Online dating dilemmas: the superbeta.

28 Feb

I finally reached the “eHarmony mail” stage of eHarmz with a 45-year-old superbeta who, shall we say, has lost the bloom of youth and looks not well-poised to recover any droplet of it.  Today he sent me the most beta-ish of beta greetings conveying his hope that I had a “happy Monday,” compliments to my family (I have an extended family photo posted) and my smile (what can I say, I have great chompers), questions about what I did during the weekend, and information about what he did on his (he went for a hike and rode his bicycle).  He then said he would “be in touch” and wished me “sweet dreams.” It was pretty much a 66-word clinic in Coma-Inducing Nice Guy-ism.  In the previous stage, where you ask three questions that the person can write in the answers for, his answers totaled 199 words.  Mine totaled 44.  I think you can see where this is going.

At what point, then, is a woman justified in writing off an online match before even meeting, provided he doesn’t offend basic principles of sanity and morality?  If a guy comes off as a lonely, middle-aged superbeta in writing and photos, what are the odds that he will be more impressive in the flesh?  Should a woman feel obligated in spending time with someone she is 99% sure she will not be attracted to?  Should a woman keep her options open in case he falls into that 1%?  I think that all single women can hear their mothers screeching in their ears, “You need to give nice guys a chance!  He might be a great husband for you!”  (My mom loves to say this about mild-mannered computer programmers.  Never mind the fact that she basically married my star athlete dad because he was hot.  Oh, and from the same denomination.  Very important.)  In the other ear are screeching manosphere men, with the mutually contradictory orders to give nice guys a chance and stop being an entitled princess, and to stop leading men on and just be honest for a change, you fat entitled whore princess who will just end up with a small army of cats.

Sometimes I think women just can’t win.  Exercise any choice, and you’re too picky and will end up alone with cats.  Be too open and you’re either disingenuous or a big fat ho.  O, the glories of the lose-lose situation.

Half of me is tempted to send this guy a link to Roissy, especially that one post at Roissy’s on why you should always write less than the woman, and say not to write back until he’s read a month’s worth of posts.  But I think I lack that measure of kindness, cruel woman am I.

 

Advertisements

51 Responses to “Online dating dilemmas: the superbeta.”

  1. Simon Grey February 28, 2011 at 9:58 pm #

    “Should a woman feel obligated in spending time with someone she is 99% sure she will not be attracted to? Should a woman keep her options open in case he falls into that 1%?”

    No. This is a market decision and should not be treated as such. Basically, this is an expected value equation, and he fails the test. Don’t waste your time (or his).

    “In the other ear are screeching manosphere men, with the mutually contradictory orders to give nice guys a chance and stop being an entitled princess, and to stop leading men on and just be honest for a change, you fat entitled whore princess who will just end up with a small army of cats.”

    My advice to women on this point is simply to be honest and be consistent. Do not say you want a “nice guy” and then ignore/string along a nice guy (although I would like to point out that it takes two to string a guy along). And don’t seek what you cannot have. If you’re a four looking for a LTR or marriage, you need to recognize that you’re a four and will thus be unable to chase alpha 10s. Of course, it’s probably futile to ask women to be honest and consistent.

    I don’t really get the contradiction. Nice guys don’t deserve women’s attention because they do nothing to get it. If being a woman is not enough reason to deserve a man’s attention, than being a man is not enough reason to deserve a woman’s attention. And no man can be led on by a woman unless he is willing to be led on by a woman. Thus, men get what they deserve from women, and women get what they deserve from men.

  2. Simon Grey February 28, 2011 at 9:59 pm #

    I almost forgot: first!

  3. Chris February 28, 2011 at 10:25 pm #

    Cut him off, but politely. Then add him to your blacklist.

  4. Jet Tibel February 28, 2011 at 10:44 pm #

    Half of me is tempted to send this guy a link to Roissy,

    If Roissy had existed during my dating career, I would have appreciated it if my orbitee had sent me a link.

  5. Lover of Wisdom February 28, 2011 at 11:02 pm #

    Go on one date with the guy to get a “notch” on your belt. Then you can blacklist him if you wish.

  6. Joseph Dantes February 28, 2011 at 11:53 pm #

    WTF guys? She has an unbroken strikeout record. Choosiness is not a good idea at this point. Swing the freaking bat.

    Haley you should be dating multiple people. Who cares about the whinging manosphere babies. That’s not game advice, that’s gamma/omega moaning.

