If you are hot enough, he will ignore your jackhammery laughter.

2 Oct

Over the weekend I attended the wedding reception of a friend of mine and ended up at a table with the groom’s best friend B and B’s much younger girlfriend G.   My guess is that the age gap was somewhere around 20 or so years.  Intrigued by this real-life example of Game principles, I sat back and observed.

B was pushing 50, tall, with strawberry blond coloring and his age undeniably settling in to his face.  Fortunately for him, genetics had blessed him with a full head of (non-gray) hair.  He seemed confident and outgoing and had solid body language.

G was your typical high-maintenance SoCal Asian:  meticulously styled hair, full makeup and constant reapplication of lip gloss, high-end name brand clothing with, as she pointed out, six-inch heels.  She was objectively quite pretty.  Accordingly, her mannerisms were almost cartoonishly feminine:  continuous laughter, a constant need to touch and be close to her boyfriend, and I’m pretty sure she said zero interesting things the entire time.  I mainly remember her making remarks about makeup, her sister’s plans not to have a destination wedding, and how she gets her boyfriend up early every morning to make him go to yoga class with her.  Oh, and she has a little dog.

The longer I watched G, the more fascinated I became with the exaggerated way she pursed her pillowy lips when she talked.  The way her eyes widened and her mouth opened four inches every time she laughed and remained open.  And the way that laugh resembled a kinder, gentler version of Janice from Friends.

By this point there were about four different Haleys at war with themselves in my head.  Catty Haley was rolling her eyes and shaking her head at G.  Analytical Haley was trying to figure out what was keeping B and G together other than sex.  Cynical Haley was telling Analytical Haley, DUH, NOTHING.  Holy Haley was brusquely chastising Analytical and Cynical, reminding them that G was a perfectly decent and genuinely nice human being, as was B, and trying to imagine scenarios in which B and G had deep, meaningful conversations about the Future, the State of the World, and Interests in Common Other Than Yoga Class.  James Joyce teared up with pride.

While all of this was going on in my head, I had the horrible realization that I was a terrible loser at love compared to G, and there was no starker comparison than that between us.  I contemplated what it would take for me to turn myself into a knock-off version of her, and it gave me mental vertigo.  (I mean, I do pretty well with pervy church geezers, but I attribute my appeal to the novelty of my relative youth and the scarcity of my kind at the geezer-friendly early Sunday service.)  It was all a little bit like being strangled by a live-action version of Roissy’s blog, or discovering that you had gone to war with a spoon in your hand while the other person wielded a bayonet.  I kept asking myself, Is this what I need to be?  Is this what men want?  Because me as I am is not really tearing it up with the opposite sex, non-geezer edition.  Maybe the ratio is 1 glossy-lipped Natalie Portman-esque laugh = 200 witticisms.  Time to read less and stock up on Chanel.

Lest this seem too self-pitying, it should be noted that my friend who got married is more similar to me than to G, so I don’t think hope is dead or anything.  After all, my friend’s husband married my friend, not G (or a G clone).  And G is spending her “good years” with a man who may or may not ever marry her.  In the end it may all be a wash.  Still, I think G will be able to do well for herself (should she need to) even after hitting the wall.  There are always men eager to enjoy a personality like G’s.

So, with that in mind…

Now commencing Operation: Everything Is Funnier.

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85 Responses to “If you are hot enough, he will ignore your jackhammery laughter.”

  1. Jet Tibet October 3, 2011 at 2:09 am #

    Still, I think G will be able to do well for herself (should she need to) even after hitting the wall. . There are always men eager to enjoy a personality like G’s.

    Men enjoy admiration and a sunny disposition as they enjoy hotness, but vacuousness is something that merely put up with. Women become more vacuous as they age, I’m sorry to say.

  2. Toz October 3, 2011 at 5:50 am #

    “Time to read less and stock up on Chanel.”

    Men won’t care nearly as much about your books as they do your looks. Is that news?

  3. Purple Tortoise October 3, 2011 at 7:20 am #

    The makeup isn’t necessarily a plus factor — I don’t like makeup much. Interesting conversation is a plus factor.

