Archive | MSM RSS feed for this section
Link

Focus on the positive.

10 Jun

I’ve learned a lot from the manosphere, but that doesn’t mean it’s a perfect place.  Like any corner of the internet, it has its echo chamber qualities; a few voices can be amplified until that’s all anyone can hear, and then those ideas become the predominant mode of thinking.  Sometimes this is good, like men learning that women respond to confident, proactive men rather than passive, submissive men.  But sometimes this is bad, like when men wrap themselves in the belief that all women seek to marry just to they can destroy their husbands’ lives by divorcing them out of boredom, and that subsequently women should be treated as trash that is only good for sex, or that women should be avoided at all costs.

Nothing good comes from dwelling on the negative.  Yes, we should acknowledge that negative things exist – it would be just as bad to pretend as though everything is perfect all the time – but a lot of the tragedies that we read about in the news could have been avoided if the perpetrator hadn’t filled his (or her) mind with negativity.

Much has been written in the manosphere about the Elliot Rodger incident.  Some people think he was crazy, some people think he was secretly gay, some people think that he wouldn’t have gone on a killing rampage if he had just learned how to get girls to have sex with him, some people think that society let him down…  My guess is that it was probably a combination of the above, but what I feel very certain about is that Elliot Rodger completely gave himself over to negativity and let it turn dark inside him.  Eventually that darkness had to come out.  In this case, it came out in a horrifying and tragic manner.

Most people who dwell on the negative won’t go on a murder spree, or compile a manifesto chronicling every perceived or real wrong done to them, or make YouTube videos about it.  But that doesn’t mean that they won’t be eaten up on the inside.  Even on this blog, there are a lot of comments by men who are determined to see nothing good in women and are even more determined that no other man should, either.  It’s always some selection from the “men good, women bad” pool of divorce rape/women don’t have feelings/don’t get married/church girls are sluts/there are no good women anymore/etc.  Sure, these men can try to justify it as trying to “save” other men from pain, but when there is a consistent theme of anger, resentment, and betrayal from the same people, it starts to cross over from healthy realizations and genuine warnings to a relishing of negativity and misery.

I’m not trying to belittle real hurt, but bitterness destroys – and bitterness is something that is CHOSEN.  Bitterness doesn’t happen to someone out of the blue.  Bitterness is the result of choosing resentment, anger, unforgiveness, and hatred day after day.  A bitter person will never be happy or content, even if he gets the very thing he claims to desire.  Would finally having sex with a blonde have made Elliot Rodger happy?  Would it have made him content with who he was?  Would he have deleted his manifesto as irrelevant if a girl had told him she thought he was better than the rest of the guys specifically because he had a BMW?  I highly doubt it.  If anything, he would have started hating the girl who liked him for his car or who had sex with him because he still hated himself.

The mind is an extremely powerful thing.  Its focus can direct an entire life.  It’s why this world has people born with no arms or legs living productive and inspirational lives, and people who have looks, money, power, and sex destroying themselves and others.  So focus on the things that will enable you to live a full life and be someone who can be someone to others.

 

Celebrity divorce and the differences between men and women.

17 Dec

So, anyone who cares about sports has probably heard that after ten years of marriage, Vanessa Bryant has finally decided to divorce Kobe since the latter can’t stop taking advantage of his apex male status and banging other women.  This was a very stupid decision on Kobe’s part, since he and Vanessa have no pre-nup limiting what Vanessa will now be entitled to in divorce.  Since California is a community property state, everything Kobe the couple earned during the marriage is now up for grabs in a 50/50 split between the two.  And since Kobe made the majority of his wealth during the past ten years, Vanessa is legally entitled to a huge payday (I’ve seen an estimate of $180 million), which most women would agree is not bad work for ten years of getting cheated on and enduring a husband’s rape accusation.

Although most women find Vanessa’s expected take from the divorce to be exorbitant, they won’t argue with it (much) or look down on her for it.  After all, she’s never been in the media for bad behavior or sought out personal fame through a reality show.  She seems to have been a good basketball wife, having babies and staying beautiful.  Additionally, all of her adult life, starting at age 17, Vanessa Bryant has been Kobe’s girlfriend or wife, so she never went to college or worked and has no backlog of work skills or experience.  Only a cold-hearted person would demand that as a victim of adultery, she go on public assistance after divorcing.

