stealth date: when a male friend asks a female friend for a one-on-one outing, during which he tries to exert date-like behavior such as paying for the food/activity, going somewhere non-casual, or making exceptional plans for the outing, all the while never specifying that he wants it to be a date.
Over at Boundless in an article entitled “Help, I’m on a Date and I Can’t Get Out!”, blogger Tom Neven writes that his teenage daughter Hannah recently went on a stealth date with a beta male friend. Hannah and beta male friend were talking about getting frozen yogurt, which turned into a trip to get said frozen yogurt. Neven says that Hannah had a paralyzing moment of indecision as she ordered, suddenly realizing that she might be on a stealth date. Which she was, as Beta Male Friend offered to pay for her as “his treat” before Hannah could pull out her wallet. Neven writes with fatherly amusement that Hannah now faces the “not-fun task of letting him down — easily.” Poor beta male. He played it safe, and now it’s going to blow up in his face. At least he will have the memory of one blissful afternoon of paying for Hannah’s Fro-Yo to sustain him during the inevitable darkness.
Normally I would put 99% of the blame on Beta Male Friend for not making his intentions clear at the outset, but Neven, after telling this story, then blithely reveals that Hannah knew that Beta Male Friend had a crush on her. This changes EVERYTHING.
Ladies, do NOT go on one-on-one outings with male friends who you know have crushes on you. This is usually called “leading him on” or “being a tease.”
I will cut Hannah some slack because she is a teenager and therefore probably doesn’t know better, but did she really think that she could go out one-on-one with a male friend who had already expressed interest in her, and not give him hope or the wrong impression? It’s clear from Neven’s post that Hannah had not previously made it clear to Beta Male that she had no romantic interest in him. She knew, yet continued to buddy around with him and voluntarily went somewhere alone with him and allowed him to pay for her. What do you think was going through Beta Male’s head? Yay, I love being platonic friends! She will so appreciate my paying for her! Tonight I will finish reading Wild at Heart and tomorrow I will think of doing something manly that will actually make her like me! Hardly.
But even if Hannah HAD said “No, there are 500 guys in line ahead of you that I’d rather date/marry/have sex with,” she still went out with this guy on an outing that had every appearance of a date, all the while knowing that he was romantically interested in her. How is that not textbook teasing (albeit of the chaste, church teen variety)?
Yet Neven does not even acknowledge this. Instead, he treats the situation as a rite of passage, an unavoidable bump on the road to maturity, and commiserates with guys who have had the LJBF talk. Nowhere does Hannah receive any blame for what happened. In Neven’s mind, this whole ordeal appears to be just a little adolescent misunderstanding, tee hee.
But this just demonstrates how deeply embedded secular dating values and feminism have become in the church. On the one hand, we have a poor little beta male who can’t muster the courage to ask a girl out directly. And on the other, we have a girl who leads on her interested male friend with nary a reprimand from her Christian father. And people think that what churches need are a hip worship band and more social outreach projects.