I was reading the comments at another blog, and one commenter mentioned how “shocking” it is that so many cute Christian girls in their late 20s/early 30s have only had one or zero boyfriends in their entire lives. Honestly, this kind of news is only “shocking” if you don’t know anything about conservative Christian culture. Here’s how a reasonably attractive, non-psycho Christian girl of, say, age 32 can go boyfriend-less her entire life:
- Very poor male/female ratio of singles at church. If mating is a numbers game, women are on the losing side. Most churches that are not specifically targeted to single professionals (a.k.a. “seeker churches”) have a low singles population. Of the singles who are regular attenders, the majority of them will be women. Of the men, a lot of them will be “old” or weird.
- Single men at church do not initiate. If there are any single men who pass muster, they often aren’t asking out the single women at their church. Sometimes this is due to fear of social ostracism (i.e., ask out too many women and you get a rep of being an indiscriminate player who’s only looking for a warm body), sometimes it’s a lack of sexual interest…in general, sometimes it’s immaturity, sometimes it’s apathy, and sometimes it actually IS that all of the single women at church are fat and/or damaged.
- Refusal to date both non-Christians and nominal Christians. Most “good” Christian girls will not hang out at places where the average (non-Christian) man will go to meet women, such as bars, clubs, sporting events, house parties where alcohol is served, or the mall. They are much more likely to be found in the church nursery, leading a youth group retreat, helping out at a women’s shelter, attending a small group Bible study, baby-sitting the children of married Christian friends, on a missions trip, hanging out with her parents and family, or at a game night sponsored by the college & career group at church. Should a good Christian girl actually meet a non-Christian man who is attracted to her, she will most likely be very wary of him as a romantic prospect and will refuse to go on a date with him if he asks, due to the biblical command not to be yoked (married) to unbelievers (2 Cor. 6:14). Ditto for a man who is nominally a Christian (i.e., claims to be a Christian yet doesn’t “bear fruit”).
Other factors can come into play as well — being too picky is a problem regardless of creed — but these three points cover the major reasons that Christian girls endure such long periods of singleness. In the end it’s pretty much a numbers game, and the girls are losing it.