Don’t let your wife befriend a firefighter!

Over the holidays, I found out that one of my brother’s longtime friends is getting divorced from his wife (but not until after they file their taxes).  I’m pretty sure everyone could see this coming, since there have been rumblings for a long time that both have been miserable, and basically the wife showed up at my brother’s wedding with her boobs out to there.  The best man also told me that she cheats on her husband all the time and goes out partying a lot.  I don’t know how he would know that, but that’s the hearsay.

Anyhow, this is one of those situations where there was a third party involved.  The wife works across the street from a fire department, and the girls from the office would go over and flirt with the firefighters at lunchtime.  The wife got friendly with a firefighter, and while I don’t know if there was any physical cheating going on, there was definitely a texting relationship, and when the husband told her to ditch the firefighter friend, the wife said no.

This is the second marriage in my brother’s friend circle that has fallen prey to firefighter mojo.  Several years ago one of my brother’s other good friends married his high school sweetheart who also happened to be one of the prettiest girls at school.  Said friend porked out after getting married while the wife, who was a teacher, met the dad of one of her students.  Said dad was a firefighter.  The wife started working out.  Guess what happened.

Also while we’re on the topic of divorce (I know, not a very up way to start the year, but it was on my mind), I have an update on Morf and Bee.  My mom told me that Bee has a new boyfriend already, and that Morf proved his beta-ness once again by HAVING DINNER WITH THEM.  If I were Morf, I would have accidentally set fire to Bee’s residence or unintentionally worn some brass knuckles when I greeted Bee’s face with my fist.  The divorce has hit Morf so badly that he has moved to the West Coast to work for his company out here.

Some food for thought about all of the above scenarios:

• Divorce-after-taxes couple got married quite young, and I had had the impression that the husband was just desperate to get married at the time and took the first woman who would have him.  This, I think, is part of why mainstream conventional wisdom recommends that people don’t get married until their mid-20s.  But that’s really just a proxy for having the maturity to be proactive and purposeful about finding a mate who is really marriage material.  Age itself isn’t a guarantee of anything.
• High school sweetheart couple were an instance where they began dating freshman year of high school and didn’t marry until they graduated college.  They had never dated anyone else, and while the husband might have looked like an apex alpha at a small high school, when he got out in the real world, it turns out he wasn’t.  Meanwhile, the wife figured out that she was still cute enough and young enough to get more alpha than she had at home.  Not that I hear that the firefighter has married her yet.
• Bee hadn’t even graduated from college yet when she married Morf, and I remember remarking at the time that I thought she was too young.  Bee also is an only child of divorced parents and used to getting her own way all the time.  Oh, and Bee and Morf recited their own vows at their wedding, which included a recounting of how Bee “just knew” when she first set eyes on Morf.  DON’T WRITE YOUR OWN VOWS.  They will never be better than traditional vows.

I hope everyone had a terrific Christmas and New Year’s Day.  It’s good to be back.

Celebrity divorce and the differences between men and women.

So, anyone who cares about sports has probably heard that after ten years of marriage, Vanessa Bryant has finally decided to divorce Kobe since the latter can’t stop taking advantage of his apex male status and banging other women.  This was a very stupid decision on Kobe’s part, since he and Vanessa have no pre-nup limiting what Vanessa will now be entitled to in divorce.  Since California is a community property state, everything Kobe the couple earned during the marriage is now up for grabs in a 50/50 split between the two.  And since Kobe made the majority of his wealth during the past ten years, Vanessa is legally entitled to a huge payday (I’ve seen an estimate of $180 million), which most women would agree is not bad work for ten years of getting cheated on and enduring a husband’s rape accusation.

