Boundless still doesn’t get it.

11 Feb

A trip to Boundless is always good for getting me all het up with semi-righteous fury.  Though their advice reeks of sincerity, it tends to coddle women, castigate men, and completely ignore the biological imperatives of both sexes.  I feel like in Boundlessworld, if you just pray and believe enough, people will stop acting like…people.  Christian belief does not rewrite the biological code; it merely submits it to self-restraint.  If Christian beliefs truly overrode biology, then hot Christian men would be marrying fat and merry Christian women by the truckload, and average-looking Christian women would be dying to marry sincere but impoverished and shy Christian men.  I’m pretty sure a planet of such persons does not exist in the Milky Way.

And because Boundless does not address the harsh realities of biology, we end up with sad single Christians such as this young woman, who wrote to Candice Watters:

I am a 25-year-old Christian. I would like to have a family, and I always thought I would have met my future husband by now. Not surprisingly (as our timing is not always God’s), I haven’t. The possibility of meeting a man at all is very scarce. My church, which I love and am invested in, is very small. The young-adult scene is dominated by women, and only two of the six or so men are beyond age 20.

At first, I was praying pretty intensely for a husband, keeping a journal for him (at my friend’s suggestion), and (separately) writing to God about the characteristics I wanted my future husband to have. I did enjoy keeping the journal; I thought of it as a way to share the parts of my life I’d live before meeting him. I was doing this for several months when it hit me that my future husband may not come for another 10 years, and there are a lot of other things I could be doing and praying for in the meantime.

What I would like to know is:  WHO IS THE FRIEND WHO THOUGHT KEEPING A JOURNAL FOR HER HUSBAND WAS A BRILLIANT IDEA?  Has any man ever expressed sadness and regret that he was not privy to his wife’s most intimate thoughts prior to their meeting?  How many men have any desire to read a journalful of their wife’s every thought about, well, anything?  (Cue NAMALT chorus.)  Here is a classic case of female projection.  Like, to the nth power.  Not that Mrs. Watters addresses this aspect.  Instead, she very gently suggests to the reader that keeping a journal to her husband will send her off into a fantasy world that will prevent her from meeting actual men.  (But, wait…isn’t that what Twilight is for?)

Then there was this poor Christian beta who wrote to John Thomas:

I’ve done my best to play by the rules in terms of intentionality and avoiding passivity. My question is what to do when the woman doesn’t do likewise.

I was pursuing a young woman from my fellowship group earlier this year. I was very up-front and intentional with her from the start, making sure she never had to “guess” or “assume” what my feelings were. It was crystal clear that I was asking her on a date and not merely to hang out as friends. She agreed to the date, and it went well. Conversation was never lacking, and we got along great.

As time went on, things continued in — what I thought — was a positive direction. Our conversations were meaningful; her body language was affirming, and she even left encouraging messages on my Facebook wall (for what that’s worth).

After all this, I’ve recently discovered through a friend that this woman is not romantically interested in me and, in fact, does not even enjoy my company. This came as a surprise to me, and I gave her the benefit of the doubt. But after talking to her about it, it turns out that this is true.

I am certainly not angry that the girl isn’t interested in me, because I understand that not everybody is God’s match for me. But I do find myself a little frustrated that it went on so long without any negative indications of her interest. I was very straightforward, honest and intentional with her. I don’t know why she couldn’t have done the same.

What should I do in the future to make sure we’re both on the same page and avoid this from happening again? Or is it just one of the unavoidable risks of being a man?

Now, on the one hand, I do feel for this guy, because finding out that the girl you are dating doesn’t even like being around you is cold.  But on the other hand, what does “her body language was affirming” even mean?!?!  That doesn’t sound like flirty touching or kissing.  This dude sounds like he was completely de facto LJBFed by a girl who wanted the ego massage of his attention.  And this guy isn’t even angry at her over her behavior?  MESSAGE TO DUDE:  THAT IS WHY SHE DIDN’T LIKE YOU AND WILL NEVER LIKE YOU.

