Writing a successful online dating profile.

5 Nov

In light of ASDF’s comment that he had jumped into the online dating waters, and my friend’s experiences with eHarmony, here is some advice about how to write a profile that will stand out from the treacly, saccharine rest.

(1) Your profile is like a resume.  Treat it with the same care.

When I say a profile is like a resume, I don’t mean that you should list your accomplishments in bullet points.  I do mean, though, that you should use proper English:  capitalization, punctuation, spelling, grammar, the whole nine yards.  Typos in profiles are as much death as they are in a professional resume.  Thanks to my friend’s, um, generosity, I have been able to view a lot of men’s profiles.  Most of them look like they were typed by a blind chicken.  It’s a huge turn-off and works against you in an environment where you’re basically being considered like a menu item at a restaurant.

(2) Your profile is also like a cover letter, so show your personality.

Resumes are like the structure of a building, while cover letters are the inner decor.  Two people can decorate the same house in completely different ways.  So while, for example, at eHarmony everyone has the same type of information on their profiles, the way you express yourself can make the difference between her seeing you as a lame tool or as a cool guy.  This is why it is so crucial to demonstrate personality in your profile.  In online dating, she will not wait to get to meet you in person for you to show her how cool you really are, so if you’re a fun, funny guy, your profile is where to show it.  If you’re a serious, romantic type, show that.  If you care about saving the children of a fashionable African nation, show that.  But be genuine.  Insecure try-hards are very easy to spot.  (They’re usually the guys writing “lol” all over the place.)  Also, do not be sarcastic.  Sarcasm doesn’t usually work well on strangers, and in print, it is very easy to misconstrue tone.  Especially at eHarmony, whose members are primarily looking for a future spouse, sarcasm is a sign of unseriousness.

Talented writers have an advantage over unskilled writers here.  If you’re not that great of a writer, you should write some rough drafts and have a friend (preferably of the opposite sex) proofread and critique you.

(3) Contrast is king.

(HT to you-know-who for coining this excellent phrase.)  Yes, even in dating profiles, contrast works.  eHarmony has its members list the five things they are most thankful for.  Pretty much every guy lists “God, my family, my friends, my health” as four of the things they are most thankful for – and yes, they list them using those exact words.  To avoid sounding like a cliche, find more descriptive ways to list those same things – or find something else that is interesting to list.  Do not be treacly, though.  Writing “the ability to breathe God’s beautiful fresh sunshine air” is NOT sexy.

(4) Have at least five recent photos of yourself on the site in a variety of settings.

Women do not see past the exterior in online dating.  Your picture, unless backed up by a killer written profile, can make or break you.  So here are my recommendations about photos:

– The more photos, the better.  Okay, there’s such a thing as overkill, but having only one or two photos is a turn-off.  It says you don’t take good pictures, you don’t have much of a social life, and you’re lazy.

– Caption your photos.  Mention where you were, what you were doing, the date the photo was taken.  Do not write Facebook type stuff like “on the top of a mountain!!!!!!  woo hoo!!!!! it was AWESOME!!!!!! lol”.

– Have some close-ups as well as full-body shots.  Your body/build matters.  Basically, all of your photos should not be headshots, nor should all of your photos be far away.  That said…

– No photos of you taking a picture of yourself in the bathroom mirror with your cell phone.  That’s Craigslist territory.  Also:

– No naked/half-clothed shots.  Most women seriously looking for husbands do not care what your bare chest looks like.  Pictures with your shirt off, unless it’s a beach/swimming picture, scream narcissism.

– No photos of yourself partying in a bar.

– No photos of yourself with women draped all over you.  A PUA will consider this preselection.  A woman seriously looking for a husband will do the following:  (1) judge the sluttiness of the women in the picture.  If they are slutty-looking, you’re toast.  (2) judge the prettiness of the women in the picture.  If they’re better-looking than her, you’re also toast.  (3) label you a player.  You are toast.  (4) think of you as the kind of man who has way too many female friends.  You are toast.  The only exceptions to this are photos of you with female relatives (mom, grandma, sisters, aunts, cousins).  Oh, and (5) if the women in the photo are beneath the woman looking at your photo, then you’ve preselected yourself out of the running.  You are toast.

