In the comments of my last thread, Hermes asked:
Haley, if you’re taking topic requests, I’d be interested in your thoughts on women bolting for the door the second the church service or singles group gathering is over (and then complaining that they don’t get asked out.)
Usually it’s either:
1) They don’t want to stay and talk.
2) They’re shy.
3) They’re alone.
If a woman is alone (i.e., didn’t come with a friend or doesn’t really know anyone there), she’ll be less likely to stand around and be available for small talk. It’s very awkward to stand by yourself and wait for someone else to take notice of you. (Plus, I think it’s kind of humiliating.) Most people also are not comfortable with approaching groups of established friends and injecting themselves into the conversation. Established groups of friends are some of the most impenetrable, unfriendly groups around.
At the same time, you can’t just keep to yourself and blame everyone else for not making you popular. I don’t have much sympathy for people who grouse about their unpopularity yet expect everyone else to do all the heavy lifting.
I think the best time to make contact with a person is before the service or meeting starts. Establish rapport beforehand, then snag the person before they jet afterwards. Especially when a person is by herself, it’s usually on you, the established attendee, to make the first move. A personal invitation is a very powerful (and often effective) method of persuasion.