Another example of how feminist sexual dogma lets women down.

3 Nov

I found the following on one of the message boards I like to lurk on.  The typical poster is a lower-to-middle middle-class woman in her 20s or 30s, unmarried, trying to get started in her profession, and desperately wanting love if not in a long-term relationship with a boyfriend.  She tends to be non-religious, or nominally so, and believes in the usual feminist dogma about sex and sexuality.  All of these characteristics come to the fore in this thread, which aptly chronicles how feminist ideas about sex and sexuality just end up hurting women far more than helping them.

In a post entitled “Tell me to freaking get over it. Tell me to let it go.”, OP writes that she went on four dates with an alpha she REALLY REALLY liked, had sex with him on the fourth date, and – surprise, surprise! – now he’s dropped off the face of the planet.  She says:

He hasn’t responded. I know. I KNOW. Drop it. I should get over it. I shouldn’t press for details. It’s pretty obvious that he’s not interested.

I guess I just wanted to vent. I’m cool with rejection; really, I am. I’m used to it. But I wish he would have at least told me he wasn’t interested instead of dropping off the face of the planet.

I’m sad that I rock in every other aspect of my life (well…career-wise, at least), but I can’t do the relationship thing at all. I’m just super bummed and down in the dumps about this. I feel like such a stupid freaking whore.

So she’s cool with rejection and is actually used to being rejected, but super bummed at the same time.  Poor hamster.  Women conditioned to believe in sex equality (or whatever you want to call it) constantly find themselves fighting their natures, as OP is here.

The responses read like a recitation of feminist sisterhood catechisms.

First response:

Totally been there, like 100 times. It sucks, but yeah – you’ve already given yourself the best advice you can: let it go.

“Like 100 times?”?????????

Second response:

I think its typical people sleep together on the 3 or 4 date so you’re not a whore. Don’t feel that way.

Everyone knows you need to go on three or four dates with someone to prevent accusations of whore-dom.  Two dates = WHORE.  Three dates = NOT A WHORE.  Those extra three hours you spent consuming carbs with a guy make all the difference.

Still, OP’s hamster is really torn up:

I just really want to know WHY. I want to know exactly what it is I did wrong so I won’t make the same mistake with the next guy. If there is a next guy.

Thanks to feminism and the sexual revolution, women honestly don’t know why having sex with a very attractive man they’re not married to or even “in a committed relationship with” (whatever that means) generally tends to result in the man’s vanishing.  In the olden days, mothers and grandmothers would warn their daughters about being fast.  But I guess in an age where that kind of advice is the unjust repression of the patriarchy and three dates is enough to qualify as not-a-whore, such male behavior is truly, genuinely baffling to women and is completely inexplicable based on their understanding of reality.  Which, as the regulars of this blog know, is not really reality.

In true feminist fashion, the next three responders blame the man:

You didn’t do anything wrong. You liked a guy, you slept with him. That’s normal. He’s just an ass to act this way. He’s the one that’s done something wrong. I think every girl has been there at least once so don’t be so hard on yourself.

—–

It’s nothing you did. There’s nothing wrong with you.

He’s just an asshole for not responding.

Let it go and don’t beat yourself up over it.

—–

Feel happy that you avoided being stuck with a little coward pansy of a man.

Not that what the guy in this scenario did was right, but these responses just illuminates the cognitive dissonance of feminism.  Women are strong and fierce and independent, except when those dastardly men enter the picture and destroy all that strength, fierceness, and independence.

Another responder tries the hamster:

I’m not trying to encourage or anything but is it possible he’s stuck at work? Something might have come up?

Another man-blamer:

He’s a coward at the end of the day, he should have been straight up with you. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Live and learn.

