The Christian dating version of this:
Does saying, “Meh, smart can slide,” mean that my missing feature is Holiness? ‘Cause it’d be nice to be smart *and* hot.
You sound like a wise woman who understands reality. Why torture yourself wanting something you can’t have? Wouldn’t your long-term happiness be increased if you gave up looking for a square circle and settled down with a man similar to your own marriage market value? Waiting will most likely only worsen your prospects. Or if the men who have equivalent marriage market value are completely unattractive to you, then why not accept perpetual singleness and get on with your life?
For greater impact on the male reader, the triangle should be drawn upside down…
Replace ‘holy’ with innocence for general manosphere behaviour (applies 99% of the time)
I wonder what the actual % supply of hot, holy, but dumb people is.
@jack- me too. personally, i don’t necessarily need an intelligent woman, seeing as how i’ve got enough brains for the both of us. i’ve never seemed to be able to meet a hot, holy, but dumb girl. i’m starting to think they don’t exist.
replace “smart” with “exists” and i think you’ve got a winner.
a less cynical version would be replace “smart” with “sane”.
a realistic version would be replacing “hot” and “smart” with “beautiful face” and “nice body”.
Not if you date me.
Even getting hot and smart at the same time is quite an accomplishment. Let alone holy…
I’d replace “holy” with “sane.”
i changed my mind. the title should be “you can only have one”
Didn’t you read my post on how all women crave emotional drama?
Insert Beavis and Butt-Head snickering here.
Cheers on your unicorn hunt.
WHY. SO. SERIOUSSSS? (And aren’t you already married, anyway?)
I don’t think this is quite apposite, because there isn’t some necessary tradeoff between being hot and smart and being holy. In business, usually the only way you can get something both really good and really quick is to put a lot of people on the job, buy what you need without shopping around, etc., which drives the cost. Contrariwise, you can do something good and cheap if you do it in your spare time, shop around, etc., but then it isn’t quick. So the tradeoffs are necessary or inherent. But that isn’t the case here.
When I was at Yale, there was a girl (whose name I will not repeat) who was voted the best looking freshman woman by the football team. And they set up a pool for the first guy to sleep with her. Four years later, the money was yet unclaimed, because she was a devout Christian (actually Catholic). So you see, she was hotter and smarter (at least smart enough to go to Yale) and holier than lots of other people.
just trying to inject a little more realism here. otherwise, most people would just take hot and holy in the triangle.
and yes, i’m married.
This is an excellent attempt at infectious rationalization. Ultimately doomed to fail, though, because what you think of as “smart” is incompatible with what you think of as “holy”. Women who think for themselves are tempting Wyrd.
Such a great movie…except for the Bat Voice. Otherwise, damn good.
Curious quote though. Are you threatening to put a smile on Toz’s face?
I’m pretty sure that craving emotional drama would go under the category of “works of the flesh” in Gal. 5 and Col. 3. Why not put that off and put on Christ for both your spiritual and earthly benefit?
I’m kind of confused by this, which I think means I’m hot and holy. I can live with that.
This thread did not live up to its explosive promise.
Hey I’m smart, as holy as weird is that is to say. Working on the hot. In fact a lot of progress has been made give me until about July ;)
But sigh. Try 36. I’m not interested in 50 year old men which is all that seem to be interested in women in the mid thirties.
Where does young fit into it ? Lol.
I hate to break it to you haley, but 90% of a woman’s level of attractiveness is a by product of her character. Self Esteem, Self Control, Diligence, Humility, and Deference… these qualities lead to beauty in women.
Of the women i have met, the kindest, sweetest, smartest, and most involved, the most active in seeking the kingdom were always very attractive. non-judgmental, out-going, pushing themselves by choice, not because they were coerced.
I think as a culture and as a body we have gotten lazy about a great many things. I know that i have cultivated a great laziness and moral cowardice to my great personal misfortune by the example of my father, ironically a minister.
all the unattractive women had the edge of cynicism, bitterness, and no small amount of rage. and took it out on themselves and whomever was around them. they began using the perceived wrong as a justification and excuse to idulge every horrible desire and weakness they could think of. I too follow this characterization.
it seems to me that attractiveness is a bit like the, “talents,” those with more, because they are faithful, will be blessed with even more, but those with little, sadly, very often waste the little they have, throw it away… ungrateful, unbelieving.
I don’t know about anyone else’s experience, but the women i got to know at my christian college, most of them hit the tri-fecta… absolutely gorgeous, sweet, funny, charming, clever, wicked smart, and self control to boot. they all cultivated healthy habits in their younger days and had committed to waiting til marriage to go all the way.