– No photos where you have clearly cropped out the girl on your arm.

– No photos of you when you were 18 (unless you’re, say, 19).  No photos of you as a child – unless it shows something about your personality.  (Ex:  “Me at age 8 with my childhood sports hero.  Die-hard [your favorite team] fan to this day!”)  No more than one of this type of photo, and only if you were a cute kid.  No photos of you when you still had hair.  No photos of you when you were still thin.  These will only invite negative comparisons.

–  Unless you have jacked up teeth, include some photos of you smiling.  Women find smiles inviting.  Women do not find photos of you with a gangsta scowl inviting.

– Photos of you dressed up are a plus.  (THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO PROM PICTURES.)

– No photos of you badly groomed, unless it shows an appealing part of your personality.  (Ex:  “Me trying out Alaska chic.  It lasted 3 months.”)

(5) Brevity is the soul of wit.

Don’t overwrite your profile.  Don’t treat it like a diary, like your shrink, or like your creative writing class.  Don’t write like Matthew from Boundless.

Write crisply, clearly, vividly, and authoritatively.  Do not use ellipses.  Do not abuse the exclamation point.  Never write more than one exclamation point or question mark in a row.

Above all, do not qualify yourself to the woman.  Don’t explain ad nauseum why you’re a great catch.  BE a great catch.  The good ones will pick up on it pronto.

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44 Responses to “Writing a successful online dating profile.”

  1. Toz November 5, 2010 at 11:18 am #

    Haley, I agree with are 3 and 5, but 1, 2 and 4 are going to turn potentially alpha guys into beta chumps. Seriously, 5 photos in various venues?? I know that’s what YOU, as a woman, would want to see, but as we all know, giving women what they want is almost always a gina tingle killer. 1 and 2 done to excess is just going to look too try-hard. It’s not an interview where people are deciding to hire you for life. There should be just enough information to get the girl to contact you.

    No, the alpha advice would be:

    1. Don’t say much.
    2. If you have to say something, make sure it’s interesting.
    3. Write/reply/etc like an alpha. In other words, like you have options.
    4. Limit yourself to one or two photos that leave a good impression and give room for some questions.

  2. Aunt Haley November 5, 2010 at 11:25 am #

    Toz–
    If you have two really good photos, that might be all you need. Most men are not handsome enough or interesting enough for two photos to do the trick, though. That’s why I said five.

  3. Toz November 5, 2010 at 12:52 pm #

    Haley,

    If you don’t have 2 good photos, how are you going to come up with 5??? The only way you should post 5 is if you have 5 REALLY good photos and each shows something really good. If not, you’re only hurting yourself by adding an extra photo that’s not as good as the first two. The only thing extra photos add at that point is reasons for the girl to reject you. This isn’t the “vote for the best male model” contest, it’s an online dating profile.

  4. Cane Caldo November 5, 2010 at 1:03 pm #

    “No, the alpha advice would be:”

    I don’t think there is an alpha approach to online dating services. Haley’s advice is pretty good for not outing yourself as a beta, but there’s no way to give alpha evidence. You’re just trying to not shoot yourself in the foot, and get an opportunity. However; even that opportunity will be freighted with at least a bit of beta-hood because–after all–you resorted to an online dating service.

  5. Lando November 5, 2010 at 1:55 pm #

    I’m a college student so I have a several friends that use the OkCupid site because its free and it attracts a lot of college age kids.

    One thing I would add is to not expect much. I don’t remember where I read it, but the statistics for even getting a first date aren’t very high.

    It should be something you add to your regular dating practices, not become a replacement for it. There’s way too many guys on there that just out right say “yeah I’m shy and don’t like to talk to girls face to face”. Not attractive at all.

    As for an “Alpha” dating profile, I think this is a pretty good example. Especially the serving others joke, sounds like the type of line that some pickup artist would use.

