I meet weekly with a group of single women from my church for a combination Bible study/fellowship group. Yesterday since only three of us showed up, discussion was firmly in the “fellowship” camp. One of my friends shared the story of what had happened when she went on a date with a younger guy from church. He was a guy she had gotten to know, who constantly said to her that they should hang out. Because he was several years younger, she was hesitant but felt that she should go in with an open mind. So, she accepted.
They went to a movie. Afterward, he did not make any conversation. They also met up with his friends (I think?), and he sat on the opposite side of the table from her and also talked about another girl he was interested in.
Needless to say, my friend was not impressed…but what do you know, the guy called the next day to say that he’d had a great time and that they should do it again.
Men, if you’re going to single a woman on a date, then that date really needs to be exclusive. Don’t bring your buddies along, do be the leader in making conversation, and by all means DO NOT EVER talk about another woman you’re interested in. You may think that you’re being cool and aloof and demonstrating higher value (i.e., non-neediness) as well as self-social proofing, but all this does is make the woman deeply uncomfortable and confused, and possibly embarrassed.
The disappointing thing about this is that this young man is otherwise a stereotypical “great guy” treading in Youth Group Guy territory. All he did on this occasion was disappoint my friend, as well as hurt his own reputation (which is now “nice guy but too immature and not ready to date”).
Being a little aloof on a date is good. You don’t want to come across as overly attentive; that’s a big turn-off. But going in the opposite direction to the extreme is a huge mistake as well. You’ll just end up on a date with a woman who is wondering why you even bothered to ask her out.