The new “I have a boyfriend.”

2 May

Everybody knows that women who don’t want to be bothered by men often use “I have a boyfriend” as a deterrent.  The scenario usually goes thusly:

GUY:  Yo, we should hang out sometime in a sexual way. (paraphrasing)

UNINTERESTED GIRL:  I have a boyfriend.  (usually prefaced by “uh” if she doesn’t like you, and “I’m sorry” if she’s trying to let you down gently)

GUY:  Oh, my bad.  (goes home to chronicle failure in blog)

Whether or not the girl actually has a boyfriend is beside the point.  Etiquette dictates that trying to steal someone who is taken (if not legally so) is rude, and so the excuse usually works.

However, thanks to Game, many men now consider “I have a boyfriend” to be a shit test.  The logic behind this assumption is that the woman will forget about her boyfriend if a more alpha male comes around, so the man should be that alpha male if he wants to make time.  Fair enough.  Boyfriends don’t incur any legal obligation of loyalty.

This got me thinking, though…if “I have a boyfriend” no longer commands the same social sway that it once did, then what new excuse can a woman use to politely get rid of unwanted swains?  (“I have to wash my hair” is the “Shout to the Lord” of excuses, i.e., just a little too obvious of a go-to.)

Well, recent comments left on this blog indicated that a woman who dated multiple men concurrently was “undeniably slutty” and unable to be satisfied by one man.  So, in light of that information, maybe the new “I have a boyfriend” should be “I have three boyfriends.”

GUY:  Yo, we should hang out sometime in a sexual way.

UNINTERESTED GIRL:  I have three boyfriends.

GUY:  WHAT OMG WHORE WHORE WHORE WHORE WHORE  (runs away to denounce modern women in blog)

Of course, a woman deploying this technique would have to make sure the situation didn’t backfire on her:

GUY:  Yo, we should hang out sometime in a sexual way.

UNINTERESTED GIRL:  I have three boyfriends.

GUY:  MY KIND OF LAY-DEH!

UNINTERESTED GIRL:  $*#@!!….um, I just remembered, I have to wash my hair.  (runs away to remind girlfriends that men are pigs)

Alternative suggestions:

GUY:  Yo, we should hang out sometime in a sexual way.

UNINTERESTED GIRL:  My dog/grandma/parakeet named Bill just died.

or:

GUY:  Yo, we should hang out sometime in a sexual way.

UNINTERESTED GIRL:  I’m attending my son’s figure skating competition.  The tassels on his costume are amazing.

also:

GUY:  Yo, we should hang out sometime in a sexual way.

UNINTERESTED GIRL:  Okay, but I have to warn you…I didn’t shave my chest this morning.

It’s up to you.  Pick your poison.

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31 Responses to “The new “I have a boyfriend.””

  1. Ceer May 3, 2011 at 2:15 am #

    Any time you have an excuse to get rid of a guy that is commonly used, you will have guys in general figure out that this is a shit test and start to ignore it.

    Technically speaking, aren’t husbands and wives not bound by legal obligation of loyalty also?

  2. Ilíon May 3, 2011 at 2:47 am #

    It’s too bad, isn’t it, that women don’t have the option of simply saying “No” … and meaning it?

  3. Toz May 3, 2011 at 3:53 am #

    How about:

    GUY: Yo, we should hang out sometime in a sexual way.
    UNINTERESTED GIRL: No.

    If he asks why, just be honest. Sometimes, I think girls overthink things.

  4. Susan Walsh May 3, 2011 at 5:15 am #

    Hilarious, great way to start the day!

  5. Badger May 3, 2011 at 5:56 am #

    Haley is missing an important point. IHAB isn’t used only to say “go away,” it’s also used to say “game me harder. ” I.e. a shit test. As a matter of fact the substitute lines above are so ridiculous they practically beg a man to game you back.

    Learn to say “I’m not interested” and you won’t get gamed by unworthy suitors.

  6. Bob May 3, 2011 at 9:47 am #

    “Hey, let’s hang out in a sexual context.”

    “I’m sorry, I have a raging yeast infection.”

    Ought to do the trick, at least until “Yeast infection” becomes a euphamism for something tawdry.

  7. Brendan May 3, 2011 at 10:58 am #

    You could always say you’re a committed lesbian.

    Technically speaking, aren’t husbands and wives not bound by legal obligation of loyalty also?

    In most states you *can* get a divorce based on adultery — it’s still a ground for divorce in most states. It’s not often used, however, because it’s expensive to do so when compared with no fault (i.e., you’d have to prove the adultery, not merely allege it, and your spouse gets to contradict your claim, which gets expensive in legal fees). So, as a practical matter, it isn’t used very often, but the law still views it as a legal ground to divorce in most states.

  8. Pode May 3, 2011 at 11:27 am #

    Please help me find a nice Christian lie to tell. Really? Is it the N or the O that is giving you trouble?

  9. Langobard May 3, 2011 at 11:36 am #

    Badger said…
    Learn to say “I’m not interested” and you won’t get gamed by unworthy suitors.

