Boundless, how I
hate hate to love love thee. Thou art truly the gift that keeps giving. Without thee, this blog would not have nearly as much reason to exist.
John Thomas has a new column up today called “Wondering Eyes,” in which he advises a male reader on what to do about his girlfriend: namely, that he intellectually recognizes her as quality but his heart’s not in it anymore. Reader self-castigates this as “pride.”
In his response, Thomas spends a lot of words telling Reader how he needs to have God’s Spirit transform his mind and examine the why of his desire to see what other girls are out there. (Does it really require examination and prayer to explain a man’s desire for variety?!?!) Says Thomas:
You’ve got to come to a place where you are grateful, excited and entirely content with the gift of another person in your life.** But where pride is blooming in the heart, there is no room for true gratefulness.
(**Insert manosphere railing against Thomas’s underlying pedestalization of “the gift of another person,” i.e., women.)
But really, Thomas could have saved himself a lot of virtual ink, because the problem is evident in Reader’s first two sentences:
I’ve been dating a wonderful girl. She is witty, intelligent, adventurous, talented, and above all she loves God in a way that I really see as a gift. She has a true passion for Him.
Notice how he NEVER MENTIONS THAT SHE IS GOOD-LOOKING TO HIM. And he KNOWS she is below his SMV, because later he says:
I’m a good-looking, guitar-playing, God-loving man.
Right on, bro. Jacob Fink approves.
But more seriously – Where Thomas sees Reader’s problem as an issue of lack of gratefulness, the real issue is a very simple one: she’s not hot enough for him. At least Thomas correctly advised Reader to break up with his girlfriend.
ETA: On further reflection, I’ve also concluded that Thomas is wrong that Reader is immature and is not ready for marriage. I think, based on Reader’s comments, that he WOULD be ready to move forward toward marriage IF the girl in question met his physical attractiveness requirements. But she doesn’t, hence Reader’s gut telling him to bail. And now I’m REALLY hating John Thomas for criticizing this kid for both immaturity as a man and as a believer.