World magazine: “Christian Boy Meets Christian Girl.”

9 Aug

Back in June, World magazine (a biweekly politically conservative evangelical newsmagazine) did a cover story on the problems Christian singles are having finding someone to marry.  The viewpoints espoused by the interviewees sound nearly verbatim to opinions I’ve encountered (both online and in real life).  Among them:

  • Guys don’t know how to pursue in a manly or godly way
  • Too many rejections
  • Fear of divorce
  • Dating scene crippled by IKDG – pressure not to date unless reasonably certain the other person is “the one” or at least realistically could be
  • Too much focus on group activities
  • Women don’t want to ask men out
  • Women feel men are content with apathy towards dating and women
  • Men feel women are too picky and only want to be asked out by certain men
  • Men are overwhelmed by choice and keep holding out for someone better-looking, more spiritual, more intelligent, etc.
  • Churches don’t do anything to help singles

Did the article miss anything?  (Well, other than pointing out that everyone in America is just too darn fat and dresses like a slob.)

There’s also a sidebar one-page article called “A Man’s World,” in which (once again) the sexual economics of college campuses are discussed and (once again) the conclusion is reached that women are the losers and men are the winners.  Of course, without discussing the alpha/beta distinction among men, this isn’t exactly an accurate depiction of the reality of the SMP of the college and singles scenes.

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36 Responses to “World magazine: “Christian Boy Meets Christian Girl.””

  1. Will S. August 9, 2011 at 7:23 pm #

    Typical male-blaming, alas.

  2. lifeinlonglegs August 9, 2011 at 8:24 pm #

    Sorry, I was too busy texting my mega-alpha man to read the article you’re discussing. :) That’s the good news — the bad news? Oh wait…. that’s right… there is none! Patiently waiting has paid off for me. That and not being a slut [read not even kissing anyone for 5+ years], going to the gym, and opening my eyes to other denominations. BUT THE BIGGEST THING? Was letting go of my expectations that he do everything ‘right’ or I’d cut him loose. I had a boyfriend who did everything ‘right’….right up until he slept with another woman for 6 months. So doing things ”right’ means diddly squat. WOW — Imagine if Christians gave each other grace and realized that relationships are individual things, and let go of the rigid ‘systems’ or ‘methodologies’ or ‘rules’ we think we should follow and let go of our stupid expectations for other people. So far so good, but we do need prayer: so if you don’t mind praying for us that’d be great.

  3. jack August 10, 2011 at 1:29 pm #

    The sidebar points out that women are looking for emotional union, love, etc., but it neglects one critical element: Validation.

    Many women only want romance and love if it comes in the form of a man who substantially elevates their social status.

    Inter-female competition runs wild here.

    Most men pick a woman that they like. For women, it is MUCH, MUCH more important that other women see their man as desirable.

    This deeply prideful and unchristian approach to dating is what is killing marriage.

    This also explains why many Christian girls enter the hook-up culture. Ever notice that when a Christian girl makes “mistakes” they are always mistakes with high-status guys?

    Ever notice that average Christian women never, ever make the mistake of going on a date with a guy that doesn’t turn them on?

    When mistakes only come in one flavor, I am inclined to call them calculated decisions.If the guy is high status enough, it is worth the risk to become sexual. I’ve seen it over and over.

  4. Langobard August 10, 2011 at 1:39 pm #

    The sidebar points out that women are looking for emotional union, love, etc., but it neglects one critical element: Validation.

    Many women only want romance and love if it comes in the form of a man who substantially elevates their social status.

    Inter-female competition runs wild here.
    ___

    I think this is not so much a woman or a female gender issue as it is more of a class issue, particularly among the ladies of the major cities and urban centers of the East and ‘Left’ — most especially NYC, DC and LA.

    I have travelled extensively throughout the United States and Europe, and I, as well as many other men, have noticed that many women throughout the ‘Heartland’ of America — as well as Europe (excluding Britain, especially London) — are, overall of course, much nicer and significantly less ego-driven and coldly-calculating in their seeking of a male mate.

