Clips from TLC’s Virgin Diaries

I haven’t had a chance to see the episode that aired yesterday yet, but TLC’s YouTube channel has some clips up.  Because I am such a generous blogger, I’ve embedded them here.

If anyone had a chance to see the show, please weigh in.

(Virgin Carey goes on a date with a woman who is really perplexed by his ~status and asks if he has any “subscriptions.”)

(Virgin engaged couple discuss the agenda for their wedding night, which includes “do foreplay.”)

(Tamara, the reclaimed virgin, reveals her “number” and says she had sex with each of her previous boyfriends, but that now she has had such a life change that when she has sex again, it’ll be like being a virgin all over again.)

One of the worst LJBF stories I’ve ever read.

It has to be read to be believed.  From a commenter named “Anonymous Male” at Boundless (of course):

Ansley (#2):

In addition to I_choose_to_remain_anonymous’s response, I would like to offer another possible reason that God might choose not to take away your feelings for a certain person even if you asked for it. Here’s my story…

During my senior year of college, I noticed a connection developing with a sister in Christ, someone with whom I served in leadership together in the same on-campus ministry. Knowing that she was still emotionally recovering from a previous failed relationship at that time, though, I decided to hold back on pursuing her for a while. The DTR talk did eventually happen, but I got a polite no along the lines of “thanks for letting me know, but I’m not interested in a relationship right now.”

Despite that, she said that she still wanted to be friends. And since both she and I were still teammates in the same ministry, I thought that it would be uncaring and irresponsible for me to cut off contact with her simply because of the potential awkwardness that could result from the knowledge that there was unilateral interest. So I simply tried my best to continue interacting with her in the same way that I used to before then.

The last semester of that school year, however, would be a stressful one both for her and for me for various reasons. Ironically, this actually allowed the friendship to further deepen despite the mutual recognition that an official relationship was not going to happen. So, as it turned out, having to say goodbye to each other at graduation was not easy (let’s just say tears were shed). It would take my moving out of state for grad school later that summer to provide the distance required to ultimately get over her. Before that, though, she and I did have a chance to exchange quite a few words of blessing for each other on my way out. (To me, that counts as good closure.)

So what’s the point of my story? Based on how things turned out, I wondered if God chose not to take away my feelings for her (even though I asked for that after getting the polite rejection) because the plan was for her and me to be a blessing to each other for a season— no more, and no less.

BICs** and other male readers, DON’T BE THIS GUY.

If you ever want a woman to see you as a man, if you ever want to be attractive to a woman, if you ever want to have sex someday with a woman who has sexual desire for you, DON’T BE THIS GUY.

DON’T.

DON’T.

DON’T.

DON’T.

Don’t think of her as your sister in Christ, at least not if it means putting her on a pedestal.

Don’t hold back on pursuing her because she’s “still emotionally recovering from a failed relationship.”

Don’t think that it’s “uncaring” or “irresponsible” to cut off a friendship with a woman who LJBFs you.

Don’t keep trying to be the same friend afterward.

Don’t man-hamster yourself into thinking your “deeper” friendship means anything when she has completely nixed the possibility of ever having sex with you.

Don’t cry at graduation when you separate.

Don’t “exchange words of blessing” and consider it closure.  (And don’t worry about closure in the first place.)

And DON’T, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, LOOK BACK ON THIS EXPERIENCE AS A CHANCE TO “BE A BLESSING” TO EACH OTHER AND BELIEVE IT WAS GOD’S DIVINE PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE.

**That’s Brothers-In-Christ.  (The girl version is SICs.)

As a bonus in the department of “things that seem like satirical spoofs but are actually really real,” here’s the (unrelated) video that’s been entertaining me all week:

Makaziville Pre Registration from John Andersen on Vimeo.

TLC’s “Virgin Diaries” to air on Dec. 4.

On Sunday, Dec. 4, cable network TLC (home of the Gosselins, Duggars, frumps who need makeovers, and little people) is going to air a one-hour special called Virgin Diaries.  This documentary fill focus on six virgins – a couple saving their first kiss for their wedding***, a 35-year-old redditor incel, and three 30-year-old female roommates (one of whom is a “reclaimed virgin”) who are blogging about their search for Mr. Right.

It’ll be interesting to see how TLC handles the subject, especially in light of the promo below.

***

Social experiment vote!

I’ve been thinking about trying a little matchmaking through the blog.  Chances are, if you’re reading this blog regularly, you’re single, intelligent, educated, and a Christian of some stripe.  You’re also more savvy to the realities of the SMP than the average Boundless reader, and you’re not a sensitive church hipster who likes to drink expensive coffee and say “awesome” a lot while trying to get your family members to buy tiny woven baskets made by women in third world countries.  And you’re trying to meet people of the opposite sex, at least a little.  When you think about it, you’re a part of a pretty select group.