    This is precisely the advice of Laura Doyle who wrote The Surrendered Wife

    http://www.surrenderedwife.com/surrendered_wife_books_surrendered_wife.html

    Anything else can smack of game-playing and manipulative attention-seeking, and is behavior unbecoming of a lady — especially a Christian one.

  10. Langobard May 3, 2011 at 11:46 am #

    So, in light of that information, maybe the new “I have a boyfriend” should be “I have three boyfriends.” @Haley

    Translation: One actual boyfriend and two clueless beta orbiters.

  11. jack May 3, 2011 at 11:50 am #

    Try “I have a girlfriend.”

    That may not work either.

  12. Badger May 3, 2011 at 1:28 pm #

    That “quest for 12” must be working out really well if Haley is looking for ways to reject men.

  13. Paige May 3, 2011 at 3:17 pm #

    This is a conversation I had on WordFued (A scrabble game with a chat option) yesterday.

    Him: Nice pic (my avatar is a picture of my face)
    Me: Thanks.
    Him: Married? Kids?
    Me: yes and yes
    Him: ooh..a MILF.
    Me: 0_0
    Him: What color panties you wearing?

    I am just wondering how effective it is to troll scrabble games for cybersex. Are nerd girls really that slutty?

  14. Ceer May 3, 2011 at 3:49 pm #

    The reason why girl’s can’t just “say no and mean it” is because too many of them don’t. Typically when a woman says “no” it means “maybe” or “convince me”, and is emotionally trying to weed out men with weaker frames. In otherwords, it’s a shit test. The proper strategy for a man to deal with this is to assume “no” means “yes” or “convince me”.

    All women have to do is say “convince me” or “I don’t like you yet” as a shit test. This will save “no” for a time when she really intends to shut down conversation. With feminism, women have a much greater network to actually make this happen than ever before, but they don’t seem to bother.

    Women get the men they deserve.

  15. Langobard May 3, 2011 at 4:10 pm #

    The reason why girl’s can’t just “say no and mean it” is because too many of them don’t. Typically when a woman says “no” it means “maybe” or “convince me”, and is emotionally trying to weed out men with weaker frames. In otherwords, it’s a shit test. The proper strategy for a man to deal with this is to assume “no” means “yes” or “convince me”.

    Ceer – interesting and compelling points, however, are the hypothetical ladies in question really testing the man to see if he is attractive (is this even really that necessary)… or, more likely to see how much of a potential “back-up’ beta” he is likely to make?

  16. Ceer May 3, 2011 at 5:16 pm #

    False dichotomy. He passes the shit test and shows he’s alpha or fails the shit test and shows he’s beta. This is an early shit test, so both alpha and beta mating strategy should be in attraction or early comfort at this point. In both phases to pass this shit test, you must hold frame without appearing to be jealous.

    To a man, it makes no difference if the woman is preferring one outcome over the other. All that matters is that it is a shit test, therefore cannot be taken at face value.

    A possible exception to this, is if the man’s intention is to take the woman out as a pivot. In that case, building attraction by passing a shit test seems less important than building properly congruent rapport. Then again, it’s probably not an either/or situation.

    It seems here that a man’s optimal frame is determined by his ultimate intentions rather than the woman’s.

  17. Hermes May 3, 2011 at 7:14 pm #

    Everyone’s forgetting that women can’t just say “sorry, but I’m not interested, thanks anyway,” because creepy* socially awkward Nice Guys won’t take that as a final answer. When they hear that, they then set out to convince the girl that she should be interested in them, through a process of logical reasoning. “Why not? Are you too busy? Just give me a chance!” etc., etc.

    *creepy as designated by women, a judgment I don’t necessarily endorse.

  18. lifeinlonglegs May 3, 2011 at 7:32 pm #

    The worst is when the guy tries to manipulate you into saying yes by asking you out in front of other people. Then, when you pull him aside privately to say ‘um, I’m never going to spend time alone with you because I don’t consider you interesting beyond friendship’ in a straightforward no-nonsense way, he whines about ‘why didn’t you just say so’…. um, a) I just did. and b) maybe I didn’t say so in front of [insert social entourage here] because I didn’t want to publicly castrate you….I am a lady, after all.

  19. Aunt Haley May 3, 2011 at 7:53 pm #

    Paige–
    Are nerd girls really that slutty?

    Well, I’d wager a good percentage of them are in touch with their inner Slave Leia (or RenFaire wench).

  20. Langobard May 3, 2011 at 8:02 pm #

    The worst is when the guy tries to manipulate you into saying yes by asking you out in front of other people. …

    Oh c’mon – you know well and good this is a relative rarity (if for no other reason than not wanting to get shot down in front of an audience).

  21. Ceer May 3, 2011 at 9:04 pm #

    @Hermes

    That’s part of my point. If women reserved “not interested” for just those occasions where she was clearly and thoroughly uninterested, it would have a lot more power. The *creepy men typically learn that “not interested” means “persuade me” because they have seen/heard this somewhere before.

