Where the boys are…I think.

9 May

One of the big frustrations of single Christian women is that single Christian men are scarce.  By “single Christian men,” I mean men who are active, practicing, unmarried Christians who attend church regularly, not Chreasters or “I go to church when I remember…once every three months…if I’m not too hungover.”  (It seems silly to have to qualify this, but based on the adventures of one of my friends with eHarmony, it’s necessary.)  I was going to write up a post discussing where the boys might be and all of the related pros and cons, but then I figured that a table would be far easier to digest.  (Plus, I love tables.)

LOCATION PROS CONS
The church you attend Preselection/social proof

Likelihood of agreement on core beliefs

Fierce competition

Overfamiliarity

Post-college, usually all the “good ones” are taken

Another church Fresh dating pool Lack of social proof/preselection unless you commit time to small group/social events

Fierce competition

Post-college, usually all the “good ones” are taken

Christian organization Fresh dating pool

Preselection/social proof

Male Christian workers are almost always married or already in a relationship leading to marriage

Fierce competition

Post-college, usually all the “good ones” are taken

Random encounter Intrigue of new/unknown Lack of social proof/preselection

“Good ones” not a very large percentage of population, decreasing likelihood of random meeting

Post-college, usually all the “good ones” are taken

Christian blog comments Can get to know each other through the exchange of ideas without bringing looks into the equation

Already have a common interest

May be separated by a lot of physical distance

Willingness to relocate could be an issue

Person’s real-life personality might be different from online personality

Person’s looks might kill all of the attraction

Friend and relative network People already know you and (hopefully) what would make a good match for you

Familial/friend-based preselection/social proof – person is already vetted

Person will actually be single and available

People may not know you and your preferences well enough

Pressure of expectations

Family and friends lack connections

LOCATION

PROS

CONS

The church you attend

Preselection/social proof

Likelihood of agreement of core beliefs

Fierce competition

Overfamiliarity

Post college, usually all the “good ones” are taken

Another church

Fresh dating pool

Lack of social proof/preselection unless commit time to small group/social events

Fierce competition

Post college, usually all the “good ones” are taken

Christian organization

Fresh dating pool

Preselection/social proof

Male Christian workers are almost always married or already in a relationship leading to marriage

Fierce competition

Post college, usually all the “good ones” are taken

Random encounter

Intrigue of new/unknown

Lack of social proof/preselection

“Good ones” not a very large percentage of population, increasing unlikelihood of random meeting

Post college, usually all the “good ones” are taken

Christian blog comments

Can get to know each other through the exchange of ideas without bringing looks into the equation

Already have a common interest

May be separated by a lot of physical distance/willingness to relocate may become an issue

Person’s real-life personality might be different from online personality

Person’s looks might kill all of the attraction

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13 Responses to “Where the boys are…I think.”

  1. Will S. May 10, 2010 at 9:06 am #

    Good stuff. As a single Christian man, my version of this table (where the single Christian girls would be) would be almost exactly the same, except of course that instead of preselection / social proof (much less important to men), I might have instead something like “possibility of evaluation through church-based fellowship activities / knowing parents and siblings”, etc.

  2. Aunt Haley May 10, 2010 at 2:35 pm #

    I think a lot of single Christian women would contend that there are MANY available women at church. However, many refuse to acknowledge the reality of how age, looks/weight, personality issues, and sexual/relationship history all affect their marriage market value. There seems to be this pervading belief among evangelicals that Jesus forgave your sins, ergo nothing else matters, which is a nice idea in theory but totally unworkable in reality. I’ll probably make a more in-depth post on this issue sometime.

  3. Santiago May 11, 2010 at 6:18 am #

    Why don’t just date an atheist?

  4. Will S. May 11, 2010 at 7:09 am #

    Agreed, completely. But in some churches, the challenge for both young men and women alike, can be the number of prospective candidates for dating who fall within a suitable age range, esp. in a small rural church, for example, where one’s options may be more limited, simply due to numbers, than at a larger, urban-area church.

  5. Will S. May 11, 2010 at 9:38 am #

    2 Corinthians 6:14-18.

  6. Reggie Ray May 11, 2010 at 10:41 am #

    see man, if you don’t believe that people die and come back from the dead, that people can turn into pillars of salt, that the sun can stand still in the sky (which would have meant that the earth had stopped rotating…), you aren’t just mistaken or wrong. You’re evil! You are in league with the Devil! You are unclean!

    Today’s religions are survivors in a pretty vicious struggle with one another and with non-believers…you can be abundantly certain that they haven’t survived by tolerating people who don’t get with the program.

  7. Aunt Haley May 11, 2010 at 10:57 am #

    Oh, Reggie Ray, aren’t you just the li’l charmer!

  8. Aunt Haley May 11, 2010 at 10:58 am #

    In addition to what Will S. said, marriage is the most intimate human relationship and the one which in large part will determine your future and your chances for earthly happiness. Why, if you are seeking marriage, would you date someone whose core beliefs about your existence and purpose for living are in opposition to yours? It will either weaken the relationship or cause one person to compromise their beliefs.

  9. Will S. May 11, 2010 at 2:01 pm #

    Spot on! Of course, few heathens are pursuing marriage any more, and virtually all of their ‘relationships’ come to an end, often a spectularly ugly one…

    But no, we’re the deluded ones…

    Always amusing, BTW, to see the need of infidels to come to Christian websites to proselytize their unbelief. Why, with that kind of zeal, one might dare say they’re religious about their anti-religion.

  10. Santiago May 13, 2010 at 11:24 am #

    I was just trying to be funny people, infidels do have a sense of humor you know?

    p.s.: atheism is not anti-religion, it is not believing in a god, or for that matter any god, be it Zeus, or Allah or Jehovah.

  11. Santiago May 13, 2010 at 1:11 pm #

    Will S., I thought it was us the atheists who were supposed to be smug!

  12. Cane Caldo June 18, 2010 at 6:24 am #

    As a former Southern Baptist Youth Group Guy Hero, my story is instructive in while the church pool of eligible men is so small…but I don’t blog. A summary will do.

    As soon as my normal, teenage, sexually-explosive, male self realized that not a few of the “good girls” were not-so-good, I took that excuse and ran with it.

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