There are a lot of things women don’t want to hear, but this one ranks pretty highly:
You’re the kind of girl men want to marry.
On its face, it’s not a bad thing to tell a single woman. It’s a compliment to be wife material. The problem is that the only time a single woman ever hears this is in the context of her not dating while she watches all of the sluttier dumber more fun girls getting asked out and being showered with male attention. Usually this sentiment is uttered by an older married woman who is decades removed from singleness and has no clue how the current dating market operates.* It’s even worse if it’s uttered by a newlywed. (Marriage makes everyone a sage expert on relationships, and no one is sager or freer with advice than a woman who has been married fewer than two years.)
Single women really hate being told they’re marriage material, because what they hear is:
- You are not pretty.
- You are not fun.
- You are boring.
- You are staid and matronly.
- You are such a dud that men would rather spend time and money on stupid girls than you.
- You are such a dud that men would rather spend time and money on girls with bad personalities than you.
- You are not good enough for a man’s firstfruits; you get the leftovers after he’s had his fun with the fun girls and finally decides it’s time to be boring and settle down with the girl who “saved herself.” Thank the Lord for the boring girls, because otherwise he would have to marry a dumb slut!
The companion sentiment just rubs salt in the wound: I don’t understand why no one has snatched you up yet! (Also, Those guys don’t know what they’re missing!)
This just makes single women irate (on the inside). They must smile politely and offer up a gently self-deprecating demurral, but in their minds they are screaming, “If I’m so great and I am truly what men want, then why don’t any men want me?!?! HEY, YOU INSENSITIVE BOZO, HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU THAT I’M NOT THAT GREAT AND I’M NOT WHAT MEN WANT? MEN WANT THE OPPOSITE OF ME AND YOU ARE NOT MAKING ME FEEL BETTER.”
I think a better approach is to agree with the single woman that it’s hard to find someone. Affirm her feelings on the matter and encourage her to hang in there. This other stuff is just damning with faint praise.
*My mother would be appalled and in denial if she were told that the current dating scene goes something like this:
- Go to a party.
- Get drunk.
- Make out and/or have sex with someone you meet at the party.
- Repeat steps 1-3 a few times with the same person.
- If neither of you can find someone better at another party, decide you are now in a relationship, you guess.