I am not advocating that men pressure women for sex, or refuse to take no or other signs of disinterest/discomfort for an answer. But even a Christian woman wants to know that the man she is dating has some sexual interest in her. This is not easy to determine if the man refuses to touch her in any way* or basically acts like there is a 3-foot virginity forcefield surrounding her that will not allow him to get any closer. (*Sidehugs excluded.) If this goes on for long enough, the woman will seriously start to question why the man is even dating her.
The other reason a man should not act like he will become electrocuted should he touch the woman he is dating is that it’s a DLV. It makes the man seem deferential and complacent – maybe even fearful – without even having tested the waters. This is a big tingle-killer. If a man tries to put his hand on the woman’s waist and she pulls away, and he doesn’t try again for the rest of the night, a woman will respect him more than if he never tried at all.
One caveat: this kind of touching is generally not appropriate for a “getting to know you” date. If you’re meeting a stranger or someone you only cursorily know at a coffee shop, for example, it’s better to keep your hands to yourself. Otherwise you’ll just get branded Grabby McHandsallover: Sex-Crazed Pervert. But if you’ve been on a few dates and it’s looking like this may turn into a regular thing, a woman is going to want you to assert your sexual interest. A little touch goes a long way in assuring a woman that you are attracted to her.
Haley's Halo 
Well, yeah! duh!
But what a woman attracted to a man and can’t resist is the lingering look that reads, “I heard what you said and even more.”
Or what’s not precious about the gentle stroking back of one’s hair to say, “I’m listening and enjoying the view.” or the gentle touch of an elbow in a public setting that says, “I’m proud to be seen with you.” Those are definite turnons!
Like you’ve said before, and more or less again here, the challenge for the man is to not push any boundaries too far or too early, and end up with a reputation, or else church female preselection will prevent him from ever getting another chance with another woman in his church circle. (Hence, of course, part of the appeal of dating outside one’s own church, to remove the impact of preselection by preventing its possibility in the first place.)
This is just my personal experience, but I’ve found that most women, even near-strangers, respond well to touch if used sparingly and with purpose. I don’t think initiating touch is necessarily a DLV, as it can be used to display dominance.
For example, if she is wearing heels and you are approaching a flight of stairs going down, place your forearm under hers, with your palm turned upward to lightly grab her forearm. Release immediately after you have reached the bottom.
A hand at the small of the back can be used to “direct” her. For example, indicating which seat she should sit in at a restaurant. Use light pressure, enough so that she feels it, but not enough to actually physically move her. You are merely indicating your intent, it is still up to her where she want to go.
And I hope Christian men would be okay with these “moves” – these are really more like common social gestures. But they lay the groundwork for future interaction.
From there you can eventually go to more obvious moves, over a period of a few dates. Starting with arm-around-the-shoulder is not recommended.
Sorry, that was meant to be in reply to Haley’s post, not Joyce’s comments; I put it in the wrong place.
Yeah, I figured as much. :)
I am a big fan of both of the moves you mentioned. Alas, alack that they are not used more (at least on me!).
Wouldn’t this be more like pre-UN-selection? Ha.
I used to think just like this, the anti touching thing. It felt terrible, craven. At the time I was convinced it was the right thing to do.
So true! Very well said. When a guy never make a move, I start to wonder if I’m doing something wrong, saying something wrong, or am just plain unattractive to him.
“So true! Very well said. When a guy never make a move, I start to wonder if I’m doing something wrong, saying something wrong, or am just plain unattractive to him.”
Jennifer, in a lot of cases it’s not you or him, it’s that he’s been lied to about what women want and has never been taught to properly read a woman’s interest. You don’t have to be a PUA expert to read when a woman is open to having the moves put on her but most guys are not instructed in this and so they live in a fog of mystery where it’s not necessary.
DLA lol? What are you a youth group PUA?
Perhaps you have given some practical insight into an aspect of christian dating on your blog.
However, the “DLA” is not an issue for a son of God.
That is, when he knows who he is.
And does this daughter really know who she is?
A mans worth is never reduced by the preception of a woman. Just like you dont need attention from a man to know you are preciously valuable.
If a “christian” woman fails percieving your value as a man it may be a reflection of failure to see the true value in herself. The image of God.
Infact the only way DLV seem relevant in christian dating is if one falls for thinking they exist.
Then you lose faith(confidence) in the value Christ perchased you.
A man should never listen to a woman giving advice on women. This is one of the greatest pieces of advice from the PUA community, and it’s made my relationships with women much happier and successful.
Cuckstianity will have to burn to the ground before it’s ever taken seriously again- it’s screwed up its leadership role in society at every turn for the last 50 years. Thanks for nothing, weak ones.