Not surprisingly, Boundless can’t come up with a good answer for why this girl strung this guy along while not actually liking him.  John Thomas responds:

I can’t explain why she acted the way she acted. I am just as surprised as you are at the outcome. There isn’t anything you could have done to change the decisions she made. For all we know, in His sovereignty, God could have protected you from something He saw, but you didn’t. Maybe time will shed more light on it, but whatever the case, you can absolutely trust His good for you and for her.

So women just remain an ephemeral mystery to all of Christendom.  It might have been God.  You just can’t know.

But not men.  No, men and their wicked motives are transparent in Boundlessworld.  Carolyn McCulley recently got yet more cyberspace to remind men that they need to work harder to live up to women’s standards.  In “Gentlemen in a Digital Age,” she invokes Jane Austen as the height of a more civilized time and casts contemporary men in the role of sneaky Petes who are out to scam women on the internet.  She advises:

Be willing to become known. Yeah, it’s risky. Yeah, it can come off weird. But it doesn’t have to. You can be charming, low-key and reassuring in offering this information. Tell her why you are making the connection (“I have heard a lot about you from our mutual friends, and then I saw your profile on Facebook”). Tell her why you want to be in contact (“You sound like a lot of fun, so I’d like to get to know you a little better”). Offer information that will make you legitimate in a cesspool of spambots and viruses (“I’m sure you’d like to check me out, and that’s cool. Here’s the contact info of some people we know in common/my pastor/my family, etc. Or if you prefer I first talk to someone you know, I’d be glad to do that. Whatever makes you comfortable”).

My knee-jerk reaction to this advice was CREEPY CHRISTIAN ROBOT BEHAVIOR THAT WILL SCARE OFF WOMEN.  It’s all too much, too soon, tries way too hard, and takes ANY mystery out of the equation.  It also completely ignores the reality that women judge strangers by their looks.  If you’re not reasonably attractive, and you send a message like McCulley’s to a single Christian woman, she will not want to get to know you better, or think YOU sound like a lot of fun, or have much belief that any action you take will make her feel comfortable.

McCulley’s final paragraph is a passive-aggressive kick in the teeth to men, too:

The fine folks of Jane Austen’s world might strike us today as being a bit rigid in their manners. But they demanded character and accountability even among the limited relationships of a small town. How much wiser would we be to honor the same practices in a world without boundaries.

Translation:  You should emulate Mr. Darcy, you spineless, greedy perv.

 

Advertisements

47 Responses to “Boundless still doesn’t get it.”

  1. modernguy February 11, 2011 at 1:31 am #

    Lol. This kid is doing a difficult thing putting himself out there, and on top of that he does the Christian thing and forgives her for stepping on his balls. And he still gets sh*t on. And this is in the Christian community. If women can’t get beyond appearances even here, forget it. Perhaps he should get some piercings and tattoos and take up some useless talent like guitar playing or get a motorcycle. That way he could become the Christian facsimile of an assh*le to create some “mystery”. Is there really any doubt that we’re all just apes in suits? Why don’t we just stop with the whole charade and go back to the jungle? No Christian facade needed.

  2. Melissa February 11, 2011 at 4:20 am #

    “Christian belief does not rewrite the biological code; it merely submits it to self-restraint.” Wise wise words!

  3. Purple Tortoise February 11, 2011 at 5:51 am #

    Hah! I followed the “don’t be passive, state your intentions early” Christian dating code during my lengthy single days, with zero success. One time a woman who LJBFed me explained that women prefer ambiguity in a budding relationship. State your intentions — pursue ambiguity — what is it? No wonder why Christian men are confused.

    Looking back on it, I now see that the “state your intentions” advice is for the benefit of women, not men. Being the sincere and straightforward Christian gentleman provides no assistance in making the beta male more attractive, but women do want alpha males to be encouraged to commit early. Relationship ambiguity seems like a way for women to hedge their bets — they can keep a beta on the back burner (neither committing nor irrevocably sending him away) while they see if anything better turns up.

    Nonetheless, I think men have the advantage in the dating arena because they have a longer shelf life. I became somewhat more alpha with age and met and married a sensible Christian woman ten years younger than me, whereas Miss Ambiguity is now single and in her 40’s.