    Obviously, G’s hotness is offsetting her annoying personality. That means she will NOT do well with men as her looks go. Of course, she’s actually NOT doing well with men NOW if she’s with a man 20 years older who won’t marry her.

  4. Purple Tortoise October 3, 2011 at 7:34 am #

    Haley, have you considered that perhaps not all men want a woman like G, but it is instead only the men you want who want a woman like G?

  5. Julie October 3, 2011 at 8:09 am #

    Would you have wanted to be with a man like him, Haley? As someone who did finally get married, here’s my take on it. When I was single, I didn’t really understand how I could increase my attractiveness to men in ways that went beyond my appearance. I didn’t understand just how much of a draw it was to show respect to men, be feminine, be cheerful, don’t be argumentative. All of those are good to work on and be aware of. But in the end, if you want to be with someone who really loves and appreciates you for you, you have to be yourself at the core. We can’t put on acts forever–I can try to be the most feminine and respectful and attractive version of myself that I can be, but I will never be the extroverted, super hot, super sweet woman that so many men want. If you can do that, and meet as many men as possible, and be open-minded about who you go on dates with, that’s your best chance.

  6. Toz October 3, 2011 at 8:36 am #

    BTW, Haley, do you know G? Seems awfully judgmental about someone you just met.

  7. hayley d October 3, 2011 at 9:54 am #

    Aunt Haley knows exactly what she’s talking about.

    Good analysis.

  8. sdaedalus October 3, 2011 at 11:42 am #

    James Joyce teared up with pride

    lol

    Hayley, I think you might just be a little too clear-sighted for true happiness.

  9. sdaedalus October 3, 2011 at 11:43 am #

    Hayley

    Haley

    sorry, my apologies.

  10. Jennifer October 3, 2011 at 11:55 am #

    Toz, over the years, women need more books than looks to be healthy human beings.

    Haley, nothing wrong with being cheerful. But if I’m ever with you and see you pursing or puffing your lips, and getting hysterical over nothing, expect to feel a hard foot on your shin.

  11. Jennifer October 3, 2011 at 11:56 am #

    Haley, there’s nothing wrong with being cheerful. But if I ever see you puffing your lips and laughing like a hyena over nothing, expect to feel a foot in your shin.

  12. Jennifer October 3, 2011 at 11:57 am #

    Sorry for the duplicate, my first reply vanished.

  13. Hope October 3, 2011 at 12:00 pm #

    I will agree that a big part of appearing attractive to men is being and acting just how this G person was described. I’ve often wished I could be more extroverted, more mainstream, etc., but I hate makeup and pop culture. So I gave up and worked my own angle. A girl can be introverted, shy, nerdy and still quite feminine. It’s all about finding your niche and comfort zone.

    For example I mostly smile or giggle instead of laughing loudly, I say a few things in a soft voice instead of talking a lot, and I wear skirts with no heels to be more feminine but not killing my feet. The other art of being feminine is to be soft, quiet and demure, which is the opposite of how you described G. What she does works for her, but not for everyone.is G person was described. I’ve often wished I could be more extroverted, more mainstream, etc., but I hate makeup and pop culture. So I gave up and worked my own angle. A girl can be introverted, shy, nerdy and still quite feminine. It’s all about finding your niche and comfort zone.

    For example I mostly smile or giggle instead of laughing loudly, I say a few things in a soft voice instead of talking a lot, and I wear skirts with no heels to be more feminine but not killing my feet. The other art of being feminine is to be soft, quiet and demure, which is the opposite of how you described G. What she does works for her, but not for everyone.

  14. Hope October 3, 2011 at 12:02 pm #

    Sorry about the double commenting. Please delete the extra.

  15. asinusspinasmasticans October 3, 2011 at 1:06 pm #

    Men want women who look like G and think like you. However, if they have to choose….

    That said, I think G displayed a good deal of insecurity around her superannuated “boyfriend”. Purple Tortoise is right. She clearly isn’t doing all that well, and she knows it.

  16. OffTheCuff October 3, 2011 at 2:29 pm #

    A stunning idea.

    Look at the people who are succeeding in a way you wish you were, and see if maybe, just maybe, they know something you haven’t really considered. If they really are right, or perhaps only a bit more right than you are, consider how to incorporate this into your own life while keeping your own integrity.