This sympathy lies in stark contrast to the universal derision Kevin Federline gets for receiving spousal support from Britney Spears for their two-year marriage.

If men and women were truly the same and only cultural conditioning explained sex differences, then why does Kevin Federline receive scorn, but Vanessa Bryant is probably going to come out of the divorce smelling like a rose?  Both married famous, successful people and are now (or will be, in Vanessa’s case) living off the legally obligated largesse of their ex-spouses.  Yet Federline continues to be the butt of jokes, whereas any accusations of gold-digging on Vanessa’s part will be mitigated by Kobe’s cheating.  Really, the only explanation is that men and women are different and have different attractiveness triggers:  men are valued for their ability to provide for women and children, and no amount of social conditioning is ever going to make that go away – not that it seems that anyone is trying to make that go away.  Even the staunchest feminists probably think Federline is a loser, even though he isn’t doing anything uncommon to the ex-wives of successful men.  (Of course, staunch feminists probably look down on women who aren’t working, either, but then they’re just using masculine standards to measure women’s achievements, which just points again to the differences between the sexes.)

Food for thought:  Is Kevin Federline an alpha by Roissy’s definition?  If alphadom is measured by a man’s ability to get sex, then surely Kevin Federline is doing a pretty good job of it.  The man is only 33 and has five children by three different women, and I would expect that if his current woman doesn’t work out, he’ll find yet another woman who will have babies with him.  Yes, he’s famous (or at least notorious) now, but when he had his first two kids, he wasn’t famous.  And he wasn’t famous when he met Britney.

Random thoughts and links.

15 Dec

Some bloggers are very prolific, but I find that my inspiration comes in fits and starts.  Sometimes I can crank out a blog post quickly, but other times I’ll spend hours tinkering with a post, trying to figure out how to say what I want to say.  Sometimes I start a post and then don’t finish it for weeks or even months.  It just depends.

Since I don’t have anything fully-formed at the moment, here’s a smattering of stuff that’s floating around in my mind lately.

  • Mrs. Cubbie Fink wrote a book.  It’s called What Is He Thinking? and contains the results of Mrs. Fink’s interviews with “men she respects who hope to get married some day.”  According to the description, “The men share their thoughts on topics like how women can respect themselves and the men in their lives, modesty, purity, taking it slow, friendship, letting guys lead, and more. This book gives them the floor to say what they would really like women to know.”  Or, you know, you could just read some men’s blogs FOR FREE and find more honest, more real, and more true information.  Somehow I find it hard to believe that men would be truly frank with someone who looked like Mrs. Fink, but that’s just cynical ol’ me.  P.S. If anyone wants to hook me up with a copy of the book to review, let me know.
  • There’s been noise in the media lately about how 80% of self-identified evangelical singles aren’t virgins.  Well, duh.  Most people can wait until age 22 for sex.  Asking the same people to wait until they’re 30 or 35 or older to have sex is just preposterous.  I generally think that after the age of 25, a lot of Christians say “F THIS” and do what their hormones tell them to do.  If Christians really are serious about preventing premarital sex and the social ills that result from fornication (single moms, bastard kids, poverty, demand for government entitlements, STDs, abortions), then they need to change their attitudes about (a) instructing their kids on marriage and its obligations, (b) when it is appropriate to get married, and (c) getting involved in finding good mates for their children.  I know it’s unpopular to try to shape your child’s romantic destiny (yet okay be a helicopter parent dragging your kid over the finish line to get the minimum SAT score necessary to get into a decent college), but wishful thinking is clearly not keeping the kids out of each other’s pants.
  • I came across a shop on Etsy that sells sexy bikinis for plus-size women.
  • Women admit they were more attractive at 19.  They are actually shocked at how good they looked when they were younger.
  • I started following the whole Tim Tebow thing after I saw someone on TV trashing him as a QB a few weeks ago.  Is the publicity good or bad for Christians?  Weigh in.
  • I guess a special on virgins wasn’t enough for TLC, so now they’re doing a special on Sunday, Dec. 18th called Geek Love.  In the Venn diagram of life, those two circles intersect quite a bit.  Here’s a promo clip:
  •  Lady Gaga is a good example of a woman who is extremely sexual but not at all sexy.
  • An older article at The Art of Manliness that I read recently:  5 Easy Ways for the College Student to Upgrade His Style.  Antonio strongly favors a classic, somewhat preppy look, but his general points are good ones for men of any age.
  • Buy clothes that fit.  Don’t buy anything that doesn’t “sing” when you put it on.  Buying something because “it’s a great deal” is the worst reason to buy something.  Better to buy something more expensive that is great on you, because you’ll wear it more and pay for itself that way.
  • Saw this review of an item at Old Navy, written by a mom who claims she is a size 18:  “I don’t always have the time to pull together a nice outfit outside of sweats and a t-shirt. This shirt makes it easy to pull a nice outfit together quickly whether it’s with cargos, jeans or a skirt.”  A nice outfit outside of sweats and a t-shirt?