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/mybrighteyess/pictures

  6. ASDF November 5, 2010 at 2:46 pm #

    Cane: Guys can’t be gaming all day long. Online dating is a good way to get out there without actually being out there. Your profile is as alpha or beta as you make it. The one Lando linked to was pretty alpha.

    As far as eharmony goes, I am now looking to meet a nice Christian girl. I don’t know where you’re from, but each church in my city has maybe one good looking girl, if that, who shows up regularly, and two or three average ones. I can’t keep showing up at new churches when the girl at the first church doesn’t pan out. It’s way too much effort, and not really the reason you’re supposed to go to Church.

    Eharmony is basically a girl catalogue that sends new prospects to my mailbox every day. Not only does it expose me in a week or two to more girls than I would meet in a year of church-hopping, I can tell in an instant by reading their profiles if we are at all compatible. It’s a huge time saver, and can be alpha or beta, depending on how you use it.

  7. The Man Who Was . . . November 5, 2010 at 2:52 pm #

    Haley’s advice is very sound, especially when going after good girls who are looking for marriage. I have used Eharmony a lot with some success in getting girls out to meet me. Some guys seem to think you have to act super-alpha all the time.

    The things you need to succeed with online dating:

    1. Being good looking or at least having some style.
    2. Being a good writer.
    3. Knowing what kinds of things turn girls off or creep them out, and then eliminating them from your profile and messages.

  8. y81 November 5, 2010 at 3:23 pm #

    “each church in my city has maybe one good looking girl”

    You are in the wrong city! Maybe you should move to New York.

    Seriously, I always thought church, or, to be more precise, church-related activities, would be a good place to meet marriage-minded women. (Not a good place to meet men, but that is a separate issue.) But maybe I am wrong.

  9. knepper November 5, 2010 at 4:10 pm #

    I’m sure it’s good advice, Haley, but somehow the idea of comparing it to a resume creeps me out. Am I applying for the job of dating someone? Education: School of Hard Knocks, Masters Degree. Relevant Experience: One failed marriage, but I’ve learned so much! I’m ready now to put into practice all those alpha-like traits I’ve been studying to turn our relationship into a mutually profitable enterprise! References: Uhh, don’t call any of my old girlfriends–I’ve changed! My mother thinks I’m a pretty good guy!

  10. Richard Cook November 5, 2010 at 4:32 pm #

    The guy in lando’s link looks like he was spawned on the shallow end of a diminishing gene pool.

  11. novaseeker November 5, 2010 at 4:55 pm #

    And a good advertisement for men not to do online dating. It’s a mess for men strewn with so many potholes as to be useless.

    Much better to learn some Game and approach in the real world than try to play the online dating game. For men, online dating is an absolutely *brutal* numbers game. Pass on it.

  12. Aunt Haley November 5, 2010 at 7:28 pm #

    Toz–
    I still think having around 5 pictures is a good idea. It gives the woman a more complete and honest impression of your looks. It’s suspicious if you only have two photos up, especially ones that look either glamour shot-ish or don’t show your whole body. You probably wouldn’t trust a woman who only had two photos of herself; in the world of online dating, women care very much about looks.

    Lando–
    That dude broke so many of my picture rules! Also, he’s making practically the same (unsmiling) face in every photo. Bad move. Even worse, he used the words “bomb ass sushi” unironically in his profile. Only college dudes do stuff like that. His profile is only alpha if you’re a college student. Otherwise, his writing, along with the photos, make him seem young and callow.

    ASDF–
    Is the name of your village “Ciudad de Heffaz, Saskatchewan”? Surely there must be more than ONE attractive regular churchgoing single female at each church in your neck of the woods.

    Also, how many matches are you getting per week on average?

    knepper–
    I said to use the same amount of care as you would with a resume. Too many men think they can scrimp on the grammar skills and writing style and still land an intelligent, classy woman. Writing stuff like “i like long walks on da beach n snugglin on da couch” will not attract such women. Sophisticated writing will attract a sophisticated lady.

    novaseeker–
    It is definitely a brutal numbers game, but that’s what happens when women get to peruse male profiles like a menu.