    If you can’t stand him ala Charlotte in Pride and Prejudice, then definitely send him the Roissy link, but leave the door open. If he’s a nice guy and eager to please, then teach him how to please. Hearing it from a woman, that this is how you personally want to be courted, should lower his white knight anti-Game defenses.

    Seriously, the homos who complain about how women should start being honest might as well take a Kukri to their balls right now, cuz it’s not gonna happen this side of Megiddo.

  7. Brendon March 1, 2011 at 12:11 am #

    Send him the link.

    As a guy, I was always bothered that women didn’t give me accurate feedback. When I finally found game stuff, my first reaction was “why didn’t anyone tell me this before?!”

    Either you’ll be helping a poor lost soul or get to see enough denial in action for a dozen blog posts.

  8. y81 March 1, 2011 at 3:52 am #

    I am mostly with Joseph. First of all, our hostess is finding the 12/12 challenge quite a challenge, so I really don’t think it makes sense to turn down dates. Second of all, she isn’t, as I understand, exactly deluged with offers from hot guys. Maybe if she spends some time with non-hot guys, she can figure out enough about men to learn why she isn’t getting what she wants. Third, I don’t get the impression that she knows a lot of people in LA, so meeting more people and getting out more is an important strategy. Fourth, I don’t get the part about “don’t waste time”: what exactly is Haley doing that makes her time so valuable? Watching the new flatscreen? Even the most boring human being is the image of God, whereas TV is not, to say the least.

    Really, it’s kind of sad, the image of the girl at home alone with the new TV, sneering at guys the computer dating service lined her up with. It’s like a Matt Gruening cartoon.

  9. Ceer March 1, 2011 at 3:56 am #

    Send him the link. It isn’t cruel to introduce a man to game, even one so old. Explain to him you are only interested in the type of men that are alpha.

  10. CSPB March 1, 2011 at 4:32 am #

    Haves some fund with it. Tell him you want a “do over” to see if he can add a bit of tease and mystery to the mix, while still being honest and real. Send him the link.

    Since you are focused on Christian guys and mostly they are too beta and nice, you can do some needed research on how to get them to act a bit more alpha and learn how to not put women on pedestals. (Women on pedestals are unhappy)

    I know a young married woman dealing exactly with this issue and she hates being on the pedestal, but he won’t view her any other way.

  11. Toz March 1, 2011 at 5:05 am #

    Seriously, send him a link to Roissy, MMSL, etc. He might be mad at first, but that’s the best thing you can do for him. Whether you reject him or not is entirely up to you. No justification needed. This is, after all, eHarmony. That’s the default expectation.

  12. Melissa March 1, 2011 at 5:50 am #

    You should filter out any men above 40 or so. If they haven’t been married yet, there is something wrong with them.

  13. Melissa March 1, 2011 at 5:59 am #

    Interesting post http://shomernegiah.blogspot.com/2011/02/theory-vs-practice.html
    “Nice Jewish Girl is an unmarried orthodox Jew. She started a blog six years ago. She wrote about being Shomer Negiah (not allowing herself physical contact with men other than relatives or a husband) and being a woman in her mid-thirties that has never kissed a man. Over the run of the blog, she decided to stop being Shomer Negiah while still looking for an Orthodox husband, kissed a man, and then broke up with him. For the last three years, she has been silent. Recently, she has returned to discuss the effect of Jewish law on her view of sex. “

  14. cleared in hot March 1, 2011 at 6:38 am #

    Should a woman feel obligated in spending time with someone she is 99% sure she will not be attracted to?

    Absolutely not. But then you also lose the right to sit around and bitch about not finding anyone, right?

    My mom loves to say this about mild-mannered computer programmers. Never mind the fact that she basically married my star athlete dad because he was hot.

    Another example of why relationship/marriage advice from women is…misleading, at best.

    he mutually contradictory orders to give nice guys a chance and stop being an entitled princess, and to stop leading men on and just be honest for a change, you fat entitled whore princess who will just end up with a small army of cats

    I fail to see any contradiction here. Simon Grey says it in a (nicer) nutshell: “Do not say you want a “nice guy” and then ignore/string along a nice guy”.

    You should filter out any men above 40 or so. If they haven’t been married yet, there is something wrong with them.

    Melissa, this is tongue-in-cheek, no? You realize the same could be said of women after, well…about 25 or 26….

  15. Purple Tortoise March 1, 2011 at 7:00 am #

    “My mom loves to say this about mild-mannered computer programmers. Never mind the fact that she basically married my star athlete dad because he was hot.”

