How to ask a girl out on a date.

29 Mar

My favorite love-to-hate Christian singles blog, Boundlessline, has done it again with a post on how to ask a girl on a date.  The poster, Ted Slater, recounts how he stealth group-dated his now-wife before asking her if she would “consider being in a relationship with [him].”  After asking for time to think about it, she came back to him a couple days later and said she would “enter into a courtship” with him.  Ted then asked the readership for suggestions on how to ask a girl out and what activities might make a great first date.

Predictably, the comments contain some horrible beta-boy ideas.

Here’s what the first commenter, David, said:

The best way I have found is to ask:

“Do you want to go on a date?”

Then figure it out from there.

Nothing sets a woman’s heart aflame for a man like a deflated, limp-wristed question that gives all of the power to the woman.  Men, if you want to show leadership and intentionality (the apogées of desirable masculine traits in the evangelical community), you cannot “respect” a woman’s wishes in this way.  What this question really means is, “Please take control of the direction of our relationship.”  Does that sound like leadership or intentionality?  (Answer:  NO.)  It also puts the woman in the difficult position of either squirming to find a way not to be forward about her interest if she wants to date you, or squirming to find a way to reject you politely if she doesn’t.  Neither choice is ideal.  Now, obviously, David must be finding some degree of success with this game plan, or he wouldn’t have recommended it, but it’s not a tactic that will make a woman more attracted to the man who uses it.  Only a girl with preexisting interest in the guy would tolerate being asked out in this manner…well, that or she’s desperate to land any date at all.

Here is a better way to ask a girl out:

  1. Decide when and where you want to take her.
  2. Go up to her and say, “I want to take you on a date to [place] on [day of the week].  I’ll pick you up at [time].  Your friends and your dad think this is a great idea.”

In three little sentences, you have demonstrated leadership (you are setting the agenda), intentionality (you’ve made it clear it’s a date), and charm (you are gently poking fun at the current courtship craze in evangelicalism, as well as a woman’s propensity to consult her friends’ opinions on all the decisions she makes).  See?  It’s not that hard.  The reason this approach works and is superior to David’s suggestion is that the vast majority of women find masculine confidence irresistible.  When you show a woman that you’re a man with a plan, and that plan includes her, she’ll go a little weak in the knees and, when you’re not around, squeal in delight to her jealous girlfriends.

Do note:  If you have demonstrated high social value to the girl already (e.g., you are handsome, charming, stable, popular with children, kind to old, disabled, and retarded people, able to quote Bible verses by memory, not afraid to pray in front of a group, a veteran of missions trips, a porn-denouncer, a worship leader who plays an instrument or two, a Bible study leader, and a regular volunteer for service projects and other church activities), you can probably ask the girl out cold and get a yes for an answer.  If your credentials are a little less sterling, you should build enough of a rapport with her first so that she doesn’t think you’re creepy and/or desperate.  But the minute you know she’s not scared of you, you should make your move.  (This helps keep you out of the Friend Zone.  As everyone knows, once you’ve been placed in the Friend Zone, it is very difficult to get out of it.)

Be bold.  Be brave.  Be direct.  Be calm.  Be prepared for rejection.

But be more prepared for success.


10 Responses to “How to ask a girl out on a date.”

  1. Kevin Robinson April 13, 2010 at 8:31 pm #

    On what basis are you going to tell the male followers of a pussified religion to not be pussies? That game is over before it even starts.

  2. Aunt Haley April 13, 2010 at 11:01 pm #


    First of all, Christianity is not about being a “pussy.” If you think true Christianity makes wimps of men, you misunderstand the faith. American Christianity is plagued by the culture – particularly the influence of feminism – but cultural influence has been an issue ever since Christianity’s earliest days. Furthermore, “pussification” is not a Christian issue so much as a cultural issue. As far as I can tell, there are plenty of secular men and men of other faiths with the same problem.

    Second, do you think it’s a bad idea that there is information available to Christian men on how to do something as simple as ask a woman on a date? As with all advice, it’s up to the listener to take it or leave it.

  3. Kevin Robinson April 14, 2010 at 4:34 pm #

    Please. Jesus preached meekness, non-judgementalism, non-violence, poverty, passivity, and non-resistance to evil. That is the paragon of a pussy. If you want masculine, assertive men, you are in the wrong place and the wrong religion. In the United States every aspect of feminism’s nefarious impact could disappear tomorrow and you would still have Christian males indistinguishable from their feminist-influenced buddies.

    Feminism has undoubtedly contributed to men in the West, religious and non-religious, becoming COMPLETELY vaginized, but that is only because Christianity is a wimpy, wimpy religion in the first place. Could feminism ever take root in the Middle East? Hell no, because Islam is a vicious and bigoted religion which places men above women, point blank period.

  4. Aunt Haley April 14, 2010 at 4:45 pm #

    Kevin, you are continuing to show your ignorance about Christianity. You may take your anger elsewhere.

  5. Chris July 21, 2010 at 1:55 am #


    Anybody who physically whipped a bunch of storekeepers, and intimidated the security (The temple DID have guards) ain’t a wimp.

    But… woueld be condemned by the liberals who run the mainline church.

    @Aunt… as a 50 yr old solo Dad, my priority is my Kids. As I live in a small town, there are very, very few women who are sane, trying to be Godly, and are unattached. And I want to know a person — from work, from church, from hobbies — and have a sense they are OK before I would ask them out.

    For Dinner. Not a Date.

  6. CSPB February 17, 2011 at 12:33 pm #

    How to get a woman’s phone number:
    Don’t ask but TELL

    Get a pen, and a piece of paper. Or take out your wallet and make a little show of trying to give her your business card, but don’t. Place it face down on a table and take the pen and hold it up and say “Write down your phone number.” Then pick it up and put it in your pocket. Make her ask for your phone number or business card. She will, since she already gave you her number. It is predictable, have faith that it will work.

    Requesting by telling is powerful and she still has the option to refuse. The other beauty of this is that you start the routine that other guys do but you change the ending which introduces a tiny bit of shock and adventure. A story with a different ending.

  7. rich December 15, 2013 at 12:31 pm #

    i made a video on this topic


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