  4. cleared in hot February 11, 2011 at 6:26 am #

    I have nothing to add…this pretty much says it as it is. If there is any advice I would give young, single, Christian men it would be to ignore the advice that is so freely and righteously given out by the religious-industrial complex.

    I do wonder what advice would have been given had John been the one to respond to the girl, and Candace to the boy…

  5. Toz February 11, 2011 at 7:14 am #

    “Looking back on it, I now see that the “state your intentions” advice is for the benefit of women, not men. Being the sincere and straightforward Christian gentleman provides no assistance in making the beta male more attractive, but women do want alpha males to be encouraged to commit early.”

    Quoted for TRUTH! So much of Christian women’s advice to men isn’t for the benefit of the men, but for the women. It’s funny how it’s couched as virtue (“Men need to have some courage and ask!”, “Men need to have some patience and wait!”, etc). Most of the time, the advice amounts to “read my mind and do as I want you to do”, which in general is giving her maximum leverage in a relationship. It’s so sneaky yet effective.

    The real advice Christian men need is something very simple:

    Don’t put women on a pedestal. In fact, don’t care too much what they think. Everything else will take care of itself.

  6. Julie February 11, 2011 at 7:44 am #

    I would say most men need to be told to be the most confident and interesting version of themselves they can be.

    Most women need to be told to be the sweetest, most feminine version of themselves they can be. Be restrained, don’t pursue men, and don’t get your heart set on one man until you’re both committed.

    All need to pursue Christ first, and look for parity in relationships. How much heartache comes from year after year, hoping to shoot out of your league?

  7. y81 February 11, 2011 at 9:14 am #

    What Julie said. I would add, that confident and interesting men are usually doing something (like making money, or changing the world, or at least ensuring that their section of the Wal-Mart is the cleanest it can be), not brooding about wrongs or obsessing about women.

  8. MW February 11, 2011 at 9:19 am #

    Great post, AH.

    I laughed pretty hard at, “If Christian beliefs truly overrode biology, then hot Christian men would be marrying fat and merry Christian women by the truckload.”

    The “clear intentions” tack hasn’t worked for me either. I certainly didn’t get clear responses in return. When I complained about this to someone else in our mutual circle, it’s implied that while the man is held to this standard of clarity, it’s in a godly woman’s best interest not to adhere to it at all.

    Ambiguity, vagueness, were how she’s supposed to behave so that the man “really has to work for it, prove his worth to her”.

    As for Boundlesstan, I wonder if any of the writers has ever had a real job in their lives or just gone from Christian grad school to parachurch ministry? Ted Slater seemed ok but they canned him for lack of funds recently.

    Anyways, great post, AH. I hope your 12/12 challenge works out well for you. I’m thinking I should try it myself. I hope you’ll be giving us some updates.

  9. random beta February 11, 2011 at 9:28 am #

    great post! i would say spot on with what i’ve picked up on from boundless, and contemporary christianity also.

  10. Days of Broken Arrows February 11, 2011 at 10:34 am #

    I’m not sure which world Carolyn McCulley lives. But I can’t imagine any man saying the following to any woman in ANY era without looking like a socially maladjusted reject:

    “I’m sure you’d like to check me out, and that’s cool. Here’s the contact info of some people we know in common/my pastor/my family, etc. Or if you prefer I first talk to someone you know, I’d be glad to do that. Whatever makes you comfortable”

  11. Hermes February 11, 2011 at 10:48 am #

    Tell her why you are making the connection (“I have heard a lot about you from our mutual friends, and then I saw your profile on Facebook”). Tell her why you want to be in contact (“You sound like a lot of fun, so I’d like to get to know you a little better”). Offer information that will make you legitimate in a cesspool of spambots and viruses (“I’m sure you’d like to check me out, and that’s cool. Here’s the contact info of some people we know in common/my pastor/my family, etc. Or if you prefer I first talk to someone you know, I’d be glad to do that. Whatever makes you comfortable”).

    Sounds just like Mr. Collins from Pride and Prejudice, the epitome of a guy doing exactly what he hears women telling men they want, and getting precisely the opposite of the desired result.