    Haley,

    Do you have the looks, youthfulness, femininity, etc., to attract a star athlete? Otherwise, a revision of expectations is in order.

    I also think it is possible in some relationships for a woman to slowly train a man to become more alpha. It would be hard, though, because a woman would need to become so contentedly submissive that a superbeta would become alpha by comparison. With a little positive experience as an alpha, a beta can become more alpha.

  16. lifeinlonglegs March 1, 2011 at 7:00 am #

    “Exercise any choice, and you’re too picky and will end up alone with cats. Be too open and you’re either disingenuous or a big fat ho.” …..THANK YOU! Exactly what I had to try to explain to some men commenting on my blog this week. grr…

    Some men I never thought I would be interested in online were just nervous or crappy writers and come off much better [even really great] in person. You won’t die if you go out with him once.

    Maybe the ‘nice guy’ thing is a bit put-on [we tell them we want nice guys, so it would be logical for them to act like gentlemen if they believe us…] and he’ll be less nervous when you meet him.

    Going on a date with the guy won’t kill you [unless he’s the kind of weird that leaves your bloated corpse on a river bank somewhere] …or him [unless you’re that kind of weird] …as long as you are upfront about your feelings after meeting.

  17. modernguy March 1, 2011 at 8:40 am #

    You can either help him here or try to work with him. Since he’s 99% out of the question, at least help him. Tell him that while he’s looking for a good woman who would be devoted to him, it will never happen if he doesn’t make that woman’s twat tingle. Then tell him that he doesn’t actually have to be an alpha, but just to act like one most of the time, and send him to Roissy for advice. You’ll probably feel a little weird at having helped a weaker (more romantic, less ruthless) man, but it is the Christian thing to do.

  18. Aunt Haley March 1, 2011 at 9:47 am #

    Man, rough crowd.

  19. Thag Jones March 1, 2011 at 10:33 am #

    I’m voting with CSPB on this one:

    Tell him you want a “do over” to see if he can add a bit of tease and mystery to the mix, while still being honest and real. Send him the link.

    Be a bit playful and see if he responds to that. Haley, have you said somewhere how old you are? Just curious…

  20. y81 March 1, 2011 at 10:58 am #

    Since Haley previously specified a man 26-44 (not clear how this 45 year old slipped through), she herself is clearly 26 to 30. So the situation is not desperate, just depressing.

    Especially depressing is that, it appears, (i) Haley has so far gone on zero of the contemplated 12 dates, (ii) her friends know exactly zero eligible men and (iii) e-harmz is producing poor results.

  21. jack March 1, 2011 at 1:25 pm #

    One second thought, I guess you can’t send the 16 commandments one.

    But you could dissect some of the points he makes.

    To the original question, you probably should go on a date with him and give him the cold-water-in-the-face as delicately as you can.

    This guy needs help, perhaps he can be de-betafied and meet a nice girl in the future without screwing everything up.

  22. MW March 1, 2011 at 1:51 pm #

    A woman I know quite well, upper 30’s (age and partner count) was in the same online situation a while back. I asked her what she was going to do. She said, “Oh, I dunno, I’ll string him along and wind him up into knots of exasperation. Game this one hard for my own enjoyment. So what if he’s nervous and awkward around women at his age. That’s his fault. He deserves to be taken for a ride.”

    After hearing that, the cynic in me would agree with Simon Grey, “Thus, men get what they deserve from women”. The wages of sin is death. Use it to your advantage. We want exciting blog posts about how stupid and clueless beta men are.

    Buuuuut H2, I think you are cut from more decent cloth than that (Zoinks! NAWALT!). Really. I can’t add much more than LiLL, Purple Tortoise, CIH.

    Go on a date in a public place, something with conversation and light activity, like bowling or shooting pool. If he’s not to your liking, then pull the pin. Behave honestly towards him. Practise for future dates.

    LiLL is right, “Some men I never thought I would be interested in online were just nervous or crappy writers and come off much better [even really great] in person. You won’t die if you go out with him once.”

    I’m not good at writing profiles but I seem to banter well with many women in person. Sometimes it’s frustrating, but it just tells me that I need to improve my writing. That’ll come with time.

  23. Julie March 1, 2011 at 6:24 pm #

    Why not just go out with him? I went out with my husband, fully expecting nothing to come of it. It was a blind date. We are now happily married with kids. You can only tell so much from a photo and online communication.

