The dating advice thread strikes again.
Situation: Woman (I’m assuming late 20s-mid 30s; let’s call her Emmy) dates man for two years, during which time she regularly, loudly, proclaims to all who will listen that she deserves better than what he is giving her.
She breaks up with him.
But apparently is allowing him to live at her place while his apartment is being renovated.
He tells her that she deserves better than what he could give her.
She is privately devastated to hear this, and writes that hearing it was no vindication, that she felt no euphoria, pride, or triumph. Instead, she felt only sadness as she asked herself repeatedly why she had spent two years in the relationship.
I think Emmy’s original problem was that she dated a downtrodden beta so she could have a relationship but, after the initial “I have a boyfriend!” euphoria wore off, never felt that he was higher value than she was. Believing a man to be higher value than her probably would have offended her feminist principles. (I am assuming she is a feminist because the majority of posters on the board are college-educated, non-religious, politically liberal women.) Anyhow, she figuratively emasculated him to all who would listen, probably thinking herself clever, and then, after destroying the remaining dregs of attraction she had for him, finally broke it off.
But being a woman, her hindbrain (as Roissy might say) is not allowing her to make a clean, emotion-free break like an alpha male. Instead, she is upset that he wouldn’t alpha up in the face of her colossal shit test of putting him down publicly, and is trying to give him a final chance to assert himself by allowing him to live with her for as flimsy a reason as his apartment being renovated. (Seriously, does the man have no other friends?! Women, never date men with no friends.) When he parroted back to her the exact things she said to him during their dating relationship, she felt overwhelming despair because she realized she had allowed herself to have sex with an unfit man for two years. Yet she can’t at all see what role she played in the demise of their relationship.
A smattering of advice from the regulars:
- Aww. Let’s hang out and drink until you forget him.
- Sometimes you wish you had the chutzpah to shout that you could do better than his tiny penis.
- You’re the better person for allowing him to stay with you.
- Don’t worry, everyone has made this mistake.
Really, just where have all the good men gone?
The reason that men need to be strong with women is because women cannot be strong with other women. A woman is socially obligated to tell her friend whatever it is the friend wants to hear, even if it completely contradicts reality. A woman who goes around telling unwanted truths to her female friends will probably not remain friends with those women for long. So, men, if you want better women, you need to be a better man first. If you take control, women will follow. Maybe not every woman, but a lot will. If you tell a woman the truth, she will take it to heart if she has any respect for you at all, even if she throws a fit.
I once knew a young guy who was from a very small, very conservative town. He was the type who had sisters with rarely-cut, long, wavy hair whose idea of nice clothes were long, cotton-knit dresses with tiny flowers on them. His upbringing was so conservative that he had been taught to stand up whenever a woman entered the room. It was only when he came to the “big city” (population 100,000) to go to school that he discovered that this was the kind of behavior that made people stare in a bad way. So he stopped doing it, which he semi-regretted. One day he mentioned that he constantly had women throwing themselves at him – young, old, it didn’t matter. They would actually tell him how attractive they found him and how much they wanted to date him. Looking back, I can now see that this all stemmed from his impeccable masculine frame. It’s rare to meet a man with that kind of frame, much less a very young one. He wasn’t built. He wasn’t particularly good-looking. He wasn’t a snazzy dresser. But he was so sure of himself in a quietly powerful way that women were falling at his feet.
This young guy was also a Christian, so he wasn’t having sex. Strictly comparing him to the ex-boyfriend from the dating advice thread, he comes out inferior on paper, sex-wise. After all, the ex-boyfriend not only got to have sex with Emmy for two years, he has now been able to convince her to house him for an indefinite length of time, and I am quite certain that if he wanted to resume having sex with Emmy, he could make it happen. He’s about one wine bottle and a candle away from boom shaka-laka time. But he really isn’t the more successful man, is he?
P.S. I am not trying to say that women are not responsible for the choices they make. Emmy got exactly what she paid for out of the relationship. But because women are uniquely programmed to follow strong men, it behooves good men to take the lead and guide women into making good choices they might not have made on their own.