  12. Wayfinder February 11, 2011 at 10:56 am #

    You should emulate Mr. Darcy, you spineless, greedy perv.

    Yeah! Tease her with some negs and then ignore her as much as possible until she…oh, wait.

    On the other hand, Mr. Collins was very intentional about his proposal from the start. He’s a minister too! He’d make a great Boundless writer.

    I’d say that Julie has the right of things.

  13. Wayfinder February 11, 2011 at 10:57 am #

    And then Hermes beats me too the punch. I’m going to chalk it up to great minds thinking alike.

  14. helvetica February 11, 2011 at 2:26 pm #

    I also am an ex-boundless reader. It used to be good, back in the 2000-2004 era, and then they started their blog. The comment section of the blog was immediately taken over by screaming post-modern leftists, and for a while Boundless resisted it, but eventually they gave in and started pandering to their market more. I was like, why are all these people even reading something put out by frackin’ Focus on the Family anyway, do they even know what it is?

    And yes, I was also turned off by the milktoast advice given by people who have never gotten their hands dirty.

  15. knepper February 11, 2011 at 3:32 pm #

    Great post, Haley. Keeping a journal for your future spouse is a hoot! My marriage started to unravel when my wife discovered and read my journal. It seems having self-doubts, etc., instantly transformed me into a beta loser in her view. Her ‘love’ for me went right down the toilet from that day forward. Knowing nothing about game, I was clueless about what was happening.

  16. ASDF February 11, 2011 at 5:24 pm #

    Knepper: You should have spanked her as punishment. That would have re-Alpha’d you. But PS, really? A diary full of your secret doubts and worries?

  17. Aunt Haley February 11, 2011 at 7:29 pm #

    modernguy–
    Perhaps he should get some piercings and tattoos and take up some useless talent like guitar playing or get a motorcycle. That way he could become the Christian facsimile of an assh*le to create some “mystery”.

    I recommend the mesh “sleeves.” That way you can avoid ink! HOTT.

    Purple Tortoise–
    State your intentions — pursue ambiguity — what is it? No wonder why Christian men are confused.

    I may have to make a follow-up post on this point.

    Candace–
    I do wonder what advice would have been given had John been the one to respond to the girl, and Candace to the boy…

    Probably not much difference, although Candace would probably grill the guy more to find out what he did “wrong.”

    Toz–
    QFT back to you.

    y81–
    at least ensuring that their section of the Wal-Mart is the cleanest it can be

    The average Walmart can definitely use more of this.

    MW–
    Anyways, great post, AH. I hope your 12/12 challenge works out well for you. I’m thinking I should try it myself. I hope you’ll be giving us some updates.

    You should do the Challenge.

    Days of Broken Arrows–
    I’m sure you’d like to check me out, and that’s cool.

    The more I think about it, the more I think that quote needs to go on a T-shirt. Maybe I should open a Cafepress shop.

  18. lifeinlonglegs February 11, 2011 at 11:27 pm #

    MW – Rare to find any ‘writers’ there – agreed.

    Because of the feminization of the church, lack of pursuit, etc. I think there is a certain pressure on females to respond positively to coffee date requests, as long as it doesn’t get too drawn out and she breaks his heart early. [ouch?] But – that’s ridiculously dishonest: we should say yes when we mean yes, and no when we mean no.

    I smartened up and recently realized that coffee with male friends might be a date.
    Why? Because I did not grow up in the church. How many dates have I been on that I did not know I was on? What kind of rep was I getting – were these guys thinking they were dating me? At Tim Hortons? REALLY? …ugh. Clarity is definitely key . I had coffee, dinner, and a long walk with someone and because of our history together as friends, and because they didn’t say it was a date, in my mind? It wasn’t a date.

    It’s safer not to presume, isn’t it?

  19. Jennifer M. February 12, 2011 at 4:07 pm #

    Oh man, you nailed it. No wonder I’m not married yet. All the eligible Christian men have been given HORRIBLE advice!!

  20. jack February 12, 2011 at 9:15 pm #

    Moral of the story-

    Do not listen to Christian ‘advice’ on dating.

    This info is also suffering from the apex fallacy problem, in that the mind of the woman who wants this behavior is wanting it from the charming hot guy.