    Essentially, my argument isn’t about what IS, it’s about what could be possible given the right context.

    * Hermes’ definition of creepy

  22. lifeinlonglegs May 3, 2011 at 9:29 pm #

    Langobard – it’s a rarity for men who actually get to go on dates: lol! …for the creep, however – it’s a great [and completely psychotic] manipulation tactic to use on a youngish ‘nice girl’ type.

  23. y81 May 4, 2011 at 5:43 am #

    Badger: Harsh! I had the same thought. This whole discussion has a somewhat unreal air.

  24. Langobard May 4, 2011 at 9:12 am #

    Langobard – it’s a rarity for men who actually get to go on dates: lol! …for the creep, however – it’s a great [and completely psychotic] manipulation tactic to use on a youngish ‘nice girl’ type.

    lifeinlonglegs,

    Well, you said it right there, its the omega-like ‘creeps’ who would resort to such tactics*, and it is these types of men who rarely get to go on dates, not high(er) value men with options, so my point still stands.

  25. svar May 4, 2011 at 11:15 am #

    @ lifeinlonglegs

    Game is just a tool, it depends on how it’s used. Many men use it to maintain relationships. BTW, whatever happened to your site?

  26. Julie May 6, 2011 at 5:12 pm #

    I never said “no” to men I was interested in. If I said no, it’s because I was not interested. If I wasn’t as clear as I could have been, it’s because I didn’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings.

  27. Langobard May 7, 2011 at 2:14 pm #

    I never said “no” to men I was interested in. If I said no, it’s because I was not interested. If I wasn’t as clear as I could have been, it’s because I didn’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings.

    It is always best to be direct with someone if you are not interested in pursuing — or cannot for whatever reason reciprocate the feelings another person may have for you.

    This is not only an issue for women — men can be indirect as well when attempting to reject romantic overtures a woman he is not all that interested in (of course this happens less in the immediate stages of a dating relationship and more after the man decides she isn’t ‘the One’, or just is not that sufficiently attracted after getting to know her better.)

    Either way, it is not cool to toy with another person’s feelings by giving out false hope that there is more to the relationship than there actually is — especially since the concern can less be over ‘hurting someone’s feelings’ and more for ego-gratification needs, such as a man stringing a woman along for, wink wink, ‘uncommitted intimacy’… or a woman stringing a man along as an orbiter.

    Both types of “relationships” (the female casual-sex “buddy” and the clueless male orbiter)are highly parasitical, and both are sinful before the eyes of God.

  28. Julie May 7, 2011 at 2:42 pm #

    This is where it would be nice for fathers to play a bigger role in allowing or not allowing men to pursue their daughters.

    Yes, I’ve said, “I’m not interested” before and I felt like a jerk.

    I do feel like I was strung along by men when I was single–I felt like they acted interested, used me to alleviate loneliness or whatever, but never outrightly pursued. Frustrating.

  29. Langobard May 7, 2011 at 3:24 pm #

    Good points Julie.

    Yes, I’ve said, “I’m not interested” before and I felt like a jerk.

    As did I (though I believe this, subconsciously, was due more to the fact that I, selfishly, didn’t want the girl(s) in question to not like or ‘dig’ me anymore).

    I do feel like I was strung along by men when I was single–I felt like they acted interested, used me to alleviate loneliness or whatever, but never outrightly pursued. Frustrating.

    Yes, frustrating indeed, for a man or a woman alike, since alleviating lonliness or desirous the fact that someone finds us attractive, even though the feeling is not mutual, is definately manipulative and inappropriate behavior to show another human being — especially a Christian brother or sister.

    This is where it would be nice for fathers to play a bigger role in allowing or not allowing men to pursue their daughters.

    I (and we all should) pray everyday for this *Day* to arrive, since this ultimately is going to be our only salvation to this modern-day mess we for the last forty-fifty years have found ourselves in and been subjected to:

    See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the Lord comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.

    Malachi 4: 5-6
    New International Version

  30. imnobody May 29, 2011 at 3:05 pm #

    GUY: Yo, we should hang out sometime in a sexual way.
    UNINTERESTED GIRL: I have a boyfriend.

    This is OK. Unfortunately, things are often this way:

    UNINTERESTED GUY: Hey, what do you think about the weather? Isn’t it rainy these days?
    UNINTERESTED GIRL: Yes, it is very rainy. My boyfriend got wet the other way when it was coming to my place to see a movie with me.

    UNINTERESTED GUY thinks: I am not hitting on you, you whale! I only wanted to be nice. You don’t need to force your boyfriend into the conversation.

    Another similar exchange:

    UNINTERESTED GUY: Hey, what do you think about the weather? Isn’t it hot these days?
    UNINTERESTED GIRL: Yes, it is very hot. It is as hot as the engine of the new car my boyfriend drives.

    I think many women think that every man who is talking to them and paying attention to their conversation is interested in them in a sexual way.

  31. Jennifer August 10, 2011 at 7:50 pm #

    Haley, I don’t always agree with you, but you’re gold!

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