I finally reached the “eHarmony mail” stage of eHarmz with a 45-year-old superbeta who, shall we say, has lost the bloom of youth and looks not well-poised to recover any droplet of it. Today he sent me the most beta-ish of beta greetings conveying his hope that I had a “happy Monday,” compliments to my family (I have an extended family photo posted) and my smile (what can I say, I have great chompers), questions about what I did during the weekend, and information about what he did on his (he went for a hike and rode his bicycle). He then said he would “be in touch” and wished me “sweet dreams.” It was pretty much a 66-word clinic in Coma-Inducing Nice Guy-ism. In the previous stage, where you ask three questions that the person can write in the answers for, his answers totaled 199 words. Mine totaled 44. I think you can see where this is going.
At what point, then, is a woman justified in writing off an online match before even meeting, provided he doesn’t offend basic principles of sanity and morality? If a guy comes off as a lonely, middle-aged superbeta in writing and photos, what are the odds that he will be more impressive in the flesh? Should a woman feel obligated in spending time with someone she is 99% sure she will not be attracted to? Should a woman keep her options open in case he falls into that 1%? I think that all single women can hear their mothers screeching in their ears, “You need to give nice guys a chance! He might be a great husband for you!” (My mom loves to say this about mild-mannered computer programmers. Never mind the fact that she basically married my star athlete dad because he was hot. Oh, and from the same denomination. Very important.) In the other ear are screeching manosphere men, with the mutually contradictory orders to give nice guys a chance and stop being an entitled princess, and to stop leading men on and just be honest for a change, you fat entitled whore princess who will just end up with a small army of cats.
Sometimes I think women just can’t win. Exercise any choice, and you’re too picky and will end up alone
with cats. Be too open and you’re either disingenuous or a big fat ho. O, the glories of the lose-lose situation.
Half of me is tempted to send this guy a link to Roissy, especially that one post at Roissy’s on why you should always write less than the woman, and say not to write back until he’s read a month’s worth of posts. But I think I lack that measure of kindness, cruel woman am I.