One of my earliest blog posts was on how to ask a girl out. In that post I emphasized the importance of being direct and having a plan already in place (to show that you are intentional and have leadership skills). I still stand by that advice, but after a conversation with a friend over the weekend where we discussed the fine art of asking someone out, I thought that some other aspects needed to be emphasized.
The first point of emphasis is that you need to create rapport with the woman before asking. I mentioned this in my earlier post, but this is a crucial step. If the woman does not feel comfortable with you, you will fall flat on your face no matter how well-calculated the rest of your date request is. Ideally, you’ll have been chatting her up for anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour. She should be giving IOIs such as laughing and smiling, asking you questions, grooming herself (touching face or playing with her hair), turning her body toward you, possibly lightly touching you on the upper arm. If you’re not getting any of these, the buying temperature is too low and you’ll probably strike out if you ask her for a date, not to mention she’ll either be shocked if you ask or annoyed that you couldn’t tell she wasn’t interested.
The second point of emphasis that I did not mention in my previous post was that after you ask her out, you need to leave. Don’t keep talking to her. Once you get her answer, excuse yourself and jet. Don’t linger for another 10-15 minutes exchanging banal banter or pleasantries. You will lose most, if not all, of the impact of successfully securing a date. (And if you keep hanging around after getting rejected, what kind of glutton for punishment are you?) By leaving after getting her answer, you give her a chance to let the experience hit her (as well as squeal and run off to tell her friends). Also, it DHVs you by showing that you’ve got other things on your plate, you don’t need to stick around for her approving assurance, and you don’t bask in self-satisfaction.
The advantages to asking this way are that (1) you get the benefit of immediacy and any advantages that your physical presence confers, and (2) if the girl doesn’t want to go out with you, it allows her to decline in the most graceful way possible. If you ask her what her weekend plans are, she answers honestly that she’s not doing anything, and THEN you spring “wanna go out?” on her, she’s in a real bind if she doesn’t want to go out with you, and you will probably be forced to endure a poor lie. Sure, she might be a weasel, but better a weasel who gracefully tells you she’s busy than a weasel who’s been cornered. (On the topic of busy-ness: I would say that if a girl says she’s busy and does not counter-offer, that’s as good as a no. Also, the word “sometime” is not your friend, especially if used in conjunction with the word “maybe.”)
A final note: A good way to eliminate ambiguity, at least on your end, is to touch the girl gently on the elbow when you ask her out. No woman will misinterpret the intention behind that kind of touch.