Given that, I had this idea that we could do a sort of Secret Santa matchmaking thingy.  You would email me your answers to a list of questions to help customize the matching (such as age, location, denomination, interests), and I would make the matches and then email you your match and that person’s details.  Then it’s up to you to get in touch.  Think of it as the poor man’s eHarmz.  At the very least, you’ll have the opportunity to meet a new single person of the opposite sex.

Weigh in below – if there’s enough interest, we’ll move ahead. :)

How you like them apples?

Happy (American) Thanksgiving, HHalo readers!

On this federally sanctioned day of tryptophanic gluttony, take the time to thank God for at least one thing in your life, not the least of which is this very blog you are reading.  I’m definitely thankful for all of the visitors, readers, and commenters who make writing this blog that much more satisfying (and entertaining!).  Consider yourself blissfully side-hugged by Aunt Haley.

P.S.  Yes, I made the pie myself from scratch.  Marriage proposal line begins to the left.

Co-ed church softball league game?

Well, I’ve joined my church’s co-ed slow pitch softball team**, which plays in a league that is comprised entirely of churches.  Not sure yet if it’s a good place to meet people outside of your own church, given that you’re not there to mingle with the other team, plus you can’t really tell who’s married or not since most people are wearing gloves on their ring hand and most of the time you’re too far away to see anything, anyway.  Also, the male/female ratio is favorable to women, since most teams only have a few women.  Then again, softball isn’t really a sport that attracts shapely, slender women, so maybe it’s more of a draw.  Sorry, guys.

I did think the other team’s pitcher tonight was kind of cute, but then he walked me twice.  DLV?

**y81, your praise may now commence.

Stuff Christians like: Sign language.

If there’s one thing that Christians, especially evangelicals, LOVE, it’s other languages.  No one laps up African children’s choirs or a missionary on furlough opening his guest sermon in his missional language quite like Christians do.  Sometimes Christians even like to wear traditional clothing of other nations during Missions Week to show their solidarity with countries they went to once on a missions trip back in the ’90s.

However, there is one language that Christians love above nearly all others, probably because you don’t even have to be able to hear to enjoy it.  That language is SIGN LANGUAGE.

Despite the fact that I have never attended a service where a plural number of people was both hearing impaired and sign-language literate, Christians just LOVE LOVE LOVE singing with their hands.  “Jesus Loves Me”?  SIGNED.  “Awesome God”?  SIGNED.  Anything by Hillsong?  SIGNED.  And if you’ve grown up in church, chances are you performed at least one signed song with the kiddie choir.  Even my church got into the act not that long ago, with a small choir busting out the S.L. and the worship leader exhorting everyone to sing to God in “another language.”

I think the popularity of sign language stems from a couple of different places.  For conservative, non-charismatic Christians, this gives them the opportunity to raise their arms above their heads and not feel like a threatening Pentecostal.  Think of it as the White Christian’s Gospel Hands, or the White Christian’s Dancing From The Waist Up.  For more liberal Christians, sign language gives them the satisfaction of “reaching out” while placating lack-of-diversity guilt at the same time.  Basically, it’s all win from whatever angle you’re coming at it from.

So if you know signing, or even just one song that you learned at another church, don’t be shy.  Let your worship leader know.  Ten bucks says you’ll be doing a solo on Sunday morning in no time flat, or even teaching the choir to sign, and then just watch the hearts be blessed by your rare and special talent.

So SIGN ON, BRETHREN.  SIGN ON.

P.S.  It is not very easy to find videos of men signing while singing.

Whatever else He has in store for you could be a lot of waiting.

In his post “Boundless Is Their Foolishness,” Dalrock calls out women who treat every goal in their lives like a job – except getting married.  He writes:

When it comes to her real priorities in life, she is all about the plan.  But when it comes down to becoming a wife and mother, she is sitting around waiting for God to deliver a beta provider.  This seems to fit both with the general advice Haley relays from the church, as well as what I hear many Christians discussing.  If I’m understanding the general Christian message to young women correctly, it is:

Don’t worry, God will guide your heart.

A recent Boundless post encapsulates this exact attitude.  In “A Moment of Reflection,” blogger Emma just passed the six-month mark in her ChristianCafe.com membership and has Learned Things.  She says:

The most surprising thing I’ve learned is how I really feel about marriage. Before I started on this journey, I wanted to get married. But I don’t think I realized how much I actually desired it. In a strange way, it was difficult to admit that I want marriage. (Kind of silly, huh?) On the other hand, it was freeing. Going to Jesus, being honest about those desires and laying them before Him continues to be an exercise in faith. I have also been convicted about the fantasy I’ve built up about how meeting my future spouse is going to happen. The picture I’ve had in my head about how my life would turn out has differed vastly from how it’s actually happened. While I’ve had to work on accepting what God is doing with my life in general, the area of dating and marriage is one place where I’ve held on to my own plan tightly. Slowly I’ve become aware of the need to relinquish control.

So that’s where things stand now. I know that there are many more lessons to be learned. And while the journey has been unexpected, I know that I’m right where the Lord wants me to be. I’m looking forward to whatever else He has in store for me.