    I use to think people who lifted weights were all vapid meathead dolts. Years ago, I even quit after a few months when my shirts stopped fitting in the shoulders. Don’t want to be a meathead! Better stop.

    This was monumentally stupid. Turns out I was outright suppressing one of my best, unknown, abilities: I can slim down and put on muscle quite easily, and have the wide shoulders to carry the look. I’m no bodybuilder, but by working out barely 40 minutes a week, I’m in better shape than most shlubs out there.

  17. Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life October 3, 2011 at 4:07 pm #

    G thinks B might marry her. He won’t.

  18. Koanic October 3, 2011 at 5:11 pm #

    Sweet Darwin, finally.

    I thought your thickheadedness had no limits, but apparently the Hot Asian Girlfriend brick was sufficient to smash through your retarded white woman notions at last.

    Yes. That is what men want.

    You didn’t know this? Really? Really? Really? ….

  19. y81 October 3, 2011 at 5:31 pm #

    I’m with Purple Tortoise: I don’t see where is G is doing that well, in terms of attaining the things most women want, i.e., sympathetic male companionship, that values you as a person, and committed relationships, possibly leading to marriage and children. Instead she has a boyfriend 20(!) years older than she, with whom she has little in common and who isn”t that serious about her. I presume he’s divorced, so he isn’t going to be that eager to marry again, and even if he does, he won’t be that enthusiastic about the children, because he’s done it before. Finally, when the children are out the door and off to college, G will be turning immediately (do the math!) to dealing with her husband’s increasing health problems and long-term care needs. It really doesn’t sound like a good deal to me, unless the guy is incredibly (like seven-figure income) rich.

    You’ll find, BTW, that G is not offering what most 20-something guys with FEP are looking for in a LTR. Guys in that category generally want intellectual and emotional companionship and someone they can imagine as a mother for their children. Now on the one hand, that doesn’t mean argumentative, disdainful, and aloof, as Haley tends to be, at least in her blog persona, but it also doesn’t mean high-maintenance or slutty.

  20. modernguy October 3, 2011 at 6:22 pm #

    The irony of this post is that while Haley is usually deriding average guys for not playing the game, here she’s faced with someone who does, on her side, and finds it distasteful.

  21. balderdash October 3, 2011 at 10:31 pm #

    Attractive girls are everywhere, no big deal. But when I was at The Lords Gym (?) in panama city beach I met some pretty attractive girl that was doing some exercise she said the military uses as torture and I don’t recall ever being more interested in a girl. I unfortunately left at the end of the week for what I thought was greener pastures (wasnt there for spring break). I sometimes regret skipping on that most amazing combo.

  22. Toz October 4, 2011 at 6:05 am #

    “Toz, over the years, women need more books than looks to be healthy human beings.”

    And, what, pray tell, is a healthy human being? It’s just as possible to go overboard on books as it is on looks. I’ve known lots of well-read people that are malicious, prideful, etc. Books don’t make you healthy. Just as looks don’t make you a good person.

  23. anonymous x October 4, 2011 at 8:38 am #

    Women ISO men, here’s something for you: If I have to choose between intellectual and feminine in a woman, feminine will win out as long as she is capable of holding a conversation without drama. It’s good to be well read, but it’s better to be feminine. If you can do both, more power to you, but do not short change your femininity while in search of the next great book to read. It’s up to you how to work that into yourself and I get that it depends to some extent on whether you’re extroverted or introverted. Either way, if you’re not hawt, your femininity is your best asset. Further, I am not equating femininity with being a doormat. There is enormous power in your femininity if you understand it. That power can be for good or it can be for bad, your choice.

    One more: unless you are very good at makeup application, it’s better to go light and easy on that. Less can be more.

  24. Aunt Haley October 4, 2011 at 7:23 pm #

    Purple Tortoise–
    Obviously, G’s hotness is offsetting her annoying personality. That means she will NOT do well with men as her looks go. Of course, she’s actually NOT doing well with men NOW if she’s with a man 20 years older who won’t marry her.