  5. Langobard August 10, 2011 at 1:43 pm #

    …the major cities and urban centers of the East and ‘Left’

    That should read ‘of the East and Left coasts’…

  6. detinennui32 August 11, 2011 at 11:20 am #

    More evidence that there is almost no perceptible difference between the Christian SMP and the overall secular SMP. And more evidence supporting the different biological programming between men and women.

    Even Christian women want the benefits of feminism. Note that some men don’t want to date unless marriage is on the table; and women bristling at that pressure. After all, what if a better man comes along and they are stuck with vanilla beta boy?

    Women still looking for the best men; men still looking for the vestal virgin.

  7. Langobard August 11, 2011 at 11:34 am #

    To det and jack:

    I still think hypergamy is a significantly worse problem among women more in the major urban areas of America and the Anglosphere (again, ny, dc, la, toronto and london, for example) than it is almost anywhere else – Christian or otherwise.

    Even Roissy (or “Heartiste”) has recognized so much evidence for this attitude:

    If you want to build a relationship with a girl you’re dating I’d suggest you move out of the big coastal cities. Either escape the city with your girl (you might have to abduct her) or find a girl in a small town, rural backwater, or suburban outpost. There is a portal of anti-love negative energy that issues rays of casual sex and polyamory from the nightlife bowels of DC and works to tear apart any couple stumbling their way toward deeper commitment.

    Think about the ways this happens:

    Options = Instability

    Anonymity

    Zero Consequences

    Convenience

    http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2008/06/20/urban-living-is-bad-for-relationships/

    *He summerizes and explains each point in the article.

  8. Aunt Haley August 11, 2011 at 12:52 pm #

    jack–
    Ever notice that average Christian women never, ever make the mistake of going on a date with a guy that doesn’t turn them on?

    Women can’t win.

    Go out with a guy who turns you on = CAROUSEL WHORE
    Go out with a guy who doesn’t turn you on = HEARTLESS SHREW INTENT ON DESTROYING MEN’S HAPPINESS

    detinennui32–
    Note that some men don’t want to date unless marriage is on the table; and women bristling at that pressure. After all, what if a better man comes along and they are stuck with vanilla beta boy?

    No, it means that women don’t like feeling the pressure of a guy having decided a woman is the future wife before the woman can even figure out if she even likes the guy enough to keep going out with him. It’s a gross inequity of investment.

  9. jack August 11, 2011 at 2:09 pm #

    Dating is not carouseling. Making out is not carouseling.

    Having sex is.

    And to set the record straight, I am not of the opinion that dating a less-than-thrilling guy is being a shrew. At least you are giving it a date or two to see if anything comes from it.

    Too many women make their “attraction judgment” in the first minute after meeting them. They become so good, they can reject an entire roomful of men in under two minutes.

  10. Jennifer August 11, 2011 at 8:30 pm #

    Thank you, Aunt Haley; there’s clear pressure on both sides. The secular SMP screws itself (no pun intended) in a different way, with everyone screwing whoever’s alpha/attractive enough, then later reverting to having marital expectations and now, even subconsciously, looking for the virginal type (for men) or the top provider type (for women) not realizing their own values have gone down. They go from the bottom, or the middle, to hoping for the top.

    I don’t know about that, detinn; definitely some similarities, but hookups are remarkably easily occuring compared to the Christian design, and Christians are taught to look for something deeper than looks (though they can have their own range of expectations for unrealism). If you noted, one big influencing source is “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, a book that’s jumbo-conservative with scenarios of courtship that would be laughable to any Christian (and that’s a lot) who doesn’t live in such a close-knit, courting church community. The emotional purity thing is bogus, an air-tight conservative paradise ideal that lives little room for true evaluation; it’s easy to see the amount of pressure that both guys and girls wanting to follow it and only date “the one” must face. I mean, really? No wonder they’re sky-rocketing their expectations and analyzing every thing to death; try to imagine looking at a person of the opposite sex and thinking, “Ok, is this the one? Could I see myself sleeping with them, forever? Can I see myself bound to them for the rest of our lives, with no divorce and absolute devotion? A holy covenant?” Craziness. They need to learn to go easy, to relax, to allow room for simple humanity and flexibility. And avoid writing that encourages either “absolute emotional purity” or paints pretty pics of Christian dream boys and girls meeting under a lightning arch of God.