Although most women find Vanessa’s expected take from the divorce to be exorbitant, they won’t argue with it (much) or look down on her for it.  After all, she’s never been in the media for bad behavior or sought out personal fame through a reality show.  She seems to have been a good basketball wife, having babies and staying beautiful.  Additionally, all of her adult life, starting at age 17, Vanessa Bryant has been Kobe’s girlfriend or wife, so she never went to college or worked and has no backlog of work skills or experience.  Only a cold-hearted person would demand that as a victim of adultery, she go on public assistance after divorcing.

This sympathy lies in stark contrast to the universal derision Kevin Federline gets for receiving spousal support from Britney Spears for their two-year marriage.

If men and women were truly the same and only cultural conditioning explained sex differences, then why does Kevin Federline receive scorn, but Vanessa Bryant is probably going to come out of the divorce smelling like a rose?  Both married famous, successful people and are now (or will be, in Vanessa’s case) living off the legally obligated largesse of their ex-spouses.  Yet Federline continues to be the butt of jokes, whereas any accusations of gold-digging on Vanessa’s part will be mitigated by Kobe’s cheating.  Really, the only explanation is that men and women are different and have different attractiveness triggers:  men are valued for their ability to provide for women and children, and no amount of social conditioning is ever going to make that go away – not that it seems that anyone is trying to make that go away.  Even the staunchest feminists probably think Federline is a loser, even though he isn’t doing anything uncommon to the ex-wives of successful men.  (Of course, staunch feminists probably look down on women who aren’t working, either, but then they’re just using masculine standards to measure women’s achievements, which just points again to the differences between the sexes.)

Food for thought:  Is Kevin Federline an alpha by Roissy’s definition?  If alphadom is measured by a man’s ability to get sex, then surely Kevin Federline is doing a pretty good job of it.  The man is only 33 and has five children by three different women, and I would expect that if his current woman doesn’t work out, he’ll find yet another woman who will have babies with him.  Yes, he’s famous (or at least notorious) now, but when he had his first two kids, he wasn’t famous.  And he wasn’t famous when he met Britney.

Random thoughts and links.

Some bloggers are very prolific, but I find that my inspiration comes in fits and starts.  Sometimes I can crank out a blog post quickly, but other times I’ll spend hours tinkering with a post, trying to figure out how to say what I want to say.  Sometimes I start a post and then don’t finish it for weeks or even months.  It just depends.

Since I don’t have anything fully-formed at the moment, here’s a smattering of stuff that’s floating around in my mind lately.

• Mrs. Cubbie Fink wrote a book.  It’s called What Is He Thinking? and contains the results of Mrs. Fink’s interviews with “men she respects who hope to get married some day.”  According to the description, “The men share their thoughts on topics like how women can respect themselves and the men in their lives, modesty, purity, taking it slow, friendship, letting guys lead, and more. This book gives them the floor to say what they would really like women to know.”  Or, you know, you could just read some men’s blogs FOR FREE and find more honest, more real, and more true information.  Somehow I find it hard to believe that men would be truly frank with someone who looked like Mrs. Fink, but that’s just cynical ol’ me.  P.S. If anyone wants to hook me up with a copy of the book to review, let me know.
• There’s been noise in the media lately about how 80% of self-identified evangelical singles aren’t virgins.  Well, duh.  Most people can wait until age 22 for sex.  Asking the same people to wait until they’re 30 or 35 or older to have sex is just preposterous.  I generally think that after the age of 25, a lot of Christians say “F THIS” and do what their hormones tell them to do.  If Christians really are serious about preventing premarital sex and the social ills that result from fornication (single moms, bastard kids, poverty, demand for government entitlements, STDs, abortions), then they need to change their attitudes about (a) instructing their kids on marriage and its obligations, (b) when it is appropriate to get married, and (c) getting involved in finding good mates for their children.  I know it’s unpopular to try to shape your child’s romantic destiny (yet okay be a helicopter parent dragging your kid over the finish line to get the minimum SAT score necessary to get into a decent college), but wishful thinking is clearly not keeping the kids out of each other’s pants.
• I came across a shop on Etsy that sells sexy bikinis for plus-size women.
• Women admit they were more attractive at 19.  They are actually shocked at how good they looked when they were younger.
• I started following the whole Tim Tebow thing after I saw someone on TV trashing him as a QB a few weeks ago.  Is the publicity good or bad for Christians?  Weigh in.
• I guess a special on virgins wasn’t enough for TLC, so now they’re doing a special on Sunday, Dec. 18th called Geek Love.  In the Venn diagram of life, those two circles intersect quite a bit.  Here’s a promo clip:
  