    Well, her personality was annoying to me; I can’t speak for others, or for the men at the table. But even if she will not do well with men as her looks fade, won’t she still do better than someone who didn’t have the looks to begin with? Also, you say that she’s not doing well with men now if she’s dating a much-older man who won’t marry her, but isn’t that doing a whole heckuva lot better than a woman who doesn’t even have a man?

    y81–
    I don’t see where is G is doing that well, in terms of attaining the things most women want, i.e., sympathetic male companionship, that values you as a person, and committed relationships, possibly leading to marriage and children.

    By “committed relationship,” do you mean marriage? Because by contemporary standards, B and G are in a “committed relationship,” as in, “you shouldn’t have sex with someone if you’re not in a committed relationship.” And he seemed sympathetic enough to her; that is, he didn’t seem annoyed by her. And who knows if G wants kids? Kids tend to interfere with fun and yoga. I got the impression that B and G were satisfied with enjoying what they currently have.

    Also, what is FEP?

  25. y81 October 4, 2011 at 8:31 pm #

    Future earning potential. The most desirable quality in a boyfriend, when you’re in your 20s.

  26. Jennifer October 4, 2011 at 8:50 pm #

    “And, what, pray tell, is a healthy human being? It’s just as possible to go overboard on books as it is on looks. I’ve known lots of well-read people that are malicious, prideful, etc. Books don’t make you healthy. Just as looks don’t make you a good person”

    I agree Toz, I was just using books as a short-term for education, empathy, open-mindedness, exploration, inspiration, etc.

  27. Purple Tortoise October 5, 2011 at 7:08 am #

    Haley, is it really the case that you could not at all get a boyfriend like B (i.e., 20 years older)? Or is it that you don’t want someone like B?

    Back in my lengthy single days, I felt sorry for myself that I couldn’t get a girlfriend/wife like X had, even though X was a lesser quality man. But the truth of the matter was that I could get a girlfriend like X had if I only tried; I just wanted something better.

  28. Dalrock October 5, 2011 at 1:26 pm #

    @Julie

    We can’t put on acts forever–I can try to be the most feminine and respectful and attractive version of myself that I can be, but I will never be the extroverted, super hot, super sweet woman that so many men want.

    The assumption that men want extroverted women is interesting to me. Perhaps because I’m more of an introvert I’m not representative of other men, but still I don’t ever recall hanging out with a group of guys and hearing a conversation like:

    Man 1: Check out the rack on that one!
    Man 2: Yeah, it’s great alright, but did you notice that she hasn’t talked with half the men in the bar yet? What’s up with that? I’m liking the chubby try hard one over there! I could hear her overpowering laugh before I even parked my car!

    Roissy does seem to have a strong attraction to highly extroverted flirty women, but when he is describing them he also makes them sound untrustworthy and a pain in the ass. He also says:

    they are the most likely to end up cat ladies babbling to themselves about their potted marigolds

    Extroverted women are more approachable, and therefore get more obvious attention from men. But aside from Roissy I’ve never heard men say that extroversion was an attraction builder for them. I do think that extroverted and introverted men are more likely to get along well with similarly natured women, so maybe this is what drives this perception. While men aren’t specifically attracted by a woman’s level of outgoingness, women are attracted to men who are more outgoing. It would make sense that extroverted women were more likely to end up with extroverted men (who other women found attractive).

  29. Chris October 5, 2011 at 5:22 pm #

    The girl in this scene is not doing that well. he is my age. She is being used. Now, I don’t troll twenty five years younger— don’t want to be a pervy geezer and I like bright introverted as will put up with my introversion. Why are you jealus for being in a situation that will end up as a train wreck?

  30. lifeinlonglegs October 5, 2011 at 7:26 pm #

    Yes – Let’s not confuse male attention with male intentions. :)

  31. jack October 5, 2011 at 7:32 pm #

    marry me, haley

  32. Chris October 5, 2011 at 8:46 pm #

    Jack,

    Haleys too young for me. Or you.

    Besides, she would not move to NZ & I won’t move to the US. No way will I ever let myself near a US family court — too many horror stories.

  33. Aunt Haley October 5, 2011 at 8:49 pm #

    Purple Tortoise–
    Haley, is it really the case that you could not at all get a boyfriend like B (i.e., 20 years older)? Or is it that you don’t want someone like B?

