It is often said that girls marry men like their fathers. I think this is due partly to familiarity; dads are the primary source of a girl’s understanding of what a man is, so it makes sense that in seeking a man for herself, she will seek one like her father. (Likewise, men often marry women like their mothers. One of my brother’s friends is living proof of this. His mother is a domineering battle axe. Guess what kind of woman the friend married and is apparently quite happy with?)
So what happens when a girl’s dad is an alpha male? Doesn’t that make it ten times as hard for her to settle down with a beta? If she’s used to a man who makes decisions and doesn’t back down, who lovingly teases her and her mom, and is clearly in charge of the family, why would she ever want to settle down with a man who is too petrified to ask her on a date, who dithers over decision-making, who defers to her every whim and strives to make her happy at all times, and who apologizes for himself all the time? Even if she did fall for a soft, sweet beta, the bloom would probably not be on the rose for too long, and she would soon be gritting her teeth as she clung to the remains of her attraction.
I think that another reason the daughters of alphas want alphas themselves is that she wants her husband to be able to hold his own with her dad. What kind of woman can admire and love a man who shrinks in the presence of another? Especially when the man is the girl’s father – if he can’t command her dad’s respect, how can he have her respect? If the point of marriage is that a man and woman marry and form their own family unit, then having a dad who is still the top alpha in the woman’s life doesn’t bode well for the success of the marriage because the new husband and wife aren’t really their own independent family unit. The woman will end up deferring to her father, not her husband, because her dad is the one with the true authority. (See: Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey’s ill-fated marriage. Nick couldn’t overcome father-in-law Joe’s overwhelming presence and influence over Jessica.) The issue just gets compounded when alpha brothers factor into the scenario. If a girl grows up surrounded by an alpha dad and alpha brothers, who know how to handle her, her mother, and other women, she’s going to even more expect her future husband to be at or at least near their level.
Personal alpha dad anecdote from this weekend: my dad was going to bed and gave my mom a peck goodnight on the lips.
MOM: Excuse me? That’s it?
DAD: That’s all you deserve!
And he didn’t give her a better kiss and sauntered off to bed with an SEG on his face. (Note: some nights when she says this, he does give her a better kiss. Gotta keep the wife on her toes. :))
P.S. I saw both Harry Potter and the
Never-Ending Camping Trip Deathly Hallows Part 1 and Tangled over the weekend. If any readers are interested in a discussion post (or posts), let me know. Tangled in particular has some interesting gender dynamics discussionables.