2 of them made it all the way, 2 or 3 confessed to having sex after they were engaged, but so far, those are the only parters. another 6 or 7 started having sex early in an LTR and 5 of those ended up marrying their first parter, of the entire group, only 3 displayed any sluttish behavior, ie multiple make-outs, but ironically, 2 of these were notorious teases, and hadn’t given it up to anyone by the time i had lost contact. only was was a documented “slut” and her tally was either 3 or 4, couldn’t verify with the partner on number 4. of this particular group, they’re all still together.
I hate to break it to you haley, but 90% of a woman’s level of attractiveness is a by product of her character.
I can’t imagine this is much comfort to the female 2s of the world.
There’s a selection bias where you automatically regard physically attractive people as nicer people.
But there’s also much to be said for good genetics and upbringing = attractiveness and also = happy pleasant people.
It’s a balance.
i know that it’s not comforting, that’s the point. comfort means accept how it is, and don’t address the changes in yourself that you want to make.
when i make excuses and comfort myself about my character defects, it short circuits the corrective processes. In a way, the best of the best can be model and motivation of some of the attitudes and behavior’s we need to make.
truth over comfort for me. feminism and convenience has made the world soft and comfortable, and now all of may live as though we couldn’t be bothered. We are free to indulge our laziness and self destructive thought and emotional patterns.
if we aren’t willing to be challenged to grow, what’s the point? there’s a reason paul attributes sloth and gluttony as mortal sins. I struggle against both of these. they were modeled very well for me in my youth. i was never really challenged except by a handful of people, a long time ago.
Love and acceptance is important. truth and exhortation are as well. the grace to forgive and forget the past is meaningless if we do not allow the lord to change us and remake us in his image.
unfortunately, that affects every area of our lives. I am headstrong and willful, it always bites me in the ass, but as i learn to submit in an area of my life, it improves, and i have more peace.
while sometime the answer is let it go, it is just as often, take this up and be faithful with it. excuses, don’t help anyone or anything.
stop equivocating, bitchy mean behavior is bitchy mean behavior, women who feel unattractive become cynical, desperate, and also begin lashing out.
I have met plenty of hawt bitchy girls and whatever appeal they had quickly diminished. Sweetness and sincerity with smiles and acceptance makes a world of difference as well.
If you can’t be bothered to use proper capitalization, I can’t be bothered to read your post.
That’s funny! Well, it’ best that you don’t, it’s honest and truthful, so you best avoid it. Moreover, as you are clearly too arrogant to stoop to common internet short-hand, I will be glad to discontinue reading or posting.
Another point, I have never consistently used proper capitalization before, and you have replied to those posts without protest, so I am pretty sure that you’re pissed because my post hit a little too close to home.
“truth over comfort for me” – Amen, RB!! I like what you said about love and acceptance as well… Why is it that we equivocate love and acceptance with comforting lies? [rhetorical] It is not loving to lie to someone, even ourselves.
Christ’s comfort is the uncomfortable conviction He brings us to through His truth – and His faithfulness along the way. It is cliche but while he ‘accepts’ us as we are, he does not leave us where we are! Christianity could use some honesty. We like to say we’re “struggling” with xyz, but we are so busy whining we never consider that we’re not actually struggling – we’re passively accepting our own insufficiencies when Christ’s power is wholly available to us by His Spirit!
Other Point I didn’t make before, I personally think that there are a great many attractive women even as there are very few truly hot ones.
I thank you for your words.
“Christ’s comfort is the uncomfortable conviction He brings us to through His truth”
I know that my idea of Christ’s purpose in my life are rarely what I want them to be. Though I occasionally get it in my head that God’s purpose for me, is what I want to have for myself. However, when I think about what is actually needed in Christ’s kingdom, especially in this opulent western world, I doubt very much that the fulfillment of our personal american dream is even on the list.
Seeking Christ very often puts us into decided conflict with the world’s expectations. Part of the promise in Christ is to suffer, and bear our cross. Getting what we’ve always hoped for sounds like the kind of trial I would really like to endure. But I wouldn’t have picked for myself the circumstances I’ve already been faced with.
Maybe relationships are the sacrifice that must be made on the alter of this “great society.”
I can’t claim to know what God has in store for me. However, it usually starts with me letting go or my rights to myself, my right to my own will, and my expectations. It is His will that we seek, not our own. I know that I don’t really fully trust The Lord to pick for me, marriage to me often looks like the ultimate cross. Perhaps that’s the point. And if being generally unappealing spares me from that sacrifice, I think I’m over complaining about it ;P
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