    Incidentally, I’d like to ask people for prayers please because a guy online wants to meet me (we’re locals of the same town and both have Myspace). He has a sense of humor, though he’s about the 4th guy who expressed surprise that I didn’t want to meet him, a stranger, at night and/or at his house (though he did have other people at his house). Really? Maybe this is a thing with young guys. I’m starting with zero expectations and will go from there, planning to be totally laid back; he may make a good chum.

  11. Jennifer August 11, 2011 at 9:12 pm #

    It is fascinating to me to compare certain Christian circles to some secular folks. The most conservative of Christian girls (we’re talking the homeschooled, primarily dresses, courtship-only type) definitely expect guys to be patriarchal leaders, but they also expect them to be white-knighters since such people believe husbands are the “saviors” of their wives and the “prophets” (some actually say this) of their homes. They DIG old-fashioned stories of men rescuing maidens. The good thing is that they’re raised to be respectful of boys and men from the beginning, and simultaneously would not tolerate any crude behavior of what many would-be alphas try to display (unless said-alphas are particularly conniving, like certain sect-leaders, maybe). They’re also taught not to have unrealistic expectations (except for the whole savior/prophet thing, bah), but they must have them anyway, by default, especially considering that their fathers must give consent first, after an elected would-be suitor has jumped through hoops.

    I’m reading parts of a book right now about polgyamous sects, and there happens to be one (real) woman mentioned who was totally ungrateful of her husband’s “quiet” demeanor, judging him to be a weak leader. Well, if you’re expecting a man to be a leader of the remains of the world when God comes to end it, I guess a docile person would seem weak in the face of the other lunatics. Rather than thanking her stars for having a non-trigger-happy husband, she succumbed to the resident “prophet’s” nutjob claims that many women had been tricked into marrying lesser souls and must be released (so he could marry them, y’see). Damn, have modern people simplified men. If there’s one good thing game teaches, though, it’s male confidence; men need not be alphas all-around, but they do need to be assertive; it’s a good survival tactic and it does, unliterally, attract women.

  12. Mark Slater August 11, 2011 at 9:12 pm #

    “Women can’t win.

    Go out with a guy who turns you on = CAROUSEL WHORE
    Go out with a guy who doesn’t turn you on = HEARTLESS SHREW INTENT ON DESTROYING MEN’S HAPPINESS”

    Surely, Aunt Haley, you can go out with a guy you like a few times for the purpose of having fun and getting to know each other without sexual involvement (the carousel); or am I stuck in 1955?

    Gosh, I don’t know, Jennifer. I would recommend a public setting for the first date, from beginning to end. Or, continue to be e-mail “pen-pals” for a while yet.

    Guys, is it that hard to find a woman you like and ask her out? ASK HER OUT — making clear that this is an actual man/woman DATE (many young men I know make the grievious mistake of asking her to “hang out”). If you are not a weenie or creep (Roissy’s “Beta”) you stand at least a chance. Who knows, she may like you as well!

  13. Jennifer August 11, 2011 at 9:15 pm #

    *unilaterally

  14. Jennifer August 11, 2011 at 9:46 pm #

    Thanks for the advice, Mark :) I agree. I asked to talk to him for a while on the phone (he’s not much of a talker when not in person, I think), then decided that after lunch with my family tomorrow I could meet him at our local Starbucks, a wide-open and public place, in the afternoon.