    There just aren’t a lot of alphas out there, especially in the Christian world. The ones there are, tend to either marry the hottest women, or stay single for a long time. If you are of average attractiveness or even above average but not super hot, you probably will have to marry a beta or stay single. Maybe not, but probably. Men can learn to be more masculine and alpha–especially when it gets them good results. I’m not saying that would be the case with this particular person. But if you are rejecting anyone who does not seem like an alpha, you will likely be waiting a long time.

  24. ASDF March 1, 2011 at 6:33 pm #

    I’d go out with him. At the very least, you’ll get your dinner paid for. And you’ll have a story for us.

    If it turns out to be cringingly awkward, then do him a favour and send him some Roissy links.

  25. Ronin March 1, 2011 at 7:18 pm #

    @ASDF
    “I’d go out with him. At the very least, you’ll get your dinner paid for.”

    Dinner whore are ye!!

  26. Ronin March 1, 2011 at 7:20 pm #

    ASDinnerwhoreF

  27. Aunt Haley March 1, 2011 at 8:47 pm #

    MW–
    We want exciting blog posts about how stupid and clueless beta men are.

    Are men the biggest haters of men?

    Julie–
    I would prefer to go on dates with men who do not look like they have already received their AARP cards. Also, if I’m waiting for sex, I’d prefer it not finally be with someone who looks like he’s a couple years away from hip replacement surgery.

    ASDF–
    I can’t believe you’re advocating dinner whorism. Where is your MRA fighting spirit?!

    For the record, readers, I haven’t been asked on any dates by anyone from eHarmony…yet (?).

  28. ASDF March 1, 2011 at 9:49 pm #

    Haley:

    I would prefer to go on dates with men who do not look like they have already received their AARP cards. Also, if I’m waiting for sex, I’d prefer it not finally be with someone who looks like he’s a couple years away from hip replacement surgery.

    Zing! Why would you even start talking to this guy if you are that unattracted to him?

    I can’t believe you’re advocating dinner whorism. Where is your MRA fighting spirit?!

    Chivalry still exists in gentlemen of a certain age. Get him to take you to the early bird special at Denny’s.

  29. Aunt Haley March 1, 2011 at 10:14 pm #

    ASDF–
    Zing! Why would you even start talking to this guy if you are that unattracted to him?

    He initiated contact, and I wanted to see how far along in the communication process I would get. Also, I’m still trying to go on twelve dates. Since men aren’t exactly beating down my door, I figured I could make it through an hour of coffee with this guy if the opportunity presented itself. Beggars can’t be choosers, etc.

  30. Anthony March 1, 2011 at 11:12 pm #

    Don’t go on a date with him unless he specifically asks you for a date. If he does, say yes. Note – this advice is specifically for your current situation, where you’re trying to make yourself go out on dates.

    If he were that beta, but physically attractive, I’d suggest you prompt him to ask you for a date, but still make him actually ask. That advice would apply more generally.

  31. Miss365 March 2, 2011 at 2:54 am #

    Not much to add other than with the way online dating goes if you get to the stage where you do actually get asked out for a coffee, I say go. One date isn’t going to kill either him or you. And think of it this way, you wouldn’t want to be written off by a guy for the same reasons before he had the chance to meet you in person, right? :)

    Secondly, is there such a thing as an Alpha Beta? After reading this Roissy’s blog a true Alpha would turn me off very, very quickly with his game playing but the Betas never get a look in because they never ‘do’ anything. Is there such a thing as in the middle? I want one of those ! Lol ! ;)

  32. Hermit March 2, 2011 at 3:56 am #

    A long time ago I used to frequent an INTJ site (for those of you familiar with MBTI. Not for dating, just to converse. Not too long ago Vox Day mentioned in a post that INTJ’s are the best at aloof game, because they genuinely don’t care what others think of them. Haley, I think that you need to search out some INTJ’s, whether online or some other means. Many of them, like me, are actually quite personable, but tend to avoid most social situations. These guys are generally genuine and straight-forward, and don’t do any pedestalizing. You can get your Alpha, or someone close enough, if you’re looking in the right places.

  33. CSPB March 2, 2011 at 6:15 am #

    @Miss365

    Kinda, but not really. Game is amoral (neither moral or immoral). It is the use of it that determines morality. So a guy can have Alpha traits and know Game, yet not use that knowledge for pump and dump.

    A car is amoral. The driver can used it to run down old ladies on the street (immoral) or transport old ladies to their doctor appointments (moral).

