If you were a swagger coach: bassoon quartet edition.

3 Apr

This is the most purely nerdy thing I have ever seen on the internet.  (Pure nerdiness lacks the repulsive desperation/shame factor commonly associated with nerds.)  I encourage everyone to watch the video, but if you don’t, this is what it contains:  a bassoon quartet playing selections of score from the Super Mario Bros. video game series.  This video is special because pretty much every aspect is nerdy to the hilt.  To wit:

  • Bassoon quartet.  You have to be a very dedicated band geek to play the bassoon, because bassoons are not cheap.
  • The music is from a series of video games, which someone obviously had to take the time to select and arrange.
  • I didn’t realize until the musicians stood up to take their bows that the blonde on the left is female.
  • Everyone in the quartet is wearing glasses.
  • Everyone in the quartet has a dorky haircut.
  • The Asian in the back stops playing and beatboxes unironically at two different times and occasionally makes sound effects noises.
  • Everyone is wearing the same custom shirt, which features four bassoons and which I assume is their group outfit.
  • Everyone is wearing stone-washed jeans that look like they came straight out of 1996.

If you were a swagger coach and were hired to prep these kids for a night of sarging cheerleaders, what would you advise?

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8 Responses to “If you were a swagger coach: bassoon quartet edition.”

  1. modernguy April 3, 2011 at 2:21 pm #

    These guys definitely need some PUA skillz.

    Haley, since you’re looking for an alpha for yourself, why handicap yourself with a demand for commitment? Your feelings are not going to last anyway, the familiarity of marriage and the daily monotony will erode at your feelings and his alphaness. So in four to five years you’ll wonder where the rosy tint of “love” went while changing diapers and doing laundry. You demand the same thing the common club sluts do – “alpha” and on top of that you want him to be committed and Christian too. At least the club sluts get their alpha for a little while, until he moves on.

  2. Hughman April 3, 2011 at 4:02 pm #

    Change to saxs. Wear fly suits. Get a good haircut. Wear contacts. Play film scores from famous/cult films and tv series. Boom, job done

  3. Annie April 4, 2011 at 4:38 pm #

    Ok, well, I’m not in the demographic you suggested they target after receiving coaching, but I have to assume that Yvette and I agree…

    (Haven’t read the link.)

    Pure dedication and skill in SOMETHING is actually very attractive–at least to me. Being a gelled poseur with no passion for anything in life is NOT what I’m looking for.

    (But, as we’ve agreed before, being a gelled poseur pouring out the negs seems to get other groups of women? Ew. Sad. Gross–but, true.)

  4. Annie April 4, 2011 at 4:46 pm #

    WHOA. I hadn’t gotten to the beatboxing part of the video at the time of my initial comment.

    I love this!

    Off topic: I have been reading this blog for a while now, but only recently have commented. Nice work on cultivating such interesting discussions among your readers.

  5. detinennui32 April 9, 2011 at 12:06 pm #

    I was one of these band guys in HS, but not a bassoon player. All this is from personal experience.

    First: work on appearance. Dress better. Get better haircuts. Stand up straight, shoulders back, chest out.

    Second: you can be in the band. Just don’t talk about it all the time. With cheerleaders, talk to them about their favorite subjects: themselves.

    Third: learn a sport, any sport – even if it’s golf or tennis. Get some level of skill in some sport. (NOTE: Depiste what you’ve heard, badminton, ping pong and chess are NOT sports. They are pastimes.)

    Fourth: Do not make weird sounds with your mouth or hands. The only musicians allowed to do that are percussionists and even they shouldn’t do it when Gaming. But drummers always got the best girls anyway.

  6. Stanley D. Williams, Ph.D. April 28, 2011 at 4:54 pm #

    Well you are all somewhat sheltered. The bassoon is perhaps the most awesome instrument ever invented. And it is NOT a band instrument. Try orchestra or shall we say Jazz.

  7. DJ December 30, 2012 at 8:24 am #

    Musicians do it better. Honestly what’s not to love,and the sound of a bassoon is plenty hot.they seem pretty cool to me besides don’t all girls want musicians? One who plays a specilized instrument is even cooler.

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