    She wants charming hot guy to stop being so aloof and unattainable, and to approach her on bended knee.

    The only girls this will work on is the desperate ones.

  21. Samson February 13, 2011 at 11:17 am #

    WHO IS THE FRIEND WHO THOUGHT KEEPING A JOURNAL FOR HER HUSBAND WAS A BRILLIANT IDEA? Has any man ever expressed sadness and regret that he was not privy to his wife’s most intimate thoughts prior to their meeting?

    *shrug* I think it’s sweet, and romantic. Maybe we are envisioning different things.

    Perhaps he should get some piercings and tattoos and take up some useless talent like guitar playing or get a motorcycle.

    I did all of those things. Worked for me!

  22. Badger February 13, 2011 at 9:38 pm #

    “No wonder I’m not married yet. All the eligible Christian men have been given HORRIBLE advice!!”

    Nice projection. The hamster is strong in this one.

  23. Badger February 13, 2011 at 9:45 pm #

    This advice is so clueless and bizarre – do these writers live in convents? I don’t see how mainstream Christianity is doing itself any favors by peddling totally backwards personality models to its most impressionable adherents.

    I’m bothered by this “praying for a husband” stuff. It’s playing into the atheists’ playbook by treating God like Santa Claus.

    “Don’t put women on a pedestal. In fact, don’t care too much what they think. Everything else will take care of itself.”

    This is the one truth of game, all young men should learn it. Don’t listen to the haters either – there is a HUGE gulch between de-pedestalization and being a Roissyesque player or a misogynist.

  24. Aunt Haley February 13, 2011 at 10:50 pm #

    Samson–
    NAMALT!

    Badger–
    Nice projection. The hamster is strong in this one.

    I think there was a little bit of tongue in cheek, there.

    This advice is so clueless and bizarre – do these writers live in convents? I don’t see how mainstream Christianity is doing itself any favors by peddling totally backwards personality models to its most impressionable adherents.

    It’s because these people mostly don’t understand basic human sexual nature. They mean well, but it’s nearly impossible to give good advice when you’re starting from a faulty premise. Also, many “professional Christians” have a Christianized social sphere where intimate interaction with non-Christians tends to be minimal. Few people they know think differently from them (or dare to be very different around them). This leads to drawing wrong conclusions.

    I’m bothered by this “praying for a husband” stuff. It’s playing into the atheists’ playbook by treating God like Santa Claus.

    I may need to post on this. The Bible asks us to make our requests and deep desires known to God. There are numerous examples in the Bible of people praying for things and God then granting those requests out of his love and mercy. So if a husband or a wife is a true desire, then you should, as a Christian, humbly present your request to God. It’s not a matter of “God, I’ve been a good girl, so please bring me a husband this year.” It’s “God, I have a longing inside of me that I am helpless to satisfy on my own. Please either satisfy it or take it from me so that I may best be able to serve you.” However, just because you ask God for something doesn’t mean you’re going to get it (or get it on your preferred timetable). Before he was arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus asked God to let him not go through with the crucifixion. Obviously, that desire was not granted. Sometimes God’s plans don’t include your own.

  25. Badger February 14, 2011 at 12:48 am #

    God always answers your prayers. Sometimes he says no.

  26. MW February 14, 2011 at 2:15 am #

    LiLL:

    **I smartened up and recently realized that coffee with male friends might be a date.** Man, I was guilty of this even a few years back, embarrassing really.

    **At Tim Hortons? REALLY? …ugh.** Haha, Timmy’s!! Hardcore! They must be big spenders, “two double doubles and they’ll splurge on a 20 pack of Timbits. Sorry, I couldn’t resist, that’s pretty funny ;D .

    Badger: **Don’t put women on a pedestal. In fact, don’t care too much what they think. Everything else will take care of itself.**

    Agreed. It’s called reading the book of Romans, understanding our human condition and God’s work in us.

  27. ASDF February 14, 2011 at 8:33 am #

    “were these guys thinking they were dating me? At Tim Hortons? REALLY? ”

    Get over yourself. Coffee is a great first date. It should be all about the connection, anyways, not how much your date shells out for surf & turf.

