Scenario: when phone calls don’t turn into dates.

26 Apr

Scenario*:

You are a twentysomething single woman.  You attend a weekly activity with other single young people.  One of those other young people is a young man.  (Let’s call him Flint.)

Flint sends you a lot of messages over Facebook, and you reciprocate.  You find yourself developing feelings for Flint.

You and Flint graduate to phone conversations which run long.  Flint expresses interest in you.  You invite Flint to a backyard barbecue with your family.  Flint attends and is a perfect gentleman.

You continue to have long phone conversations with Flint.  Finally you ask Flint what’s going on – is he ever going to ask you out like he’s been talking about?  You are abashed when Flint sounds genuinely taken aback and answers, “Eventually.”

Your friends advise you to cut off communication with Flint and go fishing in better waters, but you see Flint every week at your regular activity which you are very committed to.

What’s your next step?

(*This scenario is based on a real life situation where the single young people activity is a Bible study.  However, I think that has little bearing on what’s going on overall and the dynamics apply to any sort of regular coed group activity, Christian or not.)

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2 Responses to “Scenario: when phone calls don’t turn into dates.”

  1. Will S. May 3, 2010 at 7:25 am #

    I stopped having ordinary friendships with single young women, when I realized I always found it agonizing if I felt attracted to the woman in question but knew she didn’t reciprocate, or I was worried that a woman I wasn’t attracted to beyond being friends, might want more (which I have perceived to be the case sometimes). I either ask out single young women, or have nothing to do with them outside of a group setting (like a Bible Study / fellowship group); I have close male friends, I don’t need close female friends; not worth the hassle. I am a lot less stressed, and I don’t feel I’m taken advantage of or taking advantage of others, since implementing this. I highly recommend it, for members of both sexes.

  2. Aunt Haley May 3, 2010 at 10:34 am #

    Will – totally agreed.

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