Hi, guys. Sorry I’ve been sort of out of commission. I got sucked into the Olympics last week with all the gymnastics and swimming, and then this week has been so incredibly hot that the desire to do much of anything has been zapped from me. Also, church softball season is underway again, so that takes away another night of my week.
I recently completed the spring/summer “semester” of small groups at my church (the semesters run for ten weeks at a time so you’re not making an indefinite commitment, which is nice), and one of the women attending our group this time around is in the process of divorcing her husband. In this case, it’s on account of her husband taking up with another woman and walking away from the family. (Yes, he actually told her that he feels more alive than he ever has and that adultery has been the best thing that ever happened to him. Okay, maybe not those exact words. But this is a pretty accurate paraphrase.) She and her husband are currently selling their house – she has found a smaller one to move into, and their teenage daughters basically hate their dad now and are incredibly bitter that they have to move out of their house.
As far as I can tell, the dad has left the church, which got me thinking that, in addition to the influence of feminism on the church, the fact that it’s typically the women who stick around after a divorce probably abets the image that it’s the men who are always the ones doing wrong. At its root, it’s selection bias.
Who sticks around after the divorce, because she needs the support more than ever? The woman.
Who comes to the church after the divorce, because she needs the support more than ever? The woman.
Who’s more likely to drop out of the church and more likely not to attend in the first place? The man.
So a pastor, typically a guy who felt “the call” from a fairly young age, and who married his wife at a young age, and hasn’t been in the SMP for years, is going to look at his situation and project. Well, of COURSE it’s the men who are at fault! Look at all these women who are seeking the Lord when something bad has happened! Shame on those men who are abandoning their duties to their wives and children! It’s just a natural response, and then you add in the feminism, and the guy practically has no chance.
If you’ve been reading manosphere blogs pretty heavily for a while, you might have forgotten that sometimes women DO get blindsided and left by their husbands. It’s not always, “oh, she must have been a crappy wife and deserved it” or “she really was a horrible woman and deserved it” or “well, DUH, she got FATTTTTTT!” In the game of no-fault divorce, women can be the losers, too.
My last thought for this post is that divorce SUCKS. If you have kids, really think twice about pitching your spouse. You can permanently damage your relationship with your kids, and not just that, but their entire ability to trust, love, and develop healthy relationships with others. Your legacy rests with your kids, so make sure it’s a good one.