Focus on the positive.

10 Jun

I’ve learned a lot from the manosphere, but that doesn’t mean it’s a perfect place.  Like any corner of the internet, it has its echo chamber qualities; a few voices can be amplified until that’s all anyone can hear, and then those ideas become the predominant mode of thinking.  Sometimes this is good, like men learning that women respond to confident, proactive men rather than passive, submissive men.  But sometimes this is bad, like when men wrap themselves in the belief that all women seek to marry just to they can destroy their husbands’ lives by divorcing them out of boredom, and that subsequently women should be treated as trash that is only good for sex, or that women should be avoided at all costs.

Nothing good comes from dwelling on the negative.  Yes, we should acknowledge that negative things exist – it would be just as bad to pretend as though everything is perfect all the time – but a lot of the tragedies that we read about in the news could have been avoided if the perpetrator hadn’t filled his (or her) mind with negativity.

Much has been written in the manosphere about the Elliot Rodger incident.  Some people think he was crazy, some people think he was secretly gay, some people think that he wouldn’t have gone on a killing rampage if he had just learned how to get girls to have sex with him, some people think that society let him down…  My guess is that it was probably a combination of the above, but what I feel very certain about is that Elliot Rodger completely gave himself over to negativity and let it turn dark inside him.  Eventually that darkness had to come out.  In this case, it came out in a horrifying and tragic manner.

Most people who dwell on the negative won’t go on a murder spree, or compile a manifesto chronicling every perceived or real wrong done to them, or make YouTube videos about it.  But that doesn’t mean that they won’t be eaten up on the inside.  Even on this blog, there are a lot of comments by men who are determined to see nothing good in women and are even more determined that no other man should, either.  It’s always some selection from the “men good, women bad” pool of divorce rape/women don’t have feelings/don’t get married/church girls are sluts/there are no good women anymore/etc.  Sure, these men can try to justify it as trying to “save” other men from pain, but when there is a consistent theme of anger, resentment, and betrayal from the same people, it starts to cross over from healthy realizations and genuine warnings to a relishing of negativity and misery.

I’m not trying to belittle real hurt, but bitterness destroys – and bitterness is something that is CHOSEN.  Bitterness doesn’t happen to someone out of the blue.  Bitterness is the result of choosing resentment, anger, unforgiveness, and hatred day after day.  A bitter person will never be happy or content, even if he gets the very thing he claims to desire.  Would finally having sex with a blonde have made Elliot Rodger happy?  Would it have made him content with who he was?  Would he have deleted his manifesto as irrelevant if a girl had told him she thought he was better than the rest of the guys specifically because he had a BMW?  I highly doubt it.  If anything, he would have started hating the girl who liked him for his car or who had sex with him because he still hated himself.

The mind is an extremely powerful thing.  Its focus can direct an entire life.  It’s why this world has people born with no arms or legs living productive and inspirational lives, and people who have looks, money, power, and sex destroying themselves and others.  So focus on the things that will enable you to live a full life and be someone who can be someone to others.