    (I just had to gets some old lady stuff in here, since I’m older than 45 and got a chuckle out of Haley’s comment.)

  34. Julie March 2, 2011 at 6:58 am #

    Well, if you are not even in the least attracted to him, then I’d stop communicating too.

    Is it just a matter of him looking old, or is his actual age a problem for you? How much older are you willing to go, assuming the man interests you in some way?

  35. Joseph Dantes March 2, 2011 at 10:46 am #

    “Also, I’m still trying to go on twelve dates. Since men aren’t exactly beating down my door, I figured I could make it through an hour of coffee with this guy if the opportunity presented itself. Beggars can’t be choosers, etc.”

    Bravo.

    That’s the second smart thing you’ve said about this… the first was starting the 12/12 challenge.

    Are those visible beads of sweat on your forehead? The effort… it’s amazing!

    Just to calibrate your work ethic… a choice quote:

    “The guys who fuck loads of hot women are nothing like the urban player myth. What they actually do is sit around in their underwear trolling Plenty of Fish. They hustle in Covent Garden through wind and rain. They get shitfaced in Hoxton bars and tool big sets. They rapidly escalate in nightclubs and bundle girls into taxis. They get £30 Ryanair flights to foreign cities and then hole up in shithole apartments plotting their next move.

    They are semi-employed. They had some personality flaws that drive them to master the skillset and fuck loads of girls. They sometimes fuck fatties just to get a good story. What they don’t do – ever – is spend £hundreds on clothes and grooming products, two hours getting ready, and then swan around a top end club looking like a player.”

  36. y81 March 2, 2011 at 11:15 am #

    What Joseph Dantes said. Although it might be more politely phrased by reference to frogs and princes.

    I have been thinking, and although the idea of keeping diary about your future husband is batty, the idea of keeping a notebook on sales efforts and results is not. Start by making a list of 10 prospects (this doesn’t mean guys, it means people or places that might lead to guys). Then explore at least one EACH DAY (i.e., call your popular friend, go to the evening Faith and Work lecture, sign up for the ski trip, etc.). Record the results and analyze your mistakes.

    Also, re-analyze your E-harmz conversations. Why aren’t they producing dates? Please do not attribute any failures to looks. Go down to the nursery school next Sunday and count the plain, the plump, and the downright homely women who have husbands and children. Looks have almost nothing to do with it.

  37. lifeinlonglegs March 2, 2011 at 9:51 pm #

    Y81 is right. It’s not looks. and in some cases, it’s not even fat. I think it is all about health – mental, physical and spiritual health: where we’re ‘at’ in terms of how open we allow ourselves be to the possibilities around us. Chances are he’s not at e-harms. He’s out volunteering or in the grocery store line or he’s your friend’s cousin. We should take a hint from network marketers: they list everyone they know and then go ask them to list everyone they know and so on to build a business recruiting people. Like facebook, but more in-the-flesh. That might help for the husband hunters out there.

  38. random beta March 2, 2011 at 10:00 pm #

    You clearly do not want to do it, your hearts not in it, why do it. You are not in the point of life where this man is a realistic option.

    the alpha beta question is sort of meaningless.

    There is nothing wrong with being single right? The western world is unlikely to regress to a point when men and women need each other, so who cares?

    Decide in your own mind how long, you want to keep chasing the man that you want. If this is a question of faith, then you are called to believe regardless of how bad things appear, rather in spite of any evidence to the contrary.

    So what do you believe? Do you believe that there is a perfect man for you? Do you believe that a relationship is at it’s core, or at the very least should be essentially like those movie images that get tossed around as ideals?

    What do you really, truly value? is it attraction or anything else?

  39. theprivateman March 4, 2011 at 9:54 am #

    Send him to my post on this very issue.

    http://theprivateman.wordpress.com/2011/02/27/be-taciturn-not-garrulous/

  40. Miss365 March 6, 2011 at 2:52 am #

    @CSPB – Thanks. I think I’m starting to get this whole Alpha/Beta thing now. Not something that gets talked about this side of the pond and if it does we seem to have different names for it ( usually ones that I am too polite to write here ! ) ;)

  41. Old Guy March 7, 2011 at 12:25 pm #

    Melissa: Thank you for posting the link.

    “Interesting” falls short, though. The blog is the most disturbing thing I’ve read in a very long time, maybe ever. I’m unsettled.

  42. Workshy Joe March 14, 2011 at 4:09 am #

    This is awesome.

    Its rare to encounter a woman who is so in touch with her fundamental mate preferences.

