, and industriousness. In many cases, it doesn’t seem to.

  13. Frank Wunder August 21, 2012 at 10:04 am #

    Mark Slater:

    I agree with you wholeheartedly.

    Another fact I like to keep in mind is that if we take original sin seriously then the entire premise that there is a perfect relationship or perfect person is complete nonsense and to even think that anyone can even get close to what perfect is just a recipe for failure. I think that is why a lot of young Christians who graduate from high school and go to college just lose their sense of direction: the ideal that they probably grew up thinking was attainable turns out to be a very nice and comforting illusion.

    No doubt there are a lot of great and well adjusted, God blessed relationships and marriages and as much as I like to poke fun at the 1950′s and the “Andy Griffith Show’ way of life, to their credit previous generations stood by the ideal that they would do the best with what they had.

    I think the current and generations have become too addicted to the image of what an “ideal” Christian mate has been presented as without taking into consideration that we’re all defective and no one of us will ever or could ever reach a state of perfection in this lifetime.

    I used to despair over the fact that a lot of the pretty Christian people got married to one another while they in college and looked so good doing it. A lot of them realized that marriage, kids and post-college life wasn’t as glamorous as it may have seemed. I’m not a vengeful person, but I can’t lie that I wasn’t somewhat amused at how the perfect, pretty Christian couple didn’t quite fit the image that they had when I had last known them.

    We’re broken people living and working with broken tools and it’s silly to think that we can fit the images that we are shown.

  14. Strong Man August 21, 2012 at 1:40 pm #

    Haley–perhaps there are some men so buried in church “love the character” and “looketh upon the heart, and not on the outward appearance” idea–as we’re taught in the story of Samuel choosing David as the next king.

    But, where I am, I don’t see the overweight girls getting a lot of dates. I doubt that church teaching is enough to actually overcome the reality of biology and physical hormones. I do suspect many overweight women have convinced themselves that men don’t care that much about appearance. But, I doubt they’re right.

    I personally fully believe in judging by character. But I married a good-looking woman.

  15. Dalrock August 21, 2012 at 2:41 pm #

    But oh, boy, does he love Jesus and giving of his time to the Church! HUBBA HUBBA! (<– That’s for you, Dalrock.)

    Thanks Haley! Made me laugh. I take it you cringe every time you hear/read that particular bit of Christianese like I do.

  16. sunshinemary August 21, 2012 at 4:23 pm #

    1. I used to be a small group leader for the Tuesday morning women’s Bible study, and I always led the study for women married to non-believers (my husband is a Christian now, but wasn’t for a while after I accepted Christ). I thought most of the women would be wives who had been non-believers and married other non-believers and then had become Christians. I thought wrong. Most of the women had been Christians BEFORE marrying their non-believing husbands. After a few years, thing weren’t going so well in their marriages…So, I don’t know who all these Christian girls are who find love of God to be so highly attractive in a man, but none of them seem to go to my church.

    2. I used my husband’s Axe body wash in the shower the other day because I ran out of mine. I was a little worried when I read the promise on the back of the bottle about “Unlimited Female Attention.” I can report that no women hit on me. Save your money, gentleman.

  17. ornamentalwomanhood August 22, 2012 at 8:40 pm #

    Amen Joshua.

    I’m not denying that there may have been some superficial reasoning involved… however, this is also practical in the same way that wanting a spouse who takes good care of themselves is practical (they are more likely to make a good partner and parent).

    There is nothing in the Bible about making mixed CDs… (which is a nice thing to do and commendable!) but much is said about a man who does not provide for his own family.

    See 2 Thessalonians 3:10, 1 Tim 5:8 for example.

  18. antipasknight August 24, 2012 at 7:12 am #

    “There is nothing in the Bible about making mixed CDs… (which is a nice thing to do and commendable!) but much is said about a man who does not provide for his own family.”

    I would be curious to know his situation and previous history. Given the amount of information it is too difficult to draw a conclusion.

    Quite often God humbles a person to learn dependance on Him and refine the person (Remember Job ??? In addition Paul finally need a gift Phil 4:14-19)
    Jesus, John Baptist, Peter and the bulk of the apostles didn’t have jobs either.
    I seriously doubt the Christian church would recognize a real apostle or prophet today.

    Btw, Dorca didn’t do much but she was sorely missed when she was gone (Acts 9).

  19. jlw September 28, 2012 at 9:22 pm #

    Because there’s just no way this woman would say this and actually mean it if the guy were, say: 35, unemployed, still living with his parents, fat and unfunny, [and] had been turned down by most of the women in the singles group.”

    Don’t forget “short, ugly and poor.”

    Some guys are just screwed. There’s nothing they can do. Self-help sites rarely admit this.

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