•  Lady Gaga is a good example of a woman who is extremely sexual but not at all sexy.
• An older article at The Art of Manliness that I read recently:  5 Easy Ways for the College Student to Upgrade His Style.  Antonio strongly favors a classic, somewhat preppy look, but his general points are good ones for men of any age.
• Buy clothes that fit.  Don’t buy anything that doesn’t “sing” when you put it on.  Buying something because “it’s a great deal” is the worst reason to buy something.  Better to buy something more expensive that is great on you, because you’ll wear it more and pay for itself that way.
• Saw this review of an item at Old Navy, written by a mom who claims she is a size 18:  “I don’t always have the time to pull together a nice outfit outside of sweats and a t-shirt. This shirt makes it easy to pull a nice outfit together quickly whether it’s with cargos, jeans or a skirt.”  A nice outfit outside of sweats and a t-shirt?

Until next time,

a.h.

Video: why men and women can’t be friends.

Res ipsa loquitur, but these kids are probably too young to have any familiarity with When Harry Met Sally. Click play and watch the hamsters spin.

 

(BTW, does this mean that only un-fat, generally attractive girls use the library at Utah State?  Are there no fat girls at Utah State?  Or did the filmmakers use size-ism to make their point???  If so, the whole thing is discredited!  Discredited, I sayyyy!)

Feminist sexual dogma, cont.

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jer. 17:9 (NIV)

I checked back in on the message board thread that I had posted about earlier, the one from the girl who’d had sex with an alpha on the fourth date, and then he did the disappearing act.  The drama continued, not just in the thread, but she actually obtained a closure of sorts from the guy.

OP’s comments are a sterling example of how a woman’s hamster reacts to an alpha.

She protects him from criticism and only reluctantly accepts his shaming from the hen house:

It’s hard for me to think of this dude as being an asshole, but the more I think about it and read what you all are saying, I realize you’re right.

She wants to hear what he has to say when he finally contacts her:

I guess I’ll let him know that he can call me. I’m just really hurt at this point. But you’re right — I’ll hear him out. At least now I can get the closure that I’ve wanted all along.

and:

I’m just REALLY curious about what he’s going to say. I texted him and told him he could call me after I get off work in a few hours.

Oh, GIRL, this is really not rocket science.  Also, any time a girl wants to hear what a guy has to say even though she swears she has written him off, he was a mistake, she doesn’t care anymore – guess what?  SHE STILL CARES AND STILL HAS HOPE.  Such talk is pure, grade-A hamster talk.

OP gets her “closure” with alpha, but (surprise!) it wasn’t what she wanted to hear:

Alright, so he called about an hour ago. Basically, he apologized for not calling after we had sex. He admitted that he regretted doing it so soon, and that he was sorry for basically ignoring me for almost two weeks. I accepted his apology. And that was that. Honestly, I wish he wouldn’t have called in the first place. Yeah, I got my closure, but it was easier for me to get over it if I could just write him off as a dick. Now he’s not REALLY a dick, since he apologized. Gah. I’m sad now.

OP admits why she took his call:

Thanks everyone. I’m still super bummed (I guess a part of me was hoping he’d want to go out with me again?), but I know I’ll get over it.

OP in response to a commenter who asks if she would have gone out with him again if he had asked:

I would have.

Exactly how alpha was he?

I don’t know. I know I deserve better.