Finally, on post #17, someone states the obvious:

Guys like a challenge and I’m sure he figures if you did it that fast with him you probably have with other guys and guys are weird about that. THEY can do it but a girl is a whore if she does

I think, though, that the most significant aspect of this thread demonstrating the widespread absorption of feminist doctrine on sex and sexuality is that not a single poster advised OP not to have sex and that she could secure the highest-quality man that she could by withholding.  Instead, thanks to feminist sexuality, women are now tasked with finding a sexy man who will commit to her because she gives him sex.  I’m pretty sure success at a unicorn hunt is more likely.  So what we have on college campuses and in teachers’ lounges and in office cubicles is women who are encouraged to have sex because they want it, but who must somehow try to divine that a sexy man will give them commitment even as the women are giving him sex, and fight all her feelings that she’s being a whore.  What a recipe for happiness and contentment!

When I read stuff like this, it just reminds me that God knew what he was doing when He made rules for sex.

Advertisements

39 Responses to “Another example of how feminist sexual dogma lets women down.”

  1. Will S. November 3, 2011 at 7:47 pm #

    Feminism makes one stupid, indeed.

  2. Jennifer November 3, 2011 at 8:40 pm #

    Yup, this is the huge sum of what it does to women.

  3. PT Barnum November 3, 2011 at 8:44 pm #

    So, you believe that she could secure the highest quality man that she could get by withholding?

    Ah, no. Not at all.

    I’ll assume that she is not a butter-ball and that she has some shot at a upper-beta/lower-alpha. These guys don’t like reborn virgins and can get a little ticked at princess. And then leave princess. These guys can get laid. You are withholding nothing but their opportunity to bang a slut by being in a relationship with them with your legs locked together.

    Yes, she should wait longer than three dates. MORE IMPORTANTLY, she should date IN HER LEAGUE.

    You here that sound? That is the screaming of the hamsters, Clarice.

  4. Aunt Haley November 3, 2011 at 8:49 pm #

    PT Barnum–
    So, you believe that she could secure the highest quality man that she could get by withholding?

    and

    MORE IMPORTANTLY, she should date IN HER LEAGUE.

    I don’t see these as mutually exclusive.

    You here that sound?

    You there that sound? Here a sound, there a sound, everywhere a sound sound?

  5. Herbie November 4, 2011 at 6:00 am #

    The man who had sex with this woman has no reason to hurry into a relationship. He already knows what he has with her. He’ll call when he needs some more servicing and she’ll be ready.

  6. dragnet November 4, 2011 at 9:39 am #

    “MORE IMPORTANTLY, she should date IN HER LEAGUE.”

    Nailed it.

    She didn’t get commitment because the guy was too alpha for her. A more beta guy would’ve comitted in a heartbeat…

    …except that she very likely wouldn’t have been attracted to said beta.

  7. y81 November 4, 2011 at 10:13 am #

    I don’t disagree with Haley about God’s rules, but that isn’t really the source of the problem.

    As Haley’s post “Hot and Cold” last November demonstrated, you don’t have to sleep with a guy for him to behave this way. That’s the way boys are: when they lose interest, for whatever reason, they don’t sit down and explain why, they just disappear. I know girls love endless verbal sturm und drung, but you’re more likely to find a guy who offers love, commitment, tenderness, paternal involvement, hot (marital) sex, and a high income than to find one who wants to talk about why he doesn’t want to see you.

  8. Ruth November 4, 2011 at 10:43 am #

    In her league? Yeah, she should a date a guy with more quality.

  9. jack November 4, 2011 at 11:15 am #

    In a way, the real satisfaction for guys like me is knowing that women are paying the price for the misery and rejection that they deliver to men that are within their own league.

    One more of these and she will be forever ruined for the nice beta who would have married her. The beta loses, she loses. And everyone dies alone!!! Muhuhaha!!

    Srsly, tho:
    I have seen plenty of God’s precious daughters make the same “mistake”. Given a sufficiently alpha guy, even Little Miss Chastity will make the calculated gamble that she can land an alpha by sleeping with him.

    Mr. Niceguy Beta won’t get sex until darn near being married, because he is not worth the risk and must “prove” his worth by making a lot of money, or whatever.

