I was talking to my brother on the phone tonight and found out that his first college girlfriend had never let him kiss her even though they dated for a (school) year. This was because she was one of those girls who had decided not to kiss anyone until she was married. This was also before my brother had read The Game three times and Mystery Method twice. And this was also in part due to the sterilized Christian college atmosphere of “even the slightest male sexual forwardness is akin to date rape.” Ultimately, the ex-girlfriend’s unwillingness to kiss my brother led to their breakup.
But, as I learned, he should have just gone ahead and kissed her. Years later she apologized to him for never kissing him and then confessed that she had gotten drunk and made out with some random stranger and felt awful about it. I don’t think this made my brother feel better about all those kissless months.
All women, no matter what they say, want the men they’re dating to put the moves on them, or at least try. If you’ve been dating a non-kisser for a while, and you have good chemistry, and you’ve just had a really great date, you may as well go for it. She may honestly believe that she wants to save her lips for “I do,” but what her subconscious really wants is to know that the man she is dating finds her so irresistible that he can’t help but kiss her. Irresistibility is key, though. Anything less will seem calculated or lustful. Another caveat: bring your best game in case you get rebuffed – not so that you can then con her into changing her mind, but to show her that her refusal to kiss you does not affect you. (If you have really wicked game, you should let her know how attractive you find her, and then inform her that you will not kiss her under any circumstance. She will be dying for you to kiss her. Hey, it worked for Rhett Butler.)
I’m not writing this to try to get men to get women to abandon their kiss-free standards. Some women are very resolute and sincere and do make it to the altar with unbesmirched lips. I commend these women. But I think that a lot of young women adopt a kiss-free stance in a fit of idealistic romanticism, rather than as a result of sober contemplation. It’s the idealistic romanticizers, therefore, for whom no-kissing often amounts to a sanctified shit test – a test that men should recognize and treat as any other. The truth is that under amenable circumstances, a woman will kiss whom she wants to kiss. Very, very few women can fight off the hamster for long when it comes to kissing the men they are deeply attracted to.
P.S. This blog post should not be interpreted to mean “ASSAULT HER WITH YOUR SLOBBERY, OVEREAGER LIPS JUST BECAUSE THERE WAS A SPLIT-SECOND PAUSE IN THE CONVERSATION.” Timing is always of the essence.