Mark the following as truth:  the only time women claim not to deserve better is when they’re fishing for compliments from other women (or beta orbiters).  Otherwise, women pretty much always deserve better than what they’ve got (or had).  But let’s look at this situation a little more closely:  OP really, really liked alpha and believed that they had a special enough connection that she got naked and had sex with him after four dates.  Then she procured a phone call from him apologizing for his behavior.  Most alphas would not even bother to call.  Actually, the more I think about it, the more it seems like our alpha was possibly a greater beta/lesser alpha – he did, after all, take OP on dates, which is way more than most women can expect from an alpha male these days.

So what, exactly, does OP believe she deserves that is better?  Considering what happened, she got about as good a treatment as she could expect.  Oh, but she wanted to have sex on her terms.

Ay, there’s the rub.

Clips from TLC’s Virgin Diaries

I haven’t had a chance to see the episode that aired yesterday yet, but TLC’s YouTube channel has some clips up.  Because I am such a generous blogger, I’ve embedded them here.

If anyone had a chance to see the show, please weigh in.

(Virgin Carey goes on a date with a woman who is really perplexed by his ~status and asks if he has any “subscriptions.”)

(Virgin engaged couple discuss the agenda for their wedding night, which includes “do foreplay.”)

(Tamara, the reclaimed virgin, reveals her “number” and says she had sex with each of her previous boyfriends, but that now she has had such a life change that when she has sex again, it’ll be like being a virgin all over again.)

One of the worst LJBF stories I’ve ever read.

It has to be read to be believed.  From a commenter named “Anonymous Male” at Boundless (of course):

Ansley (#2):

In addition to I_choose_to_remain_anonymous’s response, I would like to offer another possible reason that God might choose not to take away your feelings for a certain person even if you asked for it. Here’s my story…

During my senior year of college, I noticed a connection developing with a sister in Christ, someone with whom I served in leadership together in the same on-campus ministry. Knowing that she was still emotionally recovering from a previous failed relationship at that time, though, I decided to hold back on pursuing her for a while. The DTR talk did eventually happen, but I got a polite no along the lines of “thanks for letting me know, but I’m not interested in a relationship right now.”

Despite that, she said that she still wanted to be friends. And since both she and I were still teammates in the same ministry, I thought that it would be uncaring and irresponsible for me to cut off contact with her simply because of the potential awkwardness that could result from the knowledge that there was unilateral interest. So I simply tried my best to continue interacting with her in the same way that I used to before then.

The last semester of that school year, however, would be a stressful one both for her and for me for various reasons. Ironically, this actually allowed the friendship to further deepen despite the mutual recognition that an official relationship was not going to happen. So, as it turned out, having to say goodbye to each other at graduation was not easy (let’s just say tears were shed). It would take my moving out of state for grad school later that summer to provide the distance required to ultimately get over her. Before that, though, she and I did have a chance to exchange quite a few words of blessing for each other on my way out. (To me, that counts as good closure.)

So what’s the point of my story? Based on how things turned out, I wondered if God chose not to take away my feelings for her (even though I asked for that after getting the polite rejection) because the plan was for her and me to be a blessing to each other for a season— no more, and no less.

BICs** and other male readers, DON’T BE THIS GUY.

If you ever want a woman to see you as a man, if you ever want to be attractive to a woman, if you ever want to have sex someday with a woman who has sexual desire for you, DON’T BE THIS GUY.

DON’T.

DON’T.

DON’T.

DON’T.

Don’t think of her as your sister in Christ, at least not if it means putting her on a pedestal.

Don’t hold back on pursuing her because she’s “still emotionally recovering from a failed relationship.”

Don’t think that it’s “uncaring” or “irresponsible” to cut off a friendship with a woman who LJBFs you.

Don’t keep trying to be the same friend afterward.

Don’t man-hamster yourself into thinking your “deeper” friendship means anything when she has completely nixed the possibility of ever having sex with you.

Don’t cry at graduation when you separate.