    Your advice for men is great too. This is why game tells guys to not be afraid; accept that rejection will happen, it’s not the end of the world, and go for it. There’s probably a 100% chance someone will respond eventually to your confidence. I myself know the guy I’m seeing may not like my figure, or think I’m too reserved or whatnot; plus there’s the fact that, if he expects a hookup, he’ll be deflated. Some intentions and expectations have to be clear from the beginning.

  15. Mark Slater August 11, 2011 at 10:04 pm #

    Thank you, Jennifer! For some screwy reason a lot of young men have it in their heads that women do not WANT to be pursued. I’m doing my small part to correct this.

    Remember, we on Haley’s Halo are going to want details of your “meeting”.

  16. Langobard August 11, 2011 at 10:52 pm #

    For some screwy reason a lot of young men have it in their heads that women do not WANT to be pursued.
    ___

    Mark – pursued, yes, but in an overall intermittent fashion and pattern, however (this is not ‘game-playing’ – especially for those Christians or other persons of faith who may think or assume otherwise, btw).

    Christian author Laura Doyle of The Surrendered Wife even says and feels so much:

    http://www.surrenderedwife.com/surrendered_wife_books.html

  17. Langobard August 11, 2011 at 11:36 pm #

    …with scenarios of courtship that would be laughable to any Christian (and that’s a lot) who doesn’t live in such a close-knit, courting church community. The emotional purity thing is bogus, an air-tight conservative paradise ideal that lives little room for true evaluation;

    This is soooo sadly true. Like a Christian-version of Lake Wobegon I suppose?

    …there happens to be one (real) woman mentioned who was totally ungrateful of her husband’s “quiet” demeanor, judging him to be a weak leader. Well, if you’re expecting a man to be a leader of the remains of the world when God comes to end it, I guess a docile person would seem weak in the face of the other lunatics.

    Very truthful – and very thoughtful – statement on your part there, Jen. Really shows a true grasp of what humility should mean to a sincere Christian – man or woman – but especially modern Christian ladies, several of whom have succumbed to the secular view of a man’s supposed alpha ‘prowess’ with the “with it or on it” paradigm of an ancient Spartan woman. (“With it or on it” meant a wife of a Spartan soldier expected her husband to come home from battle either with his shield or lying on it.. dead, of course. Not an always bad thing to encourage for a people engaged in a particular war or conflict – but certainly should not be an all-pervasive attitude on the part of women, Christian or otherwise, to constantly provoke their men to always show or demonstrate their ‘alpha bonifides’).

    Rather than thanking her stars for having a non-trigger-happy husband, she succumbed to the resident “prophet’s” nutjob claims that many women had been tricked into marrying lesser souls and must be released (so he could marry them, y’see). Damn, have modern people simplified men. If there’s one good thing game teaches, though, it’s male confidence; men need not be alphas all-around, but they do need to be assertive; it’s a good survival tactic and it does, unliterally, attract women.

    Bingo.

  18. Jennifer August 12, 2011 at 12:36 am #

    Thank you Langoboard! :)

  19. Jennifer August 12, 2011 at 12:44 am #

    Aw thanks Mark :) There shouldn’t be too many exciting details, and that’s fitting for a first encounter.

    I think some guys get the impression women don’t want to be pursued because of the terror that’s been injected into them of not harassing or disrespecting women. Now, of course they shouldn’t harass or disrespect women, but for a decent guy, that thought probably wouldn’t even have occured to him. Good guys give respect automatically, so when you stress to someone to do something they do naturally already, it’s not unlikely that they’ll overdo it (hence-the beta). It’s been drilled into guys’ heads so much that they need to be nice, they’ve been pushed into an inbalance.