Until next time,

a.h.

Clips from TLC’s Virgin Diaries

5 Dec

I haven’t had a chance to see the episode that aired yesterday yet, but TLC’s YouTube channel has some clips up.  Because I am such a generous blogger, I’ve embedded them here.

If anyone had a chance to see the show, please weigh in.

(Virgin Carey goes on a date with a woman who is really perplexed by his ~status and asks if he has any “subscriptions.”)

(Virgin engaged couple discuss the agenda for their wedding night, which includes “do foreplay.”)

(Tamara, the reclaimed virgin, reveals her “number” and says she had sex with each of her previous boyfriends, but that now she has had such a life change that when she has sex again, it’ll be like being a virgin all over again.)

TLC’s “Virgin Diaries” to air on Dec. 4.

27 Nov

On Sunday, Dec. 4, cable network TLC (home of the Gosselins, Duggars, frumps who need makeovers, and little people) is going to air a one-hour special called Virgin Diaries.  This documentary fill focus on six virgins – a couple saving their first kiss for their wedding***, a 35-year-old redditor incel, and three 30-year-old female roommates (one of whom is a “reclaimed virgin”) who are blogging about their search for Mr. Right.

It’ll be interesting to see how TLC handles the subject, especially in light of the promo below.

***

Don’t marry a pro-choice woman.

24 Sep

Let me preface what I’m about to say with the acknowledgment that many good women are nominally pro-choice, which is to say that their bleeding hearts won’t permit them to legally “force” any woman into a pregnancy she doesn’t want but they are in general horrified by the idea of a woman having a baby cut up and scraped out of her uterus.  Such women typically believe strongly in contraception and “responsible sex” and do not believe in abortion as back-up birth control.  These aren’t the women I’m referring to.

Rather, the type of woman I’m referring to is the type who is ideologically committed to the complete autonomy of a woman’s body to the point where an unborn baby may be considered a parasite and that even a husband has no say and deserves no say in his wife’s choice to abort their child.

I don’t think there are that many type 2 pro-choice women in the United States, but they’re certainly the most vocal when it comes to sex reproductive issues “women’s health.”  A good example of such a voice is the group of writers on Grey’s Anatomy, which on Thursday had a married female character (Cristina) abort her unborn child because being a mother would just get in the way of being a surgeon, which was her top priority, plus she had never wanted children and believed she would not love her child and would be a dreadful mother.  That in itself was bad enough, but what made it even worse was that this character’s husband (Owen) wanted her to have the baby and wanted to be a father.  Despite his wishes, Cristina was determined to abort their child and (in a bid to get viewers on her side) gave her best friend Meredith a speech about how she really wished she could want a child and how she wished her husband could be supportive of her and understand her, instead of leaving her sad and scared that she was going to have to abort alone.  Sadness and fear, obviously, mitigate all moral consequence.  As a result, Meredith went to Owen and talked about how she (Meredith) had been raised by a mother who loved surgery more than her daughter and how awful that was, and that if Cristina did the same thing, it would “kill” her.  Strangely enough, Meredith did not also add that it would have been preferable that she had never been born, or that her late mother regretted having a daughter who cared for her in her struggle with Alzheimer’s disease.  Owen – an Iraq War vet, by the way – was then convinced that it was right for him to accompany his wife to the murder of their unborn child, and he dutifully burned his man card on the altar of feminism.  I guess viewers were supposed to take this as an example of true love, or at least that the woman is always right.  My opinion was that the writers had just made Cristina one of the most morally repugnant women to appear on the small screen and that if I had been in Owen’s shoes, I would have shown up at the abortionist’s with divorce papers.

