The manosphere usually talks about alpha and beta as an inversely proportional continuum, meaning that if a guy doesn’t have a lot of alpha, he must have a lot of beta, and vice versa. For most practical intents and purposes, this model works. Most guys need to tone down the beta traits and up the alpha, and then there are some who need to tone down the alpha in order to reassure their women that they do, in fact, care for them.
But one type of man not commonly talked about is the man who lacks both alpha AND beta. He’s neither dominant with his wife, but he’s not sweet and cuddly with her, either. He’s just sort of…there. Doing his thing. And being neither romantic nor sexy doing it.
My latest idea is that this alpha-less, beta-less man is the one that a lot of Christian relationship books are written for. These are usually the books that encourage men to “love” their wives more by doing more and more beta things for them, and the reason for this encouragement of beta is that the authors mistakenly think that being a distant, cold husband is “alpha.” So they instruct their readers to pour on the beta, and then the advice fails because beta in the absence of alpha isn’t attractive.
What a woman with that kind of man wants is not more flowers and more acts of service, it’s a man who will flirt with her and make her feel attractive. THEN, once that has been established, he can do the sweet things. But jumping right into the sweet stuff is NOT the way to go about rectifying a marriage that lacks both alpha and beta.