    B wasn’t my type, but even if he had been, I highly doubt I would have been his type. Basically, if girls like G are B’s type, then there is almost zero chance that I, too, am B’s type. The smartest thing for a woman like me to do when she sees a man shes might be interested in dating a woman like G is to remove herself from the situation ASAP. Not doing so just invites a lot of wasted time and heartache.

  34. Purple Tortoise October 5, 2011 at 9:33 pm #

    Too bad pervy church geezers aren’t your type. At what age does one become a geezer and what qualifies as pervy?

  35. jack October 5, 2011 at 9:41 pm #

    I was hoping she was late 30s?

    Guessing not…

  36. Mark Slater October 5, 2011 at 10:09 pm #

    Dalrock: “Extroverted women are more approachable, and therefore get more obvious attention from men. But aside from Roissy I’ve never heard men say that extroversion was an attraction builder for them….
    …men aren’t specifically attracted by a woman’s level of outgoingness,”

    Yes, but there is a difference between a cackling nincompoop like Aunt Haley describes and a merely extroverted girl; a girl who looks inviting and seems as though she may actually *like* to have a conversation.

    I’d imagine that even a hot woman who looks downcast with her arms folded about her would be difficult for even the hardiest of men to approach.

  37. Jet Tibet October 6, 2011 at 5:51 am #

    I do think that extroverted and introverted men are more likely to get along well with similarly natured women, so maybe this is what drives this perception.

    If you are a somewhat introverted guy, it’s good to be with an extroverted chick. You can then hang out with people together and she does the work of being friendly.

    Extroverted is not the same as bubbly or ditzy.

    For a while I dated an introvert. We had a lot in common but mostly the time we spent together was really boring.

  38. Julie October 6, 2011 at 12:41 pm #

    I guess it just seems like lots of men go for bubbly and cheerful and fun. Introverts can be more sedate, melancholy, and serious.

  39. jack October 6, 2011 at 1:15 pm #

    I guess it just seems like lots of men go for bubbly and cheerful and fun. Introverts can be more sedate, melancholy, and serious.

    Yes, but they can be better at, umm — intimacy.

    They get this look on their face that is an intriguing cross between arousal and just short of panic.

    Innocence, whether real or expertly feigned always makes me wistful.

    ;-p

  40. Koanic October 7, 2011 at 7:20 am #

    “I’d imagine that even a hot woman who looks downcast with her arms folded about her would be difficult for even the hardiest of men to approach.”

    Uh no, that’s basically a red “approach me” flag.

    Haley, men don’t value witticisms. They value 1. hotness and 2. complaisance.

    PUA teaches wit. PUA is for men. Men don’t find female intelligence attractive, any more than women find male video game prowess attractive. See here: http://alphagameplan.blogspot.com/2011/10/girls-dont-need-brains.html

  41. Jennifer October 7, 2011 at 7:39 am #

    Another cynical PUA. Lovely,

  42. Jennifer October 7, 2011 at 7:42 am #

    “The only time men place any value whatsoever on female intelligence is a) when they are looking for a sugar mommy, or b) when they are contemplating the propagation of the species. If the male object of a woman’s interest doesn’t presently fall into one of those two categories, her intelligence is simply a complete non-factor.

    And it is worth nothing that the tedious snappy banter that too often passes for intelligence is the hallmark of the mid-witted, not the genuinely intelligent. The hallmarks of the truly intelligent tend to be a) social avoidance of the intellectually inferior, b) effortless mastery of the crowd with one sardonic remark that cracks everyone up at the expense of the dancing alphas.”

    Well, that makes sense anyway.

  43. y81 October 7, 2011 at 8:44 am #

    Well, but the quoted blog post basically refutes itself. Men do value intelligence when contemplating “propagation of the species,” i.e., marriage. Since our hostess isn’t seeking casual sex outside of marriage, appearing intelligent would be a plus. If our hostess actually wanted to be some overage loser’s temporary armpiece, I would have different advice.

    You know, you have to define a goal before adopting a strategy.

  44. Koanic October 7, 2011 at 9:26 am #

    Yes I figured that one qualification would be the loophole to allow the thickheaded to continue in their delusions.