  28. lifeinlonglegs February 14, 2011 at 4:36 pm #

    ASDF: It’s not the cost at all… it’s the venue selection that’s the issue. Suggesting Tim Horton’s should explicitly tell both people it’s not a date. Location sets a certain ‘tone’. It changes even the way you dress for the occasion. These were repeat coffees with men I thought were friends… [not sure now what they thought].

    I agree dating is about the connection [e.g. a zero cost walk would be fine – add in Timmies but NOT sitting around in Tim’s like a pair of truckers] but it is also about making the best possible impression.

    e.g. Would you take your dream girl to TIm H for a second or third date? I don’t think so… and if I’m not at least in the ballpark of their dream girl? I’m not wanting to date them, and I am definitely not sure why they’d bother with me. I can find someone who invests some effort in planning a location for said ‘connection’ that is cheap and still romantic – so why date the guy who doesn’t put any effort in? It’s about planning ability, effort, and who shows the most consideration for a woman’s preferences – NOT money.

  29. Badger February 14, 2011 at 4:36 pm #

    I concur with LILL. coffee dates are kind of wishy washy. There are other inexpensive date options that don’t hedge or confirm one’s betatude.

  30. Aunt Haley February 14, 2011 at 7:32 pm #

    I don’t think coffee is per se a bad date idea, though not a very imaginative one. The success of any date ultimately rests on the man’s frame and how he handles the situation.

  31. rob February 15, 2011 at 7:41 am #

    There are other inexpensive date options that don’t hedge or confirm one’s betatude.

    Hahaha. Here I am thinking that getting up the courage to ask biomechanics girl to go out for coffee is halfway to alpha.

  32. ASDF February 15, 2011 at 9:38 am #

    Hahaha. Here I am thinking that getting up the courage to ask biomechanics girl to go out for coffee is halfway to alpha.

    Coffee is a great first date, and good for you for asking that girl out (once you actually do it). Firstly, it’s really easy to ask a girl for coffee. It’s not dinner and a movie, it’s just hanging out for an hour, but it’s clearly a date (For girls who will say that a coffee invite is ambiguous, you are clueless. It’s a date. A guy will never say to another guy in his class with whom he occasionally speaks “Hey, let’s get together for a coffee sometime).

    Secondly, it’s a great way of seeing if she is worth more of your time. You just sit and talk for an hour, and it will be readily apparent if you click or not. It is also a great test for how high-maintenance the girl is. We have tons of Starbuckses where I live, so there is the cheap option for coffee and a $5 soy mochalatte option. If a girl can turn a coffee date into an $10 ordeal with an expensive coffee and scone thrown in (which you pay for), that is a red flag.

  33. Brendan February 15, 2011 at 10:00 am #

    I had the coffee date conversation with my GF last weekend and we both agreed that it seemed very odd that coffee dates seemed to be becoming very commonplace. To both of us, it seemed to be way too fast to really evaluate someone properly, and also a very odd setting to do it in. Sure, there are some people you just know within ten minutes that nothing’s there, but there are others where the first 30-60 minutes might be kind of dull or nervous or tentative, but the next 60 minutes or so are different as the person blooms and becomes more comfortable. When you exclude the people who are not “insta-click” and insta-on in the first 30 minutes of chatting over a chai latte, you could very well be excluding a lot of suitable people.

    First dates don’t need to be expensive, but the time factor of a coffee date seems way too compressed for me. Then again, an old fogey like me in my early 40s is probably going to find it hard to relate to the need for a compressed insta-click attraction.

  34. Julie February 15, 2011 at 10:07 am #

    I still think a coffee date is perfect. I don’t think I would have gone out with my husband if he’d suggested dinner and a movie for the first date. I agreed to coffee because I fully expected he’d be a nice guy, we wouldn’t click, and then that would be that. Very little investment, less chance of hurt feelings. And a nice surprise!

  35. rob February 15, 2011 at 11:49 am #

    Most likely I won’t be asking biomechanics girl out. I emailed (beta, I know) about using her as a reference, and she never wrote back. Unless she didn’t connect my email with me…and there goes a male hamster.

