In his post “Boundless Is Their Foolishness,” Dalrock calls out women who treat every goal in their lives like a job – except getting married. He writes:
When it comes to her real priorities in life, she is all about the plan. But when it comes down to becoming a wife and mother, she is sitting around waiting for God to deliver a beta provider. This seems to fit both with the general advice Haley relays from the church, as well as what I hear many Christians discussing. If I’m understanding the general Christian message to young women correctly, it is:
Don’t worry, God will guide your heart.
A recent Boundless post encapsulates this exact attitude. In “A Moment of Reflection,” blogger Emma just passed the six-month mark in her ChristianCafe.com membership and has Learned Things. She says:
The most surprising thing I’ve learned is how I really feel about marriage. Before I started on this journey, I wanted to get married. But I don’t think I realized how much I actually desired it. In a strange way, it was difficult to admit that I want marriage. (Kind of silly, huh?) On the other hand, it was freeing. Going to Jesus, being honest about those desires and laying them before Him continues to be an exercise in faith. I have also been convicted about the fantasy I’ve built up about how meeting my future spouse is going to happen. The picture I’ve had in my head about how my life would turn out has differed vastly from how it’s actually happened. While I’ve had to work on accepting what God is doing with my life in general, the area of dating and marriage is one place where I’ve held on to my own plan tightly. Slowly I’ve become aware of the need to relinquish control.
So that’s where things stand now. I know that there are many more lessons to be learned. And while the journey has been unexpected, I know that I’m right where the Lord wants me to be. I’m looking forward to whatever else He has in store for me.
I think the whole idea behind this way of thinking is that women are too invested in finding a spouse “their way.” By being too invested in “their way,” they are not open to other (read: GOD’S) ways. This is unbiblical because it demonstrates closed-mindedness and lack of faith (remember, God is so great that He can accomplish anything He wants however and whenever He wants! so it’s really not up to you and you should therefore stop trying to make it up to you! Let go and let God!), so women must give up “their way” and only be open to “God’s way.” And however things happen must be “God’s way,” so there’s really no effective way of dissuading a woman from her current method of husband-hunting so long as she’s convinced she is doing it “God’s way.”
Also, I think the other, not-really-acknowledged part of it is that for all the admonishments for young, Christian women to look forward to the day God brings them to the special man God has picked out Just For Them, a lot of young, Christian women just don’t possess the suite of wifely skills that would increase their marital prospects. Sure, there are hyper-organized young women whose idea of heaven is The Container Store, but there are just as many, if not more, slobby girls out there whose rooms look like hurricanes blew through them. A lot of girls don’t know the basics of cooking. A lot of girls don’t clean…much. They don’t iron, they don’t decorate, they don’t know how to look for bargains or budget, they don’t know how to dress themselves with both dignity and style. Some of these skills come with time and experience, but a lot of girls can only offer their youth and their love for Jesus. That’s just not enough when it comes to marriage, but so much churchly advice does these girls wrong by teaching them that Mr. Right will be identifiable by his love for her good heart alone and that he will arrive in God’s Perfect Timing. So just keep on being frumpy and praying, because God can see your beautiful heart even if those sin-blinded men out there
who are probably addicted to porn and as a result can’t see your true beauty can’t. Is this really the best way to offer hope to unmarried women?