Don’t “exchange words of blessing” and consider it closure.  (And don’t worry about closure in the first place.)

And DON’T, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, LOOK BACK ON THIS EXPERIENCE AS A CHANCE TO “BE A BLESSING” TO EACH OTHER AND BELIEVE IT WAS GOD’S DIVINE PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE.

**That’s Brothers-In-Christ.  (The girl version is SICs.)

As a bonus in the department of “things that seem like satirical spoofs but are actually really real,” here’s the (unrelated) video that’s been entertaining me all week:

Makaziville Pre Registration from John Andersen on Vimeo.

TLC’s “Virgin Diaries” to air on Dec. 4.

On Sunday, Dec. 4, cable network TLC (home of the Gosselins, Duggars, frumps who need makeovers, and little people) is going to air a one-hour special called Virgin Diaries.  This documentary fill focus on six virgins – a couple saving their first kiss for their wedding***, a 35-year-old redditor incel, and three 30-year-old female roommates (one of whom is a “reclaimed virgin”) who are blogging about their search for Mr. Right.

It’ll be interesting to see how TLC handles the subject, especially in light of the promo below.

***

Co-ed church softball league game?

Well, I’ve joined my church’s co-ed slow pitch softball team**, which plays in a league that is comprised entirely of churches.  Not sure yet if it’s a good place to meet people outside of your own church, given that you’re not there to mingle with the other team, plus you can’t really tell who’s married or not since most people are wearing gloves on their ring hand and most of the time you’re too far away to see anything, anyway.  Also, the male/female ratio is favorable to women, since most teams only have a few women.  Then again, softball isn’t really a sport that attracts shapely, slender women, so maybe it’s more of a draw.  Sorry, guys.

I did think the other team’s pitcher tonight was kind of cute, but then he walked me twice.  DLV?

**y81, your praise may now commence.

Translation: she’s not hot enough for him.

Boundless, how I hate hate to love love thee.  Thou art truly the gift that keeps giving.  Without thee, this blog would not have nearly as much reason to exist.

John Thomas has a new column up today called “Wondering Eyes,” in which he advises a male reader on what to do about his girlfriend:  namely, that he intellectually recognizes her as quality but his heart’s not in it anymore.  Reader self-castigates this as “pride.”

In his response, Thomas spends a lot of words telling Reader how he needs to have God’s Spirit transform his mind and examine the why of his desire to see what other girls are out there.  (Does it really require examination and prayer to explain a man’s desire for variety?!?!)  Says Thomas:

You’ve got to come to a place where you are grateful, excited and entirely content with the gift of another person in your life.** But where pride is blooming in the heart, there is no room for true gratefulness.

(**Insert manosphere railing against Thomas’s underlying pedestalization of “the gift of another person,” i.e., women.)

But really, Thomas could have saved himself a lot of virtual ink, because the problem is evident in Reader’s first two sentences:

I’ve been dating a wonderful girl. She is witty, intelligent, adventurous, talented, and above all she loves God in a way that I really see as a gift. She has a true passion for Him.

Notice how he NEVER MENTIONS THAT SHE IS GOOD-LOOKING TO HIM.  And he KNOWS she is below his SMV, because later he says:

I’m a good-looking, guitar-playing, God-loving man.

Right on, bro.  Jacob Fink approves.

But more seriously – Where Thomas sees Reader’s problem as an issue of lack of gratefulness, the real issue is a very simple one:  she’s not hot enough for him.  At least Thomas correctly advised Reader to break up with his girlfriend.

ETA:  On further reflection, I’ve also concluded that Thomas is wrong that Reader is immature and is not ready for marriage.  I think, based on Reader’s comments, that he WOULD be ready to move forward toward marriage IF the girl in question met his physical attractiveness requirements.  But she doesn’t, hence Reader’s gut telling him to bail.  And now I’m REALLY hating John Thomas for criticizing this kid for both immaturity as a man and as a believer.