It was interesting to read the opinions on Owen and Cristina’s actions because they illuminated the divisions within the pro-choice crowd.  At least in the comments at ew.com, about two thirds of the commenters thought Cristina behaved disgustingly.  Sure, the commenters supported a woman’s right to choose, but people who get abortions aren’t supposed to be financially secure, educated, intelligent, married women.  (And how can a SURGEON not know how to practice birth control, or at least get a tubal ligation?)  Furthermore, there was no indication of problems with the pregnancy.  Healthy unborn babies products of conception aren’t supposed to aborted, only the damaged ones.  The other third celebrated Cristina’s decision to exercise her full rights over her body and “remain true to herself,” because it would have been a compromise to her self-identity had she chosen to go through with the pregnancy.  If Cristina had had a baby, the parasites would have won.

Obviously, most people will never go through a real life version of this fictional drama, but the ideological stakes are real.  Among Christians I would presume that most will be pro-life, with varying stances only on issues like rape or health of the mother.  Regardless, for Christians or non-Christians, this is an issue I would definitely check out before the relationship becomes serious enough for marriage.  While you may not go through a scenario just like Cristina and Owen’s, you may face a scenario in which you conceive a child with Down’s syndrome, or a chromosomal disorder that makes it unlikely that your child will survive for very long outside the womb, or some other physical flaw.  You may face a scenario where the pregnancy may endanger the health of the mother.  Knowing what you both believe, and that you are in agreement on those beliefs, could save your marriage someday.

P.S.  Men, if you begin dating a woman who would deny any rights of your paternity to your unborn child, RUN!!!

Movie: Soul Surfer.

9 Aug

I recently saw the inspirational movie Soul Surfer, which is based on the real-life story of Bethany Hamilton, a Christian teenage surfer who lost her arm in a shark attack several years ago.  Unlike Fireproof, Soul Surfer had a multi-million dollar budget and major studio backing, and as a result offers viewers Hollywood production values and “name” actors who were able to bring the script to life.  The movie was shot in Hawaii and makes the island look gorgeous.  The surfing is also authentic – the real Bethany Hamilton did the surfing for her movie self – and is well-filmed.

Oftentimes when Christian stories go through the Hollywood machine, the Christian content gets watered down so as to draw a wider audience (i.e., not “offend” anyone).  That didn’t really happen in Soul Surfer.  We see the characters attending church and singing worship songs, Carrie Underwood shows up as the youth group leader to read scripture and go on missions trips, and Bethany’s dad is reading the Bible as he watches over her in the hospital.  I was surprised to see this degree of realism of a contemporary evangelical lifestyle in a major theatrical feature, but the movie manages the minor miracle of not being preachy or self-conscious about it.  The Hamilton family’s faith is presented as a normal part of their lives, not a Special Teachable Moment or Time Out For An Altar Call To The Heathens Unsaved We Tricked Into Seeing This Movie That’s Supposed To Be About Surfing  But Not Really HaHa.

Notable for readers of this blog is the portrayal of Bethany’s parents by Dennis Quaid and Helen Hunt.  It’s not just that they were believable as parents and a married couple (they were), but they were believable as a married couple who loved each other and LIKED each other and still had a sexual spark between them.  It was a pleasure to see.  Too often in movies and TV, longtime married couples who get along are portrayed as kindly roommate-partners whose pinnacle of passion is a peck when the husband or wife comes home from work, or maybe an affectionate side hug.

Funnily enough, although Soul Surfer is primo youth group entertainment, I can see it being controversial in some circles because the girls wear string bikinis throughout much of the movie (although during the surf competitions, they wear colored surf shirts).  To someone familiar with beach/surf culture, this is ordinary and unremarkable, but I can already imagine the handwringing over whether to let hormonal teenage boys view the movie for fear of inciting lust.

(For parents – there is zero bad language, and even the shark attack is pretty benign.)