I think the whole idea behind this way of thinking is that women are too invested in finding a spouse “their way.”  By being too invested in “their way,” they are not open to other (read: GOD’S) ways.  This is unbiblical because it demonstrates closed-mindedness and lack of faith (remember, God is so great that He can accomplish anything He wants however and whenever He wants! so it’s really not up to you and you should therefore stop trying to make it up to you! Let go and let God!), so women must give up “their way” and only be open to “God’s way.”  And however things happen must be “God’s way,” so there’s really no effective way of dissuading a woman from her current method of husband-hunting so long as she’s convinced she is doing it “God’s way.”

Also, I think the other, not-really-acknowledged part of it is that for all the admonishments for young, Christian women to look forward to the day God brings them to the special man God has picked out Just For Them, a lot of young, Christian women just don’t possess the suite of wifely skills that would increase their marital prospects.  Sure, there are hyper-organized young women whose idea of heaven is The Container Store, but there are just as many, if not more, slobby girls out there whose rooms look like hurricanes blew through them.  A lot of girls don’t know the basics of cooking.  A lot of girls don’t clean…much.  They don’t iron, they don’t decorate, they don’t know how to look for bargains or budget, they don’t know how to dress themselves with both dignity and style.  Some of these skills come with time and experience, but a lot of girls can only offer their youth and their love for Jesus.  That’s just not enough when it comes to marriage, but so much churchly advice does these girls wrong by teaching them that Mr. Right will be identifiable by his love for her good heart alone and that he will arrive in God’s Perfect Timing.  So just keep on being frumpy and praying, because God can see your beautiful heart even if those sin-blinded men out there who are probably addicted to porn and as a result can’t see your true beauty can’t.  Is this really the best way to offer hope to unmarried women?

Alpha body language.

I’m a big fan of the Just Dance games, and when I saw these two dances from the most recent edition, it struck me that they are pretty good examples of what is and what isn’t alpha body language.  Both dancers are very good (and the routines are exhausting just watching them), but one displays a lot of swagger, and the other one…doesn’t.  (Not that the songs themselves aren’t really obvious giveaways.)

 

 

The costume choices and background settings also highlight the differences.  “Pump It” guy is wearing a vest that conjures military uniform associations (masculine!) while Scissor Sisters guy is wearing sparkling pants and a cropped, fur-trimmed jacket.  “Pump It” guy’s background setting is stark and bold and has magenta rock formations bursting out of the ground, while Scissor Sisters guy is dancing in front of a cute igloo (that transforms into a glittering disco ball) while it is snowing (and has a cartoon penguin pop out of the ice occasionally – there are igloos in Antarctica?!).

It’s worth noting that in the comments of various uploads of these dances that “Pump It” guy is considered very attractive by female commenters, whereas Scissor Sisters guy’s maleness is sometimes questioned.

Of course, all this is about a cartoony game where everyone is dressed in neon.

Translation: she’s not hot enough for him.

Boundless, how I hate hate to love love thee.  Thou art truly the gift that keeps giving.  Without thee, this blog would not have nearly as much reason to exist.

John Thomas has a new column up today called “Wondering Eyes,” in which he advises a male reader on what to do about his girlfriend:  namely, that he intellectually recognizes her as quality but his heart’s not in it anymore.  Reader self-castigates this as “pride.”

In his response, Thomas spends a lot of words telling Reader how he needs to have God’s Spirit transform his mind and examine the why of his desire to see what other girls are out there.  (Does it really require examination and prayer to explain a man’s desire for variety?!?!)  Says Thomas:

You’ve got to come to a place where you are grateful, excited and entirely content with the gift of another person in your life.** But where pride is blooming in the heart, there is no room for true gratefulness.

(**Insert manosphere railing against Thomas’s underlying pedestalization of “the gift of another person,” i.e., women.)

But really, Thomas could have saved himself a lot of virtual ink, because the problem is evident in Reader’s first two sentences:

I’ve been dating a wonderful girl. She is witty, intelligent, adventurous, talented, and above all she loves God in a way that I really see as a gift. She has a true passion for Him.

Notice how he NEVER MENTIONS THAT SHE IS GOOD-LOOKING TO HIM.  And he KNOWS she is below his SMV, because later he says:

I’m a good-looking, guitar-playing, God-loving man.

Right on, bro.  Jacob Fink approves.

But more seriously – Where Thomas sees Reader’s problem as an issue of lack of gratefulness, the real issue is a very simple one:  she’s not hot enough for him.  At least Thomas correctly advised Reader to break up with his girlfriend.

ETA:  On further reflection, I’ve also concluded that Thomas is wrong that Reader is immature and is not ready for marriage.  I think, based on Reader’s comments, that he WOULD be ready to move forward toward marriage IF the girl in question met his physical attractiveness requirements.  But she doesn’t, hence Reader’s gut telling him to bail.  And now I’m REALLY hating John Thomas for criticizing this kid for both immaturity as a man and as a believer.