    It doesn’t generate emotional attraction. It just makes the rational choice of a mate more attractive. So have a blast with the wittyness if you want your marriage to lack emotional attraction.

  45. Jennifer October 7, 2011 at 10:35 am #

    Thickheaded indeed. Emotional attraction and wittyness are not mutually exclusive. Tragic, the idea I must choose between using my head and being a bimbo to make hubby’s nether regions travel north.

  46. Kathy October 7, 2011 at 2:00 pm #

    I wouldn’t bother listening to foolish PUA’s Jen. They have no idea what makes a good marriage work.

    How could they, they are not married. ;)

    “So have a blast with the wittyness if you want your marriage to lack emotional attraction.”

    What a nonsense. Don’t even bother with that one Jen. As you say the two are not mutually exclusive.

    Obviously from a PUA standpoint the dumber the woman the better.
    There is no long term investment there.

    However a man who marries a woman also wants to be able to share his interests and thoughts with her. Discuss issues with a sensible and loving partner. Beauty fades over the years. If there is no substance and depth to the woman, if she is unintelligent, and cannot have fun and kid around with her hubby sometimes, the marriage will not be a particularly happy one.

    I have been happily married for fifteen years so I think that I may have some clue.

    Kids have been away at camp and staying with grandparents this week( school holidays here) so hubby and I have had the most wonderful break, alone. We can sit and talk uninterrupted. We can kid around , laugh and make love spontaneously where ever we want to without having to worry about kids intruding and spoiling the fun.. Bliss!

    If I was as dumb as a bunch of rocks do you think that he could put up with me for a whole week without the kids or seeing anyone else for intelligent company?

    After all, what WOULD we talk about when we weren’t having sex? *rolls eyes*

    Shallow PUA’s don’t have a clue, and cannot see the bigger picture. It is, as one would expect. Lol.

  47. Jennifer October 7, 2011 at 7:09 pm #

    Too true, Kathy. Well-said. :)

  48. Koanic Soul October 8, 2011 at 10:38 am #

    Snowflaking and anecdoting and girl bonding and misreading. The unlearning sex.

    Being cute > being witty. Too much wit = unattractive. Deal with it.

    The amusing thing is that you assume I’m not happily married.

    It’s the man’s job to understand what generates attraction in both genders. It’s the woman’s job to continue in her solipsistic bubble, obliviously self-righteous. Carry on ladies. Lord knows if you had rational minds you’d make unappealing company.

    I like women for pretty much the same reasons I like cats.

    Gee… a cynical viewpoint on a Christian blog. From what book might a negative viewpoint on fallen human nature possibly come? Probably some 2,000 year old PUA internet pdf.

    La la la plug your ears.

    If anyone’s interested in actually thinking, read PUA Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography, specifically the section on why he likes older women. Those are the qualities to shoot for.

    Female intelligence has three primary uses:
    1. Understanding and appreciating male accomplishments
    2. Educating children
    3. Running a household and otherwise helping the man

    Wisecracking isn’t on the list. Yet women love to do it, to status preen among female friends and weed out insufficiently alpha suitors.

    Think of all the things that men do to impress women that don’t work. Men are idiots, right? Guess what. So are women.

  49. Jennifer October 8, 2011 at 11:47 am #

    PUA vague “witticism”, snarky half-statements, smug player-“wisdom” and typical simplification. The amusing thing would be if you WERE happily married.

    “Men don’t find female intelligence attractive”

    Only a PUA type, ironically typical of accusing women of not being rational, would say such a statement was “misread” when taken at obvious face value.

    “Lord knows if you had rational minds you’d make unappealing company”

    Point proven. Cats, incidentally, are intelligent and self-sufficient. And quite scathing when someone they deem beneath their attention annoys them.

  50. Kathy October 8, 2011 at 3:08 pm #

    Lol. Well at least Koanic is good for a laugh Jen..

    Not much else though, I’d wager. :D

  51. Koanic Soul October 8, 2011 at 4:10 pm #

    What a terrible argument. So every time expert A speaks to layman B, the statement should be interpreted at what layman B takes to be its face value or he’s lying.

    “the files are IN the computer” – Zoolander

    “Attraction is not a choice” – David DeAngelo

    You demonstrably know nothing about PUA yet feel free to opine on it with an air of authority, a sure sign of a mid-wit. To say nothing of your incorrect assumptions about me.