  36. Samson February 15, 2011 at 12:21 pm #

    Suggesting Tim Horton’s should explicitly tell both people it’s not a date.

    … etc.

    Summary: You are not married because you are high-maintenance in the extreme.

    Ladies, grasp this: If you go *anywhere* with a male, alone together, he considers it a date.

  37. Samson February 15, 2011 at 2:44 pm #

    Samson–
    NAMALT!

    NAMALT indeed! Lol.

    Seriously, I’m not picturing a journal filled with every random (and banal) thought or opinion. But a heartfelt chronicle of dreams for a husband and future would be beyond endearing – in fact it’s hard for me to imagine something more charming and spellbinding. Such a thing would fairly scream “Storybook maiden longs for traditional femininity.” Be still my heart!

    NAMALT jokes aside, it isn’t instinctively obvious to me that I’m in the minority here, but then again I have cause to believe that I’m an incurable romantic at heart. Not all men are like *me*, I guess.

  38. jack February 15, 2011 at 5:02 pm #

    I’d rather see her scrapbook full of the clippings from Cosmo articles featuring all the tricks she’s gonna try on me in bed.

    :-P

  39. lifeinlonglegs February 15, 2011 at 8:47 pm #

    “You are not married because you are high-maintenance in the extreme.”
    You know nothing about me, but thank you!

  40. Aunt Haley February 15, 2011 at 9:15 pm #

    Samson–
    But a heartfelt chronicle of dreams for a husband and future would be beyond endearing – in fact it’s hard for me to imagine something more charming and spellbinding. Such a thing would fairly scream “Storybook maiden longs for traditional femininity.”

    Would you feel the same way if she were the size of a tank?

  41. Samson February 16, 2011 at 10:31 am #

    Would you feel the same way if she were the size of a tank?

    Is that relevant here? Maybe I misread (or failed to read) something.

    Anyway, I would likely (certainly) be much less attracted to the woman in that case, but the journal thing would still be endearing in the abstract.

  42. Aunt Haley February 16, 2011 at 11:47 pm #

    Samson–
    It just seems to me that much like women give dating advice designed only for men they’re already attracted to, men find things endearing about women that they’re already attracted to, i.e., if she weren’t so good-looking, her actions wouldn’t be nearly so presh.

  43. Old Guy February 17, 2011 at 10:10 am #

    Samson:

    The Third Rule of Life is “Never have sex with someone crazier than you are.”

    Be forewarned.

  44. Badger February 20, 2011 at 5:24 pm #

    “It just seems to me that much like women give dating advice designed only for men they’re already attracted to”

    This is the best description I’ve ever read of why not to take dating advice from women.

    “men find things endearing about women that they’re already attracted to, i.e., if she weren’t so good-looking, her actions wouldn’t be nearly so presh.”

    This is the way of love.

  45. Jennifer August 19, 2011 at 7:09 pm #

    Julie, beautifully said.

    “Now, on the one hand, I do feel for this guy, because finding out that the girl you are dating doesn’t even like being around you is cold”

    Youch. I guess you’re right Haley, if he took this so loosely, she probably did pick up his beta majorly and wasn’t turned on. But that’s no excuse for her string-him-on behavior. Heh, “God” certainly did spare him a bullet there.

  46. Jennifer August 19, 2011 at 7:15 pm #

    “Don’t listen to the haters either – there is a HUGE gulch between de-pedestalization and being a Roissyesque player or a misogynist”

    Very true. And prayer, I’ve found, helps in everything, as long as you don’t expect God to drop something down the chimney instead of working for it yourself. Haley explained this beautifully.

    Haley, don’t chomp on the weight issue so much when it comes to the husband journal; are fat women not allowed to hope for the same fulfilling life that other women do? It’s love in a deep relationship, not looks, that determine whether what someone does is presh.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Linkage is Good for You: RIP Tura Satana Edition - February 13, 2011

    […] Haley – “Marrying Someone You Can’t Live Without.“, “Boundless Still Doesn’t Get It.”Hawaiian Libertarian – “Hooking Up with the Dark Lord“, “Feedlot […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s