11 Responses to “From a certain point of view.”
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Who’s Really Having Sex in College? | Hooking Up Smart -
April 28, 2011
[…] takes serial monogamy to an extreme. (See Haley’s excellent graphic depiction of one of these […]
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Haley's Halo 
Here’s what I don’t get about the primacy of serial monogamy in our moralistic culture.
Woman A – Has three boyfriends at the same time. Sleeps with all three. This situation lasts three years.
Woman B – Has one boyfriend at a time. Breaks up after one year, and then starts with new boyfriend.
At the end of three years both women have slept with three men. Yet Woman A is somehow a slut while Woman B is the type the SWPL crowd thinks is completely normal and moral, etc. Makes no sense at all.
Another great comic. It explains why men focus so strongly on “the number,” and have limited interest in the justifications for the number.
From a (small) capital “l” point of view (liberal) she’s a good girl (promiscuous but no cheating).
From a (big) capital “L” point of view (Liberal), and possibly Libertarian point of view, she’s a bad girl (monogamy is bad and ‘outdated’ while open relationships, adultery, polygamy and promiscuity is good).
From a conservative point of view she’s a bad girl. I believe she’s a bad girl but that is because I’m a traditional conservative Christian. Chaste and virgin here and staying that way until I get married at a church.
As Jenni notes, this is a good example of one of the precepts of what one commentator called “moralistic therapeutic deism,” the belief system of most Americans, including many churchgoers. In a sentence, this belief system holds that there is a God, that he wants you to be a good person and will reward you if you do, and that one of the good things he wants you to do is find personal fulfillment. Being a “good” person is somewhat ill-defined, but it generally includes serial monogamy, which holds that it is wrong to “cheat” on your current boyfriend or girlfriend. There’s a bit of contradiction in this belief system, because what if your personal fulfillment requires being sexual infidelity, but most people don’t think much about these issues.
BTW, I don’t think this belief system is properly linked to the SWPL crowd. It’s pretty pervasive among working class people, too.
Truer words I have never seen spoken before, y.
Where is our Western, Christian civilization ultimately headed?!
The sentiments you expressed are simply too poignant for a mere few sentences — this should be the topic of a book — or at least a seperate blog post.
*BTW – the picture Haley posted is (sadly) hilarious.
Three-at-a-time is undeniably slutty.
Three-in-a-row is a d–m close second.
Three in a row over a 15 year period is not bad at all.
Three in a row over a three year period is maybe not slutty, but it is promiscuous.
I tend to define sluttiness as the overall amount of time or overall amount of pre-sex relationship is built up.
Sleeping with anyone on the first date is very slutty, even if you only do it once. Does that MAKE a girl a slut? No. But if repeated often enough…
Here’s what I don’t get about the primacy of serial monogamy in our moralistic culture.
Woman A – Has three boyfriends at the same time. Sleeps with all three. This situation lasts three years.
Woman B – Has one boyfriend at a time. Breaks up after one year, and then starts with new boyfriend.
At the end of three years both women have slept with three men. Yet Woman A is somehow a slut while Woman B is the type the SWPL crowd thinks is completely normal and moral, etc. Makes no sense at all.
Makes total sense.
Woman A apparently CANNOT be sexually satisfied or content with just one man if she apparently needs 3 dicks concurrently. She is a greater risk for cheating and cuckoldry.
Woman B has demonstrated the ability to be sexually faithful/loyal to the man she is WITH AT THAT TIME, and then eventually maybe the relationship just doesn’t work out.
The woman with 17 boyfriends has demonstrated she is WAY TOO PICKY. She’ll never be content or satisfied. If you marry her, it is just a matter of time before she decides she has to move on again.
Mike C-
Depends on the span of the three.
A girl who is on her third in as many years is probably likely to turn into a high-boyfriend-count gal.
Divide the number of BFs by the number of years spent dating them to figure the risk.
Average time between boyfriends (an we all know what I mean by “boyfriends”), and average time from initial meet to sex are two critical timing considerations.
y81–
Welcome back from your Lenten vacation.
I think that serial monogamy is now the de facto relationship model for “good” people in Western culture. Apparently there is romance in the idea that “you’re my only one…but probably not my last one, and definitely not my first one.”
Langobard–
I am an arteeste.
The ‘good girl’ attitude applies in secular society where sexual purity is about morality – being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ according to subjective cultural standards. Counting numbers of partners; number of days or months before sexual contact, etc. to compare with other women to make sure you’re not a slut.
in Christian religious [note I said religious] circles, – it tends to take the form of rationalization – ‘God knows I love him so it’s okay if I fool around or sleep with him before marriage’; We KNOW we’re getting married so it’s okay ….
Before God – that’s pretty much idolatry: making God out to be who and what you want him to be in the image of things on earth or in heaven that have nothing to do with Who he is — because you’ve not got to the point YET where your love for him runs deeply enough to affect your obedience in this area. Note I said yet for a reason: nothing is beyond Him. Nothing is unrecoverable! We can pray to know God in this deep way, to have a love for him that goes beyond ‘self’ and our desire to desire what He desires for us… which is ALWAYS way way way better even if it doesn’t feel that way to begin with.