I feel like men in the manosphere often get cranky because women don’t notice them. “I’m a good man, I want commitment, I have a good job, and I’m not a jerk,” they say – as if these qualities alone naturally draw women’s attention. (Then there’s a lot of bluffing about asshole game, moving to Thailand or Brazil, and never getting married.) The consensus seems to be that women go around intentionally ignoring men who don’t meet their 463-point checklist. Foul wenches!
Truthfully, most of the time, most women don’t notice most men, and it’s not any grand feminine conspiracy. It’s just how women are wired. Women aren’t primarily visual, and so unless the man immediately pings on her physical attraction scale, or he does something (alpha) to attract her attention, he’s just not going to register. And because most men are not all that physically impressive, and most men don’t ever approach women, most men are going to be passively ignored by women going about their daily activities. It doesn’t mean that women are not amenable to being opened; it just means that women are not usually on alert for the opportunity.
The situation is different, obviously, in social situations designed to put men and women in each other’s company for the express purpose of (potentially romantic) mingling: bars and clubs, meetup groups, church mixers, matchmaking ambushes. In these situations, women are usually putting forth extra effort to look good themselves, and they will be much more aware of every male in their surroundings (some more than others, but there is a much greater active awareness than usual). Also, men will tend to put more effort into their appearances in these situations, which greatly helps their ability to get noticed.
The bottom line, I suppose, is that if men want to get noticed more, they need to distinguish themselves in some way, either through physical appearance (better physique, better clothes, better hair, better accessories), or through approaching with confidence and humor. If you dress like you shop at Kohl’s and get your hair done at Super Cuts, you have muscle tone like Jell-O, and you never try to talk to any women, and still complain that your good job isn’t turning you into the new Don Draper**, then it’s probably time to rethink your strategy.
**I just finished watching season 4 of Mad Men. How is it possible that Don Draper is not suffering from a loathsome disease? …Well, at least that we know of. Although I doubt that “Don Draper’s got the herp!” is going to be a storyline any time soon.