Don’t worry about that other person’s feelings when:

23 Sep

Christians usually try to care about other people’s feelings, which is why Christian criticism of non-gay, non-abortion things tends to be pretty toothless.  No one wants to run the risk of turning a potential away from the Lord FOREVERRRR by hurting that person’s ego feelings, so there are a lot of roundabout and sometimes passive-aggressive comments instead.

However, there is at least one situation where you really shouldn’t care about the other person’s feelings, and that is when there is sexual chemistry between you and someone where at least one of you is married.  Getting married doesn’t mean other people cease to be attractive.  Sometimes that just means the other person becomes MORE attractive, just like people on a diet find cake that much more enticing.

But basically, if you find yourself in a situation where a married person is attractive to you (and especially if you sense that you are attractive to that other person), you should just walk away and not worry if the other person thinks you’re rude or uncaring or whatever.  It’s more important to honor that person’s marriage (and spouse) than to try to keep up some facade of friendship.  The bottom line is that you can’t have that person, so why invest any more time in him (or her)?  Why make it more difficult to extract yourself?  It can’t lead to the place that you want it to go…at least, not without a lot of destruction in its wake.

I mean, don’t be intentionally MEAN, but don’t make that person a point in your life.  That person should be a non-point.

6 Responses to “Don’t worry about that other person’s feelings when:”

  1. 3rd Millenium Men September 24, 2012 at 12:28 am #

    Excellent post. The first steps down the path of adultery should next even be gone near. I liked the George Clooney movie ‘The Descendents’ to show just how horrific an impact adultery has on families.

  2. Austin September 24, 2012 at 5:19 am #

    It’s pretty much the only way to deal with a situation where two people are attracted to each other but commited to others. The Bible says flee from those situations. This is especially important for newlyweds, where you’ve never been in situations where a poor decision can lead to such a sh*tstorm of consequences.

    It becomes difficult when the person isn’t someone you can really flee from, like a co-worker or client. Obviously if you think there is a high likelyhood that time will bring cheating, then your commitment to your spouse and honoring your own word dictates that you remove the temptation, even if it means quiting. But what if it’s just light flirting, or just a strong physical attraction, or the attraction is unilateral. It’s the gray areas where most people get caught.

  3. y81 September 24, 2012 at 1:57 pm #

    Maybe. Obviously you shouldn’t put yourself in a situation where there is any likelihood that you will commit adultery. But I have found that unconsummated romantic relationships can transmute into exceedingly blessed and happy friendships, perhaps models for how personal relationships will be Heaven, where they do not marry, neither are they given in marriage, yet all is suffused with love.

  4. Virgil September 27, 2012 at 1:34 pm #

    I think you are right. But, this is not what most guys do. Sure, walking away from someone you want but who, for whatever reason, is off limits can be agonizing, but that is a kind of alpha agony.

    Most Christian men suffer what I call “The Agony of the Christian Beta.” They suffer ongoing agony because they are too afraid to ever even admit to themselves or to anyone else that they want some woman who is off limits. They deny the reality of their desires hoping that by denying them something will happen that magically takes care of the issue.

    Along these same lines, most married Christian men utterly de-sexualize themselves so that they are never in the situation of knowing a woman wants them, of wanting her and having to walk away. Basically, rather than go through the pain of actually forsaking all others, they try to avoid it by making sure they are so de-sexualized there are never any others they have to forsake.

  5. KhleSmizth November 5, 2012 at 9:36 pm #


  6. Christian Married Man November 11, 2012 at 4:36 pm #

    Someone said “In matters of the heart there is no cure, only prevention.”

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