  13. The Man Who Was . . . November 5, 2010 at 8:14 pm #

    Much better to learn some Game and approach in the real world than try to play the online dating game. For men, online dating is an absolutely *brutal* numbers game. Pass on it.

    Well, trying to find a (genuinely) nice Christian girl by approaching in malls, bars, pubs, bookstores etc. is an even more brutal numbers game. In fact, the odds that way are completely crazy.

    And ASDF is completely correct about meeting girls in church. He forgot to add the qualifiers “single” and “of age” to the one attractive girl per average church rule, but other than that he’s dead on. Megachurches or larger churches near universities are, of course, different, but have their own issues.

    Not that you should totally give up on any of these routes, but you should not scorn online dating either. Diversify your investments. Especially don’t give up on online dating when you write as well as a Novaseeker.

  14. ASDF November 5, 2010 at 10:49 pm #

    Haley:

    I live in a town called San Francisco Del Norte, aka SWPLopolis. Girls just don’t go to Church in great numbers here. Every once in a while, I try out a different church to see if it is a good fit, and the talent level matches my observations. Theological and aesthetic issues aside, the nearest megachurch (and I don’t even think they’re that big as to qualify as a megachurch) is an hour away.

    I did the eharmony personality quiz a while ago, and have been getting 3 or 4 matches a day delivered into my inbox. I have a backlog of almost 500. I’ve been able to see their pictures and communicate for a week or so. My thoughts thus far:

    -Most of these girls need to take your advice on how to write a profile. Bad grammar and being passionate about “living life” (what does that even mean?) are epidemic.

    -Looks range from 3-8.

    -The literati are not on there in great numbers. Favorite books are either Twilight/Eat Pray Love-type stuff or an “inspiring” story about curing a disease in some African backwater.

    -Overall, I’m pretty hopeful. I’ve seen some girls who were quite good looking, and I’ve seen some with good personalities/interests etc, and I’ve only been on a week. Odds are, a girl with both qualities will pop up sooner or later. And after 10 of those, maybe one will click.

    My only conundrum: The only picture I have where I’m flashing my teeth, I’ve also got my arm around a cropped out girl, violating one of your commandments.

  15. Aunt Haley November 5, 2010 at 11:23 pm #

    ASDF–
    Is it necessary that a girl be well-read? Being able to discuss War and Peace doesn’t have much bearing on her ability to cook, clean, do laundry, iron shirts, pick up after the kids, do yardwork, drive to the grocery store, help out your elderly parents, listen to you talk about your problems, pay you compliments, balance a checkbook, stay thin, dress well, or have sex.

    Re: a smiling photo – Find a friend to take a new picture of you!

  16. Joseph Dantes November 6, 2010 at 12:48 am #

    I read Entropy PUA’s post on online dating profiles, and some of OKCupid’s stuff too.

    You might be right if eHarmony is much different from the services they were using. I don’t remember.

    But EntropyPUA found the profile didn’t make any difference, and could be completely ridiculous and humorous. Because girls don’t seek out men anyway. The key was in building genuine rapport over email, and separating yourself there, with the girls you choose to approach.

  17. Joseph Dantes November 6, 2010 at 12:50 am #

    Toz, I think you haven’t done this and have no idea what you’re talking about.

    Feel free to correct me by regaling us with stories of your results.

  18. Joseph Dantes November 6, 2010 at 1:03 am #

    Nova, you’re wrong, converting from online dating is so easy that many PUA’s get completely bored with it.

  19. Joseph Dantes November 6, 2010 at 1:07 am #

    ASDF, best pictures for males are unsmiling, looking away from camera, according to OKCupid data.

  20. Julie November 6, 2010 at 7:23 am #

    Haley said: “Is it necessary that a girl be well-read? Being able to discuss War and Peace doesn’t have much bearing on her ability to cook, clean, do laundry, iron shirts, pick up after the kids, do yardwork, drive to the grocery store, help out your elderly parents, listen to you talk about your problems, pay you compliments, balance a checkbook, stay thin, dress well, or have sex.”