    But most girls will take a try or two at the alpha lottery – no matter how long the odds, they just cannot help themselves.

  10. y81 November 4, 2011 at 11:44 am #

    Having read the original post, I don’t see where the notion comes from that this guy is an “alpha” (whatever that means) or that the girl is “our of her league.” There isn’t any real information about the guy. It seems just as plausible that he is an average guy, but something about him made the girl like him, she maybe had sex sooner than she would have wished (note that she expresses regret about that part), the relationship had reached a point where he realized that he either had to be in a serious relationship or break it off, and he broke it off in the normal guy way, by not calling her and by being evasive when she called him. Normal life in the big city.

  11. Random Angeleno November 4, 2011 at 11:46 am #

    As usual, jack nails it. Complaining girl only looks for alpha dog types and hopes she’ll hit the lottery with one of them. That’s a losing strategy if she’s not in his league, heck it’s not even that good a strategy if she is in his league. Available men like that have options, consequently he’s highly unlikely to feel commitment to a girl below his rank. Men like that who have morals are usually already married thus vastly reducing the chance that a girl batting out of her league will land one of them. At the same time, lesser status men who would love her and provide for her are virtually invisible to her.

    She badly needs to reset her expectations. This is what’s so pernicious about feminism: that it doesn’t allow for that reset. Women who figure it out have to do so on their own with only help from other women who have been in her shoes and got wise before it was too late. A woman truly interested and willing to do the work of resetting her expectations can expect *no* help from her friends still caught up in feminism, *no* help from feminism itself, *no* help from churches (Boundless mentality, need I say more?), *no* help from Cosmo, likely *no* help from mother who was likely a feminist herself, now aiding and abetting daughter’s choices.

    How screwed up we are.

  12. Jim November 4, 2011 at 1:03 pm #

    By the time she realizes what her league is, the beta guys will be gone, having gotten married, and then being good fathers and raising their kids.

  13. dragnet November 4, 2011 at 1:09 pm #

    “I have seen plenty of God’s precious daughters make the same “mistake”. Given a sufficiently alpha guy, even Little Miss Chastity will make the calculated gamble that she can land an alpha by sleeping with him.”

    Exactly—there really isn’t much difference these days between the church girls and the rest. I see so many socons who talk about how guys wouldn’t have anything to worry about if they just marry up girls from the church—willfully ignorant of the knowledge that the girls you see in church Sunday morning were jukin’ in da club the night before.

    The ‘Sluts for Jesus’ really aren’t any better than just the plain old ‘Sluts’. I don’t get too bent out of shape over this, but the lies rankle a bit.

  14. OffTheCuff November 4, 2011 at 5:43 pm #

    I don’t see where the notion comes from that this guy is an “alpha” (whatever that means) or that the girl is “our of her league.” ”

    Deduced from his behavior. Either he has lot of options and she’s not the best of those options; or, he really is out of her league. Even desperate beta guys won’t slum when it comes to girlfriends.

  15. Hermes November 4, 2011 at 6:35 pm #

    You didn’t do anything wrong. You liked a guy, you slept with him. That’s normal. He’s just an ass to act this way. He’s the one that’s done something wrong.

    But wait… couldn’t one turn the tables and say the same thing about him? He liked a girl, he slept with her. That’s normal. [In today’s sexual morality, anyway.] So whence the idea that he did something wrong?

  16. Will S. November 4, 2011 at 6:40 pm #

    Because he didn’t do whatever the woman wanted, Hermes! That’s all; we can’t expect rationality or logic from these skanks.

  17. Jennifer November 4, 2011 at 7:13 pm #

    In this case, Will, I imagine what she wanted was acknowledgement after sex.

  18. Will S. November 4, 2011 at 7:20 pm #

    She’s a dumbass, for giving it away.

    What, did she expect a Hallmark Card?

    “Thanks for the boink!”