  20. OffTheCuff August 12, 2011 at 8:18 am #

    I think some guys get the impression women don’t want to be pursued because of the terror that’s been injected into them of not harassing or disrespecting women. Now, of course they shouldn’t harass or disrespect women, but for a decent guy, that thought probably wouldn’t even have occured to him. Good guys give respect automatically, so when you stress to someone to do something they do naturally already, it’s not unlikely that they’ll overdo it (hence-the beta). It’s been drilled into guys’ heads so much that they need to be nice, they’ve been pushed into an inbalance.

    You nailed it. This is so true, it’s scary. This is EXACTLY, 100% of how I thought about dating when I was lesser-beta teen (14-19). I almost find it hard to believe a woman wrote this, because it shows you actually care how lesser beings (betas) feel and have some compassion.

    It’s my view that now church education on sex, aims to turn natural alphas into lesser betas. Of course, some of them can’t be corralled, so they remain alpha. The rest of them become decent greater betas. But there is collateral damage: the natural beta gets pushed down similarly, and becomes a spineless lesser-beta, or even worse.

    That’s to say, church makes some untamed boys decent, but it also makes the good men into chumps.

    Church sex education should identify the natural alphas and beat *them* over the head with the “be nice to women” shtick. Identify the betas and encourage them pursue women, and they will automatically do it in a respectful manner.

  21. detinennui32 August 12, 2011 at 8:52 am #

    OTC and Jen:

    “I think some guys get the impression women don’t want to be pursued because of the terror that’s been injected into them of not harassing or disrespecting women. … It’s been drilled into guys’ heads so much that they need to be nice, they’ve been pushed into an inbalance.”

    EXACTLY. Men are running scared not only because they have to shoulder the rejection 90 % of the time they approach, but also because of the harassment allegations. I found myself in college accused of harassment because I asked out a girl who did not find me attractive. I did NOTHING other than ask for a date.

    (I hope we can all stand down from the harassment claims now.)

    The adage is true:
    Attractive guy asks her out: It’s OK.
    Unattractive guy asks her out: He’s a creep, a loser, a pervert, a potential rapist, and a harasser.

    I’ve found mysefl on the receiving end of this, even when I did the exact same thing as an attractive guy. Attractive guy does it, she’s all a – tingle. Unattractive guy does it, it’s borderline criminal.

  22. detinennui32 August 12, 2011 at 9:00 am #

    OTC: Agree on your last post. The American Christian Church is totally clueless and worthless on male-female relationships. The typical Americal Christian woman is not interested in the pressure involved when trying to “date” a potential husband as advocated by Josh Harris et al. Christian women are really not all that different from their secular sisters. The Church browbeats men that they have to “be nice” when women so clearly don’t want that. And the Church looks the other way on divorce.

    Jen: The only real difference I see between the Chrstian and secular SMPs is there are fewer hookups in the former, and far more betaness. The Christian women I know are every bit as hypergamous, fickle and picky as their sisters. The Christian men: more beta. I’ve tried asking out Chrstian women: I could never get anywhere. Usually they laughed in my face: “Too old. too bald, Too fat. Too boring.”

    I never thought I’d go outside the church to marry, but I did.

  23. Jennifer August 12, 2011 at 10:38 am #

    Thank you, Detin and OfftheCuff. I cannot BELIEVE the nerve of the women who see themselves as sex goddesses: strutting around scantily clad, and if a normal mortal asks them out, it’s harassment. Sounds like you got one sucky deal of a church too, Detinn; I’m very sorry those harpies treated you that way. There are majorly patriarchal churches and liberal churches that emasculate; sounds like you got the latter. The best kinds of churches go by the Bible, and there are no overly nice men in the Bible. God’s sons are strong and good, and certainly not always docile, and this goes for His daughters too! If the church is smart, they’ll go by His example and train men to be good (not always nice) leaders.