    I think many men do want women who read and can think. It makes for a more interesting relationship, and I suspect it speaks well of her potential as a mother (genetically and as an influence on her children). I know intelligence is not a driver of attraction for men as it is for many women. But personally, I wanted a man who appreciated my intelligence–and I found one.

  21. Aunt Haley November 6, 2010 at 8:15 am #

    Julie–
    I think many men do want women who read and can think. It makes for a more interesting relationship, and I suspect it speaks well of her potential as a mother (genetically and as an influence on her children).

    I think it’s more accurate to say that some men want women who read. I haven’t seen a lot of evidence, though, that literary depth is much of an attractor – or high intelligence, for that matter. Most men just want a woman with some basic thinking skills, a lot of domestic skills, and bedroom skills (insert Napoleon Dynamite quote here).

  22. y81 November 6, 2010 at 9:13 am #

    “Megachurches or larger churches near universities are, of course, different, but have their own issues”

    What are the “issues” with these types of churches? Ours is both, which may account for the difference between ASDF’s and my perception. I presume we are talking about issues with the women you might meet, not theological issues about where God wants us to live or how big He wants each church to be.

    * * *

    “Most men just want a woman with some basic thinking skills, a lot of domestic skills, and bedroom skills (insert Napoleon Dynamite quote here).”

    I don’t think most single men care about domestic skills. I think most men are happy eating pizza and hamburgers and taking their shirts to the cleaners. I would guess that reading “Books and Culture” gets more (and better) men than baking pies.

  23. ASDF November 6, 2010 at 9:27 am #

    “I suspect it speaks well of her potential as a mother (genetically and as an influence on her children).”

    Nailed it. We don’t necessarily need to have long discussions about War and Peace (Especially considering that I only made it about halfway through), but it would be nice to have that option. Being well-read is probably a better proxy for intelligence than your average university degree, and I want smart kids. Furthermore, it shows that she has some culture, and will pass that along to said kids.

    Most of the women in my family have managed to be domestic AND literate, so I suppose I’ve come to expect it in a mate.

  24. Julie November 6, 2010 at 11:41 am #

    Haley, I’m sure you’re right. However, I would guess that a greater percentage of the men I was interested in would value reading/thinking than men in general. Almost anyone who interested me was very intelligent themselves. Still, I know what you mean, lots of Christian intellectual men are married to women of average intelligence and/or little interest in critical or deep thought.

  25. Joseph Dantes November 6, 2010 at 1:09 pm #

    Julie what advice if any can you give for FINDING attractive intelligent well read Christian women?

  26. Julie November 6, 2010 at 1:43 pm #

    Hmmmm…I don’t know for sure. Most of my friends fit those criteria–you could find us at church, libraries, bible studies, book clubs, college and grad school, mission trips. We were unlikely to go to bars or many parties. I think you could search for women on dating websites that fit that description–also, ask around to see if anyone knows any they could introduce you to. To be honest, I know so many single women like this that it is very hard to think of men I could set them up with. Probably my context, for one–I know there are quality single Christian men out there!

    I would also guess the woman you desire is probably more likely an introvert–not necessarily, but still, she may be more quiet and reserved than a woman who catches your eye first.

  27. Aunt Haley November 6, 2010 at 2:05 pm #

    Julie–
    To be honest, I know so many single women like this that it is very hard to think of men I could set them up with. Probably my context, for one–I know there are quality single Christian men out there!

    I think every under-40 Christian woman, unless she’s ensconced in the “young marrieds” cocoon, knows tons of other single Christian women.

    Also, I said nearly the exact same thing about where to find nice Christian women in this post, ha:

    Most “good” Christian girls will not hang out at places where the average (non-Christian) man will go to meet women, such as bars, clubs, sporting events, house parties where alcohol is served, or the mall. They are much more likely to be found in the church nursery, leading a youth group retreat, helping out at a women’s shelter, attending a small group Bible study, baby-sitting the children of married Christian friends, on a missions trip, hanging out with her parents and family, or at a game night sponsored by the college & career group at church.