    No sympathy for sluts – which of course means most worldly women, and a good proportion of churchly women, too.

  19. lemmiwinks November 4, 2011 at 7:26 pm #

    I’ve done this a few times with women. There are only 2 reasons why I have not called back and it has nothing to do with a challenge. If a girl puts put first or second date for me yes I consider that a big red flag and an LTR is definitly questionable but if she’s hot enough I don’t really care and will date her for a while. The other reason (the last girl I did this to) was hot but she told me the freakiest shit about herself that kind of scared me. I still banged her but I really couldn’t date her short term based on her personality and the worry of getting murdered. Out of these 2 possiblities I am almost certain the girl in the OP was not hot enough. Four dates for sex is not a red flag for an LTR for me at all and the longest girl to ever hold out was 5. The woman I dated for 7 years and was engaged to put out at 3 dates.

    Why I didn’t call back and say I’m not interested is I am pretty cowardly in regards to rejecting women. It seems easier to ignore them and hope they go away. It’s how I try deal with my creditors also which sadly doesn’t work as well.

  20. Jennifer November 4, 2011 at 8:23 pm #

    LOL

  21. L November 5, 2011 at 12:01 am #

    Wow. First time I’ve been to your blog.

    The singular thing that had my attention was commenting on PT Barnum’s intellect. Then I discover I don’t even have to.

    Great post, spot on. Cheers.

  22. A November 5, 2011 at 8:30 am #

    So, you believe that she could secure the highest quality man that she could get by withholding?

    and

    MORE IMPORTANTLY, she should date IN HER LEAGUE.

    The best way to make sure you are not dating out of your league is to hold out.

  23. ASDF November 5, 2011 at 9:53 am #

    and he broke it off in the normal guy way, by not calling her and by being evasive when she called him.

    you don’t have to sleep with a guy for him to behave this way. That’s the way boys are: when they lose interest, for whatever reason, they don’t sit down and explain why, they just disappear.

    I have been flaked on by tons of girls in this manner, and have done likewise. As far as I can tell, it is equally common among both genders; a consequence of casual dating. Why bother hurting their feelings by telling them exactly why you have lost interest when you can just ignore a text or two and you will both forget about each other in a week?

    This woman in question here will be back on the horse in two or three weeks tops, and will have forgotten all about the current object of her obsessions while she concentrates on her latest love.

  24. PT Barnum November 5, 2011 at 11:54 am #

    I’ve thought about it and I suppose there are valid biblical reasons for not having sex before marriage. However, unless you believe in God… and by that I mean real, actual, belief.. then it’s just an annoying stunt. Upper beta/Lower Alpha tolerance for this stunt will vary widely, but it has limits.

  25. PT Barnum November 5, 2011 at 11:57 am #

    I’ve done this a few times with women. There are only 2 reasons why I have not called back and it has nothing to do with a challenge. If a girl puts put first or second date for me yes I consider that a big red flag and an LTR is definitly questionable but if she’s hot enough I don’t really care and will date her for a while. The other reason (the last girl I did this to) was hot but she told me the freakiest shit about herself that kind of scared me. I still banged her but I really couldn’t date her short term based on her personality and the worry of getting murdered. Out of these 2 possiblities I am almost certain the girl in the OP was not hot enough. Four dates for sex is not a red flag for an LTR for me at all and the longest girl to ever hold out was 5. The woman I dated for 7 years and was engaged to put out at 3 dates.

    It’s kinda important to realize the great divide. Some people basically have no moral sense at all. And some people are reasonably moral. And there is a big gap with almost no-body between these two.

  26. Mark Slater November 6, 2011 at 12:46 am #

    I read the original post. This young woman’s handle is “nsynclova00” (which may suggest something about her judgment and taste) and has posted, it appears, some 24 thousand times — no doubt commiserating about previous lost lovers (something tells me this isn’t her first time for this activity).

