…you ask her out and she needs to pray about it before giving you an answer.
…she never talks to you at churchly singles mingles without a
less attractive, more boring, more annoying female friend around.
…she only invites you to group activities.
…she is popular at church and you are not.
…she tells you you’re a “great guy.”
…she tells you that so many girls are looking for a godly guy like you.
…she puts you on the prayer team tree and you’re not the person she’s supposed to call.
…she praises the worship leader/hot missionary/Habitat for Humanity organizer’s “servant’s heart” too much.
…the pastor instructs everyone to reach across the aisle for prayer and you get to hold her hand only to find out it’s cold and limp and she doesn’t give a quick, churchly squeeze at “amen.”
…she calls you a brother in Christ.
…you have long, straight hair clipped back by a barrette.
…you own a long, denim skirt.
…you have ever had a quilted Bible cover with handles.
…you’ve never worn heels higher than 1 1/2 inches.
…you don’t see the need to wear makeup.
…the only young women’s magazine you’ve ever subscribed to is Brio.
…you volunteer in the church nursery/teach Sunday school to toddlers.
…you love heartwarming Hallmark movies, the Anne of Green Gables movie, and the 1995 BBC version of Pride and Prejudice.
…you’ve ever loved a Janette Oke novel.
…you memorized a raft of Bible verses to earn a scholarship for Christian summer camp.
…you have pledged to have your first kiss on your wedding day.
…you wear a Wordless Bracelet when none of the popular kids do.
…you bought a T-shirt at a Point of Grace concert.
…Elisabeth Elliot, Shaunti Feldhahn, and Stasi Eldredge are some of your favorite authors.
…your first celebrity crush was Michael W. Smith or Steven Curtis Chapman.
…the only social topic that gets you more fired up than abortion is evolution.
…you feel uncomfortable in shirts without sleeves.
The folks who made Fireproof, about an alpha firefighter who was an inadequate husband, are returning this fall with Courageous, a new film about a group of alpha policemen who are inadequate dads. Judging by the trailer, it looks like this movie, like its predecessor, features a Sage Black Guy who points the Struggling White Guys to God. Ten bucks says this will be another box office hit.
Suggestions for future movies:
- White mom who is stretched too thin between work and kids gets advice from Sage Black Churchgoing Neighbor and learns to let God make her husband a better husband.
- White teen girl who is tempted by alpha jocks gets advice from Sage Black Churchgoing Friend and learns to let God be her one true love.
- Pregnant white teen girl is encouraged by evil public school counselor and pushy nonbeliever parents to get an abortion, but after talking to a Sage Black Churchgoing Lady, learns to value life as God values life.
- White male business/land owner struggling to make ends meet is approached by unsavory investors to start a casino or strip club, but gets advice from Sage Black Churchgoing Employee and learns to let God provide instead.
- Politically powerful white male racist has the opportunity to create more oppression for people of color, but after an encounter with a Sage Black Churchgoer in great financial need, learns to be colorblind as God is colorblind.
- White male missionary is discouraged after not seeing conversion results, but after an encounter with a Sage Black Local with great faith, learns to have same faith.
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY, READERS!