    You could send the poor “nice guy” a link to Roissy, but I don’t think he’d be ready for it.

    Instead, here is what I would suggest. Tell him that you’ve always been attracted very dominant and self-assured men.

    Tell him very bluntly that you’re not sure if he has demonstrated those traits. Leave it at that. Don’t qualify. Don’t explain.

    He might not reply. If he does, you’ll be able to tell a great deal from what he says.

  43. Hermes March 31, 2011 at 7:26 pm #

    “You need to give nice guys a chance! He might be a great husband for you!” (My mom loves to say this about mild-mannered computer programmers. Never mind the fact that she basically married my star athlete dad because he was hot.

    Funny how, regardless of the sex of the offspring, it’s always the mothers who have this delusion. My mother’s always pushing me to settle for an overweight and/or just plain ugly girl, despite the fact that I’m pretty sure she would have been considered “hot” when she was young.

  44. Jennifer August 19, 2011 at 6:55 pm #

    “He then said he would “be in touch” and wished me “sweet dreams.””

    Oh boy oy..

    Miss, you are correct; Roissy is a creep and I hope this guy never comes across him. Please Haley, send the dude to Susan Walsh instead, or Deansdale or Badger.

    As for the Manosphere and your mother, Haley, they need to remember there’s a difference between a nice guy and an outright teddy bear. The latter is meant for cuddling, not for having life-long sex with, so why would you?

  45. Priscilla June 29, 2012 at 11:36 am #

    I know this is an old thread, but does anyone have any thoughts about online dating? It didn’t work out with the guy I was talking to, and there aren’t any single guys at my church or in my social circle. One of my friends wants me to create an account on Christian Mingle. Does anyone have any experience with this site? The thought of meeting someone over the internet still seems a little weird to me.

  46. Lucie June 29, 2012 at 1:59 pm #

    Priscilla, I would give it a shot, but without expecting too much…and I honestly don’t mean to sound discouraging, just realistic. You will undoubtedly come across a lot of duds, for a multitude of reasons. But given your circumstances, you should do whatever you can to widen the pool. Just go into it prayerfully and with patience. Good luck!

  47. Aunt Haley June 29, 2012 at 2:15 pm #

    Priscilla–
    One of my friends tried Christian Mingle but didn’t like it (or at least didn’t like the results she was getting). I don’t know how their algorithm matches people, but obviously your data and your stated preferences will shape your results.

    If you do decide to do online dating, make sure your pictures are as attractive as possible. A Pulitzer Prize-worthy profile featuring you as World’s Most Delightful Future Wife won’t mean squat if you look like Sasquatch in your photos. The guys around here can give pointers if you need some.

  48. Priscilla June 29, 2012 at 3:42 pm #

    Thank you both for the advice. :) I’m really critical of pictures of myself, so I’d never let a Sasquatchy photo be seen by anyone if I could help it. I think I have some decent ones on fb that would work. My friend knows someone who just recently married someone she met on Christian Mingle, and she said she went on a date with one guy who was genuine. I’m still not sure what I’m going to do, but I feel like I’ve got to do something. This last guy led me on for months and it’s left me feeling very hurt and insecure. I’m trying to exercise and take care of myself, and I always try to look nice whenever I go anywhere. I’ve got to work on my self-confidence though.

  49. Happy Midwestern Wife July 9, 2012 at 6:42 pm #

    Priscilla–
    My husband & I met on ChristianCafe.com On it you get to set your search, so you’re not at the mercy of algorithm. You can set the search to pick men of your choice of denomination, level of church involvement etc. If you’re reformed, I would recommend sovereigngracesingles.com: a smaller pool of singles but extremely sanctified.

    God’s timing is different for everyone. I found my wonderful husband after online dating for only two months (on ChristianCafe.com and on 4 free Christian sites). But he had been online for 8 years before he found someone he wanted to marry.

    I was 36 when I got married (DH was 39), with my “V card” intact (and his too!) thanks to the rigid rules of IKDG-style courtship that I and all my peers followed. Although I had the IKDG requirement of “no kissing before the wedding day” there was still plenty of men who contacted me online.

    I’m not a regular reader of this blog, so I might not be back, but I hope you find someone with whom to have a wonderful marriage.
    ~Happy Midwestern Wife

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Girl Guide: Red, Yellow, Green | The Badger Hut - March 6, 2011

    […] Haley recently posted an inner monologue on whether she should go on a date with a 45-year old man she met on eHarmony whom she finds […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s