    In my day, you would say “She got played”

    Today, “She got pump-n-dumped”

    I really cannot derive satisfaction from this woman’s pitiful story. It is like a drunken friend who continues to go back to the sauce. The commenters are like the drunkards enabling good-time buddies, soothing her with “you did nothing wrong” and suchlike blather.

  27. Aunt Haley November 6, 2011 at 7:01 am #

    Mark Slater–
    This young woman’s handle is “nsynclova00″ (which may suggest something about her judgment and taste) and has posted, it appears, some 24 thousand times — no doubt commiserating about previous lost lovers (something tells me this isn’t her first time for this activity).

    Well, in her defense, she’s been a board member for over 10 1/2 years and her handle obviously stems from her interests at that time (and the board was originally a fan board). For a lot of longtime posters, the place is like Cheers: it’s their virtual watering hole where the regulars know each other and come in to shoot the breeze.

    But I do agree that this probably isn’t the first time she’s posted about someone she dated. OP’s post is actually one of the more sensible ones I’ve read there. It’s not unusual for a girl with alpha fever to show up wallowing over why she can’t get over the player who pump-and-dumped her six months (or more) ago.

  28. Jennifer November 6, 2011 at 8:45 am #

    I appreciate your empathy, Mark.

  29. Pamela November 6, 2011 at 11:05 pm #

    So much for Christian charity and non judgement…

    You people should look in the mirror before using someone´s post to judge everyone around you.

    As I see it, the problem with the feminist agenda as well as your own is that you just don´t get what it means to be a truly free woman, or a man for that matter.

    Being a free human, someone who truly understands the responsibility of having and exercising free will is that it has pitfalls and consequences. It is NOT about how long you wait before sleeping with a man, or whether you like a girl enough to stick with her for a while, it is about realising that what you do is because you choose it. As I see it, the only mistake she made is not choosing to sleep with him because she really wanted to sleep with him, full stop, but because somewhere in her subconscious she expected him to call her back BECAUSE she had slept with him – in that sense, she was trading her body for intimacy, or at least some kind of attachment.

    As for him, he is truly an ass, because he full well knew that by sleeping with her and not calling to explain himself afterwards he would hurt her, yet, being a coward, just as someone else in the comment string noted, didn´t care or have the guts to actually confront her. Him, as her are running away from their responsibility in the situation. The problem here is not that women let out easy. It is that no one in both camps is willing to live with the consequences of what happened. There is no love, no compassion, no courage, nothing. It is empty, and that emptiness eats at her, and will eventually get to him too…

    What amazes me about the comment string however, is not this, but how people started saying that there are ´’alphas’ and ‘higher and lower betas’ and all this crap that by the life of me I cannot comprehend…. really people???? what happened to non-judgement? what happened to LOVE? Do you really, or did you really choose your couple thinking about whether they were an alpha or a beta? what is WRONG WITH YOU?????

    And sister, I really hope you find true love, but really, I don´t think that you will by judging people like that…

    God bless you all

  30. David November 7, 2011 at 6:25 am #

    Thanks for the requisite BMDBTT Pamela

    “Being a free human, someone who truly understands the responsibility of having and exercising free will is that it has pitfalls and consequences.”

    Perhaps a possible consequence of sleeping around is that some guys won’t call you back. You make snarky comments about Christian non-judgementalism, but then call the guy an ass. What standard are you using to call him an ass?

  31. Jennifer November 7, 2011 at 6:28 am #

    Yes, the alpha/beta obsession so many have in every context is ridiculous. But, you’re wrong about a lot of other things. Yes, it IS about how long you wait before sleeping with someone; that makes a HUGE difference. She didn’t really WANT to sleep with him, didn’t CHOOSE to? Come on. Trading her body for intimacy, wow; sex IS intimacy. But most girls in highschool know that sleeping with him on the first date is a bad idea.

  32. Will S. November 7, 2011 at 6:29 am #

    “It is empty, and that emptiness eats at her, and will eventually get to him too…”

    You’re projecting and arguing out of both sides of your mouth here. If he’s a cold-hearted bastard who doesn’t give a rip, it won’t get him.

