Stereotypical feminist is stereotypical.

I was lurking at one of my usual haunts and in this thread came across an argument between two women about the social/moral merits of Tim Tebow vs. LeBron James.  Unsurprisingly, the more conservative woman (whom I’ll call June) supported Tebow while the obvious feminist (whom I’ll call Gloria) supported James.  Here’s the exchange:

June:

Here’s what I don’t get. Why can’t everyone just stop being bitter and praise the kid for what he is. Is he a legit good quarterback? No. Is he beating all the odds and doing well beyond his means? Yes. Is he out at clubs with bitches, raping girls, or killing dogs? No. Why can’t everyone just stop and realize for once, a good person with a good heart that is working really hard and getting to enjoy it, whatever the talent level, is reaping the rewards? It makes me mad.

and

Like, if this isn’t a fel good sports story, than what is. I mean the kid in the offseason goes to prisons and talks to people. Most players after one negative tweet go off in the locker room in a tirade and he’s never been impolite or anything and even in losses, is gracious. I have seen opponents that are ruthless 99% of the time, as soon as they hit him, immediatley help him up. HE is the epitome of sportsmanship and what should be shown to children. He is succesful by sheer will, and not raw talent. I don’t understand.

A likeminded commenter (whom I’ll call Donna) adds:

Because that’s not what sports are about, apparently. It was better to hear non-stop press for months on end about where Lebron was going to sign (someone who finally just proposed to his long time baby mama, though has multiple side children) than to hear about Tebow.

As is typical of internet exchanges, one person can’t permit a dissenting opinion to go uncrushed, so Gloria immediately shows up and says:

He’s a douche, but Lebron hasn’t done anything as offensive as aligning himself with a bigoted anti-gay rights group just to push his anti-abortion agenda. Not even — ::gasp:: — having children (that he’s entirely responsible for and is actively involved in the lives of) out of marriage and not marrying the mother immediately.

He’s also by far one of the best players in the world at his sport. Something Tebow will never, ever be.

It’s like you couldn’t ask for a better subconscious confession of feminist values if it were something you could order on a menu.  Let’s take a look at what’s going on here:

1. Gloria hates Tebow for living out his traditional (Christian) values.
2. Gloria also hates Tebow for being not alpha enough, i.e., she doesn’t consider him a good player.  (I suspect she especially has a lot of subconscious scorn for him for remaining a virgin as well.  Feminists don’t respect self-thwarted alphas.)
3. Gloria loves LeBron James.  Notice how it doesn’t matter to her that James (himself a bastard of an ex-con) has fathered bastard children and has only recently even deigned to offer marriage to their mother.  What truly matters to Gloria is that James is a charismatic apex alpha and therefore everything about him is forgivable or hamsterable.

Donna replies:

One commercial during a Superbowl, that how many of you have actually seen since, is not pushing in my opinion. But good to know Lebron is the okay douche. lol

Gloria, of course, can’t handle an apex alpha like Lebron being called something as derogatory as an “okay douche,” so she retaliates:

I don’t think Lebron is an “okay douche”.

I’m not going to morally judge him for having kids he clearly adores and a relationship that has worked for both he and his partner and hold that below Tebow’s willingness to publicly join with a group that has historically been against gays’ and women’s rights like you are.

So I guess you’re free from the moral judgment of a feminist if you fork over resources to women and children, but not if you think women should give birth to the children they’re impregnated with.  Feminism is about the transfer of resources from men to women, QED!  Also, the “relationship that has worked for both he and his partner” might as well be called “woman puts up with indignity of not being married in order to hold on to apex alpha male.”  Any woman who honestly believes that a lower-status woman in a sexual relationship with a charismatic apex alpha male truly does not have any interest in marrying him any time soon (and therefore locking him up financially, status-ly, and at least nominally penis-ly) is lying to herself.

GRAMMAR NOTE:  DO THEY NOT TEACH THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SUBJECT AND OBJECT PRONOUNS ANYMORE?  I mean, it used to be limited to stuff like “me and him went to the store,” but now I see stuff like “they bought a gift for him and I” and the above “for both he and his partner.”  IT BURNSSS US, PRECIOUSSSS.  It’s doubly worse because in the latter examples, people say stuff like this thinking they sound more educated.  GAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  (And don’t get me started on all the people who think that plurals are made by adding ‘s to the ends of words.)

And fret not that Gloria doesn’t believe the entire feminist party line, because she follows that up with this:

There are tons of better “feel good” stories in sports than a privileged, rich white Christian male that has never been an underdog in his life before he got to the NFL getting overhyped and overvalued by the media and his cult fandom.

Look at Patrick Willis (you know, the best LB in football) and what he had to overcome as a child and young man to get where he is. Hell, watch any weekend OTL edition or E:60 and you’ll come across multiple ones each week.

Remember, if you’re a white Christian male, you never have to work for anything and you never can be an underdog.  White Christian men spend all of their time standing on their mountains devising new ways to oppress women and minorities.  They also practice laughing evilly and twirling their mustaches.

Kind of makes you wonder how much the Tebow-hating feminists would secretly love him if:

• He won a Superbowl ring, or
• He had premarital sex, or
• He were ABW (Anything But White), or
• He gave them all $1000 and told them they were pretty.

Not that I think Gloria would ever turn down a date with Tebow if the opportunity presented itself.  He’s not that unattractive to her, LET’S BE REAL.