  28. ASDF November 6, 2010 at 4:50 pm #

    Does anybody know how the famous e-harmony personality matching protocol works? Do they match you with a matching personality, or a complimentary one? I find the lack of a search function to be annoying.

  29. Joseph Dantes November 6, 2010 at 5:11 pm #

    I think Julie your advice is basically correct, although I doubt we are employing the same definition of well read.

  30. y81 November 6, 2010 at 5:43 pm #

    Of course, Our Lord had no problem with house parties where alcohol was served. But American evangelicals are holier than that.

    BTW, I doubt that there are many American men foolish enough to go to sporting events to meet women. (Unless you are A-Rod and participating in the event.) The ratio at sporting events is basically the opposite of the ratio at church.

  31. ASDF November 6, 2010 at 5:51 pm #

    Ok Joseph, now you’re getting unrealistic. The number of domestic girls who can also quote Virgil or whatever is about zero. My definition of well-read is that she prefers Penguin Classics over whatever is currently on the New York Times bestseller list.

  32. The Man Who Was . . . November 6, 2010 at 6:19 pm #

    Of course, Our Lord had no problem with house parties where alcohol was served.

    Jesus went to wedding celebrations and dinner parties where alcohol were served. But current “house parties” usually involve people getting plastered late into the night, making out in the closet, and sometimes even sneaking off to bang in the bathroom. I doubt Jesus attended such events.

    Most men just want a woman with some basic thinking skills, a lot of domestic skills, and bedroom skills (insert Napoleon Dynamite quote here).

    True for most guys, but men with any kind of intellectual bent will want something more. After dating a few very nice, non-stupid, yet quite attractive women myself, I have to say that that is not enough. You have to have some common interests and intellectual guys tend to have intellectual interests.

  33. Julie November 6, 2010 at 6:48 pm #

    Joseph, maybe you should look in English departments and book clubs then? They say you’re most likely to find a compatible mate if you go to the places and do the activities that fit you best.

  34. Aunt Haley November 6, 2010 at 10:25 pm #

    ASDF–
    I believe they try to match. The underlying theory is that people who have a lot in common will get along better.

    Man Who Was–
    True for most guys, but men with any kind of intellectual bent will want something more.

    Maybe the root problem for intellectual women is that such men who are also attractive are too rare. Then slap the requirement that he also be a committed Christian on top of that, and the tiny pool shrinks to the size of a drop.

  35. The Man Who Was . . . November 6, 2010 at 11:00 pm #

    Maybe the root problem for intellectual women is that such men who are also attractive are too rare. Then slap the requirement that he also be a committed Christian on top of that, and the tiny pool shrinks to the size of a drop.

    Reverse the sex, and you’ll understand why I’m still single. Which means as a somewhat intellectual man you need to:

    a. investigate all possible venues for meeting such rare birds.

    b. have enough experience (though not sexual experience) with other women not to screw it up when you do meet them.

  36. Joseph Dantes November 6, 2010 at 11:36 pm #

    “Joseph, maybe you should look in English departments and book clubs then? ”

    Now we’re DEFINITELY not using the same definition of well-read.

    I would actively avoid women with either quality.

  37. y81 November 7, 2010 at 1:58 pm #

    There are book clubs and book clubs: some read Oprah’s selections, some read Camus in the original. However, I suspect, fairly or not, that by “well-read” Joseph Dantes is suggesting a familiarity with the sort of paleocon declinist literature you can find online or at odd bookstores. I have known some very conservative women, but I have definitely never met a woman who was into that sort of stuff.

    Also, I have to say, that outre political views are a severe DLV. Obviously, society’s winners tend to think the existing social and political order is pretty good–they envision themselves heading the Federal Reserve, not abolishing it–so to appear extremely at odds with the existing order is to suggest that one is among society’s losers, and most women don’t want that.