    But “It is that no one in both camps is willing to live with the consequences of what happened.” is just wrong; the cad there is. The silly woman, however, isn’t; she didn’t foresee the consequences, she just acted, and now projects all her regrets as rage directed at the cad, making him completely responsible, whilst absolving herself. Typical feminist sophistry and blame-passing.

    Besides, how do you know “he full well knew that by sleeping with her and not calling to explain himself afterwards he would hurt her”? He might have assumed she was as fine with casual sex as he was; after all, she did sleep with him, after knowing him such a short time, didn’t she? He’s not a mind reader – and neither are you; who do you think you are, judging him? Or, for that matter, judging us? Yet you would lecture us Christians on judgment, would you? Oh, the irony…

    You clearly don’t know the Faith, Pamela; Christians are not only allowed, but required, to speak out against wrong and foolish actions. Absolute judgment is God’s place, but from His Word, we can form our own judgments against ourselves – and others, as to regards whether they are acting morally or wisely.

    Come back in ten years, and let us know how your attitudes have paid off for you, why don’t you?

  33. jz November 7, 2011 at 12:42 pm #

    Must everything be blamed upon the evil boogeywoman feminism? How about –birth control technology?

  34. Marvin the Martian November 7, 2011 at 7:39 pm #

    I know several single women who are sexually active, and none of them are happy. None of them can find a “good man.” But it never occurs to them that their own behavior is the problem. ;-)

  35. Strong Man November 8, 2011 at 11:49 am #

    Excellent points. Well-put. Guys (or girls) that are the most likely to commit long-term and be faithful are probably also most likely to not have sex after a few dates–or even at all before marriage.

    I’m regularly confused that women make all kinds of sacrifices and live with “boyfriends” and assume that is in any way similar to an actual marriage. It’s not.

    One missing thought–she’s confused about why she has trouble finding guys, but talks about how successful she is in her career as evidence that she should be attractive to guys. Guys don’t care at all about her job. That can even be a turn-off, depending on her personality.

    She never mentions a thing about her looks or physical shape. Oops! That is some serious feminist lies to assume her career matters more to a guy than her looks!

  36. grerp November 9, 2011 at 7:00 pm #

    Everyone knows you need to go on three or four dates with someone to prevent accusations of whore-dom. Two dates = WHORE. Three dates = NOT A WHORE. Those extra three hours you spent consuming carbs with a guy make all the difference.

    This is classic.

  37. Anthony November 10, 2011 at 8:18 pm #

    Pamela:
    As I see it, the only mistake she made is not choosing to sleep with him because she really wanted to sleep with him, full stop, but because somewhere in her subconscious she expected him to call her back BECAUSE she had slept with him – in that sense, she was trading her body for intimacy, or at least some kind of attachment.

    As for him, he is truly an ass

    Why? Because he chose to sleep with her because he really wanted to sleep with her, once? Because he wasn’t trading intimacy for sex?

  38. Philip November 22, 2011 at 6:07 pm #

    I’m only starting to read the posts and comments here, but it’s causing cognitive dissonance that everyone seems to be so crassly comfortable with concepts like “dating in one’s league” and dividing the world into alpha, beta, and omega, yet so rightly repulsed by the world’s attitude toward love and sex. It’s as though, having grounded your own worldview in sex as a means of self-gratification, you lot are bitter that the non-Christian world seems to have embraced the implications of that view better than you, inhibited by the Law, have.

    Maybe i’ll read further and find that i’m judging wrongly. Maybe i’m painting with an overly broad brush and not fully appreciating the nuances of different individuals posting here. Hope so.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Feminist sexual dogma, cont. « Haley's Halo - December 7, 2011

    […] checked back in on the message board thread that I had posted about earlier, the one from the girl who’d had sex with an alpha on the fourth date, and then he did the […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s