How to write a beta profile.

26 Jul

Boundless has a new blogger by the name of Matthew. Here’s an excerpt from his introductory post:

I’m excited to be blogging here. Why? First of all, I’ve been reading Boundless for about six years, so I’m a little bit emotionally invested in the site. Also, I think we could use more single guys one here. Can I get an “amen”?

(That’s the first time I’ve ever said “Can I get an ‘amen’?” And I promise it’ll be my last. I’ll leave those kind of comments to Lisa A.)

OK, so, how about I share a little bit about myself here. Considering that you could read my bio, I’ll keep the cutesy details to a minimum. Mainly just some Boundless-type deets.

Such as: I mentioned above the fact that I’m single — contentedly single. That’s not to say I don’t want to be married; I certainly do. I should admit, though, that I’ve become truly, legitimately “marriage minded” only in the last little while.

…..

Also: I’m 27. Which feels so much younger than I thought it would back when I was 17. As it turns out, I’m enjoying being in my late 20s: I have enough experience out in the world — career-wise and otherwise — that it seems people are beginning to take me seriously. And I feel like I’ve honed in on what it is I want to do with my life — be a professor. So I guess getting older isn’t all bad.

Overly chipper, overly wordy, overly cutesy, on-the-nose, and super qualifying.  He has Future Youth Pastor written all over him.

One of these days I’ll do a post on writing, but here is a very good example of how to write about yourself in a way that advertises that you find cats more exciting than women.

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18 Responses to “How to write a beta profile.”

  1. dalrock July 26, 2010 at 6:15 pm #

    Cringe worthy.

    I look forward to your post on writing.

  2. Koanic July 26, 2010 at 7:05 pm #

    Chip Chipper needs feeding to the wood chipper.

    Fargo style.

  3. Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life July 26, 2010 at 7:53 pm #

    LMAO just say no to SSRI’s.

  4. Josh July 26, 2010 at 10:12 pm #

    I’m trying to decide what I don’t like about him. The main problem is that he doesn’t write like a man. He doesn’t speak in declarative sentences, and he loads what he does write with qualifiers and interjections. He flits about the subject like a butterfly, touching down briefly before fluttering away in a random direction. And he spends too much time speculating on what others think of him.

    But it is easy to criticize, it is hard to lead by example. If he does become a youth pastor, at least he has shown leadership and initiative, and his irritating mannerisms will change quickly. As someone who has lead children and young-adult activities, I know that the perpetual-cheerleader-act dies quickly. Respect is given to those who have the confidence and competence to use it.

  5. Aunt Haley July 26, 2010 at 10:24 pm #

    Josh, he says in his post that he has decided to become a professor. I just mentioned future youth pastor because that’s the image that came to mind.

  6. ThinkingMan July 26, 2010 at 11:06 pm #

    It does have boring date written all over it. Seems like a ‘nice guy’, though. One of those kind who women will consider the brother type but will never become aroused or interested enough to send him a distinct indication of interest.

    Like something I would have written in my brainwashed ‘to be a Godly man is to be a girly man’ days.

  7. LS July 27, 2010 at 3:01 pm #

    He probably talks like a Valley Girl too.

  8. Koanic July 27, 2010 at 3:38 pm #

    You know what would improve church?

    Unrestricted rights to challenge any male under 40 to an MMA cage match.

    I wouldn’t mind guys like this being in the church, if I could beat the gay out of them whenever they became cloying.

    I bet they’d shape up quick and find church more meaningful and satisfying.

    I could’ve used a few beatings myself. It’s a pity the beatings stop these days once the kid is too big to spank.

  9. Aunt Haley July 27, 2010 at 5:53 pm #

    Hey, now…let’s not be mean. (Besides, Valley Girls aren’t nearly so hyper in conversation.)

  10. Aunt Haley July 28, 2010 at 10:18 am #

    One of those kind who women will consider the brother type but will never become aroused or interested enough to send him a distinct indication of interest.

    Not necessarily. Church status is a big tingleator for Christian women, and this guy, by becoming a Boundless blogger and advertising that he is educated, already has two pretty big feathers in his cap. Judging by some of the female comments on the post, that alone is enough to spark plentiful interest.

  11. mormonmen July 28, 2010 at 4:11 pm #

    Any man who refers to details as “deets” needs to be dragged into the street and shot.

  12. Aunt Haley July 28, 2010 at 5:50 pm #

    I find the usage of “deets” acceptable if delivered with an appropriate amount of irony.

    However, in this case irony seemed to be missing….

  13. Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life July 28, 2010 at 5:57 pm #

    Because irony is sinful on Boundless :-D

  14. Aunt Haley July 28, 2010 at 11:45 pm #

    Now, Athol, infrequency/absence isn’t necessarily the equivalent of sinfulness…..

  15. Jesus July 29, 2010 at 1:44 pm #

    Lol: “find cats more intersting than women”

  16. Blaj March 30, 2011 at 8:53 pm #

    I love Kroanic’s comment about MMA. Truly a shame that the beatings stop after childhood.

    I guess the question is, do I take chances that put me at risk of a beating?

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Juneau is his Narnia. « Haley's Halo - July 29, 2010

    […] Jul Friends, our new friend Matthew has made his first regular post at Boundless.  I’m not sure there’s much we can do for […]

  2. Writing a successful online dating profile. « Haley's Halo - November 5, 2010

    […] Don’t overwrite your profile.  Don’t treat it like a diary, like your shrink, or like your creative writing class.  Don’t write like Matthew from Boundless. […]

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