A truth universally acknowledged.

31 Jan

After a certain age, when you break up with a man, he will be married to someone else within a year.

The latest example of this phenomenon?  Nathan Zacharias of Boundless, who writes that a year ago on January 8, he was depressed and distraught after a difficult break-up.  One year later, he is on his honeymoon with his “beautiful” (read “SHE’S AN 8!“) bride.

Ten bucks says his ex-girlfriend is breathing fire and drowning her sorrows in Haagen-Dazs and “You go girl!” sessions with girlfriends.  Note also that the first three comments on the post are from admiring female readers saying how “inspiring” and “encouraging” they find Zacharias’s story.  (Read:  the power of preselection!)

The lesson?  Girls, if you want to get married, find an emotionally wrecked Christian man coming off a bad break-up, smile at him, and you, too, can be married within a year!


15 Responses to “A truth universally acknowledged.”

  1. Simon Grey January 31, 2011 at 9:01 pm #

    Man, I love ending my day with a heavy dose of cynicism. It keeps things real.

  2. Joseph Dantes January 31, 2011 at 9:57 pm #

    lololol great stuff

  3. Joseph Dantes February 1, 2011 at 12:12 am #

    NO Haley, not SMILE at him… touch his freakin ARM!



    In one ear and out the other…

  4. Aunt Haley February 1, 2011 at 12:20 am #

    Smiling worked for Nathan Zacharias’s bride.

  5. y81 February 1, 2011 at 8:03 am #

    I think that the visible results are as our hostess describes, but the dynamic is a little different. It’s not the breakup that causes the man to marry, it’s the impending marriage that causes the breakup. That is, most men reach a point at which they decide it’s time to get married. Several changes occur in their behavior. They lose interest in casual relationships, for companionship or sexual pleasure, because they are focused on finding a relationship which will lead to something permanent. If they have a girlfriend, they either decide they want to marry her, which may lead to a breakup if she isn’t interested, or they decide she isn’t the one, so they pull the plug. (Boys being what they are, they usually do this by being so unpleasant that the girl has no choice but to break up with them.)

    Either way, the decision to get married often leads to a breakup of existing romance. Then the guy limits his romantic focus to suitable marriage partners. He’ll probably marry the first girl he dates, because (i) of necessity, she’s suitable, or they wouldn’t be dating, and (ii) he’s ready to get married.

  6. SDaedalus February 1, 2011 at 8:17 am #

    This is so true.

    And new girlfriends/wives are always beautiful, until they become just all right and then (post-breakup) the Bitch.

    What I like about you, Haley, is your ability to cut through the crap, though I very much fear it will preclude you from ever reaching lasting happiness.

    I would love to read a Haley-Roissy face-off.

  7. Brendan February 1, 2011 at 8:36 am #

    Cynics can still be happy. It requires an acceptance that “less than ideal” is normal, however. Most people, I think, shudder at such a realization and would see it as impeding “true lasting happiness” because it’s kind of a cynical concession to reality for most people. But happiness is often most about expectations and how these compare with reality, on the one hand, and one’s attitude towards that discrepancy, on the other.

    A cynic who observes and comments about the less savory aspects of reality and yet secretly craves the perfect situation is going to have a hard time being happy, I’d agree. But that’s true of anyone who is seeking the perfect situation, I think.

  8. Lavazza February 1, 2011 at 10:32 am #

    Brendan: What you are writing reminds me of a book by a modern French philosopher (André Comte-Sponville, “Le bonheur, désespérément”).

    Its main idea is that we should not live, or rather hope to live, better in the future, and that what is wise (“sagesse” means both wise and saintly) is to live fully, with the pleasures and joys of the present, not wishing for more than what is present.

    He calls this happiness in action/practice/presence (“le bonheur en acte”), a happiness that expects nothing.

  9. Lavazza February 1, 2011 at 10:43 am #

    “Le plaisir est le bonheur des fous, le bonheur est le plaisir des sages.” (Pleasure is the happiness of fools/crazy people, happiness is the pleasure of the wise/saints.)

  10. Scout February 1, 2011 at 10:51 am #

    Having read both his article and yours, I have to say the bitter reply actually saddens me. Not sure you should assign villain to one, and assume the other is drowning innocent sorrows in ice cream, when you haven’t actually talked to either one. You have limited insight into him and his story, and I’m just wondering why you would make a pastime of tearing him down. It honestly just seems mean.

    It saddens me when Christians are so critical of each other, instead of being happy for someone when they find something meaningful- either in singleness or a relationship.

  11. Chris February 1, 2011 at 8:11 pm #


  12. Chris February 1, 2011 at 8:15 pm #

    Haley, no.

    I am of a certain age and was married for 40 years. Fell into a relationship two years after the marraige ended and (for the 1st time ever in my life)”dumped” her because she did not have wisdom.

    I am raising kids. I cannot afford to be married to a spinner.

    That was two years ago. I’m kind of available,,, but a solo Dad in his 50s. Yes, I’m imperfect. Yes, I’m Christian. But… I am trying and praying that I will have some discernment. And desire or infatuation is not something that has any wisdom.

  13. The Man Who Was . . . February 1, 2011 at 9:36 pm #

    I have to say that while I’m not sure if I can claim to be a “person on the internet,” I have dated a fair number of 7s and was even reasonably close to marrying an amazing 6.5, though admittedly her youth compensated somewhat for her non-8ness. I have dated 8s and 9s though too and, of course, would prefer to marry such. But we all make compromises in the end.

  14. Aunt Haley February 1, 2011 at 11:26 pm #

    Good points.

    I probably wouldn’t fare very well against Roissy, partly because as a man he can wield certain weaponry that in my feminine hands would make me come off as a huge YOTCH. (Double standard FTW!)

    Man Who Was–
    You’re on the internet, aren’t you?

  15. jack February 2, 2011 at 6:11 am #

    While I do believe that a person’s number is not really that variable, I will say that in my view a girl ten years younger than me picks up a whole point of attractiveness, in a relative sense.

    The function is not linear, either, since a girl fifteen years younger is probably two points hotter, relatively.

    Average looking girls who want to find out what it is like to be a 9 or ten need only flirt a bit with guys 10+ years older.

    Trust me.

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