    “I almost find it hard to believe a woman wrote this, because it shows you actually care how lesser beings (betas) feel and have some compassion”

    Heh, well, I don’t see how anyone can disrespect or not appreciate certain guys called betas, who are sometimes just nice and gentle guys. God made many different kinds of men, and categorizing the less aggressive ones as “betas” has become a pet peeve of mine, along with the disregard women give them. Of course, some guys act too docile, and this is done out of fear of being too forward, a fear that needs to be stilled. If a woman’s not interested or you’re being too forward, she’ll tell you; until then, relax. Then, on the other end of the sphere, women who shriek when the “wrong” guy approaches need to GROW UP and climb off their pedestals. Seriously girls, I’ll knock you off myself if I have to, because God knows if a man does it he’ll be cuffed.

  24. Langobard August 12, 2011 at 11:31 am #

    Well, if you’re expecting a man to be a leader of the remains of the world when God comes to end it, I guess a docile person would seem weak in the face of the other lunatics.

    Very prescient foresight again, Jen.

    Gee, talk about history repeating itself:

    http://www.476ad-themovie.com/synopsis.php

    &

    *Wonder what the ladies of Rome were thinking in that fateful year regarding ‘alphas’?!?

  25. Dalrock August 12, 2011 at 11:46 am #

    @Haley

    Women can’t win.

    Go out with a guy who turns you on = CAROUSEL WHORE
    Go out with a guy who doesn’t turn you on = HEARTLESS SHREW INTENT ON DESTROYING MEN’S HAPPINESS

    It could be that there is someone in the manosphere who has taken a harder line on the second point (the heartless shrew one), but I’m not aware of one*. Speaking for myself, I don’t have any problem with women going out on dates with men who don’t already turn them on. As many have pointed out, it can take time for attraction to develop. However, I draw a strong distinction between marriage and dating. Marry a man you aren’t attracted to = Heartless Shrew. Date a man you aren’t attracted to = giving the man a chance.

    * If you know of one please correct me so I can buy them a beer.

  26. Jennifer August 12, 2011 at 12:38 pm #

    Thanks Langobard!

    Good points Dalrock.

  27. Butterfly Flower August 12, 2011 at 2:46 pm #

    I’m a nineteen year old Catholic virgin and I’m currently dating a virgin Christian Alpha [yes, they exist – they’re not cryptozoological creatures!] My boyfriend and I weren’t involved in the SMP at all. He’s my first boyfriend, I’m his first girlfriend.

    Anyway, sometimes I wonder if the modern Traditional Christian movement is actually doing more harm than good. I mean, it imposes a lot of unrealistic expectations onto young marriageable-aged Christian men.

    Christian men are expected to get married and settle down as soon as possible. Paradoxically, they’re expected to be able to financially support a housewife and children. So these expectations often leads to many devout Christian men to delay dating until they feel financially stable enough to get married and support a family.

    ….so I don’t think young Christian women are single because they’re rejecting every Christian man that comes their way, I think too many Christian men feel ashamed or unworthy of pursuing a future wife.

  28. Langobard August 12, 2011 at 3:20 pm #

    I’m a nineteen year old Catholic virgin and I’m currently dating a virgin Christian Alpha [yes, they exist – they’re not cryptozoological creatures!]

    If I may respecfully say, let’s not get too obsessed or hung up on ‘alphaness’ – or what constitutes it.

    For one thing, it is un-Christian to over-focus on the ‘ways of the world’ over the ‘ways of the Lord’ (and yes, ‘Game’ does at least have that unfortunate tendency, if not outright design among many of its advocates/practitioners); and secondly, a good man, especially a good suitor/husband should, nay must, have an appropriate balance of alpha and ‘beta’ characteristics. If you don’t believe me just ask Athol Kay.

    As I have said before, not every man should attempt to live up to some esoteric and unmanageable standard of what pop-trash “culture” defines as ‘alpha’ – indeed no Christian should even try – however every man should, and more importantly can, be as masculine and as confident as he possibly can be, as much as his genetics and cultural upbringing reasonably allows. Conversely, all women can and should be as feminine and sweet as she could possibly be, whatever she looks like.

    Everything else is posturing.