    Be wrong, do it with style, and never confess when caught – cat behavior. They’re not the least bit mysterious, just silly.

    And Jennifer, please stop flirting with me – I’m taken.

  52. Jennifer October 8, 2011 at 5:18 pm #

    Way to try and confuse and avoid, again.

  53. Jennifer October 8, 2011 at 10:25 pm #

    “Be wrong, do it with style, and never confess when caught”

    Sounds like alpha asshats, actually.

    “And Jennifer, please stop flirting with me – I’m taken”

    Appreciate the humor, though.

    I get that cynical women are often ugly, that and the over-analyzing type. I find it ugly in both sexes, actually. But intelligence in general is not something to take for granted, especially not in this age.

  54. PT Barnum October 8, 2011 at 11:59 pm #

    Or she looks like a woman he knew when he was younger.

    In fact, that is almost certainly the case.

    So many men cheat on their wives… with women who look like their wives did fifteen years ago.

  55. jack October 9, 2011 at 2:04 pm #

    Point proven. Cats, incidentally, are intelligent and self-sufficient. And quite scathing when someone they deem beneath their attention annoys them.

    And easily run up a tree by anything more dominant than a yipping lap dog.

    Hence the term “scaredy-cat”.

    I wonder what goes through a cat’s mind as it hides up in the branches from a dog?

    Probably some BS about “empowerment”.

  56. Jennifer October 9, 2011 at 3:00 pm #

    “And easily run up a tree by anything more dominant than a yipping lap dog.

    Hence the term “scaredy-cat”.”

    Actually, that’s called survival. What I find cute is when small dogs yap as though they’re ten times the size they really are.

  57. Gwen October 9, 2011 at 3:08 pm #

    Darling, that’s why the large wit of such small felines is so admirable: they’re fast and cunning on a higher level than one might imagine, and very hard to stop. Anyway, depends on the size. Big wild cats are far larger than wild dogs, interestingly. Wonder why size is different with house pets; maybe because if housecats were the size of St. Bernards, their predatory natures would kill every other pet in the neighborhood.

  58. Koanic Soul October 9, 2011 at 6:02 pm #

    I’m glad you enjoyed the humor, Jennifer.

    Actually, alpha asshats are also completely predictable, but they behave like poorly socialized dominant dogs.

  59. Eumaios October 9, 2011 at 8:10 pm #

    Koanic Soul, glad to see you back on in the penumbra of the ‘sphere.

  60. Jennifer October 9, 2011 at 9:19 pm #

    On that, Koanic, we agree totally.

  61. Jennifer October 9, 2011 at 10:00 pm #

    Haley, did you change the blog style?? I find it disconcerting.

  62. Jennifer October 9, 2011 at 10:04 pm #

    Whoops, no you didn’t, that was my dopey computer narrowing things; fooled me, since it did it twice and reproduced everything here. Never mind..

  63. Hope October 10, 2011 at 8:38 am #

    Wit (as a noun) has synonyms such as banter, joking, waggishness, quip and facetiousness. It can imply a conversational tone that is amusing, frivolous, and clever. Thus a girl can be witty and still quite charming and feminine, provided she is doing it with the right attitude and light touch. Too much wit borders on sardonic and ironic, and can cut too sharply.

    As with all things, moderation matters. A girl who is overly flighty and cutesy can be annoying, but a girl who is serious all the time and never fun can be stuffy. Alternate between the temperaments as the situation calls for it. Though people seem to prefer those who are often lightening up the mood rather than being too somber.

  64. Elisa Diane October 10, 2011 at 9:20 am #

    Whenever I see a happy couple together and then sadly think of my singleness, I take a good look at the guy in the couple and ask myself “Would I seriously want to be with him?” Most of the time the answer is no, and then I feel a WHOLE lot better!!! You can’t be envious of someone who has something you don’t want, ;-).

  65. Hermes October 10, 2011 at 5:26 pm #

    Haley, I was just in California for a week, including 2.5 days in LA. We should have met up and gotten hitched. Mabe next time.