  38. ASDF November 7, 2010 at 2:35 pm #

    Wouldn’t being a paleocon/reactionary/WN give you alpha street cred for not caring what others think?

    I will answer my own question; Living in a liberal city, it most certainly does not. That is another reason that I am on eharmony. The number of conservatives, even mainstream ones, are way, way higher than I would ever encounter in real life.

  39. Aunt Haley November 7, 2010 at 7:49 pm #

    Man Who Was–
    Reverse the sex, and you’ll understand why I’m still single.

    But does anyone ever accuse you of being too picky? Or is that strictly a female thing?

    y81–
    Also, I have to say, that outre political views are a severe DLV.

    Your own political views probably determine what’s outre, unless, you know, you’re outright advocating for Communism or a return to monarchy – but even then, if you’re with the right people, you can find someone who supports either of those.

    ASDF–
    Keep us posted on your progress. By the way, I asked some female friends today what they thought “being passionate about living life” meant. They said “living life to the fullest.” I’m not sure if that’s all that helpful….

  40. Joseph Dantes November 7, 2010 at 11:48 pm #

    “some read Oprah’s selections, some read Camus in the original. However, I suspect, fairly or not, that by “well-read” Joseph Dantes is suggesting a familiarity with the sort of paleocon declinist literature you can find online or at odd bookstores. ”

    Wow, y81, I don’t know which of the three options you list is worse.

    Also, I find your cherished hope of abolishing the Fed at once Quixotic and Pollyannish. I do hope you use a dental dam when you’re digging up graveyards for CPR practice.

  41. tannen November 11, 2010 at 6:17 am #

    Would the pundits here please critique this (cough) gem:

    “5’9″ and 36yr old man looking to meet a Christian woman between 26ish-35ish. Someone easygoing and kind. Eventually I hope to have a family.

    When I’m not bogged down with schoolwork or household/yardwork, it’s fun to take off on short or unexpectedly longer road trips. I’d like to explore foreign and indie films more but time always seems to be too short for this.”

  42. Aunt Haley November 11, 2010 at 7:09 am #

    tannen–
    That ad is a loser all around.

  43. Rob Chadwick June 16, 2017 at 9:38 am #

    Ok, the mysognistic comments in this thread need to be addressed head-on.

    Alpha guy– No, its not a good idea to strive NOT to give women information they want in a dating profile or in messaging. Unless you have little respect for women and just want to “hook up” sex-wise with a woman who likes your picture. Otherwise what are you accomplishing by dating online?

    Aunt Haley, this is not the 1950s. Most men I know who are dating online are looking for a partner who can keep up with them intellectually. Now if you’re not the thinking type yourself, are intellectually lazy, and allergic to books and incapable of doing anything for yourself (cooking, cleaning, taking care of your own children your parents), maybe you should be looking at mail order bride sites. If your father was like this, you do not have to be your father.

    Treating women as though they were beneath you, as sex things, your personal maid and nanny makes you far less of a man than maybe you think you are. You wouldnt want this position yourself, why would you put it on another human?

    Frankly you sound like your attitudes and/or where you’re at in life have made you a selfish boor of a catch. Having some conversations your maker, pastor, or a few trusted female friends might be helpful. You may end up finding it very rewarding really doing the work to broaden your views, and respect of the opposite gender. I’m almost 50 and have had relationships that helped me grow tremendously, one for 20 years, in part because I sought women who were smarter than me.

    I’m assuming people are posting their takes on online dating and profiles to express points that might be helpful to others and to learn something themselves. I’m not here to trash anyone for sport.

    I know my online post isnt going to change your opinion of women. Maybe it will plant a seed in someones mind to confront someone else who speaks to them like this at their church, poker club, gym.

    At least try to be like the man you would want your own daughter to marry.

    God Bless,

    Rob
    p.s. I dont know that I’ll be back here again, but maybe someone wants to reply for thr benefit of others?

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    […] Aunt Haley – “Male IOIs.“, “Why Girls Bolt After Church.“, “Writing a Successful Online Dating Profile.” […]

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