  29. Jennifer August 12, 2011 at 8:08 pm #

    Brilliant, Langobard.

  30. Butterfly Flower August 12, 2011 at 10:11 pm #

    @Langobard:

    Wow, you’ve gotten me all wrong.

    …I actually spent a long time trying to date nice Beta guys. They always pushed me away. The only reason I started posting on the blogosphere in the first place was to figure out just why that was happening.

    …but then I met my wonderful hot Alpha Christian boyfriend so the whole “Betas pushing me away” thing wasn’t really a problem anymore.


    As I have said before, not every man should attempt to live up to some esoteric and unmanageable standard of what pop-trash “culture” defines as ‘alpha’ – indeed no Christian should even try – however every man should, and more importantly can, be as masculine and as confident as he possibly can be, as much as his genetics and cultural upbringing reasonably allows.

    I don’t understand why so many people on the blogosphere think Alpha’s aren’t genuine. My Alpha boyfriend isn’t some-sort horny scheming genius that spends every waking moment thinking up new ways to make my panties wet. My boyfriend is naturally masculine; he isn’t consciously putting his moves on me. I’m not pressuring him to act Alpha, that’s just how he behaves.

  31. jack August 13, 2011 at 8:53 pm #

    I was always treated worse and rejected less kindly by Christian girls.

    As I have mentioned before, the REALLY attractive girls are usually more polite in their rejections, because they are secure in their market value.

    It is the average girls with pretension of being hotter that give the meanest rejections, because being asked out by an average (translated=creepy) guy REMINDS them of their actual market value.

  32. Langobard August 14, 2011 at 1:56 pm #

    Brilliant, Langobard.

    Thanks Jen – you come up with a lot of brilliant observations yourself.

    Wow, you’ve gotten me all wrong.

    Butterfly Flower – I did not mean you personally or the relationship you’re in when I was critiquing ‘alphaness’ – I just meant it in a very generic way.

  33. Jennifer August 14, 2011 at 2:28 pm #

    Thanks! :)

  34. Hana August 16, 2011 at 12:15 pm #

    “As I have said before, not every man should attempt to live up to some esoteric and unmanageable standard of what pop-trash “culture” defines as ‘alpha’ – indeed no Christian should even try – however every man should, and more importantly can, be as masculine and as confident as he possibly can be, as much as his genetics and cultural upbringing reasonably allows. Conversely, all women can and should be as feminine and sweet as she could possibly be, whatever she looks like.”

    ITA with this. Not every man is a natural alpha (ie. socially dominant), and not every woman is a natural alpha (ie. beautiful). But most men have some innate masculinity (self-confidence and leadership traits) just like most young women are somewhat attractive. And even the people who are really and truly below average can become more attractive with effort (men can develop confidence by taking on more responsibility, women can become more attractive by losing weight/getting their teeth straightened).

    I think part of falling in love is the ability to glimpse an ideal in a very real person. I know women who have dated and married men who seem completely ordinary to me, and yet these women are totally smitten. Likewise, I’ve heard men call their girlfriends and wives beautiful, even though compared to someone at the pinnacle of beauty, like Catherine Zeta-Jones, these women are completely ordinary.

    I guess what I’m saying is that a lot of people seem to adjust their expectations naturally. They somehow know their league and can become smitten with someone in their league, even if that person is just an average Joe or Jane. So men shouldn’t despair if they haven’t reached the pinnacle of alpha-ness (nor women if they aren’t Catherine Zeta-Jones).

  35. Aunt Haley August 16, 2011 at 12:48 pm #

    This calls for the obligatory posting of (a link to) Tom Brady’s SNL “Sexual Harassment and You” skit.

    Be Handsome.
    Be Attractive.
    Don’t Be Unattractive.

  36. Mark Slater August 17, 2011 at 9:07 pm #

    “I think part of falling in love is the ability to glimpse an ideal in a very real person.”

    WE HAVE A WINNER!

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