  66. samsonsjawbone October 10, 2011 at 7:35 pm #

    Haley, I was just in California for a week, including 2.5 days in LA. We should have met up and gotten hitched. Mabe next time.

    And my suggestion moves one step closer to fruition…

  67. samsonsjawbone October 10, 2011 at 7:52 pm #

    Obviously from a PUA standpoint the dumber the woman the better.
    There is no long term investment there.

    However a man who marries a woman also wants to be able to share his interests and thoughts with her. Discuss issues with a sensible and loving partner. Beauty fades over the years. If there is no substance and depth to the woman, if she is unintelligent, and cannot have fun and kid around with her hubby sometimes, the marriage will not be a particularly happy one.

    [ etc. ]

    I agree with all of this completely. Intelligence and femininity are not necessarily like oil and water, and if you are an intelligent man, you really, really want to marry a reasonably intelligent young woman, for all of the reasons Kathy outlines. But like most young men, I didn’t used to realize this – I’ve only learned it since being married.

    One chief problem is that in our society women don’t really become interesting as people until their mid-to-late twenties. It is awfully hard for a young man to realize that intelligence and femininity can co-exist in a 28-year-old in a way that they don’t in a 21-year-old.

  68. Koanic Soul October 10, 2011 at 8:11 pm #

    Thanks Eumaios.

    I agree that intelligence is important in a long-term mate. I’m constantly reminded of the difficulty of speaking with people in lower IQ brackets. It’s how that IQ is expressed that counts.

    Hope has the wit issue nailed down perfectly. There is nothing more to say, except dolce et propria est.

  69. Aunt Haley October 10, 2011 at 9:42 pm #

    Hermes–
    Get hitched?!?! You know I’m older than 23 (or whatever your acceptable wifely age cutoff was), right?

  70. Hermes October 11, 2011 at 6:25 pm #

    I bet you say that to all the guys! Such a tease!

  71. Aunt Haley October 12, 2011 at 7:49 am #

    No, I would only say it to the guys who think that 23 is a woman’s past-due date.

  72. samsonsjawbone October 12, 2011 at 6:14 pm #

    Hermes, I assure you there’s no way in Hel that a man of your… disposition… should marry a woman any younger than like 27. Women in our society change so much between their early and late twenties.

  73. Hermes October 12, 2011 at 8:36 pm #

    Haley, samsonsjawbone, plus another birthday of my own, have converted me.

  74. Aunt Haley October 12, 2011 at 8:45 pm #

    What’s that sound I just heard? The roar of a generation of church spinsters shouting “Huzzah!” is what that sounded like.

  75. Will S. October 13, 2011 at 9:54 am #

    @ ED: Denial ain’t just a river in Africa. But tell yourself whatever you need to get by…

  76. Jennifer October 13, 2011 at 1:08 pm #

    Elisa, you don’t have a very kind attitude.

  77. Eumaios October 13, 2011 at 1:37 pm #

    Maybe she’s gay.

  78. Jennifer October 13, 2011 at 1:43 pm #

    Sounds young to me. The age people think they have the pick of the world.

  79. Eumaios October 13, 2011 at 2:14 pm #

    Weren’t you just calling me young recently? You need to find a better go-to explanation for deviant behavior.

  80. Jennifer October 13, 2011 at 4:48 pm #

    Deviant behavior, no. Immaturity, it can be a cause of.

  81. Will S. October 13, 2011 at 8:16 pm #

    LOL @ Eumaios. You always crack me up. High-five!

  82. Hermes October 14, 2011 at 3:23 pm #

    Don’t jump to conclusions, Haley. It remains the case that at least some of my wardrobe was purchased at Kohl’s.

  83. Eumaios October 15, 2011 at 6:31 pm #

    Jennifer, I can’t tell if you’re aiming for a circular or merely tautological argument. Either way, I am willing to stipulate that being young is a leading cause of immature behavior.

  84. Jennifer October 15, 2011 at 6:55 pm #

    It would explain a lot.

  85. T January 9, 2014 at 7:07 pm #

    Kathy & Jen:
    I don’t think Koanic is married; he’s too snarky. There exists this type, that loves to try (but fails) to piss women off.

    He tries to sound ‘alpha’, but is probably overweight and nerdy. Yappy dog? Yep.

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